I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.
Indifferent
By Flamewater
"I know Gokudera means well and everything, but he is suffocating me." Tsuna commented to himself. He sighed heavily for Gokudera's presence can be quite overwhelming at times and Tsuna looked upwards at the dark night sky full of small sparkling stars. "I really wish that he would stop looking at me with such adoring eyes. I wish he would stop looking at me with such a bright smile. I wish he would treat me like everyone else treats me. I do not need him treating me special."
He had no idea know that Gokudera heard every word that came from his lips and after a few minutes Tsuna decided to go back inside for it was becoming quite chilly outside.
'I'm not use to having such attention focused on me and it is a bit scary.' Tsuna thought as he headed to his bedroom and went to sleep in his comfortable bed.
'I never knew that the Tenth felt like he was being suffocated by me.' Gokudera briefly thought while walking away slowly and a few silent tears fell from his flushed cheeks. 'I'm sorry for not realizing earlier. I never wanted him to feel that way at all.'
Gokudera did not feel any angry towards his Boss, but felt deeply disappointed in himself for not noticing how the Tenth feeling. He harshly bit down on his lips trying to stop tears from falling down, but his brain was recalling his past failures. How in the past he went to countless mafia family's wanting to join to be a part of something and at times he was not given a chance to prove himself. Other times they find out about him not being all Italian or the fact he use to play the piano, but a couple of times he was forcefully kicked out. Those memories were painful and he did his best to force them away for Tsuna has to be different. Gokudera made sure to get to his apartment without being seen.
After all it wouldn't due for the Tenth's Right Hand Man to be seen with puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, and looking depressed as if someone had been murdered in cold blood. The only person that could make Gokudera feel so heartbroken and incredibly depressed is the Tenth. No one else could ever make him feel this way.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for suffocating you, Tenth. With my feelings and how much I care about you." Gokudera whispered softly to himself as he wiped his eyes with a wet wash cloth and decided to ignore the ache inside his heart. The only option is to change himself. Crying, being heart-broken, and feeling a bit sorry for himself will not change anything at all. Only having a plan and going through with it will change something.
"I'll become the best right hand man. I won't make him feel suffocated by my loyalty, devotion, and other such feelings. I never knew he had felt suffocated. I'm a complete and utter failure for not noticing until he said so to himself tonight." Gokudera managed to say calmly, he didn't look in the mirror, and to be honest his heart felt as if it was in tiny pieces.
'It will be difficult, but I won't fail.' Gokudera briefly thought and nodded to himself. 'I'll lock away my feelings and the Tenth will no longer feel suffocated by them.'
"I will no longer look at the Tenth with such a happy expression, but I won't look at him with an angry expression. I'll be indifferent and he won't feel suffocated by me." Gokudera said to himself in a firm and determined voice.
He would do basically anything for his Boss expect call him Tsuna or hit/smack/punch/stab him even if he was ordered. After all he couldn't do anything that would harm his precious Boss.
"I'll make a list." Gokudera stated calmly as he sat down, grabbed a sheet of paper, and a black ink pen. "Of what actions I must change to keep the Tenth from feeling overwhelmed and suffocated by me."
What I Can No Longer Do Around Him
By The Tenth's Right Hand Man
I'm not allowed to smile brightly, happily, or joyful at seeing him. However no scowls, angry frown, or anything negative is allowed. Be indifferent and have a calm smile no matter the occasion.
I'm not allowed to look at him with adoration, joy, or with any sort of caring in my eyes. However no narrowing of the eyes or looking upset/annoyed is allowed. Be indifferent and have a look of being relaxed no matter the occasion.
Gokudera sighed to himself and put his head down after moving the piece of paper. Not bothering to get up and he just laid down on his somewhat comfortable bed. So far he has two rules set for himself, but there might be more added depending on how his Boss reacts to the current rules.
'I'll just see how it goes with just these two rules. Be indifferent no matter how difficult. The Tenth will have his wishes granted and he'll be happier.' Gokudera thought as he closed his eyes and felt determined to follow those rules on his piece of paper. It is always good to have rules written down. He does not want to risk being kicked out for suffocating the Tenth with his feelings of deep loyalty towards him.
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