Soooo... I'm writing a youtuber fanfiction. And there's no sex. What's wrong with me?

YouTube: Civil War

It was a normal Tuesday afternoon. The sun was shining like it should in summer. Children, relived from school were outside playing while nervous big brothers made sure they didn't get too close to the road. Inside of his house sat Noble, recording a new reaction video to some anime crack he'd found. Nothing special. Little did he know that he would soon take place in a civil war between youtubers, of proportions never before seen. As in, they would actually Fight, not just throw around insults like 12 year olds who didn't know what they were talking about when they said the word "cancer".And it would all begin as soon as the man with fabulously coloured hair and determined steps reached his house. The man opened the front door and walked into the house. He walked through a short corridor before reaching the room in which Noble resided. He opened the door and…

"You were expecting Markiplier, but it was me, Joey!"

The door burst open, prompting Noble to turn around in his chair with a surprised "Huh?".

"Huh? Joey, TheAnimeMan?"

"That's right, Noble from Lost Pause, you treacherous bastard!" said the white-haired man with the little catmask on the side of his head.

Noble was dumbfounded by this statement. What was this outburst. At second glance, Joey looked really angry, and was that a sword he was holding?

"Hey, what'd you mean by that?"

"Oh, don't you dare go pretending like nothing, you know exactly what you did!" Joey snapped. Then he looked down for a moment, his eyes dark.

"You know, I really thought we were friends, but now I see you're nothing more than a fraud" He looks up, a metaphorical fire burning in his eyes. He unsheathed his katana.

"I will put an end to your pitiful existence!"

He swings his sword at noble, who barely manages to escape the blade by throwing himself on the floor.

"Whoa, what the f*ck Joey! Have you gone insane?!"

"Oh, like you're the one to talk!" yells Joey as he tries to stab Noble lying on the floor. Noble rolls out of the way and stands up. He raises his hands like a boxer.

"Okay buddy, if it's a fight you want, it's a fight you're gonna get."

He tries to punch Joey, but he catches his arm and throws him on top of his own computertable. The table, being the trash it is, collapses under the force of a perfectly reasonably heavy man being thrown at it. And now Noble was angry. His computer was in pieces. The computer that, quiet literally, was his job. Joey towered over him, smirking.

"Oh, sorry. Looks like I destroyed your computer. Did you at least clear your browser history?"

Noble kicked Joeys legs,and Joey being unprepared for his opponent actually fighting back, lost his footing. Noble tackled him before running out of the room.

"Coward!" yelled TheAnimeMan as he stood back up. Heard the front door opening in a distance as he pursued the rooster-haired man. He walked down the short corridor yet again. He saw that the door outside was open, bright sunlight gushing in.

"Coward" he muttered once again as he dodged the ambush Noble had set up behind the corner. The god-tier punch Noble had built up, completely wasted.

"But…But… How did you know?" he questioned.

"Did you really think I would fall for such simple tricks?" Joey says mockingly.

He swings his sword multiple times in quick succession, forcing Noble to jump out of the way.

"Your lazy American tactics will never beat me!"

Swing, jump, swing, dodge.

My Japanese blood gives me knowledge in martial art and swordsmanship, while my Australian upbringing have molded me into a cold blooded survivor!"

"Oh, really?" came the unexpected response.

Noble threw a punch at Joey, who dodged it. He dodged the next as well, and the uppercut that followed… only it wasn't an uppercut. Joey felt the blade cutting a wound at the side of his face.

"My second favorite sharp object, right after my wit" Noble said, this time the smirk on his lips. "It happened to be lying on my computertable after my latest unboxing video." He was holding a knife in his hand.

The knife… He took it when I threw him at the table. Joeys thoughts were racing through his brain. I'll have to be more careful, he is more dangerous than I thought.

The Anime Man held his face, small drops of blood falling to the floor. He swung his sword, but Noble ducked under it and got inside of his guard. He grabbed Joeys wrist, trying to wrestle the sword from him. Joey on the other hand tried to wrestle the knife from Nobles hand. The sharp objects fell to the floor after a short struggle, and were promptly kicked out of range.

