The Mudblood and The Ferret
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! I don't make money off of anything! But I do own this wacky plot! Mwha ha ha ha!
Rating: "M" for later chapters involving complete and utter awkwardness. Adult themes and such, swearing, late night rendezvous! Woo! I'm so excited!
Warning: My lame attempt at humor. I'm more of an angst-filled writer. So you have been warned. (Personally, I think I'm doing a superb job at trying to be funny!!!)
Summary: In the middle of one of their infamous fights, this time over an Ancient Runes book in the library, Draco and Hermione accidentally become cursed by the wretched book, making them switch bodies! For how long, however, neither of them knows! Dramonie story! Attempted humor and a good read. No HBP.
Author's Note: I think I'll enjoy writing this story a lot! It seems like it'll be fun! I promise you guys I won't slip up and write something completely angst-filled. It'll be good. I promise. Please do leave constructive criticism, or some suggestions of changes/fixer-uppers you might want to see within the story! Thank you!
Chapter One: A Curse
"Malfoy," Hermione growled. "I'm using that book, so shove off," she pulled back the only copy of Magical Curses for the Charming Mind by Mundus Blocumous, from Draco Malfoy's grasp.
"I need to use it, Mudblood," Draco said casually, grabbing the book back, immediately Hermione released it.
"I'm not going to get into a tug-of-war contest with you Malfoy, the books fight back," she muttered.
"What the hell are you on about? Have you finally gone barmy, being cooped up in here all the time?" he smirked, tossing the book in the air and gracefully catching it. He tossed her a wink. "Thanks Mudblood." With that, he sauntered away without giving her a second glance.
"Nasty git," she mumbled.
Hermione was once again studying in the library. Anyone at Hogwarts could tell you that the awkward, overly-smart Gryffindor spent every waking minute she had to spare cooped up in the library brooding over several open texts, scrolls, and half empty ink bottles. Her hair was usually in disarray, and her brow would be quirked in a quizzical matter, her shoulders hunching over in a scholarly manner. She was Hermione Granger, the Mudblood Gryffindor Princess who was Top in Her Class.
It can also be said, by the many students of Hogwarts, that one could find Draco Malfoy sashaying his way over to the studious bookworm-Mudblood, aiming to torment her for a few minutes. As per usual, Draco Malfoy would fight with her over the usage of a book the mudblood was using. His face would be twisted with mock humor, his brow raised in a tormenting, amused matter, and his shoulders straight and broad in a princely manner. He was Draco Malfoy, the Ferret Slytherin Prince who was Second in His Class.
"I swear, they're always fighting," commented Lavender Brown, as she walked away witnessing yet another argument the two were furling over concerning a Charms book. "If I didn't know what type of person Hermione was, I would say that the two of them were shagging." Her boyfriend, Ron Weasley, huffed.
"That's bloody impossible. Hermione hates his guts!" They watched as Hermione gave in, returning back to her work, and Draco leaving her alone to check out the book with Madame Pince.
"I know Ron, Hermione's not that type of person." They waited for Malfoy to leave the library before they too exited.
------
"So what do you think about your new relationship with Harry Potter?" asked Colin Creevy.
"Honestly, Colin. It's not that big of a deal…we were going to get together eventually."
"And are you going to write about him for next weeks issue for your column, or are we still sticking with the 'How to Find Love before Valentines Day' topic?"
"Um, the latter of the two."
"Valentines it is then!" Colin exclaimed, scribbling madly in his parch pad. "Do you think I could get a picture of the two of you? You know, for the News Section in the newspaper?" he asked.
"I'll talk to Harry about it," she said, taking a sip from her pumpkin juice.
After several letters to Dumbledore, two fist fights with a few Slytherin bastards, and a new camera lens to replace the old one, Dumbledore had approved of Colin's weekly newspaper called: Hogwarts Express, albeit reluctantly. Colin had gathered a team of fifteen reporters from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff to help run and manage the newspaper. After the first issue, it became a mad success at the school. Students loved reading about the scandalous affairs, Hogwarts updates, and a sassy relationship advice column written by none other than Ginny Weasley.
