Zombieland feat. The Invader Zim Cast
Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America. But I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people… And there are no people here.
No my friends... this is now "The United States Of Zombieland."
It's amazing how quickly things can go from 'bad' to 'total shit-storm'.
And why am I alive, when everyone around me had turned to meat? It's because of my list of rules.
Rule#1 for survival in Zombieland... is "Cardio". When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first one to go were the fatties. Poor fat bastards!
As the infection spread and chaos grew... It wasn't enough just being fast on your feet. You'd have to get a gun and learn how to use it.
Which leads me to my second rule "The Double Tap" In those moments when you're not sure that the 'undead' are really dead-dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets.
I mean one more clean shot to the head and many could have avoided becoming a human happy-meal. Woulda! Coulda! Shoulda!
It wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever. When you are at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it. Don't let them catch you with your pants down. Rule #3 "Beware of Bathrooms"
As zombies began to outnumber humans that's when you have to cut all emotional ties. If the girls in your neighborhood are now fucked up little monsters, maybe it's time to stop driving car pools. You have to focus, on your own survival, which leads to Rule #4. Pretty basic. "Fasten your seatbelts", it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Then there's me. Name no. When the virus struck. Everybody changed their names. Something simple and one syllable. My Zombieland name… is Dib. I know not the best name. I could do better but that's not important. Surviving is important. I'm in Garland, Texas. Although it may look like zombies destroyed it, that's actually Garland. Just 2 months and I might be the last non-cannibal freak in the country. I may seem like an unlikely survivor with all my phobias and irritable bowel syndrome. But I had the advantage of never having any friends or close family. I survived because I played it safe and follow the rules... my rules.
As Dib walks away from his car after pumping it with gas he cautiously walks to the bathroom with his double barrel gun. He reaches for the door handle then steps back. Moments later a zombie with a bloody face barges out of the bathroom and chases after Dib. Jumping at the surprise of the zombie he accidentally sets off his gun. While he runs another zombie appears. He shoots it in the shoulder. It lets out an eerie scream but continues to chase him. Now with two zombies chasing him in the empty parking lot.
Rule # 1 *Cardio*
As Dib approaches his car he takes out his keys to open it but drops them. "Shit!" said Dib as he began to run in the same circle he just went in, the zombies just missing him. He gets to his car far ahead of the zombies and picks up his keys. Then he looks up he sees the door was already unlocked. "Of course!" said Dib still trying to catch his breath as he gets in the car and buckles up. He starts to drive away from the zombies feeling safe. Then a zombie pops up in his back seat and tries to attack him. He swerves around the lot eventually hitting a building sending the zombie flying threw the windshield into a store window.
Rule # 4 *Seatbelts*
He tries to calm himself from almost having a heart attack. The zombie then gets up and looks at Dib. "Motherfucker!" said Dib as the zombie tries to attack him threw the small hole made in the windshield. He struggles to get his gun sitting next to him and aim it at the zombie. He manages to get a hold of his gun and shoot the zombie in the chest. The zombie rolls on the hood and onto the ground. Dib gets up out of the car and runs over to the zombie and shoots it in the head.
Rule # 2 *Double Tap*
Unfortunately this fucker just ruined my car. On the brighter, side I did find the place to go number two.
Walking down the highway isn't exactly fun. Another rule to surviving Zombieland: 'Travel light', and I don't mean just luggage. I've always been kind of a loner, I avoided other people like they were zombies; even before they were zombies. Now that they are all zombies, I kinda miss people. So I'm on my way from my college dorm in Austin, Texas to New York, where I'm hoping my dad and sister are still alive. Even though we were never really close, it would just be nice to see a familiar face. Or any face that doesn't have blood dripping from it's lips and flesh between its teeth.
That's when a large black Cadillac, with an white Irken symbol on each side door and a snow plow in the front as it bull dozed its way threw the trashed cars and other vehicles, showed up. Driving closer to Dib. Seeing this Dib ran behind a burned down van trying to avoid the truck. The truck stops and Dib puts up a broken motor cycle for protection shaking and holding his gun towards the car. The car door opens and out steps a green male with magenta eyes, a cowboy hat, and a rifle pointing towards Dib with one hand. They stood off for a while pointing their guns at each other, until still nervously Dib held out his thumb. The stranger nodded his head at the truck. Dib got up and walked around the truck and the stranger walks up to the motorcycle and kicks it down with a smirk, then gets in the truck.
"Thank You!" said Dib as he sat down in the passenger seat and turned around to look in the back seat. "What are you looking for?" said the stranger. "Nothing, I just uh... I have this list." said Dib
Rule # 31 *Check the Backseat*
"No one back there but my duffel bag." said the stranger in a disturbed way. "So what's with your face?" said Dib as he pointed to his own eyes and face looking at the stranger. "Alright I'm gonna tell you because I got nothing to loose. I'm not from this planet." said the stranger as he removed his hat revealing his antennas. Dib just looked at him in surprise. "If you want to go ahead and jump out the car that's fine I had at least five people do that but FYI three of them were immediately attacked by zombies." said Zim with a smirk. "Oh no I don't mind. So what's your name?" said Dib in a cheerful way. "Stop, no names. Keeps us from getting too familiar. But you may call me Zim. You?" said Zim as he reached for his large knife in the cup holder and pulled it out and put it in his pocket, making Dib jump a little. "D-Dib. You almost knocked off your alcohol with your knife." said Dib as Zim reached for the bottle and began to open it. "That's okay, you don't have to..." said Dib as he was cut off. "No." said Zim as he poured the drink into two small glasses. "Where you headed?" asked Zim. "New York, you?" asked Dib. "Washington" said Zim as they toasted and Dib threw the drink out the window and sipped at the cup. "More?" asked Zim unaware that his drink was wasted. "Uh, no, one for me, one and done. I always say. I said that once. You know, Washington and New York are, both uh...east." said Dib nervously. "So?" asked Zim. "So ,Zim, you wanna stick together? At least for a little while." asked Dib worrying that Zim hates humans. "Here's the deal, Dib... huh I'm not easy to get along with and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch. So I'll get this relationship to about uh, Texarkana." said Zim as he stared at Dib. "Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana." said Dib yet again in a cheerful way. "You're a peppy little spit fuck aren't you?" said Zim as he smirked and started to drive on. "You might wanna buckle up, you know for safety." said Dib. "I can tell already, you are getting on my nerves." said Zim.
Even though teaming up wasn't my style. I figure, I'll be safer with Zim. You see he was in the ass kicking business, and 'business is good'. It became quickly apparent that he did have one weakness.
"What are we doing here?" said Dib as they stood at the top of a hill looking down at a 'Hostess' truck. "Take a look. It's a goddamn 'Hostess' truck." said Zim. "Yeah, I see the 'Hostess' truck. So what?" said Dib in a clueless way. "I could use a Twinkie." said Zim smiling real big. He starts to walk down the hill then stops and looks at Dib. "You coming?" asked Zim. "Uh yes, yeah, one second…" said Dib as he begins to do all kinds of stretch moves. "Are you fucking with me?" said Zim smirking. "No. You should actually, limber up as well especially if you're going down that hill its very important."