"Hah" laughed Noble. "No weapon, and I've got first blood! What were you saying about my lazy American tactics?"

"That was a cheap trick. A successful cheap trick, but also the last one from you."

"Cheap trick, says the one attacking an unarmed man with a sword."

Noble tries to punch Joey again, but like before, Joey easily dodges. Despite his confident outer, it would seem Joey is right: Nobles unpolished fighting style can't beat his martial arts. Joey kicks Noble in the chest sending him flying into a wall. The impact makes him lose his breath, and Joey takes this opportunity to reclaim his sword.

This is bad. is the thought that comes to mind for Noble. In this closed space, it's only a matter of time before he get's me with that sword. And I can't use my… Whoa!

Nobles thinking is interrupted by Joey swinging a katana at him. Noble rolls over his dinner table and heads for the front door.

If I can only get him outside…

Joey jumps over the table and begins the chase… that ends on the small front yard of Nobles house. There he finds his prey standing still, as if he is waiting for something.

"So you've decided to give up?"

The man-with-red-in-his-hair says nothing.

"Very well then… Time for your doom then"

The Anime Man charges at the Lost Pause, intent on ending his life. He swings his sword with all of his might. Only for it to break against thin air before it can hit its intended target.

"What! How?!"

Noble smirks again.

"This…" he says dramatically. "…is my first Grand Stand, the Masochist Door!" He points at the air in front of him. It looks empty, but something has to be there, swords just doesn't break against nothing. "This is my impenetrable shield! It will absorb the strength of any attack and refill my own energy."

A Grand Stand? That's impossible, only the ancient masters knows that technique. This reveal has shaken Joey. But he puts on his brave face.

"You call your shield a door, and that means it can be opened. I'm guessing it doesn't cover all of you either."

"Correct, it only covers a portion of me. However, it is not fixed: It will move to intercept any attack you throw at me."

What an idiot, telling me about the weaknesses of his best bet to win.

Joey imagines a white rectangle in front of Noble. To add extra motivation, he gives the door an ugly face to hate.

Now if I was a door, what would I do to protect my master?

Joey charges at Noble, but instead of an head on assault, he jumps over the stand and lands behind Noble, within the stands guard. Noble is caught unprepared and get's a deep cut on his back as punishment. With his own knife too, looks like Joey picked it up on the way out.

Noble tumbles to the ground, and the door fades away due to him losing concentration. Joey kicks Noble in the stomach to keep him from getting up, and then prepares his final attack… A stab with a knife not intended for stabbing, but rather cutting. He kneels down besides his old friend and raises his hand holding the knife up in the air. He brings it down, only for his arm to get kicked away, by something else invisible.

"What the…?!"

Go figure a kick to the stomach actually helped Noble win the fight. The loss of air dampened the pain i his back and allowed him to conjure his second Grand Stand: Lily the Fox Mechanic.

Joey was hit in the back of his head by the psychic manifestation of a wrench. Despite not really existing, it was still enough for him to lose consciousness.

Noble got back on his feet. He had won! And gotten a large wound on his back. A wound that was hurting and bleeding really bad. He goes back into his house to apply first aid.

When he-who-never-pauses gets back out, he discovers that he-who-watches-anime is gone, and nowhere to be found.

Where is TheAnimeMan? Will he return? What was the horrible deed that caused him to attack his friend? Is Noble innocent like he claims, or is there something we don't know? Will we ever know?

To be continued…

or not

Maybe the author of this fic just had a vision of two youtubers having a DragonBall Z style fight, and then just ran with the idea, instead of working on the giant X-over multiverse tournament with no more than 4 original characters, and 35 characters from different animes, movies, books and comics.

or not.

Authors note:

Fun fact: Misty Chornexia and Akiderest were originally going to be in this fic, as Nobles and Joeys masters, training them for when they would have to fight again. But I've got other things to do (*cough* X-Over *cough*) and it's not like anyones going to read this unless I write an painfully drawn out sexscene.

So you'll just have to imagine what happens later yourself.

Thank you Noble for all the laughs and good times you have given me, and everyone else who watches your videos.

And thank you Joey for… thoughtful commentaries.

/The Lampman