Greg was sitting in the audience listening to the principal of his new school, "Taenerys Valley Observatory" speak.
"Gouda morning ah every buddy... Mai namoo isah Charpish Lamillie Barchish.. I will tell you my story of life, before we get started with festivities of new freshman orientation. Just clarification for every buddy, this a college preparatory academy, so no surprisings hopefully" said Charpish.
"So right, I must tell all of children you sitting here my story of life. I was born Charpish Lamillie in a small province in Nepal. When I turned ah six days old, my father, Motingheer Shwarmish Lamillie commit the suicide. My mother was instantly married to a man named Shankrim Votingheimer, who was Half German and Helf Indian. He was very mean man and always beating on my mother and a me..." Charpish said, then stops and starts to cry, "I only nine days old, and this man beating upon my flesh".
Charpish lifts up his shirt and shows the bruises that remain even to this day.
"A curse upon you Shankrim, rot in the underworld, rotten man!" Charpish bellowed.
"Any whys I was distracting for moment here, now what happen after is that actually my mother grew tiger of the abuse, so one day Shankrim is a sleepy, and my mother take the pistol and shoot him in the face. Shankrim die and my mother was hung in town square for homily... so I was being sentenced to live with my grandmother, Lakshmanayini Chandreshekaraynamurthis Sharmaha, in Bangladesh. When grandmother received notice, she fled to China land, but they found her and I still sentenced for living with her. I was sent off to China land, and lived first six years of my life with her. When I reached sixth birthday, my grandmother look me in eyes and say to me, 'Chipmeen, you will be working in factory from tommorow' and so I started, for the next eight years of my life. I work I work for a quarter of a cent every week. Each month I make one penny. After eight years I had saved up one whole dollar. It was a majoring feeling for popper like me. So I run away in China and made my way all the way back to Nepal. There I was sentenced for orphanage, and discovered my birth name, as the orphanage owner was my father's brother, who had recently been relieved from prisonery. I was adopting by the kind family of Barchish, by a man called Standoorikan Barchish, and we moving to India. I live in India for next thirty five years, and turn forty nine old. One year more, fifty. Nine months later, I move to United States, and found this school. That was five years ago. You are fifth class of freshman at this school. Much congratulations!"
Charpish then left the podium to much applause and sat down.
Then a balding chinese man went and took the stand, "Herro erry buddy, mai name is Taotei Ramily Shangun and I was coworker of Charpish back in China, I work with him in factory, that how we no each utha, four year ago, he invite me to be dean here, of course I accept, now I make more in one second, then in whole year back in China."
Then the man walked off to no applause.
Greg simply stared wondering what he had gotten himself into.
Then a man wearing a hoodie obscuring his face went up and took the stand, "MY name is Claudius V.. AND I am the director of activities at this school... ESKEETIT!"
Several trap horns went off in the audience.
"Let the orientation officially begin" he said.