Rule # 18 *Limber Up*
"I don't believe in it. You ever seen a lion limber up before taking down a gazelle?" said Zim in annoyed tone. Dib just shook his head an follows Zim down to the truck. They bang on the truck door and open it as Sno-balls come pouring out. "Sno-balls..?" said Zim in disbelief. "Yeah." said Dib. "Sno-balls? Where's the fucking Twinkies?" said Zim as he stepped on and kicked the Sno-balls. "I like Sno-balls." said Dib as he put one in his mouth. "I hate coconut. Not the taste, the consistency." said Zim wanting to rip Dibs' head off. "Oh, this Twinkie thing its not over yet." said Zim as he climbed back up the hill and Dib grabbed a few more Sno-balls.
"This may be a bad time, but I just ate the brown sugar Snowballs." said Dib as they started to drive off. "Really?" asked Zim. "Really." replied Dib.
They stop at a bathroom as Zim waits outside practicing his fighting moves with his knife. Dib hits every stall door making sure he's alone.
I know. Again? So soon? What can I say. I have a case of chronic anxiety. I've always been kind of phobic. I find lots of things disturbing. Like undertoe, or department store Santa's, being alone with a baby. But the thing I fear more than anything,
yes, even more than zombies. Fucking clowns. When you're afraid of everything that's out there, you quit going out there.
Which is what happened to me before Zombieland. Friday night. Third straight week indoors. World of Warcraft. Leaning tower of pizza boxes. Code red Mountain Dew. Pride? No where. Dignity? Long gone. Virginity? Totally justifiable to speculate on. My whole life, all I ever wanted was to find a girl, fall in love, bring her home to meet the folks. Then again, since my folks are a couple of paranoid shut ins like me maybe this girl could bring me home to her folks. And then, I'll finally be a member of a cool functional family.
"Please, is anyone home? Please, its an emergency!" said a voice from behind his door. I don't usually unlock my door to the sounds of panic... but my neighbor, 406 is insanely hot. Dib opens his door and the girl comes in and locks the door behind her she grabs Dib and hugs him. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you." said 406. "Nice to meet you." said Dib sarcastically.
Dib brings her a drink while she sits on the couch. She takes a sip. "Mountain Dew?" she asked. "Yeah, Code Red and hears some Gold Grams. The zip lock keeps them crisp." said Dib. "Okay." she said in a whisper. "You wanna tell me, what happened?" asked Dib. "He was homeless and sick... and I was walking home from the bar talking on the phone and then, he just came, sprinting towards me. I mean, not, not running 'sprinting'. I thought you know he was, like maybe he was running from someone or after someone... the last time I saw him he was out there going crazy." said 406. "Drugs maybe?" suggested Dib. She just shrugged and took another sip of the Mountain Dew.
"I didn't even told you the worst part." said 406 as she took another sip. "Yeah?" asked Dib. "He tried to bite me." said 406 kind of shaking. "Your right, that's the worst part." said Dib somewhat sarcastically. "Sorry, I was just so scared." said 406 getting what Dib meant. "No, no, no you should be scared the homeless guys just tried to eat you. That's like the right kind of scared. You know, I get scared for things that don't make sense at all, like... clowns, with red noses, or like the rag that's used to wipe down tables when you finish eating, like at... a chain restaurant." said Dib trying to make her feel better. "Really?" she said a bit surprised. "Look, the point is I'm here for you, okay and as long as you're by my side, I'm not leaving this apartment." he said trying to comfort her. "Do you mind if I just close my eyes for a minute?" she asked. "No, of course, of course." he said as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Thank you." she said lightly.
Set aside the feverish homeless cannibal, I'm living in the dream. I've had always my whole life wanted to brush a girl's hair over her ear. "Goodnight." she said as they both fell asleep. Sometime later he awoke to find the beautiful girl that feel asleep on him, had a bloody face and puking chunks. "Oh my god! Are you okay?" he said right before she looked at him as he got up and started moving towards him. "Okay, okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop. What're you doing?" he said as she started chancing him around his apartment into his the kitchen. He holds up a blender in defense. "Look, stay back 406, okay? I don't wanna hurt you, but… Shit." he said as the blender cup fell off. She then chased him into his bathroom and he accidentally slammed her foot in the door as he tried to close it and it started gushing blood and breaking so you could see the bone. She screamed in pain. "Oh my god. I'm so fucking sorry." said Dib as he stared to panic even more. She fell on the floor and started to crawl to him. He takes the back toilet cover, hits her in the head, runs out and closes the door. He backs down the hallway holding the cover.
You see, you just can't trust anyone. The first time I let a girl into my life and she tries to eat me. Suddenly 406 opens the door and uses the walls to help herself up. She looks at him very angry. "Listen to me, 406. If you're in there… you're just sick, okay!" he says very nervously. She lets out a very loud zombie scream and starts running towards him dragging her ankle. When she gets in range he hits her again.
"Rule #2: Double Tap"
That was my first brush, with the plaque of the 21st century. Remember mad cow disease? Well 'Mad cow' became 'mad person' became 'mad zombie'. It's a fast acting virus, that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever and made you hateful, violent, and give you really, really bad case of the munchies.
They drove for a while longer before coming to a stop because of a blown up car in their way. They get out of their car and up to the blown up car. "Alright, you steer, I'll push." said Zim as he pushed the car. "Okay." said Dib not hinking the small thing could push the car. But then again Dib was only a few inches taller than Zim. "I've heard there's a place untouched by all this crap?" said Dib. "Back east, yeah." said Zim. "Yeah, you heard the same thing?" Dib asked. "Out west we hear, back east… back east they hear it's here out west, it's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the north pole, that hears the south pole is really nice this time of year." Zim said not really thinking about what he just said. "There are no penguins on the north pole." said Dib trying to correct the alien. "You wanna feel how hard I can punch?" Zim threatened. "No." Dib said real softly. They get back in the car and begin to drive again after moving the car in their way.
"So I've been meaning to ask you… why are you on this hell planet?" asked Dib. "Well… believe it or not I was sent here to destroy this planet for the Irken Empire. But only a year after I arrived… the virus struck and I've had to use my survival skills to make it." said Zim as he drove his car. "Can't you just… you know… leave?" asked Dib a little confused. "Well I wish I could but… my voot cruiser was destroyed and I have been stuck on this planet ever since." said Zim. "So are their others on this planet… like you." asked Dib. "Not that I know of." Zim said. "Zim? Did you have a family back on your planet?" asked Dib trying to see if he was wondering about his family too. "Well I... I... Ai yai, yai!" said Zim as they drove up to a zombie eating another human. "Oh my god. it makes you sick. It makes you sad, it makes you... makes you think you could go back to the way things were right now, you know, you'd be... out in the backyard, you know, trying to catch fireflies...and instead of this. I mean it makes you..." said Dib until he was cut off by Zim. "Hungry." said Zim looking at the zombie eating and licking his lips. "I'm worried about you." said Dib looking at Zim nervously. "Look, whatever you have waitin' for you in New York, I'll promise you it ain't be any prettier than out friend here enjoying her man-which." said Zim as he drove by the zombie and hit it with his door and laughed watching the zombie tumble on the ground.
