A hundred ways to die

by Dom186

AU from 2x03. Anya manages to bring Clarke back to her village rather than the Ark. As a result, the fateful first meeting between Clarke of the Skypeople and Lexa of Trikru happens in a completly different way; and the two leaders set out to remake the world according to their vision. No matter who might stand in their way.

Hello readers! So was I re-watching the 100 and this kind-of…happened…Yeah :/

This is AU from episode 2x03, from the moment Anya and Clarke have finished beating each other up but before they notice the Ark in the distance.

I found some cool grounder phrases on wiki so I decided to put them in there. Translations are at the end but it's common sense really.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

There were some moments when I truly wondered if it wouldn't have been for the best if they never sent the hundred down to the ground in the first place…Oh I knew that we would all surely be dead by now if the council and my mom hadn't sent us careening through the atmosphere in a century old drop ship to pay for our "crimes".

But despite that, despite earth and all of its wild beauty, despite all of the wonders I have seen and experienced since coming down, despite the fact that I sometimes caught myself thinking that my life hadn't truly started until my feet touched the soil of my home planet for the first time, despite all of that… Sometimes I wondered if we really belonged to the earth at all and if it wouldn't have been better if we'd all died together on the arc, left as a warning for future generations.

Right now, as I knelt above Anya with a blade in my hand after beating her bloody with my bare fists. Surrounded by the scorched corpses of the people that I had personally burnt to death, covered in foul mud, dirt, blood and god knows what else, was one of those moments when I wondered.

My entire body was hurting from the vicious beating I'd just taken, and I was only upright thanks to rage and pure force of will. Beneath me Anya seemed to be even worse off, if that was possible.

I'd had enough of being beaten, enough of having to sacrifice, enough of not feeling safe.

So I raised my blade high.

"I am NOT weak!"

And brought it down swiftly, embedding it deep.

"I just have to believe there is a better way"

I looked hard at the grounder and at the knife buried in the earth right next to her neck and willed her to understand how honest I was being and that this was the last piece of mercy I had left to give.

But before the grounder had a chance to respond, I looked up sharply.

Despite how tired I was, I still caught the faint whistling sound of an arrow and ducked instinctively, the arrow still catching the edge of my cheek and a few strands of blonde hair as it sped past me.

Hissing and touching my cheek, I was on the move a second later.

I rolled off Anya, grabbing the knife as I swiftly got to my feet to make my escape but before I could take more than a few steps I heard another whistling sound and a bolo encircled my legs, halting my momentum and bringing me roughly to the ground, banging my head on a rock as I went down.

As dark spots were starting to could my vision, and the pain was echoing against my skull, I still managed to make out a group of half a dozen grounders coming out of the woods like shadows, stalking towards me.

My medical self, a constant presence always hovering in the background of my brain, whispered to me with a voice that sounded suspiciously like my mothers', that I probably had a concussion.

Still, I managed to disentangle myself from the bolo and got back up despite my wobbly legs and the fact that my head felt like it was going to explode.

I found myself surrounded by five grounders, their faces masked and their bodies armored, scarred and tattooed. Standing silent in the waning sun, they looked like wraiths or ghosts, not real people but monsters like I used to draw in the stories I made up with Wells as a kid.

But they were people. I had fought them and I had killed them. I wasn't afraid of monsters.

As I prepared myself for yet another fight, one of the grounders caught sight of a struggling Anya lying in the mud.

"Onya! Yu na ripa!" He yelled in their strange and guttural tongue as he threw himself on the ground beside her. Anya seemed to be barely conscious, her eyes having trouble staying open. She probably has a concussion as well, my mother whispered smugly.

Sensing that this scene didn't paint me in the most diplomatic light with the grounder, I opened my big mouth.

"Listen, this isn't –"

The grounder's head snapped up sharply and as soon as I saw the rage in his eyes, I knew I should have stayed silent.

"Frag er!"

Despite having little to no understanding of their tongue, I had started moving at the first syllable and it was the only thing that saved me from being impaled by a sword to the back. My blind swing with the knife catching the arm of the grounder to my side saved me from the second strike. But there was nothing to save me from the third which came in the form of a powerful kick to the stomach that sent me crashing to the ground.

As I lay on my back desperately trying to breathe and doing my best to block out the pain, my eyes fell on the wide expanse of blue sky above me. It was so beautiful.

I heard the grounders talking amongst themselves for a moment and then slow footsteps.

A grounder, the one that had been kneeling beside Anya, entered my field of vision, he was carrying a sword.

Despite the absurd amount of pain I was in, my hand still started blindly groping for the blade I'd dropped until a heavy foot slowly stamped down on my wrist.

The grounder raised his blade high and said a few words in his native tongue…they had the tone of a death sentence to them.

"Yu gonplei ste odon"

Understanding that this was the end, I let my eyes slide from my executioner back to the blue sky behind him.

And as I laid there in the mud about to die, I thought that perhaps I'd been wrong before… If I was to die anywhere, better it be here, with earth beneath me and the sky above me. I was home…

"Hod op!"

I recognized that voice, I turned my head to the side and saw Anya in the exact same position as me, laying bloodied on the earth, her head to the side and looking at me as intently as I'd ever seen her. It was she who'd spoken, and who'd stopped the sword mere inches from my throat.

Slowly, reluctantly, the grounder withdrew his blade and went back to kneeling beside Anya and conversing in their native tongue. I got the distinct feeling that he was trying to convince Anya to kill me if the angry gestures my way and to the burnt out grounder corpses all around us were any indication.

And all I could do was lay there and wait for death. I had no strength left. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get up if I tried let alone outrun a group of pissed-off grounders.

I was a few seconds away from passing out (from the concussion my mother reminded me), dark spots clouding my vision when my brain latched on to what I recognized as English.

"Enough! She has information the Commander will want, and…she's proved herself strong. The Skyheda lives" said Anya in a voice that brooked no questions while looking straight at me.

So it looked like I wasn't about to die just yet. I felt strangely unmoved by the thought.

Still, manners were everything in diplomacy and I was about to thank Anya while struggling to sit up when one of the grounders behind me clubbed me over the head with a cudgel and I knew no more.

Looks like grounders didn't agree with me about manners in diplomacy.

The next night passed in a strange delirium where I kept alternating between sleep and consciousness as I was bound and dragged through the dark forest towards God knows where. The forbidding woodlands that the grounders navigated silently and without torches were all around me, filling me with their secret whispers and shadowy shapes flitting in and out of my vision. The various bioluminescent plants and insects that lit up certain parts of the forests brought an ethereal light that in my concussed state I wasn't entirely sure was real or a dream.

The grounders didn't move like we did, this was their forest and they knew every inch of it. They took care not to disturb certain plants while they trampled others, they listened to the sound of the animals to guide their way or warn them of danger. And in their company I began to see the forest differently as well. I saw paths emerge where before I only saw wilderness, my eyes adapted to the darkness until I realized it wasn't darkness at all but rather a different kind of light.

To someone who had been raised in an environment entirely designed by man for maximum functionality, the surface had always seemed so very chaotic to me. Up on the ark, every piece of machinery, every walkway and every individual had a purpose and a function that contributed to the whole. I had thought this interconnectedness didn't exist on earth anymore, the natural world having been thrown out of whack, but I'd been wrong. It may not have been what we expected or what it may have been in the past, but the ecosystem had reformed without any help from us to create a balance. Maybe it was the significant drop in human beings that allowed it…

When next I woke, I found myself on a cot in what I recognized as a grounder hut made of leather, wood, and an assortment of salvaged metal, which was strange, because why would I be in a grounder's…ah yes, I was a prisoner.

My skull immediately started pounding at that thought, in concert with my nerve endings that decided that now was a good moment to remind me of the half a dozen other injuries I'd sustained.

I took a few seconds to ruthlessly crush the rising panic at my predicament. Now was not the time, I needed to be logical, dispassionate, my friends still trapped in Mount Weather were counting on me.

I quickly took stock of myself and was surprised to see bandages wrapped around my cuts. I could also smell that antiseptic algae I knew they used. It seemed my captors had taken the time to heal me.

Well that was nice of them, but not nice enough for me to stick around. Seeing as they'd left me alone, it was high time to get out of here.

Sitting up too quickly caused my head to start spinning but I powered through and attempted to get up, only for my legs to fail me almost immediately as I crumbled back onto the uncomfortable cot.

I was about to try again when the flaps of the hut parted and a grounder walked in. He was tall, with a long black beard and a tattoo encircling his eye. He looked threatening like they all did but at least he wasn't wearing armor or war paint.

"Don't try to stand Skygirl, your body yet needs time to heal"

He calmly walked in and studied me with what I recognized as a doctor's eye.

"Who are you? What is this place?" I asked trying to get a handle on the situation.

"I am Nyko and you are in my village" he answered matter-of-factly.

"I…ok" I replied lamely, his answer having been both perfectly honest and offering absolutely no useful information whatsoever.

