I really should be writing other things right now. But after hearing this story at a family gathering, I just had to write this xD
Background Info: I'm not entirely sure if this true for all of America, but in my state if you are pulled over by a cop for speeding and you are either a cop, firefighter, EMT, or Cop's relative and can prove it, the cop lets you go.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, but this fic is mine ^^. Beta work was done by Frostwhisker!
It was a beautiful day in the US of A. Alfred F. Jones casually cruised along the almost bare road, his convertible's roof and windows down, the wind in his hair, and his elbow on the car door. Yes, it was a great day to just ride around. So great, that Alfred didn't really think about anything when he got into his car so he forgot all about his seatbelt and that pesky little speed limit sign he had passed a while back (what was it? 50? 55?).
And alas, all great things had to come to an end as Alfred suddenly heard police sirens behind him. Not one to run from the law, being the great American patriot that he was, he calmly pulled over. The Police car slowed down behind and Alfred watched from his rear view mirror as a young man in a uniform stepped out of his car and approached. He had blonde hair and…were those caterpillars on his eyes?
"Alright you bloody wanker," the cop scowled in a heavy English accent, "Do you have any idea what the speed limit around here is?"
Alfred just stared at those caterpillars, which, as a closer look revealed, were not caterpillars at all. They were just really thick eyebrows. Weird.
The cop noticed the young American's wide eyed look and cleared his throat. "Pay attention you git." Alfred blinked and shook his head to break his concentration on the thick brows.
"I'm sorry, did you say something Officer…" he glanced at the man's nametag, "Arthur?"
"That's Officer Kirkland to you, git. And yes I did say something. Tell me, what's the speed limit here?" Alfred frowned and looked around for a sign. Surely he wasn't speeding! Preposterous! When he could find one, he smiled sheepishly.
"Um…Fifty?" he guessed. That sounded right-ish.
Officer Kirkland did not look amused. "Alright, and at what speed were you driving?" He leaned closer to Alfred, staring him in the eye.
"...Fifty?" Alfred guessed again with a meek smile. He was a good driver. He didn't speed. Right?
"Are you sure about that?" the cop asked very smugly. Alfred just nodded. "Well you were driving at Fifty-two and—" Alfred groaned. Great! An anal cop with OCD. Arthur noticed this and narrowed his eyes. "What's with the groan?"
"It's just two miles! What's the difference?"
"Twelve miles actually," Arthur retorted, "The speed limit is forty you git."
"My bad Officer." Alfred muttered, but he really wasn't to upset about it.
"This isn't bloody Montana. If the sign says forty, drive at forty. And where the hell is your seatbelt?"
Alfred paled and felt the holster where there should have a bean a black woven belt fastened. There wasn't. Now he was in trouble. "Oh um…"
"Oh um nothing." The officer snapped and pulled out his ticket book. "License and registration. Now." Alfred grabbed his wallet from his pocket and quickly handed it to the officer. As he reached for his papers in the glove compartment though, he heard a horrified shriek,
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?" Alfred turned to the cop who was staring at the shiny badge above Alfred's ID in his wallet. "You're a cop?" Alfred nodded slightly. It was actually given to him by his boss to keep him out of trouble like this, but there were times to speak and times to nod slightly and go along with a false assumption.
"Rubbish!" Arthur exclaimed, "How old are you?"
"Old enough." Arthur had his ID, he could count it himself. The cop just looked at the badge, then at Alfred's innocent, slightly confused face, then at the badge again before sinking down to his knees.
"Not again," he whined. Alfred blinked.
"Huh?"
"BLOODY HELL! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR ONE WRITABLE TICKET?" Arthur yelled and got up glaring at Alfred with rather crazy eyes. "Every day, I pull idiots like you over for speeding and other stuff. And every single one of them is a cop or a firefighter or a bloody EMT or, my favorite, a "relative of a cop"…What's the point of this bloody ticket book, if I can't write out one bloody ticket?"
Alfred blinked. Once. Twice. Was this cop complaining? "There, there?" the young American said awkwardly, tapping the cop's shoulder. Arthur's head snapped up to look Alfred in the eyes before he walked around and got into the passenger's seat. Alfred's jaw dropped. "What are you doing?"