Zim had a sick sense of humor when it came to zombies. Zombies aren't the most loveable creature but he really hated them. In fact the only thing he was more obsessed with than killing zombies was finding a Twinkie. Something about the Twinkie reminded him about, time not so long ago. When things were simple and not so fucking psychotic. It was like if he got a taste of that comforting childhood treat, the world would become innocent again and everything would return to normal.
They pulled up to an empty parking lot in front of a grocery store and Zim opened the back of his truck revealing dangerous weapons of all kinds. "Pretty prospecting. Jesus Christ, you're a dangerous alien. You're gonna risk our lives for a Twinkie?" asked Dib looking at him in a worried way. "There's a boxes of Twinkie in that grocery store. Not just any box of Twinkie. The last box of Twinkie that anyone
will enjoy in the whole universe. Believe it or not, Twinkie have an expiration day. Someday very soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go empty." said Zim as he grabs a banjo, bat, and a hedge clippers from his truck. "Time to nut up or shut up!" said Zim as they walked into the store.
When Zim goes Hulk on a zombie, he set the standard for not to be fucked with. No fear, nothing to lose. What can I say, it's like, it's like art. Zim starts to strum a few notes on his banjo. Suddenly a fat zombie comes running towards them. Zim takes off his banjo and holds it like a bat. "You got a pretty mouth!" said Zim as he smashed the zombies face with the banjo splattering blood everywhere as he repeatedly hit the zombie in the head breaking his banjo. Another fat zombie comes running from behind Dib and he runs towards Zim. "Don't swing, don't swing! Swing!" said Dib as he slid under Zims bat followed by Zim beating the zombies head in with the bat. After killing the zombie he throws the bat. "Thank you." said Dib. "You owe me." said Zim looking around as they walked. "Your incredible." said Dib. "I know." said Zim still looking around. "Twinkie, Twinkie, Twinkie, Twinkie… Oh, big horse." said Zim as an even larger zombie comes in front of them. Dib hands him the gun but Zim pushes it away as he takes out the hedge clippers from the back of his pants. "Come here big fella, just gonna take a little off the top." said Zim as he cuts the zombies head off and Dib smiles. He throws the hedge clippers that are now soaked in blood. "Wow, these fellas really let themselves go." said Zim looking at the three dead zombies. "And they're so fat. Uh, I think we should probably just keep going." Dib suggested.
Suddenly a girl that didn't have blood dripping from her face with lavender hair appeared. All I could think of was what are the odds? Another marriageable women to bring home to the folks. Zim just looked at her suspiciously. "Come quick." she said in a real soft voice. Someone's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it. They begin to follow her. "Hey, I'll catch." said Dib as he opened the emergency entrance and placed a box in the doorway.
Rule #22 *When in Doubt Know Your Way Out*
Dib runs down the hallway up to Zim and two other girls. "They're sisters. The little one's been bit. Act normal, try not to freak her out." said Zim in a whisper. "Ugh, hi I'm Dib." said Dib. "I'm Tak and this is Gaz." said the lavender hair girl. "Nice to meet you." said Dib. "So you did all this for a Twinkie?" asked Gaz. "Oh, no he did. I'm just kind of like a Sancho Panza character." said Dib as Tak pulled the boys away to talk. "Um, I don't think she long." said Dib in a whisper as Gaz sat on the metal table crying. "I know, so does she. We're just looking for a way out." said Tak looking at Dibs gun. "No, no, no, no she's still a little girl." said Dib looking very nervous again. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Gaz yelled. "Alright, I'm sorry. Look, I know, you know that you're really sick. But uh, your sister wants me to…" said Dib looking at her bite. "It's not her decision. It's mine. I made a promise. We already said goodbye, but we didn't have a gun." said Gaz trying not to cry anymore. "Oh look, we don't know that there's definitely no cure right?" suggested Dib. You're just gut-less! Give him the gun." Gaz said referring to Zim.
Zim takes the gun from Dib and pats the girl on her heard and holds up the gun. "Wait! Wait, wait, wait! I'll do it." said Tak as Zim handed her the gun and she kisses her sister on her forehead. "I love you." said Tak. "I love you too." said Gaz. Zim stairs at the ground and sighs to himself at the sight of the human affection. Dib just turns around and covers his ears. She holds up the gun and pauses for a moment. "You need some help?" asked Zim. "Now that you mention it… we'll take your weapons, your car key, your ammunitions." said Tak as she pressed the clip on her head and her pretty human form turns into a green Irken with antennas, and deep purple eyes. "And if you got it, sugarless gum." Gaz added as she took Zims gun out of his leg pocket. "What the fuck? You're Irken too?" Zim asked in disbelief. "Wa.. Wait, why are you guys doing this?" asked Dib. "Well, better you make the mistake of trusting us, than we make the mistake of trusting you." said Tak as Zim chose to flip them off.
Of course the first hot girl in a thousand miles shows up, makes me feels like an idiot, steals my double barrow and says I'm the one that can't be trusted. They get in Zim's car and drive away with his truck. "Nice going genius!" said Zim. "You're the one that gave her the gun." said Dib.
"Those guys were dumb. Ugh, avoid the vanity mirror." said Tak as she looked at herself in the mirror. "Relax ok, I just passed for a zombie. What I'd give for a show..." said Gaz until she was cut off by her sister. Do not say the S-H-O-W-E-R word, okay? Lets just get where were going." said Tak. "So, do you think it's true?" asked Gaz. "Is what true?" asked Tak. "Rumors about Pacific Playland." said Gaz. "Totally zombie-free. Trust me." said Tak.
Zim and Dib are now walking on foot. "So he's on one of the serious Tour 'de France
bikes, you know with the, like the toeholds, right and uh, he's peddling., and the zombies head is like caught in the gear. You know with the hair and the chain just like, going around." said Dib telling his story. "Oh very cool but… zombie-kill of the week… no sir. I saw this construction worker. I shit you not. He's on the steam roller and the zombie goes down in front of him… ever roll a tube of tooth paste up from the bottom? asked Zim. "Yeah. I always rolled up from bottom to top." said Dib. "Yeah well, zombie's head is the cap." Zim said smirking. "Are you like the best at ruining other peoples stories?" asked Dib kinda jealous at the better story. "No. I knew a guy who was way better at that then me.
