The Doctor has a home movie library.
The Doctor has movie quote disease. This drabble is set just after the New Earth episode. This short fic was inspired by the book 'House Rules' by Jodi Picoult, where Jacob Hunt uses quotes from movies when he doesn't know what to say.
The Tardis door swung closed with a quiet click as the Doctor pulled off his coat and draped it across one of the grand arcs of the Tardis. He swung round to face Rose, who was leaning on one of the pillars of the Tardis, watching him.
"So Rose, how did you like New New New New New New New New New New New New New New... New York? Is that the right amount of 'New's? Of course it is, I'm the Doctor, I can count, or… yes, well normally I can. But, well there was that one incident with Justus Von Liebig, but that was not my fault. He knows I can't resist those banana dacharies." Rose smiled. The Doctor was off on one of his rants again. "Bananas are just the best fruit ever, don't you agree Rose? Bananas are much better than those infernal, disgusting pears. Anyway… what was I saying?" Rose gave the Doctor a blank look and the Doctor just smiled back, then turned round and flicked a couple of switches on the Tardis. Suddenly there was a blinding spark and a giant flash, and the Doctor staggered backwards and collapsed into Rose, flooring them both, one on top of the other. Rose looked up at The Doctor, and they simultaneously burst into laughter.
"What was that, Doctor?" Rose asked after he had picked her up and they had dusted themselves off. The Doctor gave her a slightly confused look, and scratched his ear absent-mindedly.
"Doctor? The name's Bond. James Bond." the Doctor replied, looking very seriously at Rose.
"Yes, very funny. And original." Rose countered. "You know, as a Timelord I thought maybe you could have come up with something a bit more… exotic?" Rose raised her eyebrows at the Doctor, expecting some witty reply, but all that greeted her was a rather puzzled Doctor with his eyes closed, and gently rubbing his temples.
"Doctor?" Rose said tentatively, "What's going on? Are you okay?" Rose still wasn't very familiar with this new Doctor. He gave her the same thrill and excitement whenever they were together exploring as before and he still had the same quirks and knowledge and memories, but at the same time he felt like an entirely new person.
"Well…" mused The Doctor, tilting his head slightly to one side as he pondered for a short moment. "To tell you the truth I'm not entirely sure. Unless… hmm, maybe that's it." The Doctor was pacing back and forth along one of the sides of the Tardis, and then collapsed into the solitary seat by the controls. "I wonder if that's it."
"What?"
"You can't handle the truth!" the Doctor yelled at Rose, standing up so suddenly he made her jump. A little bit frightened by his sudden outburst, Rose took a step back away from him.
"Argggh." Rose groaned after she regained her composure. "You have no idea how frustrating you're being. Just tell me."
After a short moment, the Doctor started to speak. "Well, I think Cassandra's small spider robots have hacked into the Tardis' integral system while it has been parked here on New Earth. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I knew I should have listened to Jack about the vents on this model. I get a lot better air circulation, but of course, there's always the risk of a miniature invasion of small spider robots. Silly. Hmm." the Doctor stroked his chin, and swiftly pulled out his 'brainy' glasses from his blazer pocket and put them on. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine." Rose was getting a bit worried. Maybe something had gone wrong in the regeneration process that was making him act like this. She could have sworn he'd already quoted three different movies in the last minute.
"So what does it mean then, Doctor? I still don't understand what's happened. I thought you said the Tardis was impenetrable." Rose asked, confused by the Doctor's current state of mind. Her eyes swept warily around the Tardis, as if she was looking for the spiders that had caused the damage. "Basically, Cassandra's spiders were under orders to hack into the Tardis and retrieve the stored files on Earth. Don't ask me why. And the Tardis is virtually impenetrable, nothing's impossible. Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
The Doctor barely paused for breath before continuing, "But something went wrong. The spiders, well, they're not the cleverest spider robots ever created and they hacked into the wrong area of the Tardis; namely my home movie library."
"You have a home movie library? Surely you can't be serious?" Rose laughed at the Doctor as she sat down.
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley." the Doctor replied.
Rose sighed. "So what really happened then?"
"The spiders broke one of the wires when they were attempting the hack, and the sparks must have hit me, projecting the movies straight into my head. The quotes must have just got stuck there in my short term memory." The Doctor didn't ask Rose if she understood, instead he seemed deep in thought. However Rose decided it was time for something to be done:
"What are we going to do then? I can't have you spewing obscure pop culture references all over the place."
"Okay. Just… stay there, and...I'll be back." the Doctor dashed away and disappeared around a corner of the Tardis, into the vast storeroom. A few moments (and rather a lot of crashes and 'ow god my foot's) later the Doctor emerged again, clutching a smallish box. He opened it, removing a strange looking contraption vaguely resembling a gun.
"Right, hold this and point it at my head. When I say now, press the button on the side." Rose didn't make any move to follow his orders.
"Rose, just trust me."
Rose gave him a very untrusting look.
"Please Rose. I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." Rose pursed her lips together, trying desperately not to laugh, but she failed and burst out giggling.
"You have 'Notting Hill' in your personal movie library!"
"Oh, god. That's er… rather embarrassing. Well, erm…"
"Okay then." Rose interrupted the Doctor's mumblings. "Let's do this thing. But it's your loss if this goes wrong." She swiped the gun out of his hand and pointed it at his right temple. The Doctor closed his eyes and then shouted "Now Rose!"
Suddenly a loud bang echoed around the Tardis and a flash of purple light blinded Rose, making her fall backwards into the controls. There was silence for a couple of seconds, and Rose stared hopefully at the Doctor.
"Did it work?"
The Doctor blinked a couple of times and shook his head as if to clear it.
"Well I feel better. My brain isn't all…cloudy anymore. Much better. Multo Benne!" the Doctor picked up the contraption from the floor and placed it back in the box before he kicked it back in the direction of the storeroom. He turned around and Rose was standing there beaming at him.
"Outwitted by an incy, wincey, spider? Are you sure you didn't regenerate into a little girl? I'm picturing cute blond pigtails with bows…" Rose smirked. She loved to tease the Doctor.
He didn't even bother to retaliate, the Doctor just pulled the lever on the TARDIS, about to send them rocketing off through time and space.
"Where to next?" he asked, grinning cheekily. Rose just smiled back then grabbed his hand as the Tardis started to disappear into its next adventure.
Movies the quotes were sourced from in order:
James Bond, Taxi, Casablanca, Alice in Wonderland, Airplane! , Terminator, Notting Hill.