"I am the one who healed you" he said, while motioning with his hands towards my bandages.

Guessing his intent, I lay back on the cot and let him check them.

"Thank you" I said. And I was thankful, but I also needed to know. "Why?"

"Anya commanded it"

Ah yes, I remembered now. After beating each other up, Anya had decided to spare my life from her fellow grounders for some reason. It looked like she needed me alive for now. I recalled that she had mentioned something about not coming home without a prize before she had turned on me at the riverbank.

"Where is Anya? Can I speak to her?"

"She's healing as well. For one so small you must be quite the warrior to have done that to her" he said while looking at me bemusedly, as if he couldn't quite believe it.

I understood his skepticism, I had no doubt that if Anya hadn't been underfed, drained of blood and locked in a cage this last week she would've kicked my ass easily.

"Is she ok?"

"She will be… she's strong. Like you Skygirl. Your injuries have healed well; the river moss has done its work"

"So what now?"

"Now you may try to stand and if you can, I will take you to see Anya"

Ok. As far as captivities go, so far this wasn't going so bad. If I could just convince the stubborn grounder woman to listen to reason, I might yet get out of this and maybe even get help against Mount Weather. All I needed to do right now was stand up.

My body screamed in protest with every movement but I managed to get to my feet, the pain threatening to send me crashing back down but I fought against it.

To my side, Nyko was watching my struggle with interested eyes and didn't make a move to help me. When I was finally standing and managed to walk a few steps, he smiled.

"As I said, strong. Now come"

And he just walked out of the tent.

I decided that even though the healer did good work, he could really work on his bedside manner. In fact judging by every single grounder I'd met thus far, it seemed that courtesy had been the first thing to go in the nuclear apocalypse. But then I thought about Mount Weather and even the Ark, and the way everyone said please and thank you and smiled and was nice to each other. All the while in the next room, people were being bled to death or floated into empty space. So maybe this wasn't so bad.

I followed him out.

The light of day burned my eyes as soon as I left the shade of the hut even with thick clouds above us, but the fresh clean air revitalized me like nothing else. A light rain was dribbling down on us and the water made me feel even better. I took a few moments to enjoy it with my face turned up towards the sky and my eyes closed.

When I opened them again I found Nyko watching me curiously.

"No rain in space" is all I said by way of explanation as I took in my surroundings.

I was in what I assumed was a grounder village. And what a strange village it was.

At first glance, it looked about how I'd expected. A dozen ramshackle huts made using materials from the surrounding forest with a few sturdier buildings mixed in made up of whatever metal or plastic they could salvage. Though strangely I could see a few low stone structures that seemed to rise straight out of the earth. The entire village seemed to have been built around a tall building made of white stones, only that building had long since crumbled leaving only ruins that the grounders had repurposed and built their huts around.

But as strange as the village appeared to me, it was nothing compared to the people I saw milling around.

Every one of the grounders I'd met so far had been a fearsome warrior, savage-looking and dirty and smelly. Expert predators that had perfectly adapted to the hostile environment that was the earth.

Which is why I was so shocked to see women and children, families, walking around or working or watching me in return. They still seemed a bit dirty and savage and none of them looked particularly friendly but these were people, actual people.

As I was observing the village, a blur shot past me to wrap itself around Nyko. A bit startled, I soon identified said blur as a very excited young boy with dark hair and a face covered in streaks of mud in what I thought might be a very poor imitation of the grounders war paint. He immediately started babbling to Nyko while occasionally pointing at me in wonder. The only word I could recognize of his speech was Skykru.

Nyko disentangled himself from the boy who was obviously his son and interrupted his fast speech with a few calm words while kneeling in front of him. He touched the mud on the boy's face with a perplexed smile before ruffling his hair and sending him towards a woman who must have been his mother.

I was overcome by a bittersweet feeling at the sight.

I thought about the people of the Ark or Mount Weather, performing atrocities for generations because they were so convinced that they and they alone, were the last hope of humanity. But this was humanity. Children who hadn't grown up in fear in boxes made of metal or stone, families taking of each other above all else and not on some glorious mission to save the human race. People who didn't remember the world that came before them and didn't care.

Their struggles up on the Ark all seemed so pointless now. My dad wasn't floated to protect humanity; the human race would have survived just fine without them, right here.

"Come Skygirl, Anya is waiting"

My mind snapped back to planet earth and I followed Nyko through the village, receiving a fair number of evil glares on my way. I also noticed that I had another guard shadowing me. Seemed a tad overkill to me, seeing as I was barely able to stand, but I reminded myself that I had killed a fair number of their people.

We arrived at one of the few standing buildings in the village that didn't look as though it might crumble at any moment. There were two rough-looking guards guarding the entrance, one of whom proceeded to pat me for weapons before grunting his assent.

The inside smelled rank and was poorly lighted but I could tell someone had made some kind of effort to embellish the place with rugs and draperies in a deep blood red. I was finally led to a room that was mostly filled with a huge bed on which Anya was resting.

Her gaze snapped to me the moment I entered and she spoke a few words in her native tongue that must have been for the guard accompanying me because he left without a word.

And then she said nothing and just stared.

I stared back.

Well, this was clearly going nowhere, may as well jump in.

"We have a common enemy" I announced in a clear voice.

I took a beat to gage her reaction and but was only met with her usual stone-like façade.

"Neither of us can defeat them on our own. We lack the numbers and you lack the knowledge…We can help each other Anya. Get our people back-"

"Those you didn't kill you mean" she interrupted in a cold voice.

"I…I'm sorry for that, truly. We never intended to start a war or hurt anyone, we didn't know that-"

"You don't know anything! You trampled in here burning everything in your path and then act surprised when we don't welcome you. You don't know this land, you don't know the mountain, you don't know my people…You know nothing. And yet you stand here claiming that I am the one who lacks knowledge. You're as arrogant as they are…"

She did have a point there. I'd known for a while that the conflict between us and the grounders was morally ambiguous to say the least, but what else could I have done? We couldn't very well let ourselves be slaughtered. I also just then realized why Jasper had been attacked right on the border to Mount Weather and how much the omnipresent threat of the Mountain guided the grounders every action.

"Hey! We're not like them ok? My people are prisoners there too-"

"Are they really? Because I only saw my people in these cages. Then you showed up clean and healed, and free. You didn't look much like a prisoner."

"I got you out! And in case you didn't notice they tried to stop me from leaving too!"

"Maybe it was a trick to infiltrate us…they can't go above ground without their armor so they'd never be able to, but you can. One of them able to breathe the same air as us, I'm sure you were quite a prize-"

"Oh you're right, we were quite a fucking prize to them! And you're right, it's because we can survive on the surface… it's the reason they take your people too, just not the way you think."

"What do you mean?"

"You saw it, they were draining your people of their blood. The reason they do that is because being on the surface makes them sick and they use your blood as medicine to heal them... and from what I understand, they've been doing it for a while haven't they?"

Anya looked shaken for the first time during the conversation. She slowly sat up from her bed, her eyes going progressively darker.

"Our blood? These demons have been killing and taking my people for generations so they can…eat our blood? As fucking medicine?"

"Yes…I'm sorry. And they're not eating it exactly, they're injecting it after it's been cycled through – you know what it doesn't matter. The point is, my people can survive on the surface as well, which means our blood can heal them also. In fact, because we were bombarded with high-levels of solar radiation in space, our blood would probably work a lot better than yours. And that's why we could never be with them. Because sooner or later they'll start doing the same thing to my people as they do to yours. What's more is, I suspect that if they're smart, they could use us to be able to survive on the surface permanently, and then you'll have a whole new set of problems believe me."

The grounder seemed to believe me because she spent a long time mulling over my words looking pensive.

"Even if all of that is true, how exactly do you think you can fight the mountain? You barely fought us off and only by using some dirty trick, the mountain-men would slaughter you and you know it, which is why you want my people to be slaughtered in your place. When in fact, from what you've just told me, the best way to injure the mountain-men would be to kill you now so they'd never be able to use your blood to reach the surface"

Well shit. That hadn't occurred to me at all, and I had absolutely no response. I also started to look around for an escape route, where was that guard?

"I…"

The grounder seemed to enjoy watching me squirm because she let the moment drag on before finally speaking again.

"But you are right, you saved my life, even if you had ulterior motives, and that means something among Treekru. So I will help you"

A burst of elation shot through me like lightning, rekindling my desperate hope to save my friends. Every minute that had passed since I woke up had been filled with growing terror over the state of my people. I had this horrible prophetic certainty of what would happen to them. First a few tests, then a voluntary blood transfusion, then a mandatory one once per week, then per day, then finally they'd come to the obvious conclusion and go straight to harvesting the bone-marrow. I wasn't 100% certain it would cure them of course but I had enough understanding of epigenetics and DNA methylation to know that there was a decent chance. And that was all they would need to cut my friends open really, a chance. I knew all this because this is exactly the way they would do it up on the Ark if they were faced with that same decision: sacrifice a few to save the many. And once again, it was up to a group of kids to be the "few" while self-aggrandizing old men and women decided that they were morally acceptable sacrifices. But no more…

"Oh god! Thank you Anya! You won't regret it, I –"

"By that, I mean I'll give you the opportunity to make your case to the Commander as a potential ally rather than as a prisoner." Said the grounder, halting me in my tracks.