"Lets just try to find a car." suggested Dib. "Which would remind me…I never had headaches like this till your ass came on board. Do what you want with an Irken, but do not fuck with his Cadillac!" said Zim starting to get annoyed. "Hey, there's a nice mini-van!" said Dib pointing to a purple van. "Well you know something that is nice. That's a beautiful van." said Zim as he picked up a rock and threw it at one of the windows. Then he picked up a crowbar, stood on top of the car, and started smashing the windows.
Zim firmly believes that you have to blow off steam in Zombieland... or else you'll lose what's left of your mind. Well, if it makes him happy and keeps him from using that crowbar on me, then I say 'hey, go waste shit'!
"I want my Caddy back! Stupid little bitches!" Zim screamed at the top of his lungs then jumped off the car. "You think there's two of us smart enough to come up with a con like that… you hesitate." said Zim. "Would you rather be smart or lucky?" said Dib as he pointed down another street. Zim smiled and ran as fast as he could up to a yellow Hummer. He stops upon approaching the truck. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said Zim as he put his hand out for Dib to stop. He moved closer to the drivers seat window then opened the door. "Look at what we got here." said Zim as he looked at two detached hands on the steering weal. Zim just laughed and pulled a hand off the weal. "Hey!" Zim said to Dib to get his attention. Zim took the hands middle finger and stretched it out. "Thats nice." said Dib not really caring about the aliens obnoxious behavior. "Middle finger." said Zim still giggling to himself as he removed the hands and threw them. The two opened the back doors and un zippered a large bag filled with guns.
Rule #31 *Check The Back Seat*
"Thank God for rednecks!" yelled Zim. "This is a really big truck, and these are really big guns." Zim added. "Take your time." said Dib as Zim began to randomly fire the guns up in the air testing them out while Dib sat in the passenger seat. Zim painted another Irken symbol in black on both sides of the car. They start driving down the road, Zim with a very determined look and a smirk. "You know they say 'He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves'." said Dib knowing Zim did want revenge on them. "Yup, two graves. One for the big chick, one for the little chick." said Zim still smirking. "You are scary happy." said Dib as they both laughed. "Come on, why don't we just forget about those girls and head home." suggested Dib. "So you want to talk about home? Well to me home was a, puppy named Gir. Cutest dog ever. But cause of those fucking zombies... I lost him. There ain't no getting him back, so uh... I'm looking for a new home. Tomorrow maybe, shooting the hell out of the zombie president, swinging from the chandeliers in a Playboy mansion, but today, a Vortex 6 fucking liter V8, a box full of hollow points and GD Twinkie. Gotta enjoy the little things." said Zim in a now better mood. I hate to give credit to anyone who looks partly like a zombie himself, but I'm writing it down.
Rule # 32 *Enjoy the little things*
They stop at a far distance and Zim uses binoculars to see his Caddy broken down with the words help on it. "Knowing them it's a trap. Wait here. Drive down if I signal." said Zim as he grabbed a gun started to walk. "You're not gonna shoot them, are you?" asked Dib. "No, unless they shoot at me. Oh, let's hope they shoot at me." said Zim with a wide grin. He walked down to the car and searched it finding no one. He put his hands over his mouth and made a loud Indian type noise then waved his hands to Dib to come down. Dib drives down and stops for Zim. "Looks like they hoofed it. Probably headed west. Just drive slow, keep your eyes peeled." said Zim as Dib just sat there quietly while looking from the back seat to Zim repeatedly. "They're in the back, aren't they?" said Zim. "Just me." said Gaz as she popped out of the back seat and pointed Zims gun at him. "I'm really sorry. She was like a crouching tiger." said Dib feeling embarrassed. "You got taken hostage by a twelve year old?" said Zim in a disappointed tone. "Well, girls mature faster than boys. She is way ahead of where I was at that age." said Dib yet again making a fool of himself. "Twelve's the new twenty. Gun please." said Gaz to Zim. "Like you would ever use that… don't kill me with my own gun!" said Zim as Gaz shot the gun out the moon roof. "All those violent video games. Thank you." said Gaz as she took Zims new gun. Zim just glared at her while hissing through his teeth a little. "Now honk your horn." said Gaz. "What?" asked Dib. "Honk it!" she yelled. He honked the horn and Tak came out from behind a broken down car holding her gun towards them, now back in her disguise. "Oh, there's your sister, that's my gun. Hello." said Dib waving his hand out the roof. "Bummer. Now step away from the vehicle. You get to ride shotgun." said Tak still holding her gun at them.
I kinda like this girl. She's not your typical hot, stuck up bitch. I guess we're just lucky they didn't leave us by the side of the road. After looking at Tak and smiling for some time he finally said, "Thank you Tak, Thanks Gaz." At that moment Zim flipped the gun that Gaz was holding at him and pointed it at her. Tak slammed the brakes and pointed her gun at Zim. Zim then pointed his gun at Tak. "Hey for fuck's sake, enough already, we're being chased by ravenous freaks. We don't have enough problems? 'Oh, they stole my Hummer', 'We have trust issues'. Now get over it, okay, we can't just fucking drive down the road playing I-spy, or some shit for two hours,
like four normal-ass Americans? Fuck me!" said Dib which he finally got out. "Whoa." said Zim. "I know!" said Dib. "Let me be the mature one." said Zim who was now smirking. Tak just glared at Zim as she slowly turned around.
"So… where are you guys headed?" Dib asked after a few moments. "Pacific Playland!" said Gaz. "The amusement park?" asked Zim. "Wait, outside LA?" asked Dib. "Yeah, we went there as kids." said Gaz. "That place totally blows… my mind. It's so fun. Just good entertainment for the whole family." said Zim who wanted to break the kids' spirit but changed his mind when Tak turned to glare at him. "Yeah actually I went there as a kid too. In fact this probably counts as off season." said Dib trying to stay with the conversation. "Well, did you guys hear? There are no zombies there!" said Gaz. "Yeah, we heard. Ugh, you know what, I may not shoot you, but you still royally piss me off and I'm not going to play with you at Pacific Playland." said Zim once again trying to break the kids' spirit. "Don't worry he grows on you." said Dib to Tak. "Really?" said Tak sarcastically. "No, it gets worse." said Dib smiling. "Okay. How about we play the quiet game? Yeah? Starting now." said Tak who was starting to get annoyed. "Oh, I've actually been meaning to ask you. Did you hear anything about New York City?" Dib asked moments later. "Have you heard of the quiet game? said Tak. "Sorry." said Dib. "No? Well they're playing it in New York City. It's a total ghost town, burned to the ground." said Tak. Zim then looked at Dib then tapped Tak on the shoulder with his gun and nodded his head toward Dib. She looked at Zim then Dib and could see the hurt on his face. "You're from New York. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was…" said Tak in a guilty way.
