Those on the outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. may think that the organization only consists of dangerous assassins who lurk in shadows. They would be wrong. There are many different types of agents, with many different personalities, but the four main types of agents are the brains, the desk workers, the specialists, and then yes, the assassins. If you wish to join S.H.I.E.L.D., it is recommended that you learn the types, and how to deal with them. This small guide will offer some insight into the agent's actions, but encounters with different agents may vary.
BRAINS
Though the brains usually consist of students who have worked their way up through the academy, studying hard or getting pounded by bullies, they tend to have the most brilliant minds in the world. They are usually the most friendly, if you're smart enough to keep up and understand their deductive speeches. A lot of brains strongly dislike the specialists, but if you're nice and compliment their work, they'll stick by your side. They are extremely loyal to those who are loyal to them. Call them nerds or geeks, however, and you may be retaliated upon. The brains might not get you right there and then, but if at some point in the next month your food or drink tastes strange, spit it out immediately and go straight to medical. The brains are great workers, but if they have one flaw, it's that they will not stop at anything to find an answer.
DESK WORKERS
Never, ever, ever mess with a desk worker, otherwise referred to as an administrator. Though their eyes tend to have a far away look, and they do most of the boring work that S.H.I.E.L.D. has to offer, and they drink as much, if not more, coffee than the assassins, they are not to be taken lightly. They are usually retired field agents who can't quite leave S.H.I.E.L.D.; either they know too much, or, like most, they have no where else to go. The desk workers do not find it funny if you jam the printer/copier then leave it, 'borrow' their stapler then never return it, or waltz into their offices and demand a file. If you do any of these things, the best outcome you could hope for is a large increase in desk/paper work for the next month.
NEVER. TOUCH. THEIR. COFFEE. People had mysteriously disappeared after they felt daring enough and took a sip from their coffee pot. Each level of desk workers is assigned their own pot, and just last month a rookie nearly got killed by pouring himself a glass from Level 3's supply. He was in critical condition for a month, then in rehab for three more. Do not mock them, or claim they have no skills. You probably won't get out alive. They tend to be silent but deadly, and don't usually enjoy company.
SPECIALISTS
Hands down, the operatives are the most annoying. They're either silent and mischievous, or loud and rude. They know their boundaries, but hardly ever toe the line, and occasionally lake a leap over. They don't kill on a regular basis, but know how. However, they do say that they can kill you in up to 50 different ways with random objects, but they're just really assassin wannabes. Around their supervising agent, they tend to act nice, but maliciously enjoy pranking the brains and rookies. The specialists can be somewhat dangerous, especially if you retaliate unsuccessfully against one of their cruel pranks. Most specialists, however, are all bark and no bite. You insult them with the stinging truth, they'll pout, but usually leave you alone.
ASSASSINS
The assassins. Practically S.H.I.E.L.D.'s mascots, beside the Avengers. They might seem intimidating, but they won't kill you unless they're really pissed off, and have a good reason to, or, are getting paid. They tend to be extremely nice, unless you annoy them, but even they injuries aren't very common. You might, however, become their latest guinea pig for pranks or various types of improvised ammunition. People assume that the assassins are quiet and dangerous, and some are, but the majority of them are just plain crazy. They've started pranking sprees, held water gun fights in top level agent's offices, and have even gone on strike when doughnuts were taken out of the vending machines.
They might seem like the life of the party and hardly take anything serious (unless they're on duty), people around them know little about their everyday lives. The assassins are masters at skirting around that delicate topic, hardly ever opening up except for a select few. Those select few that the assassins do open up for are the assassin's lifeline. Without those people, the assassins wouldn't be able to do the difficult jobs they do; they're the only people in the world that keep the assassins sane. Try and attack those people, and it might just be the last thing you do. They can kill you in the blink of an eye.
Assassins are extremely dangerous, and they know it, but they don't show off like the specialists. Assassins also tend to be friends with the brains, so sometimes specialists come off worse when picking a fight in with a brain. Once, a specialist was just about to zone in on a brain who had gotten back at a specialist, and before he knew it, he was in the hospital wing, having been knocked unconscious for a whole two days. Desk workers are nearly always the mentor's of the assassins, and the assassins know how to push their buttons unlike anyone else. On rare occasions, the assassins can even coax a smile out of a desk worker.
IN BETWEENS
There are some in between agents who haven't quite graduated into the next type, but are showing signs of 'growing up.' They can be difficult to handle, but are more mature then the others of their type. The ranks for the academy graduates are rookies, then brains. For spies/soldiers, it's rookies, specialists, assassins, field officers, then desk workers.
To sum it up, if you wish to join S.H.I.E.L.D., it would be in your best interests to become friends, or at least allies with the assassins or brains. Stay on the Desk Worker's good side, and learn to defend yourself against the specialists, that is, if you aren't already one. For further advice on joining S.H.I.E.L.D. leaders/agents, S.H.I.E.L.D. policies, or even Avengers, go to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secure website, or refer to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Recruits Survival Guide.