"Wait, what? The Commander? Who the hell is that? I thought you were the leader around here? You just said you would help me!" I responded angrily.

"I am helping you! You murdered our people and are the leader of your clan, what do you think is the usual fate for prisoners such as you? I'll tell you right now, we don't usually tend to their wounds and bring them before the Commander" she snapped back immediately, quashing my anger with her own.

"I…You're right, thank you. I'm grateful, really, I just thought that you were…well, in charge. You look rather in charge."

At this, Anya had to give a little pleased smile before answering.

"I am a General and I rule this village, but Treekru contains several, and we are not the only Clan either. The Commander rules Treekru, but also the coalition, and is the only one who could declare war on the Mountain"

That was…very unfortunate. I had been convinced, in my small-minded focus, that Anya and her people were this united population with the woman as de-facto queen, and that convincing her to help would lead to a direct confrontation with the Mountain. But of course it would be more complicated…Her few words demonstrated that there were clearly a lot more people on the surface than anyone had ever guessed so naturally that would lead to a more complex and well-defined society. And now I had to deal with this ominous Commander of which I knew nothing, basically invalidating all of the painstaking work I had done to convince Anya to trust me.

"Okay… and do you think he will be willing to help me?"

The grounder gave me an enigmatic little smile that was frankly frightening on her normally serious face.

"The Commander will do what's best for Treekru, whether that will be killing you or helping you, only the Commander can say. But rest assured that the decision will be made with no thought of vengeance or retribution for your crimes, the Commander doesn't think like that…unlike me"

Well I guess that was that then. At least this Commander appeared to be fair-minded so maybe he could be convinced to help if I made it worth his while. And honestly, I potentially had a lot to give. I may have been just a single teenage girl with no weapons or resources and no particular skill in fighting (even if I was starting to develop a talent for killing), but what did I have was 5000 years of mathematics, science and technology in my head, 5000 years the grounders seemed to be missing. I had been an excellent student on the Ark, consistently first of my class since I was a girl and I knew a great many things about a number of subjects. My knowledge of medicine alone was most likely invaluable and could save and extend thousands of grounder lives (starting with a basic explanation about bacteria and microbes and following with the introduction of penicillin). I just wasn't entirely sure how receptive the grounders would be to technology as they seemed to naturally associate it with the mountain-men and therefore distrusted it (not to mention the potentially far-reaching implications of jump-starting the technological development of a war-like society).

"Alright, I guess to be heard is all I can really ask for, but do you think-"

"Enough of your incessant questions! I need to regain the strength the Mountain stole from me. You'll sleep where you first woke tonight and tomorrow you'll be brought to our capital of Polis"

Was Polis an actual grounder city? I wanted to ask immediately but I didn't want to anger my only ally so I held my tongue and nodded. There was one question I still needed to ask before I left though.

"So am I still your prisoner?"

Anya regarded me for a moment before answering in a cool voice.

"You're a guest…" And I felt relief. "…who'll be hunted down and killed if she tries to leave" And my relief died right on the vine.

You had to give it to the grounders, they never failed to be honest.

My assigned hut was in fact Nyko's hut and one that apparently doubled as something of an infirmary.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with the healer and his son as he received a number of patients for a variety of ailments.

It was both fascinating and extremely frustrating.

I found it fascinating in the same way I found every aspect of the grounders' life that didn't involve killing fascinating. Here was a completely new way to do something that I'd been taught my whole life to do one way. The fact that Nyko was the equivalent of a doctor like me was of course especially interesting.

The man carried and dispensed a number of herbal remedies that I couldn't hope to identify and unlike the doctors of the Ark, was very…physical, in his consultations. There was a great deal of palming painful areas, of bending and stretching limbs and even some sniffing. But what had first appeared to be the mindless workings of a savage, I soon realized was far more complex.

That sequence of movements there was pure kinesiotherapy, that massage was shiatsu, meant to aid circulation and stimulate nerve endings, that foul-smelling potion was… well I had no idea what that was. But the more I observed the more I recognized different types of medicine, some foreign, some out-dated, some alternative… but all of it clearly very well understood by Nyko. And given the massive series of mutations that both the grounders biology and the surrounding flora and fauna suffered; all of this strange craft could very well be more effective for them than anything I could come up with. Who knew how plant properties had shifted and how that would interact with mutated human dna, it could be entirely different than what was recorded before the bombs.

Nyko's son was also a permanent fixture in the tent that afternoon, even if he was an unwilling one. The boy's name was Raife and spending his afternoon learning healing from his father in a stuffy hut was clearly not his idea of a good time. He proved this by constantly shifting and squirming one moment, and almost falling asleep the next.

The frustrating part about the experience was that during the entire thing…no one spoke a single word in English. Apparently the language wasn't nearly as widespread as I'd thought, another gross miscalculation on my part. Lincoln, Anya and Nyko's ease with the language was an exception rather than the norm.

This meant that I spent the afternoon having no idea what was going on and with the very distinct impression that everyone who visited Nyko's tent took the opportunity to check me over and gossip with the healer about me.

It was extremely annoying, and my attempts to engage were met with distrust and open hostility. They clearly had all been told who I was and what I had done to their people… 300 of them, Nyko had told me. 300 men and women burned alive on my order. Maybe I had just met friends and family members of the dead, and I had smiled a dumb smile at them while trying to shake their hand…Shit.

Dinner came quickly after that realization, and I found myself sitting on some cushions around a makeshift table with Nyko and his family.

We were eating some kind of meat and sauce dish that would have tasted heavenly just a week ago I'm sure. Unfortunately, I had since eaten a couple of meals in Mount Weather and there was just no comparison. Whatever else you might say about those blood-draining, cardigan-wearing, pasty-skinned sociopaths, they could really cook.

Nyko and his wife were talking softly while Raife kept giving me shifty looks, half-frightened, half-fascinated, it was very cute. But there was something I needed to say, so I took advantage of a lull in the conversation to address Nyko.

"Nyko, did you lose someone? Fighting I mean, fighting my people…"

The grounder regarded me deeply for a moment, but without malice. In fact, the man had to be the least aggressive grounder I'd met yet (except for that little girl who died I thought). Healer was a fine vocation for him.

"If you're asking if I lost family, then the answer is no, thank the gods. But men and women I had known and healed for years did die in the fighting yes. Why?" he replied in an even tone.

"Then how? How can you be willing to share a meal with me? To tend to my wounds?"

"Why should I not? Those warriors died fighting as did some of your people. To die fighting a worthy opponent is the only true way for a warrior to die. And from what I was told you were outnumbered, if not…outgunned. There is no shame in their deaths. Nor should there be on your part either."

That…made sense. A harsh environment breeds harsh people, and the only way to make sense of death when it occurs so very frequently is to turn it into something honorable, and in some cases even desirable. It was the lynchpin of every religion. It shouldn't surprise me that the grounders would adopt this kind of philosophy, living in a place where the fog burned your skin off and one out of two kids was born with severe radiation poisoning and horrible genetic mutations. It didn't get much harsher than this place after all, at least I hoped not.

"Okay, I understand. But I'm still…sorry, truly. War was the last thing I wanted"

"I believe you Skygirl, I've known more than a few bloodthirsty warriors and you definitely aren't that. I noticed you this afternoon; you have training in the healing arts don't you?"

"Yes! Yes I do. I learned from…from my mother. She was a healer too…most of the time."

Nyko seemed to sense the painful nature of the subject or simply wasn't that fond of conversation, because he let the matter lie and went back to talking to his wife.

We finished not long after and everyone got ready for bed. Apparently the grounders went to bed early, the lack of electric lighting will do that I suppose. This was just as well because despite having slept most of the day I was still exhausted.

I was directed to the cot I woke up in and firmly instructed that a guard would be posted outside the hut to preclude any attempt to flee. And if that wasn't enough, they actually chained one of my feet to a post.

As I lay on the uncomfortable bedding, I wondered why I hadn't really thought of escaping from this place when every thought I had after waking inside Mount Weather had been to get the hell out as quickly as possible.