I'm not sure what's more tragic, that my family is gone, or the realization that I had
never much of a family to begin with. Either way I can't pretend that whatever I'm looking for, I'll find by going home. I have no home. "We can, give you a ride. You can go, see for yourself, or settle somewhere new." said Tak showing pity for the human. I could tell she knew what I was feeling. We are all orphans in Zombieland.
It was some hours later before anybody began to talk again. Such a long time it was dark out, while Zim and Gaz were asleep in the backseat. It was Tak who broke the silence. "I know this Pacific Playland thing is nuts but… it's been so long since she got to be a kid." said Tak looking at Gaz through her mirror. "It's tough growing up in Zombieland." said Dib. "It's tough growing up." Tak added as they pulled up to a large truck. "There, you can take that truck. Well, I, hope you find whoever it is you're looking for. And don't let go, once you do." said Tak as Dib was about to get out of the car. But instead he stopped to stare at Tak then gets back in the car and closes the door. It wasn't just because I had nowhere else to go. It was cause in that moment it became clear. Wherever this girl was, that's where I wanted to be. Tak just smiled. They kept driving for a little while longer.
"Man we're gonna have to pull over soon. I'm feeling cooped up. Wantamiro Wampum, Yeah that'll work." said Zim as they passed a sign. "Okay but what the hell are we doing?" asked Tak. "Just humor him, trust me." said Dib. They walk to the front entrance. "Hold on. Who wants to go first?" asked Zim.
I really, really wanted to impress Tak, but it would be a direct violation of Rule #17,
maybe the most important of all, Don't be hero.
"Why don't you take this one." Dib suggested to Zim. "Don't mind if I do." said Zim as he hit the top bell with his gun and stood behind the door outside. Suddenly a zombie comes running right for the three still standing in the doorway. As soon as the zombie runs in the doorways Zim shoots it and it falls on the ground in front of Dib. Because of the sudden gun shoot Dib jumped trying to fire his gun at the zombies head.
Rule # 2 *Double Tap*
"What do you think? Zombie kill of the week?" asked Zim. "Actually I killed the zom…" Dib said but bailed seeing Zim becoming angry with him again. The four start to look around the small nick-knack store. Zim walks up to Dib to see what he's doing. He sees Dib spraying something on himself. He sniffs the air. "Perfume?" Zim asked. "What?" said Dib kind of surprised to see Zim standing next to him. "Is that perfume?" Zim repeated. "It's cologne." said Dib. "I'm thinking 'Lanco Magnifique'." said Zim.
"Why don't you speak up, they might've missed it in Santa Fe." said Dib as he pointing to Tak. Zim turns around to look back at Tak and then he turns back to Dib. "Oh my God. You're thinking about fucking Tak. Hey, wish granted. She spent the last 24 hours fucking us both." Zim leans forward and sniffs Dib. "Ha-ha good luck now Petunia." said Zim as he turned around to walk away. Dib picks up the perfume and sprays him in the back of his neck. He turns around quickly and angrily stares at Dib. "Ok, let me begin my three-part apology by saying that I think you're a wonderful Irken with great potential…" said Dib very nervously only to be cut off by the already pissed Zim.
"FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that." Zim said finding it in himself not to kill the human. "I'm sure." said Dib somewhat grateful. "You get 45% power." Zim said preparing Dib for pain. "Thank you." said Dib before receiving a punch to the shoulder from Zim and falling back into a table, still on his feet, knocking over a vase.
"Yeah come on, break another one." said Zim wanting Dib to let off some steam. Dib smiles at Zim then knocks another off. "Nice!" said Zim knowing Dib wanted to play along. Tak then hit a stack of drums while laughing. "Now doesn't that feel good." Zim said. Zim picked up a statue and threw it at the glass table of perfumes. Gaz took snow globes and started smashing them on the ground. Tak and Dib were throwing beads around the place and tipping the large table of beads on the floor. Gaz ran around with an Indian hat on her head making the feathers fall out. Dib and Zim pushed some shelves over like dominoes. Dib threw stuffed animals as Zim hit them with a bat. Eventually they managed to trash the place enjoying their good time.
Sometimes Zim's right. You got to enjoy the little things. Even if that means destroying a whole lot of little things.
"What smells like perfume?" said Tak as they drove off in the car. Later the four of them changed seats rapidly.
Zim is driving and Gaz is in shot gun. Dib and Tak are in the back seats listening to the conversation. "You don't know who Willie Nelson is?" Zim asked. "No." Gaz answered. "Willie Nelson." Zim said again trying to get it through the kids head. "Yeah, no, I don't." Gaz said again.
Dib is driving and Zim has shot gun. The girls are in the back sleeping. "Yeah I shave every morning but sometimes by like 4:30 I have a thing..." said Dib.
Gaz is now driving and Tak ahs shot gun. The boys are in the back. "Since this is a freeway. You can get it up to 65, but you don't want to go more than 75." said Tak. "You don't want to go more than 20." said Dib. Some time later… "Do not worry about it. Blind spots, blind spots are for older drivers." said Zim as he argues with Tak.
Tak is driving and Dib has shot gun. The other two in sleeping in the back. "So do you never strap in or just, when on road trips? Dib asked. "It's just, you know, there's zombies everywhere. I think the least of my worries is…" Tak said as Dib cut in. "Yeah that's true." Dib said. "…seat belts." Tak finished.
Zim is driving and Gaz has shot gun. The other two are still in the back listening to the conversation between Zim and Gaz. "Yes but no, she's not. she's not. She's only famous when she's Hannah Montana, when she's wearing the wig." said Gaz. "Okay right." said Zim.
"This is kind of freeing." said Dib as he took off his seatbelt still riding shot gun while Tak's at the weal and the other two are in the back sleeping. "Yeah." said Tak not minding his issues so much.
For the first time in a long time, we were having fun. So even though it ran counter
to our survival strategies, we decided to stay together as far as Pacific Playland.
"You know I think sleep deprivation is like the number one health problem in America." said Dib feeling very tired. "No, I think it might be number two." said Tak.
"Ha-ha, number two, ha, ha, ha!" said Zim laughing to himself. "That's adorable." said Dib shaking off Zim's comment. "I'm just saying we should find a place to crash." said Dib. "Oh, I got an idea! We're in Hollywood, let's sleep in style." said Zim. "Grab a map." Zim said as they pulled over and Dib grabbed map while Tak shot some zombies as they running towards them. "Come on. Hurry up." Tak said. They jumped back in the car and drove off fast.
"It seems like everyone who has ever been in a movie lives on this block." said Dib as they drove down a fancy looking street. "What exactly do you think we're doing in the 90210 Sally?" said Zim. "I kind of pictured Tom Cruise living somewhere nicer." said Tak. "B-lister compared to who I got in mind. We are going to the Tipi Top of the A-list.." said Zim as he drove down the street. "Who?" asked Gaz. "You'll see." said Zim as they drove up to a big house with a gate that has the initials B M on it in gold. "Hey, who's the big BM?" Dib asked. "Its not Bob Marley." said Zim with a smirk.
