Dear Diary,
I need you. Ever since K spilled your guts all over Hester High, I have bottled up everything. I've taken to sanding furniture; the kitchen chairs and the mantle look good. At least that's what Felix thinks. So I his version out of the closet. It's ugly, jangly lock I swore I'd never use. I hate you. Yet, I need you. Does this make you my version of Liam? I think it does.
Still what happened last night only makes these last two weeks even harsher. First off, K, my soul mate, admits while we are trapped doing compost detention that she kissed me because it made her feel good. NOT that she loves me. She swares she is straight, then she acts unstraight. (Is that a word? It's one now.) Now, I'm staring at the page again. It's hard. I love her so much and I know she loves me the same. Still that tore into me like that horrid animal planet video where the lion attacked the Giselle.
So up until last night, we haven't talked. No text, no phone, no Bravo. K avoided me in school, which leaves me with Shane mumbling about how I need to focus on the positive, find someone like Reagan. No. I need to fix what is broken even if Lauren thinks it's better I don't. I definitely don't need an aspirational brand. That was the high point of this horrible week. Lauren and I doing a PSA.
After mom wouldn't let me fix Bruce's chairs and stole the sander, I got the idea to do a documentary on Lauren, help her cope with her Intersex. Yes, it distracts me to focus on someone else's problems only it didn't go the way I planned.
First, Lauren decided to turn it into a mini Kardashian show, 'Life with Lauren'. Ugh! Felix even mock coughed. I think. Hmmm. So I called InterAct, told them about her and how she wanted to be a spokesperson. An Hour Later Andrea appears. Sweet person. Kind and friendly. Lauren freaks, gets her typical face and storms to her room.
Felix, he tries. He tells me I need to talk it out. Explain what I am feeling. That's what you are for. Anyone else can hurt me. Even K, who I never thought would. I miss her so much. I miss our nights where we would just lay in her bed, stare at the stars on the ceiling. She'd be an Arts major at Clement and I a photojournalist, doing documentaries like dad. Single Dorm room with her mandalas and my equipment side by side. I miss our movie marathons and watching I heart music awards. You know we could have been in Houston at the free Pitbull concert, or Fallout Boy. Another planned thing that fell to side.
Anyway, Felix convinces me to talk to Lauren, and I do. She is scary able to get what she wants, and I really want that this time. I just don't want to be douche about like Liam. Shane said that they went to Brew and Chew and He works there now. Of course, Shane also said that Liam's kiss ruined him and K's chance of winning that contest with its $5000 prize. According to him, K was fine until then suddenly she mic dropped him on stage after unplugging his mic. Sounds Like typical Shane. I didn't tell him that. He already knows.
So, I am setting up for Lauren's aspirational brand show I promised, when the hospital calls. Thankfully, Cornerstone is just the street and Felix drops me off. Lucas, my second Dad, had a heart attack. So as I rush in, there's K, standing there shaking and so sad, she almost crying. I run and hug her as tightly as I can, whispering, 'it will be ok'. Dad will be fine.
We go in together and Molly smiles at me, this big grin under her tears, like she knew I'd be there. Doctor Kan tells us he didn't injure himself when he fell, and that its stress. (I think that was what I heard, I just kept holding onto K and she had her arm around my waist.) He wants him to eat fish, something about the Omega factor helping clean the plaque. Also drinking more water. Who knew 4 cups of coffee could be bad for you?
K and I talked about the mic drop and how she's so angry at Shane for sabotaging the contest. She even sang me the song, she planned to sing. She mentioned Liam kissing her again and how it meant nothing. She doesn't understand him anymore. He says there's something there when there isn't. Our moment? What! As I look into K's eyes and stroke back her hair, I know what Liam sees. I'm jealous. He's had her in ways I still only imagine. Then I realize I have K in ways he can't even dream of. Sex is great. Messy, loud and makes you look like you ate too many glazed donuts. (Reminder: get that dozen from Shipley's with the chocolate crème)
It's not love. Love is giving and sharing moments. It's not scary when you have a trusted friend. Now if I can convince K this, I've won. (I'm writing this at K's kitchen table so the struggle is real)
Until next time, diary. I am so locking you.