And then, just as I was about to go to sleep, a thought crept up on me, a thought I had been avoiding since I woke up, I thought about Finn, and Bellamy, and Octavia, and Raven, even Murphy. A massive amount of fear crashed down on me, freezing my limbs and pinning me to my bed. Oh God. Were they dead? Injured somewhere, alone and in pain? Captured? By the Mountain, by grounders? At least with Monty, Jasper and the others, I knew where they were and I knew that they were still alive, for now. But them…the uncertainty was driving me insane and while I desperately wanted to know, I didn't dare ask my captors (or hosts now I guess), lest they decide that two or three prisoners were better than one. I just had to hope that they made it and had stuck together and keep to my plan to save the rest. A part of me wanted to escape the grounders right now and go looking for them, but I had been to the dropship with Anya and found nothing so I wasn't even sure where I would start, or where I currently was for that matter. No the best plan was to stick to the path I was on. Convince the Commander, raise an army of bloodthirsty grounders, save my people, and burn that fucking mountain to the ground. No biggy.

"Fleim! Fleim! Fiah!"

The panicked screams tore me from sleep as they were soon accompanied by a ringing bell and more frightened screams.

A fire I gathered.

Nyko was already up and halfway out the hut before I was fully awake. He snapped a few quick words to Raife while pointing at me as he left. From the look on the boy's face, it was clear that he'd been ordered to watch me by his father, and that the task of babysitting the skygirl wasn't one he felt appropriate to his status as a great warrior.

After a few minutes of both of us trying to figure out what was going on by sound alone, I heard the last thing I wanted to hear… Gunfire from an automatic weapon.

The mountain! It had to be. They'd tracked me here somehow. But how? Shit, did they put a sub-dermal tracker in me when I was unconscious? But no, if they had, they would have found me long before now.

My suspicions were dashed a second later when in a strange reversal of fortune I heard the sound I perhaps most wanted to hear right now: Finn's voice. He was alive. Finn was alive. Thank god.

"Where are they?! I know they're here! Tell where she is!" he was screaming like I'd never heard him scream before. His voice was so full of hate and desperation that for a moment I wondered if it was really Finn's voice at all.

After a second, I snapped to and realized that he was obviously looking for me.

I was about to scream out and so was caught completely by surprise when Raife tackled me and did his best to cover my mouth from screaming in some kind of mad attempt to be a hero.

The kid may have been strong and agile for his age but he was still all of 13 years old and after I recovered from my surprise, I kneed him in the groin and he was out for the count with a pitiful whimper. I kind of felt bad for him.

There was more shouting outside, followed by more gunfire and I knew I had to intervene right now.

"Finn! It's me! I'm in here!"

There was another commotion outside while I tried to get rid of the damn chain, followed by Finn again.

"Clarke?! Is that you? Clarke?"

"Yes it's me, in here!"

After a few second, the flaps parted brusquely and Finn burst in.

He looked terrible. Maybe even worse than I did. He was sweaty and dirty, covered in cuts and bruises and had a crazy look in his eyes that I'd never seen before. Also, his hands, shoes and coat were covered in blood.

"My god, Finn! Are you okay? I was so worried"

Finn didn't say anything or even move at first, seemingly struck dumb by the sight of me (which in other circumstances I might've found pleasing).

"Clarke…You're here…"

And then we took the last few steps and held each other tight. Alive. We were both alive.

For a precious moment I thought everything would be okay. Finn was alive, Raven, Bellamy and his sister had to be too. And together we would convince the grounders to help us and rescue our friends and maybe…start to live in peace? Together.

That perfect moment didn't last long.

The flaps of the tent parted and Finn abruptly pushed me away to point his rifle at the potential threat…who revealed itself to just be fucking Murphy.

"Great, you found her, can we get the fuck out of here now?!"

Unfortunately, it was the same moment that a recovered Raife chose to remind everyone that he was a great and fearless warrior.

He screamed and lunged at us with a knife.

He had been aiming for Finn I think but Murphy's intrusion forced us to shift our position and he ended up slicing the top of my shoulder rather clumsily instead.

I cried out in pain and caught a glimpse of the horrified look on Finn's face before he raised his gun and just shot Raife, point blank, in the chest. One, two, three times.

I never saw Raife's face as he died, I don't know if he was surprised or afraid or in pain. All I saw was Finn's blank eyes as he shot a boy with zero hesitation. The movement had been instantaneous and almost mechanic, like a spring let loose in a mannequin. And he hadn't paused for a second. It was only now that he seemed to realize what had just happened.

"What have you done?" I screamed at him as I grabbed the rifle intent on taking it away from him before I attended to Raife.

And that was how Nyko found us. Three sky-people, two guns and one dead boy.

He took one look at us and in an instant he was no longer the mild-mannered healer I'd come to know but…something else. Something that wouldn't stop until we were as dead as his son.

He grabbed Murphy by his coat with one hand and then lifted him straight off the ground to throw him out in a powerful move.

"Nyko wait! This was an accident!" I vainly tried to scream.

But the man heard nothing and went straight for Finn, tackling him before he could shoot again, although I doubted he would have been able to in his shell-shocked state.

They struggled on the ground for a moment, with Finn at a clear disadvantage and me unable to help with them all tangled up as they were, before we heard more gunfire outside.

Shit! Murphy. One could always count on that guy to make a bad situation worse.

The sound seemed to galvanize Nyko and he redoubled in savagery, laying powerful punches to Finn's ribs and nose. I vaguely tried to hit the grounder on the head with a saucepan but I'm not sure if he even felt it and he promptly responded with a powerful back-handed slap that sent me sprawling and didn't help my concussion.

I fell on top of Raife. His glassy eyes were wide and glaring at me in silent accusation. My god, how could he do it? How could Finn do that…

When I regained my senses and managed to push away from the boy's body, I found a bloody Finn on the ground, an enraged Nyko above him and a deadly-serious Anya in the doorway.

We looked at each other for a moment then her eyes slid off me to land on Raife and they went cold.

"Anya…please let me explain"

But she wasn't interested in explanations because she took three steps to reach me, bellying her previously frail countenance and then kicked me right in the face with her boot.

I was stunned yet again and was starting to get worried about brain damage when the grounder women said a few words and I found myself unshackled, then lifted and taken outside before being thrown to the wet ground.

The cool night air served to wake me up and I struggled to my knees. There was an animated discussion going on around me but I couldn't understand it or focus on it really.

I looked around and I saw Finn lying bloodied body next to me. My god, was he dead? No my mother answered, he's breathing, chest is rising steadily so no perforated lung or broken ribs, injuries appear superficial. He'd live so long as his wounds didn't get infected...and so long as the grounders didn't execute him right now, along with me.

I tore my attention from him to take in our situation and that's when I saw them…bodies, more bodies, more dead-grounders. And there were a lot of them too…at least five, no six, maybe more. There was the old woman that I'd met this afternoon, she'd come to Nyko for help with her breathing and he had given her thorn-apple to smoke. There was the guard that had been assigned to me before. And someone else, and then another… Did Finn do this too, or was it Murphy? Where was that guy for that matter? I looked around and couldn't see him…typical Murphy.

I had barely been paying attention to the heated argument going on around me, too filled with shock to even attempt to defend myself, but it seemed it was drawing to a close with Anya having won. She finished speaking on a word that sounded like heda, and turned to us.

She gave me that same look I saw at the dropship when she had been deciding whether or not to let her grounders skewer me.

Then she nodded to someone behind me, I felt a sharp pain to the back of the head, then I didn't feel anything at all…

I woke up falling, though for a second as I hovered both between dream and consciousness and in the air, I genuinely thought I was flying.

I was disabused of that notion a second later when I crashed painfully on the ground.

"Clarke! Are you okay?" I heard shouted beside me.

It was Finn. He was alive. We were both still alive. Ok, good.

"I'm fine, mostly. Are you?" I answered while still lying down and fighting my growing headache.

"Something like that, now I know you're okay"

Before anything else, there was something I needed to know.

"Bellamy and Octavia? Raven? Are they…?"

"They're fine, I was with them just yesterday"

They were alive. We were all still alive. Good, I could breathe again.

Now to deal with this new situation.

I slowly got to my feet and gave him a quick once-over.

"No difficulty breathing? Or blurry vision? Did you check for bruises, you could have internal bleeding-"

He raised his hands to stop me and gave me something approaching a smile.

"Clarke I'm fine, really. I think we have other problems" he said as he gestured to our current surroundings. Which were odd, to say the least.

"What is this place?"

"Near as I can tell it's some kind of old train station, or what did they call it in those old movies again, a subway station?"

I looked around at the dirty white tiles covering the walls and at the wrought-iron gate barring the entrance and thought he was probably right. I also noticed he was chained to the wall.

"Did they say anything? You know if Anya is here?" I asked him forcefully, trying to take control of the situation.

"I just woke up in here, I didn't see anybody" he replied in a rather sedate voice.

"Well did you hear anything? Did you look for an escape route? Snap out of it, we need to get out!" I barked at him, immediately angry with him though I wasn't sure why.

I started looking frantically around the room. Jumping lamely to see if I could climb up to the opening in the ceiling. I couldn't. I also tried to pick the iron gate's lock but couldn't manage that either. I was usually a lot better at escaping.

"I told you I don't know!"