"This place is incredible." said Tak as they entered the large and fancy house. "Irkens and Humans welcome to La Mansion de Murray." said Zim as he stood in front of them like a welcomer. "Oh, Bill Murray." said Dib. "God, no way. This guy has a direct line to my funny bone, I mean every…" Tak said before being interrupted by her sister. "Whoa, whoa wait, who's Bill Murray?" Gaz asked. "Now I've never hit a kid before, but I mean that's like asking who Gandhi is." said Zim. "Who's Gandhi?" Gaz shrugged. Zim looks at Tak in disbelief. "She's twelve." Tak said.
In the kitchen they look for Twinkies. "No Twinkies." said Gaz after looking in the last cabinet. "Shit, Fuck!" Zim yelled as it echoed threw the large house. "See? I told you we should've gone to Russel Crowe's. No one listens to me!" said Tak. "Hello, inside voices, okay? At least until we know we are alone. Hey Zim, Tak why don't you take that way. Gaz come here.." said Dib has he went in a direction with Gaz. "Why do I get stuck with her?" Zim complained. "Just…come on" said Tak.
"The king slept right here." said Zim as they passed threw Bills bedroom. "I call dibs on the bed." Tak said as Zim jumped on the bed face first. "Too soft for me anyway." said the pissed alien. "This is pretty catchy." said Tak as they took a rest in the living room while listening to the Ghostbusters theme song. "Help me with the boots, come on. Help me with the boots…" Zim said as he sat on the coach with his feet on the chair arm. Tak just walked by him as she presses her hair clip, hiding away her disguise. "…Ok, I'll get them myself." said Zim as he removed his boots and hat. Tak walked over to the other side of the room and took out a gulf club and some gulf balls and started hitting them while Zim dancing to the music. One of the balls she hit, hit the wall then hit Zims head knocking him on the floor face down. "Shhhit." she said as he fell to the ground. Suddenly a zombie looking like Bill Murray comes through the door walking towards Zim. Zim lifts his head and looks at Bill. "Bill Murray, you're a zombie?" said Zim still on the floor.
Tak walks behind Bill as he bends down to Zim and she hits him with the gulf club. "Ouch oh I'm on fire ouch!" said Bill Murray as he straitened his back and held his hand on it. "You're not a zombie, you're talking! You're okay!" said Zim as he stood up. "The hell I am!" said Bill still in pain. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that it was you-you." said Tak now standing next to Zim. "Are you… What's with the, the get up?" asked Zim. "Oh, I do it to blend in, you know zombies don't mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, make-up guy, showed me how to do this. Corn starch, you know some berries, a little cliquish for the ladies. It suits my lifestyle. You know I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes at the Riviera, just walked on, nobody there. So what's with your faces?" said Bill.
"Um uh we do this to blend in too, yeah." said Zim a little nervous. Tak just nods in agreement. Zim with a big smile can no longer contain himself. "Goddamn it, Bill fucking Murray!" Zim screamed as it echoed through the house. "I had to get that out.
I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal, I mean. You probably get this all the time, well, maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. I've seen everyone of your movies a million times. I even love your dramatic roles, everything. Six people left in the world, one of them is Bill fucking Murray. I know that's not your middle name. But I've been watching you ever since I came to this plan… um country. You are the best human on this planet." Zim said with excitement as Tak smiled laughed a bit. "Thank you." said Bill to Zim.
"You are staring at me, it's a hairpiece!" said Bill as he lifted his wig from his head. "I'm sorry, it's just that you look remarkably like Eddy Van Halen." said Tak with a smile. "I just saw Eddy Van Halen." said Bill. "Really?" asked Zim. "Yeah." said Bill. "Where?" asked Tak. "At the Hollywood bowl." said Bill. "Well, how was it?" asked Zim. "He's a zombie." said Bill. "That's heartbreaking." said Tak.
"It doesn't seem to end." said Dib as they walked down a hall. "Hey come here!" said Dib as he stood in the door way of a movie theatre. He has his own movie theatre?" asked Gaz in amazement. "Ok, I'm gonna teach you a little something about Bill Murray." said Dib as they entered the movie theatre. Later during the movie… "Oh, this is so exciting, you're about to learn who you're gonna call. Ghostbusters." said Dib not really amusing Gaz. "Your sister's single, right? There's nothing long-distance or anything." Dib asked feeling a little embarrassed. "No." said Gaz. "Good, good. And if she had, like, a type - if she can have a type - what would that be?" Dib asked. "She kinda goes for, like, bad boys." she said purposely trying to disappoint Dib. "Really?" said Dib. "Yeah." said Gaz. "That's cool." said Dib as he pushed the big bowl of popcorn on the floor. "What the…" said Gaz. "Oh whops." said Dib sarcastically.
"So Dib is the scared one?" asked Bill Murray as he and Zim and Tak walked down the hall to the movie theatre. "Yeah, he's like a little bunny." said Tak while giggling. "I'll get him. Watch this." said Bill as he put his wig on and walked into the movie theatre acting like a zombie. Hearing something going on behind them Dib and Gaz jump up and Dib takes his gun out and shoots Bill in the chest. He falls back into one of the movie chairs. Zim and Tak run in and Zim kneels down beside Bill. "It's okay, it's okay. I got him." said Dib unaware of what he just did. "Is that how you say hello where you come from?" Bill asked sarcastically. "Oh my God, Oh my God I can't believe I shot Bill Murray!" said Dib starting to panic. "Mr. Murray?" said Zim. "Just Bill I think now." said Bill. "Bill? I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this." said Zim as he tapped the wound. "Ow, that's still tender." Bill said softly. "You think you might pull through?" asked Zim. "No." said Bill after a long pause. "If it means anything now I am so sorry. It was just instinctive." Dib apologized. "It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker." Bill confessed. "So do you have any regrets?" asked Gaz. "Garfield, maybe." he said softly. He slowly exailed and died. They rapped him in a sheet and threw him over the edge of his house and fired a few gun shots in his honor.
They later decided to play Monopoly late at night. "Oh Free parking, which coincidentally is the best thing about Zombieland." said Tak a her sister moved her piece on the board. "No, best thing about Z-land, no Facebook status updates. You know "Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday". Who cares." said Dib as Tak laughed. "The best thing is no more flushing, epic." said Zim as Gaz looked at him in a disgusted way. "And worst thing? About Z-land?" said Tak slowly. "You mean other than the
fact that I shot Bill Murray?" said Dib. "That's easy. Losing Gir." said with a frown. "That's his puppy." said Dib trying to tell the girls. "I tell you, I never thought I could love anything like Gir. The day I got him I just lost my mind." said Zim. "Sorry." said Tak showing pity for the Irken. "He had my personality, my fighting skills, my…" said Zim as he was about to have an emotional brake down. Fighting skills? "What does he mean by… fighting skills?" Dib asked Tak hoping she would know. "Irkens have Sir units to help them out on missions. This is why we don't get attached to them." She said slowly.