The Gryffindor table was chatting amiably, some exchanging classroom notes, others discussing the latest gossip from Hogwarts Express, or their latest Potion's mishap. Colin was sitting next to Ginny, who was his best mate, along with Owen Cauldwell from Hufflepuff, who decided to sit with the Gryffindors that day.
"Owen, how are you with the Hermione Granger article?" Colin asked.
"It's rotten luck with that, Colin. She won't let me talk to her at all. She doesn't pay me any attention when I walk up to her too."
"All you have to do is interview her about the Valentines Day outing for the Sixth and Seventh years, how is this so hard?"
"Hermione is stubborn, Colin," Ginny said softly, taking pity on Owen. "I'll interview her, eh? We're good friends," she offered.
"Good—all of Hogwarts wants to know what's going on with the Head Girl and her plans. Valentines Day is two weeks from now…"
"I know, don't worry! I'll get the coverage."
------
After putting it off for a whole of two hours, Hermione finally gave in and started on her Ancient Runes homework. She was yet again in the library, having set up her camping site for the afternoon, and went off to browse for a specific book for her assignment. She had to find a very old text that would decipher an ancient runic script written by the Egyptian Goddess of love, Hathor. Her fingers ran across the spines of the books until she came across the personal memoir of Hathor herself. Hermione practically screamed in joy as she pulled the book down from the shelf, eagerly bringing it back over to her seat to pore over for the remainder of the evening.
Carefully, she began to decipher Hathor's meaning of love and fertility.
"So she's the Mistress of Heaven," Hermione said aloud, amused.
"It's also said that she stripped naked in front of Ra to cheer the old bastard up," said a voice. Hermione jumped and turned to see Draco Malfoy staring inquiringly at her.
"That's just a myth, Malfoy…" Hermione replied briskly, returning back to her book. Draco coughed.
"I need that book, Mudblood." Hermione looked up at him, her face twisted with disbelief.
"Um, excuse me Ferret? No…not this time! I'm keeping the bloody book. I found it! I need it! I KEEP IT!" she was nearly hysterical now.
"I need it more than you do!" he shouted, grabbing at the book.
"Leave me alone!" Hermione said, closing the book and moving it away from Draco's grasp, but she wasn't quick enough. He whipped it from out of her hands, turning away from her, but Hermione yanked him around with all her strength, making Draco drop the book. Simultaneously, they grabbed at the book and yanked it. "No!" she cried.
A horrifying splitting noise filtered through the many rows of the bookshelves, and suddenly Draco and Hermione were engulfed in a whirlwind of icy cold wind, whipping around them viciously. Hermione began to scream as she clenched half of the torn book to her chest, not aware that Draco was yelping along with her as they were lifted into the air. She could barely see as her wild curls flew into her face. Suddenly, a deep, chilling female voice began to speak, scaring the shit out of Hermione…
"And here implies two wretched souls,
So bitter it would turn volcanoes cold!
That tears away my sheltered skin,
From long ago, to here I begin!
You wretched monsters will soon pay,
And then begin to wish for better days,
For in your anger you have stirred,
Your heart will become a messy blur!
Your bodies will change and so will your hearts,
A boy to girl, a girl to boy all together in parts!
And then you will learn, how foolish you are,
To have torn apart something so precious from afar
When midnight strikes,
You will awake in fright!
And lean towards
The Milky Way!
You will learn to wait,
And will never debate,
For love is strong,
And hate will soon be long gone!"
They fell to the floor, both twitching in pain as an electric jolt shot through their bodies. Panting, the pain subsided and the wind disappeared. Hermione shook her hair out of her face, and began to straighten her clothes, making her person look proper once again. Beside her, Draco was releasing a chain of swear words as he also began to straighten himself out.
"What the fuck was that?" he asked wildly. He looked around, and tossed his half of the book beside him.
"I told you yesterday that the books fight back!" she snapped. Draco's mercury colored eyes, that were always void of any emotion, flickered with fear.
"Is the book beyond repair?" he asked. Hermione bit her lip, but slowly nodded her head reluctantly. "Oh sweet fucking Morgana, Granger! This is your fault!"
"My fault? My fault?" she asked shrilly, standing onto her trembling legs. "MY FAULT?" she roared one more time. She pushed Draco on the chest, having stood with her and he staggered back a bit, having been caught off guard.