"Well great, I'm just gonna have to figure it out like always! Now where-"

"Enough Clarke! I've been going crazy, looking for you everywhere. I need some answers okay?" Finn snapped, as he started to realize I'd not once looked at him after my initial medical examination.

"There's no time for that! We need to get out of here, we have to get to Mount Weather right now!" I retorted back, my voice taking on a frenzied tone and still looking at anything but him.

"What? Mount Weather? Is that where you were? Is that where the rest of them are?"

"Yes! I just told you! And now we're probably going to have to do this without the grounders…I don't know how we'll manage, but maybe if I can locate the back entrance, flood the place with radiation, we'd be able to walk right in…but no, they probably have some kind of compartmentalization system in place, with seals to prevent a breach… I'd need to reach the control room somehow-"

"Clarke! What the hell are you talking about? And will you please just look at me?!" he interrupted my maddened babble once again.

But I didn't look at him, I couldn't…So I just kept talking and going around the room looking for a way out.

"I told you there's no fucking time! We need to-"

"I didn't mean to shoot him…" he said, his tone changing from sharp and angry to barely a whisper, and yet his words carried a lot more and they stopped me dead.

And so I looked at him. But all I saw was a monster who shot an unarmed child. And that wasn't Finn. Finn was kind and compassionate. Finn wasn't quick to anger or violence, he was a mediator, someone who brought people together. Finn would never shoot someone in that way, not so…unprompted, not a child.

"I'm sorry…" he said.

But Finn did. He did shoot that boy. The same Finn I had kissed and slept with had killed that boy, and also…

"What about the others, outside? Was that you too, or was that Murphy?"

"I…I don't know, it all happened so fast… One of them tried to make a move just before I heard you shout and I just…fired right into them. I'd found your coat and I was certain they'd killed you…I…were there a lot of them? I didn't really see after…"

So he had killed more…unarmed again.

I knew I had no right to judge. That I was the last person who could ever judge him really. Not only had I personally killed a lot more grounders than he did, but he had been there searching for me. He had no way of knowing the strange circumstances that brought me to the grounder village and for all he knew they could have been torturing me for a week. Certainly the damsel had no right to judge the knight in shining armor for slaying the dragon, nor should she ever feel bad for the beast.

But this damsel did. This damsel did feel guilty. And this damsel did judge.

Because none of these rationalizations changed a simple fact that I knew with absolute clarity.

I had fallen out of love with him the moment I had seen him pull the trigger.

I finally decided to answer him.

"Yes…there were a lot" I said to him with tear filled eyes.

And I could see his heart breaking as he instinctively knew of my realization. And so my heart broke a little more for causing him such pain…

The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife as we were both locked in our own heartbreak and so naturally, true to his life's vocation to make everything worse all the time…this was the moment that Murphy decided to drop from the ceiling and almost right on top of me.

If I was being truthful, I would have to admit that Murphy probably didn't decide on the moment he would be dropped into the cell with us, but it was Murphy…so I felt perfectly comfortable blaming him anyway.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as he sat up while rubbing his head.

He took stock of his surroundings and spotted the two of us.

"Finn! And the princess! Glad to see I didn't trudge through that damn forest for nothing. Though it was kind of a short rescue there, sorry about that, someone didn't think we needed a fucking plan…" he said glibly while looking at Finn at the end in that annoying way of his.

I rounded on him immediately, getting right into his personal space, as I was far more comfortable being angry with Murphy than Finn.

"That's what you're sorry for?! Not the innocents you murdered, you piece of shit?! This was all your idea wasn't it? You got the guns somehow and convinced Finn to come along on one of your fucked-up ideas!"

"Whoa! Chill the fuck out princess! I risked my ass to save yours and this is the thanks I get? Fucking typical! And for your information princess, it was loverboy here who insisted on coming to rescue you, even though everybody on the ark, including your mom by the way, told him it was a dumb fucking plan. I just tagged along to make sure he didn't get fucking killed okay!"

What did he just say? Did he just say the Ark and…

"My mom? What are you talking about?! My mom is dead!"

He looked stunned for a moment before having the gall to laugh in my face.

"Christ! You don't even know! What have you two been doing in here? Making out?"

I was about to punch him in his pinched little face when Finn finally decided to come back to the living.

"Clarke, wait. It's true, your Mom and Kane and most of the others from Mecha station, they're all here on the surface, they found us the day after you were taken"

They survived… My god, they survived. I hadn't thought it was possible. Atmospheric reentry with a station that old and massive? The Ark had barely been able to stay in function while in vacuum, how had they managed to go through the atmosphere without being incinerated?

"She's alive? They're really alive?" I asked in a small girl-like voice. Because I hadn't even understood the depth of my grief until it had just now been lifted. Here I stood, heartbroken and probably about to be executed in some gruesome way, and yet I felt lighter than air…My mom had survived, the Ark had survived. I had hated both of them at times, but they were still a part of me. Still my family.

"Yes she is, and really worried about you. They set up in what was left of mecha station. It's not much but it's a hell of a lot more than we had before…we can finally hit back" Finn told me in a kind voice. Only why did he have to talk about hitting back? That wasn't the Finn I knew, and again all I could see was Raife and-

"He's right. Kane and them will make those grounder bastards fucking pay! You hear me you fucking savages?! We'll see if you're laughing when we start bombing your fucking villages with napalm-" interjected Murphy in his usual Murphy-way, before I decided I had quite enough of listening to him talk and punched him in the trachea.

"Gah-!" he vaguely tried to exclaim before doubling over and trying to stop himself from asphyxiating.

"Shut up! You ruined everything you moron! I had just gotten Anya to trust me when you burst in and started fucking shooting everybody! They'll never help us get our people back now…"

Yes that plan had most likely just been burned to the ground. I very much doubted the Commander would be in any deal-making mood when we were presented to him as not only the murderers of 300 of his warriors but now also as child-killers. And judging from Anya's mood when I last saw her, I was fairly certain that I had lost her as an ally as well. And really, who could blame her? How many of her clan's children had we murdered now? Did we really deserve forgiveness?

"They were never going to do that anyway Clarke…They're warriors and killers, it's their nature, asking them for help is only showing them where we're vulnerable." Finn told me and he sounded so certain and so very different. When did he change so much? Had I changed just as much? I didn't feel different but at the same time I felt like an entirely different person than I was on the Ark. Who was I kidding? Of course I had changed. The Clarke from just six months ago would have hated this murderer I've become.

Murphy finally stopped asphyxiating on the floor and got right back in my face. I debated whether or not to hit him again as I listened to his angry rant.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you crazy bitch!? Is this some kind of fucking Stockan syndrome or something? You got yourself a grounder-lover like Octavia while you were their prisoner?"

"First of all, it's Stockholm syndrome not fricking Stockan, what does that even mean? And secondly, the grounders didn't take me! Did you see anyone else from the dropship there? You didn't because we weren't taken by grounders, we were taken by Mount Weather."

At this Murphy paused and looked at me quizzically.

"You were taken by a mountain? How does that work exactly?"

I palmed my face and decided to ignore him entirely from now on.

Luckily (more or less), this was the moment our hosts picked to make themselves known as we all heard the iron-gate open and three grounders entered.

They looked particularly fearsome with their long leather coats and faces masks. Only the middle one, the tallest, was unmasked. But that did nothing to dwell the aura of violence that hung about his powerful frame. This had to be the Commander.

The two guards went straight for Murphy, who struggled for a bit before being easily taken down and dragged to the wall where his ankle was chained right alongside Finn's.

"Please Commander! We came in peace! Peace!" I exclaimed quickly, starting to get truly frightened of the fate that awaited us.

The Commander regarded me imperiously but said nothing, only indicating at someone behind him.

And that's when I noticed that four grounders had entered the room, not three. I had been so focused on the Commander that I had missed her entirely. She limped slowly towards us and I noticed that she looked distinctly…un-grounder. She still had the tattoos, but on her they looked artistic rather than…tribal. Maybe it was because she appeared so small compared to the others in the room.

I refocused on the Commander when he spoke as he took out a dagger.

"You speak of peace and yet you murder our children and invade our lands. Your crimes must be answered. Blood…must have blood. One of you will die, here, today, by the other's hand. I will hear the terms of your surrender…from whoever survives"

Then he ominously dropped his dagger on the floor, spoke a few words to the crippled girl who was apparently staying here and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

We all took a beat as we looked at one another and then, naturally, in a move that I really should have seen coming, Murphy immediately dove to the ground and snatched the dagger for himself.

Typical.

"Really Murphy? You couldn't even pretend to be a human being for half a second before turning on us?" I told him.

"Don't give me that. You think I don't know how this little drama's going to play out? There's no way you and loverboy will turn on each other so who does that leave huh? "

"Right, great logic. So what's the next step in that master plan of yours then? You're just going to kill one of us in cold blood? Or maybe you'll kill us both? I mean, you'd have to right? What if one of us got back to the ark and told everyone who you really are?"