Sir unit? And that's when it hit me. I felt so ashamed that it had taken me this long. Me with the best cardio in the business to realize I wasn't the only one running from something. "He made this wallet for me out of rubber piggys." said Zim as he took out his wallet and showed them his picture. "Take away an Irkens Sir, you've truly given him nothing left to lose." said Tak very softly. "I haven't cried like that since I got locked out of my house while it was raining." said Zim as he wiped his eyes with money.
Later Zim is down stares practicing shooting some vases flat on his stomach. Gaz comes down to join him. "Hi." she said before sitting flat on her stomach. she started shooting but kept missing and becoming more frustrated. "A hint? Why don't you exhale slowly, then squeeze the trigger." suggested Zim. Gaz just rolled her eyes not thinking it would work. She did what she was told and it worked. Zim smiled at her and she smiled back.
"Don't make me drink alone." said Tak who was back in disguise as she came in the room Dib was in holding a bottle of whine. "Okay." he said with a smile as he followed her to another room. "It says 1997, "Gor Gorgeous"? I never took French. Gorgeous day what the hell?" Dib said while trying to read the bottle. Tak just laughed. "It's a 97?" Tak asked. "Yeah. Was that a good year?" Dib asked. "Oh my God. It was a great year, are you kidding me?, I saw my first R- rated movie that year. Anaconda." said Tak. "Oh, Anaconda." said Dib. "First kiss, with a human. Scotty Lynch." said Tak. "Did you guys.. use tongue?" said Dib. "Maybe. Are you jealous of Scotty Lynch?" Tak asked with a smirk. "Yes, I am. Actually I think I'm jealous of your whole 1997." said Dib. "It was also the year my sister was born." said Tak.
"Actually I've been meaning to ask you, well not to be all in your business but, is she really your sister?" Dib asked. "Yes well she's my half sister, we had the same mother. Her dad was a human. My dad Irken. My mother and me we landed on this planet a while back and my mom met someone a few decades back." said Tak. "Its amazing that your sister doesn't look Irken at all." said Dib. "She's got the strength of one." Tak said with a grin. "So did you say you came a while back, so how long would that be?" said Dib with curiosity. "Well… lets just say I've rode with the cowboys." Tak said with a western accent. "Wow! That's like 1800's!" said Dib with surprise. "I remember it very well as 1891. Cause Irkens age very, very slowly." she said with a grin. "Wow you don't look very old at all." said Dib trying to be nice.
"Thank you, Dib. So how was your 97?" Tak asked. "Let's see mine. First orthodontist. The bastard gave me head gear. I got my first B." said Dib. "Oh no." Tak said as she laughed with Dib. "Frightening, as Anaconda. Woodshop, which doesn't really count as a class anyway. Had my first school dance, girls choice." said Dib with a sigh. "What nobody picked you?" asked Tak seeing Dib upset. "It was girls choice." Dib said with a laugh. "Those bitches!" Tak said as she sat up. "I know." said Dib. "No, I will not stand for this, you know what? On behalf of all the eight-grade girls, I would like to make it up to you." said Tak as she stood up and asked for his hand in a dance. Dib took the whine and took another sip while staring at Tak. "Relax, Scotty's old news." said Tak as she tried to calm Dib. They began to slow dance to the music. Tak rested her head o his shoulder. "I don't even know your name, but this is actually really nice." said Dib. "You know? Between you and me, you're actually kind of cute for a human." she said while smiling. "You think so?" Dib asked. "I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but yeah." said Tak with a smile. "Really?" asked Dib. "I'll at least give you the intentional walk to first." said Tak as she leaned in slowly to kiss him. "Hey little help movin' a couch. We're making a fort." said Zim as he came in the door way without realizing that he just ruined the moment. The two broke apart and laughed a little. "That was probably for the best, cause… I like you, Dib, but my sister and I are going to do whatever it takes to survive so.." said Tak as she walked to help Zim and Gaz.
I was hoping Wichita was just playing hard to get, but I realized that she had more trust issues than I did. When I woke up the next day and she was leaving.
Dib stands outside with Zim as they watch the girls leave in the Hummer. Zim is in a towel probably from taking a shower. "You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, developed in a secret fucking government lab." said Dib to Zim in a pissed off way. "Hey!" said Zim as Dib went back inside.
"I can't believe I almost kissed him. What's our rule?" said Tak. "Trust no one, just you and me." said Gaz. "Just you and me. Yeah, you and me." she said softly. It took all day to get to Pacific Playland. Bye sunset they arrived in the parking lot. Tak stops the car in the middle of the parking lot. "You have just survived the zombie apocalypse and drove halfway across the country. Where are you gonna go?" Tak asked Gaz. "I'm going to Pacific Playland. Woo." said Gaz in a cheer. They drove up to the gate. "Open Sesame." said Tak as she drove through the gate with the truck.
This is the problem with getting attached to someone. When they leave you just feel lost. Having Zim around didn't comfort me, it just made me feel more alone. "Hey, you weren't exactly gonna score anyway. You weren't storming the trenches before I came along. That's why I don't let people close, you only get burned." said Zim who was now wearing a snakeskin jacket. "You don't say." said Dib who was becoming angry with the alien. "Mexico, you know what they call Twinkies in Mexico? Los Submerinos. That's where I'm headed amigo." said Zim in an exited tone. "Whatever." said Dib not wanting to listen to Zim.
Tak finds the power house. She turns on the levers and the rides start to come alive and light up in the darkness. Not only can they see the wonderful lights, but so can the zombies in town. The zombies began to run towards the amusement park. Hundreds of them. The girls don't notice until there on the mummy ship. "Oh, no!" said Gaz as they see the zombies heading towards them.
"I'm going after Tak." said Dib as Zim was loading up his truck. "You ever read that book 'She's just not that into you'? You can't make yourself too available!" said Zim. "I don't care, alright I want to be with her. Have fun in Mexico." said Dib making Zim feel guilty.
"Come on! Hurry!" yelled Tak as they raced to their truck as Tak stopped every so often to shoot a few zombies. Gaz gets in the car as Tak stops to shoot more zombies. "Get in! Come on, come on!" yelled Gaz. Tak gets in the car and tries to start the engine. Zombies are banging on the doors and roof trying to get in. One breaks Gaz's window she tries to kick it away. Tak gasps and her eyes widen. She starts driving with a few zombies on the roof towards the lake. "On the count of three. One, two, three!" said Tak as they jumped out of the truck and hit the ground. The Hummer with the zombies on it, lands in the lake. Tak runs over to Gaz. "Are you okay? Come on. Hurry, get up." said Tak as they stood up and looked for a place of safety. "There!" said Gaz pointing to the Blast-Off ride a little bit far off in the park.
Zim and Dib are about to go there separate ways. "I'm not good at farewells so… that will do pig." said Zim. "That's the worst goodbye I have ever heard and you stole it from a movie." said Dib still really mad at Zim. "Tell the ladies I said hey." said Zim.