"Don't put your filthy hands on me Mudblood!" he hissed.
"HERE!" she shouted, tossing half the book to him, "YOU CAN HAVE IT NOW FERRET!" the book struck Draco on his forehead, and two red patches appeared on his cheeks. She began to pack up her books and quills, oblivious to the angry look building on Draco's face. "Unbelievable! I don't even know what will happen to me now that the book is destroyed! I can hardly remember the bloody poem!" she cried frantically, swinging her backpack onto her shoulder and grabbing hold of robe that was swung over the back of her seat.
"I can't believe this," Draco muttered, brushing pass Hermione, nearly knocking her sideways. "I can't remember the poem either!"
"Yeah well, you were so busy screaming to have heard anything," Hermione snapped.
"You were screaming too!"
"But I still grasped some of the poem!"
"I'm going to dinner...," Draco muttered, exiting from behind the shelves the separated a private sitting section from the library, leaving Hermione alone once again.
Hermione rarely swore, but when she did, it usually meant that things were seriously beyond her control, and she had absolutely no idea how to handle the situation at hand. "Fuck."
-----
Hermione had come back late in the evening after patrolling the corridors for any students out past curfew, when she saw Malfoy snogging Daphne Greengrass into the wall.
"Malfoy!" Hermione hissed. "This is irresponsible of you! Ten points from Slytherin for being out pass curfew, Greengrass. Get back to your dorm immediately!" she snapped at the smaller girl. The Slytherin girl narrowed her dark eyes, pushing a lock of silky black hair from out of her face as she curled her thick, swollen lips into a smile she threw at Malfoy.
"See you later," she said sexily. Draco smirked.
"Bye Queenie," Draco winked. The girl walked away from them, her hips swaying seductively as Malfoy groaned at the sudden loss of a snog-fest. Hermione waited for Malfoy to regain his composure, and checked her watch impatiently, now realizing it was closing in on ten-thirty. She frowned.
"C'mon and follow me Malfoy so we can finish this. I'm extremely tired." Draco did not complain as he followed her down the corridor.
They found a couple of first years wandering the corridors and sternly told them to return to their dorms, and dished out detentions to the older students. Finally, it was eleven thirty, and Hermione was never happier to fall onto her bed, clad in nothing but boys' briefs and a scandalous tank top. No one ever saw her dressed in such a way, and she mostly dressed like this because the castle was getting warmer this early in February. She closed her shades.
Across the hall from her, Draco Malfoy was getting out of the shower, not bothering with drying his hair. He was wearing a pair of silver boxers and a white t-shirt as he slipped underneath his green silk covers, closing the shades around his four poster bed.
------
In the distance, the chiming of a clock could be heard outside, from the Astronomy Tower's clock, striking midnight. Draco sat up in his bed, breathing heavily as he felt fear enter him and sit horribly on his chest. He pushed back his shades and jumped out of the bed, needing water. Immediately, he was engulfed in a pale, blue light pouring in from his window. He glanced out of it at the stars, several symbols stood out to him, but most dominantly was the Milky Way. He gasped, remembering something from the poem about this particular symbol in the sky. He stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over a pair of dress shoes and steadied himself on the vanity. He straightened up, and peered into the mirror attached to the vanity.
Staring back at him was Hermione Granger, dressed sexily in boy shorts and a tank top. It was then, also, that he looked down at the shoes he had tripped over. They weren't his shoes…this wasn't even his bloody room! THIS WASN'T EVEN HIS BODY!
Draco released a high-pitch—yes…high pitch!—scream that could be heard throughout the castle.
-
In the other room, Hermione was also peering disbelievingly into a mirror as Draco Malfoy stared back at her, before releasing a deep, troubling shout of fear.
(poem is written by mwah!!!!)
So what do you think folks? Do you like it? Was it funny? Do you like what is presented to you so far? Let me know! Also, I'll be entwining other character's stories into Draco and Hermione's story. For example, the little conversation exchanged between Ginny, Colin and Owen at dinner, and also seen with Lavender and Ron's little blurb about observing Draco and Hermione. I just want to make this different, you know? Bring more meat to the sandwich, if that makes sense.
Please take a few seconds and review—constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!
-Pat