"No I'm not going to kill you princess. This is so you don't kill me."

"Sure it is. We're not like you Murphy. Just because you'll turn on anybody at any time doesn't mean everyone will you know?"

"No, you won't turn on anybody, just on me right? Because I deserve it right? Just like we all deserved to be sent down here because we were criminals?"

Damn it. As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point there. Just because Murphy always saw the worst in everyone at any given moment didn't make him always wrong. In fact, it probably made him a lot more right then I liked to think.

Because while I'd been nobly defending myself, my survival instinct hadn't lain idle either, it had quietly begun to consider my options just like I would do when treating a patient…and the most desirable option right now was in fact, floating Murphy.

The reason for that was twofold. Firstly, it was imperative that at least one of us make it back to the Ark to warn them about Mount Weather and devise a rescue plan for our friends. And as callous as it sounded, I was the best candidate to do so. I'd been inside the Mountain, I knew what they wanted, I knew its defenses and I knew how to get out. I also had the best potential relationship with the grounders and that was really the second reason why one of us had to get back. Because if we didn't, our people would naturally assume that the grounders had taken the rest of the 100 and then probably start an all-out war with the surface-dwellers. A war I was fairly certain we would lose.

So that left either escaping, something I had absolutely no idea how to manage right now and that could still potentially provoke a war with the grounders. Or, acceding to their demand…and killing either Murphy or Finn, or myself.

And on that point, Murphy had called it. When I looked at him, I only saw a traitor and a murderer responsible for the death of a little girl. But then…so was Finn now wasn't he? In fact, the crime we were in here for had been committed mostly by him hadn't it? But that didn't matter at all to me. I still wanted Murphy to die so Finn and I could live…just like he said. And what it really boiled down to in the end was that I'd loved Finn and I'd never liked Murphy.

"You forget that I've had your life in my hands before and I chose to save you when Bellamy wanted to throw you off a cliff" I finally said, because that was true too.

"Ha! Don't even try to play your little noble princess card. You don't get to do that after all the shit I've seen you do. I know exactly what you're capable of when you think it's necessary. We're all killers here, your precious Finn included." He replied nastily while waving the knife around.

This seemed to partially wake Finn from the shell-shocked state I was just now realizing he'd been in for as long as we'd been down here.

"Alright enough! Murphy, keep the knife if it makes you happy. Clarke, just move away from him, they didn't chain you so he won't be able to reach you if you stand over there. But we need to stick together! Us turning on each other is exactly what they want."

We were about to comply reluctantly when a sharp voice startled all three of us.

"What they want is Justice" said the servant girl still hugging the wall without turning around.

"And us killing each other? That's justice for you people?" retorted Finn angrily.

"It's our way…Blood must have blood. Why? What do they do with people who murder the old and the innocent where you come from?" the girl snapped back, forgetting her meek disposition for a moment.

This seemed to steal the wind out of Finn's sails because he gave a pained expression and flopped back down against the wall. Sensing this was getting out of hand and highly uncomfortable with the girl's very valid point, I tried to calm tensions.

"Look, I'm sorry, we're sorry, this was never what we wanted. When we arrived here, we didn't know anyone else would be here. We were arrogant and ignorant, and we made nothing but mistakes. And people died…on both sides. But we still have a chance here. A chance to become allies rather than enemies…It could be the only one we ever get. And if we get it wrong now, it's our children who'll pay the price generations from now…Just like we're paying the price for our ancestors mistakes right now."

The girl seemed to seriously consider my words and for the briefest of instants, her face changed into something…else. Something unbending and unbreakable, something absolute and radiant, something beautiful.

The moment was gone so fast I thought I must have imagined it, and yet when she spoke again, I could still glimpse a trace of that unrelenting strength hiding behind her eyes.

"If you truly want peace…then you were told how to get it. One of you must pick up the knife. There is no other way"

"And if we refuse?" I replied, not backing down and continuing our staring contest.

"Then…the Commander will use that same knife to slit all your throats and there truly will be war."

Well shit.

I'd known from the start that there would be no talking our way out of this. Grounders didn't compromise. I'd barely managed it with Anya and that was only after I saved her life and gained what I was pretty sure was some kind of wookie life-debt.

So where did that leave me? Could I really murder someone in cold blood just to save myself? After my father, after Welles, after every one of my impassioned speeches about how things would be different here, that on Earth there was never an acceptable sacrifice, always another way…

Only there was no other way that I could see…perhaps because a part of me believed that we did deserve it. For Raife, for Nyko, for that old woman, for 300 grounders burning alive all around me while I listened to their agonized screams safe in my metal box…

The girl appeared able to read me like a book because her gaze softened infinitesimally and she was about to say something else when of course…Murphy had to ruin it.

"Yeah that's not gonna happen! How about if we slit your throat instead huh? Will they fucking let us out then?" he screamed angrily while rounding on the girl, who strangely, while she did make herself smaller, didn't actually move out of his reach.

"Murphy back off! I won't let you hurt her! She's innocent-"

"So was that kid Finn shot." He retorted immediately, stopping my tirade before it even started.

"I…" My god Finn, why? Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to shoot him? Why did you have to make it impossible to defend you…

The girl's gaze snapped right to the still-despondent boy who had gone back to ignoring everything around him.

Murphy, seeing the look of anger directed at Finn on the young grounders' face, pounced on it immediately.

"Yeah that's right! It wasn't me who shot your people, it was him! So do what you want with him and let me the fuck out of here!" he screamed at her, getting right next to her and doing his best to tower imperiously above her.

The girl seemed to fold in on herself but again, she made no real effort to move away. It struck me as a bit odd.

"Will you leave her alone Murphy! She clearly has no choice in this either" I said as I moved to place myself between them.

"Alright what's with your grounder love-fest all of a sudden? You were happy enough to float them before…"

"Thinking I was ever "happy enough" to kill anyone only proves that you don't know me at all. Now back off" I finished by poking him in the chest, supremely unafraid of him.

I then turned back to the girl and placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

She tensed at my touch and turned to look at me. And again something seemed off somehow…Fear! That was it. She had none. Her eyes and her body language were in complete opposition.

"What's your name?" I felt compelled to ask.

"Lexa"

"Lexa…cool, very cool. I'm Clarke, over there is Finn and that idiot here is Murphy. We all came from space"

"Yes I know…Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah sure, go for it"

"Why now? If you really came from space, from before Pramfraya, then you've been up there for decades haven't you? So why come back now? What changed?" she asked in an incisive tone.

"Oh, well, it's simple really. Our home, the Ark, was dying. It was a space-station and by dying I mean that the life support systems we had…for water and oxygen, were losing structural integrity and breaking down. Eventually, there just wasn't enough for everyone and they had to make a choice; about who to feed and who…not to. Sending us down to what they believed was a molten ball of deadly radiation must have seemed preferable than just floating us into empty space. They never expected us to survive down here, not really. And they certainly didn't think there would be any people. Turns out, they were wrong on both counts. The rest, as they say, is history."

Actually, they'd been correct about the radiation –highly specialized equipment developed by NASA did break down but it rarely lied- they just hadn't known how much our own biology had evolved to be able to metabolize the massive amounts of radiation still present on the surface.

"So why you then? Why did they pick you? Seems strange to send the young off to die to save the old."

"Ah…that. Well, all of us were…criminals, up on the Ark. We were in prison, deemed "unproductive". So that's why they picked us. And we're all young because…"

"Because what?" she asked forcefully, unwilling to let anything slip.

"Because young offenders were the only type of offenders on the Ark. Any crime committed by an adult carried an instant death sentence if they were found guilty…"

Like my Dad.

"Ah, I see…Looks like our justice isn't quite so different from yours after all. What do you think your people would to me if I strode into their camp and murdered your children and your elders?"

"They would kill you…and they would be equally wrong for not trying to look past vengeance and recognize the situation we're in. As cold as it may sound, this isn't about the dead and what they deserve, it's about the living and what they need is for us to be able to look past our…cultural differences. We're on the brink of a pointless war that could last years, a war that would be fought not over resources or territory or even ideology, but over…what? Vengeance? And it would be such a waste because I truly believe that ultimately, we want the same thing. And that makes for good allies"

Lexa gave me the piercing look that I was starting to associate with her. She was clearly very smart. She'd cut to the core of our dilemma with just a few questions and unlike the other grounders I'd talked to, she seemed to have no problems understanding my references to technology.

"You might be right Clarke. But in my experience, building the kind of world you want isn't possible without killing those that don't want it, and a few that do. That's just the reality, whether we like it or not" she replied pensively before turning her back on me and resuming her position against the wall.

But then she faced me one last time to ask.

"So what was your crime then?"

I took a beat, wondered how much I should say, then simply answered.

"Telling the truth"

She looked surprised.

"That's a crime where you come from?" she asked.

"That's a crime everywhere." I replied.

Then we turned our backs on each other and pondered one another's strange culture.