"You know their pictures were in someone's wallet too." said Dib as he got on his motorcycle. Zim just looked at Dib then turned to his car. Then looked at Dib again who started to ride his motorcycle but swerved and landed in a bush. Zim just smirked. He pulled his car up to Dib who was still sitting in the bush. "Hop in the car Evil Knievel. Let's go ride the roller coaster." said Zim with a smile. "Thanks." said Dib as he got in the car and smiled back.
"Go!" said Tak as they entered the Blast-Off zone. Gaz straps herself in and Tak presses the button. Tak straps herself in and the ride shoots up to the top and back down and back up as the zombies try to get at them every time they come close enough. They stop at the top momentarily. "Not as fun as I remember." said Gaz. They suddenly start slowly descending. They begin to panic again. "Shoot the control box." said Tak. Gaz tries to shoot it but misses. She tries again but hits a zombie. She tries again but exhales slowly before shooting and hits it. They stop and laugh nervously.
"Dib." said Zim. "Zim." said Dib. "I think they might actually require our assistance this time." said Zim seeing the hundreds of zombies. "Buckle up." said Zim as he strapped himself in. "Yup, I'm way ahead of you." said Dib. "Time to nut up or shut up." said Zim as they entered the park.
There are five zombies up ahead in front of the car. Zim does a 180 with the car and shoots the five zombies. "Holy shit." Dib said to himself. "My parents always told me,
someday I'll be good at something. Who'd have guessed that something would be zombie killing." said Zim with a grin. "Probably nobody." said Dib.
"Look!" said Gaz seeing the black truck drive through he park. "We better start working on our apology." said Tak with a smile.
They stop their truck where the Hummer went into the lake. Zim takes out his duffel bag and loads up some guns while Dib runs to the edge and sees the Hummer in the lake. "No!" Dib said worrying they where in the truck. "Up here! Hey! Over here!" the girls yelled from the top of the ride. "Oh my God!" said Dib while smiling knowing that their safe. "They're up there, they're okay." Dib said to Zim. "What are you waiting for? It's your gal." he said as he started going in the opposite direction with a vest full of weapons and blowing a bullhorn.
"Come on! Come get a piece of Zim! Anybody hungry? Zims nice this time of year! Come on, come on you ugly bastards." said Zim as he started luring the zombies to him and away from the girls. He began to shoot every zombie he saw. "Holy Shit!" said Dib in a cheerful way seeing Zim taking out every zombie in sight. Some zombies start running towards him. "Holy Shit!" said Dib as he stared to run toward Tak and Gaz while some zombies chased him.
"Shit, I'm out of shells." said Tak as about three zombies were climbing up the ride to them. Gaz began to shot with her gun. She managed to shoot two of the zombies. Suddenly she tried to shoot the last zombie when she ran out to. The sisters looks at each other. "Here we go." said Zim as he started shooting every zombie in sight.
Dib shot some of the zombies following him but he couldn't shoot all of them at once. "Motherfucker!" said Dib as the zombies forced him into the haunted house. As he ran through the haunted house halls zombies chased him. Ghosts and monsters and eerie noises were scaring him throughout the house. He did manage to shoot a few zombies in the haunted house. He eventually made it out through and emergency exit with three zombies still chasing him. He ran under a Frisbee ride and the ride came down and smashed the zombies behind him. Zim was dealing with almost every zombie in the park.
"Tak! Gaz!" Dib yelled as he approached the Blast-Off ride and smiled. Suddenly a zombie clown appeared. Oh my God. Look at this fucking clown. Of course, it had to be a clown. No, it had to be a clown. "Fuck!" Dib said to himself seeing he was out of bullets. And it had to be Tak for me to finally understand that some rules… are made to be broken.
Rule # 17 *Be a Hero*
Time to nut up or shut up. He looks at a hammer that is used for strength tests. Fuck this clown. He runs to get the hammer while the zombie clown chases him. He hits the zombie in the stomach. It falls on the ground and Dib hits it again in the head making blood splatter.
He runs over to the Blast-off ride. The zombie is trying to grab the girls feet. Dib presses a button on the control panel but it doesn't work. he then sees the emergency break. He flips the switch and the ride comes back down makes the zombie fall with a splat.
He runs over to them and un straps Gaz. "Thanks." says Gaz as she jumps out of her seat. He helps Tak out and she hugs him. "Christa." Tak whispered in his ear. He looked at her and brushed her fake hair over her ear and kissed her.
"He finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck." said Zim as he stood on top of the prize box with all the dead zombies around him.
They stopped and looked at Gaz who just rolled her eyes. "Ok, we should probably head out, now." said Dib as they started to head back top the truck.
"Where is…" asked Tak as they approached the black truck. "Ummm… I have a little hunch." said Dib as he walked in to candy store with a sign that said Deep Fried Twinkie's. "Where are you, you spongy yellow delicious bastards? Where are you? False advertising!" yelled Zim as he threw everything everywhere looking them. "Jesus Christ." said Dib as Zim through a jar of candy at the Twinkie sign. "You want a Sno-Ball or something?" said Dib. Zim just turned around and glared at Dib clenching his fist.
Suddenly a noise came from the closet and Dib jumped and shot at it. Zim looked at Dib and they walked over to the closet and opened it. Zim screamed as rats ran out of the closet. Zim notices that Dib shoot the Twinkie box he was looking for. He clenched the blown up Twinkie in his hand. "Oh God! Words cannot express…" said Dib as Zim put out his hand for Dib to shut up. "It's too soon." Zim said in a soft voice. "Do you think you can, maybe, just pick out the Buckshot and just kind of eat around it?" Dib suggested. Zim just slammed the Twinkie on the ground. They hear a motor from the truck start. "No! No!" said Dib as he ran outside to see the truck moving. "No!" said Zim as he came outside. Dib had a worried face and so does Zim. Tak looks out he window and Gaz pops out of the moon roof.
That face. That's me realizing that those smart girls in that big black truck and that tough Irken in that snakeskin jacket, they were the closest to something I had always wanted, but never really had. A family. I trusted them and they trusted me. Gaz then through a Twinkie to Zim form the car.
Rule #32 *Enjoy The Little Things.*
He looked at almost as if to say thank you. He unwrapped the Twinkie and smelled it. The girls laughed. He took a bight and smiled.
Tallahassee got his Twinkie, and even though life will never be simple or innocent again, as he savored that spongy yellow log of cream, we had hope, we had each other. And without other people, you might as well be a zombie.
"Thank you so much!" said Dib. "You had us going!" said Zim as they tried to get in the truck but the girls moved it forward a little to tease them. They ran a little faster and got in the truck. A zombie comes running at the truck while its moving and Zim pushes out his door and hits the zombie.
So until next time remember, Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. I'm Dib from Zombieland saying, Good night.