Kate Beckett walked down the sidewalk, looking at all the New Yorkers heading off to their New Year's celebrations. It was nearly eleven PM and the city was completely alive. Mother Nature had granted a reprieve from the recent winter weather, gracing the entire northeast with temperatures hovering just above freezing and beautiful clear skies. Snow lingered in the grassy areas and reflected the sparkling Christmas lights still decorating all the trees and windows up and down the street.
She stopped in front of the door to Rick Castle's building and looked up at his windows for a moment. Someone was home. She could see the reflection of the fireplace in the glass. She thought for a moment about turning around and walking back to the subway, but the doorman spotted her and opened the door.
"Detective Beckett," He said with a smile as he opened the door for her. "Happy New Year."
"Thanks, Michael." She smiled as she walked through the door into the lobby. "Happy New Year." She looked toward the elevator. "Is he in?"
"Strangely enough, he is." He said with a sly smile. "He told me that he was in the mood for a quiet evening at home."
"Maybe I shouldn't bother him."
"I might just be the doorman, but I'm pretty sure you would be a welcome interruption." He said as he rung for the elevator.
"Kate," Castle smiled broadly as he opened the door. "This is a surprise."
"A good surprise?" She asked uncomfortably.
"Are you kidding?" His smile spread. "Come in." He took a step to the side to allow her to pass. He helped her out of her coat and gestured toward the living room. "Can I get you a glass of wine?"
"Do you have anything stronger?" She asked.
"You know I do." He came back from his office in a moment carrying two glasses of very fine Scotch. He handed her one and sat next to her. "Aren't you supposed to be out of town?"
Kate smiled and nodded. "I came back a little early."
"A week early." He studied her. "Is everything alright with your dad?"
"Dad's good." She looked at him for a long moment before she spoke. "I was pretty surprised that you are home tonight… alone."
"I'm getting too old for all that part stuff."
"Oh." She looked out the window.
He was puzzled by her lack of witty response. "Kate…" he said quietly. "What's wrong?"
She met his eyes and took a breath. "I had a nice time with Dad."
Castle waited for her to continue, but felt that she needed a little prompting. "I'm glad. I know you needed some time away." She still said nothing. "I'm sure your father was thrilled to have you all to himself." He watched her stare into the fire. "So why are you back so soon?"
She looked at him. "Why are you home on New Year's Eve?"
Castle smiled. "Asked you first." He said softly.
Kate was again silent for a long time. "It was really nice being with Dad. We don't spend enough time together." She looked at the collection of family photos on the piano, paying special attention to her favorite of Castle and Alexis hugging each other and laughing. A very small smile clung to her lips as she continued. "We talked a lot more than we have in… forever."
"What did you talk about?"
She laughed softly. "Everything. Work, Mom… you." She looked at him.
"I would like to point out that I am not asking what you said about me. That is because I am your friend and I want to hear what is bothering you." He winked.
Kate rolled her eyes.
"Go on." He encouraged.
"I told Dad that I am worried about him being alone. I told him that I want him to be happy." She took a sip of her drink. "Do you know what he said?"
"What."
"He said that he worried about me being alone." She looked at him. "He talked a lot about how happy he and my mother were." Her finger traced circles on the bottom of her glass. "He told me about how they used to hold hands and touch constantly." Her voice waivered slightly. "How they made time to just be together, how every moment with her was a gift… and how he felt when that was all taken from him." Tears fell silently.
Castle slid closer so their shoulders were touching.
"I asked if it was worth the pain."
"And what did he say?" Castle asked, just above a whisper.
Kate took a shuddering breath. "He said that it's the memories of her that let him get out of bed in the morning." More tears fell. "He said that he would suffer all of it again just to have another moment with her."
Castle wrapped his arm around her as she rested her head against his chest, crying freely now. "He held my hand, looked me in the eyes and begged me to give myself a chance to love like that." Her red eyes met his. "He said I deserve to be loved the way he loved my mother. He told me that it would never happen unless I give myself permission to be happy."
"Is this when the subject of, me, was discussed?" He asked with a weak smile. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest.
She nodded.
"He's wrong about one thing." Castle touched her cheek gently.
"Oh?" She closed her eyes as his finger trailed along her jaw line.
He nodded slowly. "You are loved that much," he whispered, "even without your permission."
Kate was speechless, heart pounding and mouth hanging open as she looked at him.
"I was sitting here alone, on New Year's Eve, resolving to find the guts to tell you how I feel." His eyes burned into hers. "I lost you in that ambulance… twice. It made me realize how fragile everything is." His voice failed him for an instant. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't want to be the man who can only tell you how I feel when you are bleeding out in a cemetery." This time it was his eyes that were damp, remembering how scared and pale she had been as the life drained from her. "Your father knows better than anyone that we need to savor every minute…"
"I love you." She said it quickly and so softly he almost missed it.
"Say that again." He asked.
"I want to be happy." She confessed. "You make me happy." She wrapped her arms around him in a bone crushing hug. "I love you, Castle." She whispered against his neck.
At that moment, a loud roar came from the street and fireworks filled the sky. Castle stood and led her to the window. He wrapped his arms around her as they leaned out far enough to watch the people laughing and kissing on the street and in the park across the road.
"Happy New Year." Kate said with a smile.
"I love you, Kate." He slowly leaned in, pressing his lips to hers.
The first kiss was soft and tentative, but as their long denied passion was released, they were soon clutching panting and groping at each other. Clothes were hastily removed and tossed aside as they explored each other. They made love in front of the fire, caressing slowly and passionately. When they were finished, they stayed there, wrapped in a blanket, bodies entwined.
"You aren't expecting Martha or Alexis home any time soon, are you?" Kate asked as he slid her foot slowly up his calf. "I'd rather they find out about us in a slightly less… naked way."
Castle smiled as he kissed her. "We're safe. Alexis is in the Hamptons with friends."
Kate turned to face him. "And Martha?" She stroked a finger across his lips, making him growl deep in his chest.
"I doubt she'll be back tonight." He kissed her lips slowly, then trailed butterfly kisses across her neck. He nuzzled behind her ear and whispered, "We could take this upstairs just to be careful."
"Rick."
Castle lifted his head to look at her. "Yeah."
"Do you want to know what my resolution is?"
"Pease say it has something to do with spending more time naked." He said without missing a beat.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."
"OK. What is it?" He kissed her softly.
"I am going to give as much attention to the people in my life as I have to the one who was taken from me ." She stroked his hair.
"I think that is the best resolution I have ever heard." He kissed her and stood up, pulling her with him. "Now if you would care to start now, you can come upstairs and give some attention to this person."
She wrapped the blanket around herself and started for the stairs. She stopped on the bottom stair and looked back. "Well… are you coming, or what?"
"Oh, yeah." He said as he followed.