And we waited.

Finn had gone back to being a vegetable and I didn't particularly feel like talking to him so I let him be. As for Murphy, he was clutching the knife tightly and sitting in the corner he'd proudly demarked as "his"; his shifty eyes darting in every direction as if we were all going to suddenly decide to jump him.

Not one of us seemed willing to make a move and Lexa appeared content to just sit there.

So we waited some more.

After a while I grew bored and with this cell reminding me of my old one up on the Ark, I got hit by the urge to draw again. After a bit of scrounging up I found an old piece of coal that would do well enough to draw on the white tiles.

I decided to draw a forest.

One that quickly took over nearly the entire wall. Once I'd started a drawing, I always had this mad frenzy to finish it as quick as possible and yet the impossibility to abandon it unless it was "done". I was also a very harsh critic with myself so sometimes that took a long while. Welles used to periodically drop off food and beverages for me when I was locked in one of my "trances".

After a while, every one of my fingers had been smudged black, the piece of coal had whittled to nothing and my back was starting to ache but I was satisfied with my mural.

I took a few steps back to appreciate my work.

Half the wall was what I had imagined Earth would be like up on the Ark, and the other half was what it actually looked like.

The two sides really didn't look that different…

"You…draw well" said Lexa, startling me.

She had turned back towards me and appeared to have been watching me with rapt attention.

"Oh! Umm…thank you, do you draw?"

"No…but I had a friend who used to draw all the time"

"Oh, what did she draw?" I asked, not even realizing I had instinctively used a she.

She regarded me a bit strangely before answering.

"A little of everything, but…me, mostly"

Amused, I stopped to consider her with an artist's eye, my gaze starting at her face before very slowly going down the rest of her body. She shivered.

"Well, I can see why…you're an excellent subject. Most people, they only really manage to be one thing at a time you know? One feeling, one job, one life… Not you though. I'm not sure why but I can tell that you're more somehow, like you have different people hiding behind those eyes of yours."

I figured I must have guessed something right in my inane babble because she looked absolutely stunned for a moment and then her gaze sharpened with that same breath-taking intensity I'd noticed in her before. I'd been right on the money when I claimed that she was more than she appeared…this was no meek servant girl, I was more certain of it than ever.

Before she could answer, Murphy's annoying voice rang out loudly to remind us all of his gracious presence.

"Well Kumba-fucking-ya! Are you going to braid each other's hair now? Jesus, I can't believe this shit. Stop trying to pretend we can be friends with these people! There is no world in which we live with these fucking animals you hear me? There is only us, hunting down and killing every last one of them!"

This, strangely enough, seemed to amuse the grounder rather than anger her.

"Will you now? You've done much hunting and killing of your own have you?" she asked in a mocking tone.

Murphy didn't like that one bit and jumped to his feet in some kind of attempt to assert his male dominance and intimidate her… I don't think it worked.

"More than you ever will you little bitch…and what the hell are you for that matter? Some kind of slave, is that it? A little pet for your commander? "

His insults made me gnash my teeth and I was about to jump to her defense but a look at her face stopped me. She didn't appear even a little bit hurt or embarrassed, like the thought to be never even occurred to her. Instead she answered him with a deadly serious voice.

"There are no slaves on Treekruu land, not any more. The Commander abolished the old custom right after ascending to power"

Well score one for the Commander I suppose. He really hadn't looked like much of a social crusader but he was clearly doing a lot of good. The practice of slavery being so very alien to my well-educated doctor-in-training mind, it hadn't even occurred to me until Murphy mentioned it. But it should have. Slavery had been a blight and a cancer on society for nearly as far back as there was a society. And a return to the inhuman custom was actually rather logical since the grounders had turned back the clock on literally everything else. I was extremely glad to hear that they seemed to have already grown out of the despicable practice.

"If I could just talk to your Commander, I could explain, find a better way-"

"And what would you say? You would ask us to let the murder of our people go unpunished? Is that a good base for an alliance do you think? Do you think my people will embrace you while they believe you harbor a murderer? You speak of peace, that's what the Commander wants as well. But there can be no peace until blood has been repaid by blood." Interrupted Lexa.

Blood must have blood, an eye for an eye…It never ended. So much killing! Everyone everywhere was always fucking killing people! Here we were, the last survivors of a cataclysmic event that turned the human race from billions to thousands and all we could do was keep on killing each other. If the nuclear apocalypse wasn't enough of a warning about the uncontrollable nature of violence then I really didn't have much hope for our continued survival as a species.

"She's right. We must…I…must pay for what I've done. They'll never let you go unless I do this" Finn interjected in a pain-filled voice, startling me.

He had gotten up at some point and had placed himself right next to Murphy who was still seething at us.

"Wait- do what?"

Then, in a move that took us completely by surprise, he grabbed Murphy by the throat with one hand and started arm-wrestling for the knife with the other. The struggle didn't last long, Finn had always been strong and agile and he got away with the knife while he threw Murphy to the floor.

Finding himself suddenly unarmed, Murphy raised his hands in supplication and immediately started begging.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill out Finn. Buddy… You're not really going to do this are you? Not after all we've been through together... I was the only one! The only one who agreed to go with you on this fucking suicide mission! You owe me okay?! You-"

But Finn hadn't been listening to his pitiful whimpering; he'd just been looking at me intensely. And I froze. Because I knew, I just knew.

"I'm sorry Clarke…I love you"

And then he raised the knife high.

Both Murphy and I shouted "WAIT!"

And he plunged it into his own belly, all the way to the hilt.

Oh shit, shit, shit. What had he done? What must I do? I couldn't move my legs, or my arms…There was so much blood…too much, far too much. Argh! What do I do? What do I do? I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, this was all too much…

And then my mother said enough! You count to three. That's it, that's what you get. Three seconds of complete and utter panic and then you're done with that. Then you get to work.

1..2..3…Go.

I immediately threw myself on the ground next to him and applied pressure around the entry wound, a wound that was still filled with the offending dagger.

Priorities were to pull the weapon out and then stop the bleeding. Ideally with sutures but cauterization might have to do. I didn't have time to worry about infection.

The trick was to guess at the internal damage. It was possible that the blade had nicked the celiac artery or perforated the stomach. In which case, the dagger was the only thing keeping him from bleeding out in seconds.

But I didn't have a choice, I had neither the time nor the equipment to know for certain and if I just left it in there he would die anyway. I would have to risk it.

I tore off yet another piece of my shirt, did my best to create a seal around the wound and then carefully pulled out the blade with a smooth movement.

"Look at me Finn. Right here, stay with me. Don't close your eyes ok? You need to stay awake! If you go into shock now you'll die, so keep your eyes on me ok? I'm going to fix you up ok? You'll be just fine"

I took his pulse at the neck and found him to be dangerously tachycardic and there was not a damn thing I could do about it from in here. All I could do was stop the bleeding and hope his heart-rate normalized on its own.

I checked my pockets hoping against hope that I had something that would help but found nothing. I turned to Murphy.

"Do you have a lighter? Or a needle? Some string? Anything!"

"What? No I don't have a fucking lighter or a needle! What the hell would I do with those?"

Of course…

I turned to the grounder girl and found her to be observing all this with an interested, if dispassionate eye.

"Lexa, you have to tell them to let us out! He's going to die if we don't get him help"

"He chose his fate. I won't dishonor his decision by countermanding it. You shouldn't either…"

It reminded me of what Nyko had said to me. Grounders respected a good death.

But I didn't.

"No! I won't accept that"

"Clarke…It's ok…Just let me go…" Finn tried to say from his prone position on the floor, but I was having none of it.

"You shut up. I don't give a damn about your stupid decision, I'm saving you and that's final."

Except that…I couldn't actually save him. I'd been wracking my brain and I couldn't figure a way to close his wound and even if I did there was still a 70/30 chance that he'd develop septicemia and die in the night. And that was if the blade hadn't punctured his stomach. If it had, then soon gastric acid would start leaking out and literally burn his internal organs from the inside out. And there was nothing I could do to prevent either of those things unless a fully stocked operating theatre materialized around me right now.

I was reduced to pathetically patting his forehead while I desperately tried to keep his blood from leaking out. Some doctor I was.

"Shhh…You're okay, you're okay. This is nothing you hear me? You'll be just fine…"

"…Aaah…It burns Clarke…so much…"

No…The blood-loss should have made him feel cold; a burning sensation could mean only one thing…the blade must have punctured his stomach.

Fixing it would have been a very tough surgery on the Ark but down here it was a complete impossibility.

This meant that…Finn was going to die. Now.

"It's fine, you're going to be just fine ok?" I lied.

Even after this horrific realization, my doctor's brain was still cycling and glibly showing me what would happen next. If I let his injuries run their course, he could potentially be in agony for hours, feeling his intestines being slowly dissolved before eventually choking on his own blood. Stomach wounds were considered to be one of the most agonizing ways to die.