"You have no idea how annoying this bloody job is!" Arthur hissed, ignoring the question, "All I have to do is teach people that driving over the speed limit is dangerous and wearing a seatbelt is the law. Sounds easy right? Of course it does." Alfred glanced around nervously.
"But people are gits and can't seem to understand those simple rules, so I have to give them tickets to make them understand. They always learn when money is involved!"
"I guess so…" Alfred agreed.
"But I haven't been able to give any tickets because everyone is a cop or related to one. And bloody cop etiquette prevents me from busting them. Horrible isn't it?"
"Yes, yes!" Alfred agreed quickly, "Please get out of my car now."
"So then, how are they supposed to learn? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to drive at fifty two in a forty zone? Do you?" Arthur glared at him expectantly.
"Yes, I know. Please leave."
"Do you? Do you Mr…" he glanced at the ID he was still holding, "Alfred F Jones? Tell me, if you understand so well, why were you speeding?"
Alfred shrugged. Arthur pointed an accusatory finger at him. "See you don't know anything git!" the cop hissed, "Well now listen up and learn!"
"H-hey someone just zoomed past! Shouldn't you go after him?" Alfred exclaimed desperate to get rid of this whiny guy. He seriously considered just taking the ticket already. This was seriously awkward…and creepy.
"Shut up and listen you git!" Arthur slapped his fist against the dashboard to Alfred's horror. "I'm trying to save your life here!"
"I'm not dying!"
"You will one day and I'm going to make sure it's not because of a speeding accident. So zip it." And so the cop began a long, rather detailed lecture about speed limits, their history, their purpose and every single thing that could happen if they weren't obeyed. Alfred tried to interrupt several times but was met with British swears and more lectures. He quit interrupting after a while and just occasionally glanced at the digital clock in his car. It was about 3:30 when he was pulled over. The last time he checked the clock, it read 4:15. That was actually a while ago. He was afraid to look now.
Eventually the lecture finished. The cop seemed to be cheerier now, while Alfred wanted to smack his head against the steering wheel. He refrained from doing so, in fear of another lecture. "And that's why you should never ever drive at 52 in a 40 mile zone. Understood?" Alfred nodded miserably.
Arthur took a deep breath. "Well that felt good, thanks for listening Ol' Chap." He placed his hand on Alfred's drooping shoulders, "I'll let you off with a warning this time, but I trust you won't be speeding anymore or driving without your seatbelt, right?"
"Oh no never again!" Alfred exclaimed quickly, buckling up. He was really terrified of another lecture. He never wanted to see another cop for as long as he lived. Especially not a British one with caterpillar brows. He recalled hearing "In Heaven the cops are British" once. Whoever said that was clearly never pulled over for speeding by one before. "C-can I go now?"
Arthur (finally) stepped out of the car, leaving Alfred's wallet on the seat. "Sure Ol' Chap. Happy driving."
"Yes Officer Kirkland."
"Oh please call me Arthur. We're pals now."
"Er Okay. B-bye Arthur." Alfred sped off at exactly 40 miles per hour, wondering what the hell just happened. Should he feel sorry for the cop who couldn't write out even one ticket? It was kinda sad actually. But whatever.
As he rode off, he saw the cop pull over another car. Maybe he'll finally get to write out a ticket, Alfred thought cheerfully. To his surprise though, when he found himself at a particular long red light, that very same car pulled up beside him, with its window down and its blonde driver humming a cheery tune. Curious, Alfred leaned over and called out to the driver.
"Hey, I saw you get pulled over. Did you get a ticket?"
The driver turned to him with a smile. "Non, I showed 'im my badge and he let me go, cursing very loudly."
Alfred snorted. Not again. "So, you're a cop?"
"EMT."
"Cool." The light turned green at that moment. "See ya'" And the two ticketless drivers drove off into the distance.
And that's the end. Yes this is based on a true story and the cop really did give a sermon on speeding for 45 minutes after complaining a bit. o.o I feel bad for the poor guy, I really do.
Well, Thanks for reading ^^