Raah! I was so mad at him for taking the easy way out, for abandoning the others…and me. I hadn't been prepared, I hadn't seen it coming…I hadn't stopped him.

"…I know you're mad…cough…but it was the only way…cough….to save you…And now you've got to get out and save them…you're the only one that can Clarke…cough…you were always the strongest out all of us…" he managed to say in between violent bouts of coughing.

He was going to die. Finn was really going to die.

I didn't know what to do, all I knew was that I couldn't bear to see him in such terrible pain.

And so I sang to him.

I hummed for him that tune that my father was always singing. The tune he'd been humming just before they took him away…It was a melody I used to love as a child but that now only meant one thing to me…goodbye.

"Hmm,hmm…Hmm,hmm…Hummmhmmhmmhmm...Hmm,Hmm…Hmm,Hmm…"

I palmed the knife I'd pulled out of him just seconds ago. And with my other hand I turned his face so he could look at the forest I drew on the wall…and so he wouldn't see the blade.

"Look, you see? It's the clearing we found on our first night. We're there right now…Hmm… mm…Hmm…We're lying on the soft grass looking up at the stars…Hmm…mm…Hmm… It's a bit hot but there's a breeze from the east that cools us down and ruffles the leaves…Hm..mm..mm..hmm… And it's just you and me…Hmm…mm"

I slowly brought the blade up to his neck from outside his field of vision, as I continued humming in between my words, lulling him gently into the dream.

"And we decide not to go back, to stay there together. So we build a little cabin there. One made of cedar and pine with a big front porch. You love sitting on your chair on the porch, carving your sculptures while the sun sets. It's the same ones that we eventually hang above her crib after she's born…And she's so beautiful. She has your eyes and your smile and your sense of humor, but she has my hair, my nose and my common sense. But what she has from us both is our curiosity. She's always exploring… first she crawls through the house, then she walks around the yard, then she runs through the forest…By the time she's sixteen, she's climbing trees left and right. I'm training her to be a doctor and she's good but what she really wants is to hunt and roam the forest like her dad. And she's a born artist like us. You taught her to sculpt and I taught her to draw. And our little house is filled with so much beauty. And we're happy…We're so happy…"

He looked up at me and I saw his tears matching mine and I knew he could see it too. See her.

And for an instant we truly were happy, locked as we were in that fantasy that would never be.

So I kissed him.

And then I stabbed him in the neck, neatly severing his carotid artery in a single sharp move.

I'd loved him, then I killed him…and my hand didn't so much as tremble.

Missing as much blood as he was, it was very quick. He was brain-dead in under ten seconds, actually dead in fifteen. I watched him the whole time.

And with a final rasping breath, Finn was gone.

I think anyone who's ever had to watch someone they cared for die before them is forced to believe in the existence of the soul. Because you could see it when it happened. That one moment when the soul left and someone you loved and cherished and would have given your life for became…a thing, an object. Like a fork or a rock. And you realize it hadn't been that body you loved, not that biodegradable amalgam of embedded instincts and behavioral triggers. It had been something deeper…something that wasn't here anymore.

And I wasn't crying. Why wasn't I crying? This was definitely a crying moment, this was a ball-your-eyes-out-and-rage-at-the-world moment. So why the fuck was I so calm?

But I wasn't calm at all. I'd started shaking uncontrollably and I couldn't tear my eyes off Finn's body.

I looked towards Lexa then, mostly because I couldn't look at Finn anymore and I daren't look at Murphy. I was afraid if I saw a pleased smirk on his smug face that I would kill him.

I was a bit startled to find out that the girl must have moved over to me when I was…doing what I did, because she was kneeling right next to me.

She very slowly reached out with her hand placed it on my shoulder. Then she let her fingers trail slowly down my arm, the feather touch never pressuring but never breaking contact either. Eventually she reached my bloody hand still holding the dagger. She took my hand then ever so slowly plucked out the bloodied knife and threw it to the side. Then she held my hand again. Tighter this time. So I held on to her. I squeezed so hard I must have been hurting her but she didn't even flinch. I couldn't conceive of ever letting go in that moment. Her hand in mine was the only thing that felt real.

We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity.

At some point she started whispering some words that I couldn't understand but that made me feel a tiny bit better anyway. Or maybe it was just her voice. It was low but strong and steady, full of certainty.

I was so singularly focused on her touch and the mesmerizing tone of her voice that I didn't even realize I'd eventually stopped shaking and hyperventilating.

I looked at her then. Or maybe I'd been looking at her the entire time, I wasn't quite sure. I wanted to say something but my tongue couldn't seem to find the words. Maybe I wanted to tell her that I blamed her, or that I was thankful to her, maybe something else-

We were interrupted by the ominous sound of the metal door grinding open and of heavy footsteps coming in.

Lexa instantly tore her hand away from mine and sprang to her feet impossibly fast. If I'd been in a normal state of mind, I would have immediately noticed that such a move should not have been possible for someone with her handicap.

I looked up to see the Commander looking down on us with a peculiar expression. I was in no mood to ponder on it though.

"You honored our traditions…that was the correct decision. Now follow me if you still wish to be taken before the Commander"

What did he say?

"But I thought you were the-" I started to ask, wondering if maybe something had been lost in translation.

"About freaking time! Now can somebody please get this fucking chain of me!" Murphy loudly interrupted me as he sidestepped Finn's body and presented his chains to the grounders.

"You will stay. Only your heda meets the Commander"

That plan clearly didn't sit well with Murphy because he immediately exploded.

"What?! Oh no fucking way! This is not happening you hear me?! I won't let you fucking savages do this to me again!"

"Just calm down Murphy, I'll come back for you" I tried to appease him.

"Like hell you will! You'll leave me here to rot you bitch, I fucking know it! Well I'm not ending up like Finn you hear me?"

Then he surged forward and seized Lexa in a move that took me completely by surprise. He put the still bloody dagger that he must've picked back up against her throat.

"Now you fucking let me out or I'm going to cut her pretty little throat! You hear that Commander? I'm going to slice open your little bitch if you don't take thing fucking chain off of me right fucking now."

I was about to spring to my feet to try and tackle Murphy but with an instinct that was almost supernatural, Lexa's eyes snapped to mine at that exact moment, halting me in my tracks.

"I am not the Commander" calmly responded the grounder, who was apparently not the Commander.

Jesus, why was he just standing there? Why wasn't he trying to help Lexa? The one time I wanted a grounder to be his naturally aggressive self and he was just standing there uselessly.

Then he said a few words in their tongue and Lexa responded, her tone decidedly unafraid.

And then…something happened. What that something was, I couldn't rightly tell you because it happened so fast that by the time my brain had processed that something was happening, it was already over.

I knew it had involved Lexa twisting and bending at impossible angles, Murphy's shoulder being dislocated with an audible crack and a cloud of dust when he was thrown violently to the ground.

It ended with Lexa poised above Murphy like a deadly predator; the blade, having been somehow transferred to her hand during the thing, was now pressing against the boy's Adam's apple.

"I am"

What the hell was going on? Too much had happened in too short a period, I couldn't keep up. Di she just say-?

Before I could fully comprehend what had just happened, Lexa sprang to her feet with the grace of a cat, walked confidently towards the not-commander and stopped in front of him before shedding her shawl and turning back towards me.

The tall grounder then reverently placed some sort of cape on her shoulder and as one, the three fearsome grounders fell to their knees…before Lexa. Their Commander.

She should have looked absurd; a girl my age towering above men three times her size. She did not.

After it clicked, I wondered why I hadn't seen it before. And then I realized that I had. And then, I was hurt.

I was hurt because she had lied to me. Though I knew I had no real right to be. It's not like she made any secret of her allegiances or her thoughts towards what she considered justice. But it made Finn's death look…theatrical somehow. Like we had just been some grotesque reality show she had come to watch: "Three skypeople in a box…only two get out alive! Come and see!"

And when I get hurt, I get angry.

"Did you enjoy the show…Commander?"

"You may think this was cruel Clarke; but you'll soon come to realize that in my world, this was a kindness…for the both of you" she replied, completely unapologetic.

"Then you live in a fucked-up world!"

Lexa sighed. I don't think she had stopped looking at me since her little revelation, it was unnerving.

"You're angry. I understand. The loss of my people makes me angry too. But as you said yourself, what we do now is about the living not the dead. My people have a saying that means much the same…Stedaunon don gon we; kikon ste enti…It means "The dead are gone; the living are hungry". Our people trapped inside the Mountain are hungry Clarke. And they're counting on us. So…are you with me?"

And there was really only one thing I could say to that.

"Onya! Yu na ripa!" : Anya! You're not dead!

"Frag er!" : Kill her!

"Yu gonplei ste odon" : Your fight is over

"Hod op!" : Wait!

So here's my big-ass chapter one. Next ones probably won't be as massive.

Review…huh, please?

PS: Also, I hate that title, but I truly suck at them so any ideas?