Italics = Yoshiki's thoughts
Bold + Italics = Satoshi's text
Bold = Yoshiki talking (Writing? I don't know.)
Silence. That was all that filled Yoshiki's apartment. He didn't mind though, he much preferred the silence now. The faint ticking of the clock was all that could be heard apart from the heavy, shaky breaths coming from Yoshiki.
Calm down you're being stupid...
There was a small voice in the back of Yoshiki's head telling him this however, the more he believed this, the more panicked he got.
You're stupid. You're a failure. You're never going to get anywhere in life. You could of saved them but you didn't...
If he hadn't been panicking before then he definitely was now. The thought of his deceased friends was enough to push him off the edge as tears fell rapidly down his face as his breathing somehow quickened even more and his panicked brain created scenario after scenario of his friends leaving him once they realize how pathetic he is and how little he did to try and save his friends in that godforsaken school.
His phone buzzed loudly on the coffee table as the screen lit up, showing his friend Satoshi's number and the message he had sent
Hey are you in? If you are I'm coming over, we need to talk.
The message appeared on the screen, the small letters blurring together in Yoshiki's panicked state.
No no no no, Satoshi can't see me like this. What am I going to say? I don't want to talk, I prefer the silence. I don't want to talk...Maybe I could write what I want to say and say that I lost my voice? But what's my excuse for not going to school? Maybe that's not even what he wants to talk about, maybe he's realized how much of a failure I am and he's going to be annoyed? Okay, calm down. This is Satoshi we're talking about, he's too nice for that. But what is he's just being nice because he feels sorry for me...?
Yoshiki's inner ramblings were cut short by a knock on the door, making the blond freeze in place staring at the door.
"Yoshiki? Are you home?" Satoshi's voice followed soon after the knock. The blond was still stood panicking, finding it hard to breathe, not to mention even trying to talk.
"Yoshiki?" Satoshi called again, causing the blond to break down once more. He tried to choke back a sob and failed as Satoshi's voice came once more, this time filled with concern.
"Yoshiki, I know you're there. Please open the door."
No, I can't...I can't face him...not yet...Besides what do I say? What does he want to talk about? What...?
The door handle was jiggled around a bit as Satoshi's voice came once more.
"Yoshiki, I'm coming in okay?" Satoshi didn't exactly expect an answer however, he felt as if he should at least warn the blond
No! He can't...I can't...
Yoshiki tried to tell the brunette no however, after not speaking for almost a week, his voice wouldn't co operate and he began coughing, at the same time, his nerves began attacking his mind again, reminding him of of why he hasn't spoken at all.
"Yoshiki?" Satoshi's voice was closer, no longer muffled by the door. The brunette ran over to him, grabbing his shoulders, not knowing what to do. Yoshiki's eyes widened as he began frantically shaking his head whilst struggling to get out pf the brunettes grip.
"Yoshiki! Damn it! Listen to me Yoshiki, you need to calm down." Satoshi had no idea what to do. All he could do was try not to panic himself and try to calm Yoshiki down.
"Uhh..I'm not entirely sure what to do...Just sit down for now, I'm going to go get you some water, just stay here and try to breathe." Satoshi instructed, leading Yoshiki over to the chairs around the kitchen table, getting him to sit down before he went over to the cupboard. He reached up and got a glass out, filling it with water before going back over to the kitchen table, sitting down opposite Yoshiki and handing him the glass. the blond reached for the glass, his hand shaking as he attempted to lift the glass up with shaky hands. Yoshiki's hand was shaking so much that the water began spilling out of the glass.
"Come here." Satoshi said, reaching over and placing his hand over Yoshiki's to steady his arm whilst he drank. Letting out a shaky breath, Yoshiki placed the now empty glass back down on the table and looked down at his hands that were still shaking .
"Yoshiki, are you alright?" Satoshi asked reaching a hand over to Yoshiki again. The blond flinched when Satoshi placed his hand on his.
"Yoshiki?" Satoshi trued again to no avail.
"If you need some time to calm yourself down then that's fine just please tell me what's wrong." Satoshi stared at the mop of blond hair on top of Yoshiki's head, giving his hand a squeeze.
Yoshiki looked up briefly and looked around to try and spot some paper and a pen.
Think of all those people killed in that school. You could of saved them, maybe you should of died with them. Besides, think of those poor children that had their tongues cut off, they can never talk again so why should you, I mean you should of died along side them so...
Slowly standing up from where he sat, Yoshiki made his way over to the coffee table where he had let a pen and one of his school books. He picked them up and made his way back to Satoshi, quickly scribbling down what he wanted to say before showing the brunette
I'm fine it was just another stupid panic attack...
"Yoshiki? Why aren't you talking normally?" Satoshi asked slightly suspiciously
I don't want to talk anymore. I should of died in that school alongside all those innocent people. Some of them had their tongues cut out, why should I be allowed to speak if they aren't?
"Yoshiki...I..." Satoshi was cut off by the sound of Yoshiki scribbling down what he wanted to say again.
I know it's stupid, laugh all you want I don't care...
"It's not stupid!" Satoshi shouted a bit too loud, causing Yoshiki to flinch once more
"It's not stupid...You're not stupid...To anyone else, yeah it may seem stupid but...I've seen the horror of that school too and...I understand what you're saying...Er writing..." Satoshi spoke so quietly this time it was close to a whisper.
"Are you okay though? You seemed really shaken up before..." Satoshi asked, looking directly into Yoshiki's eyes.
Yeah...I think. I'm just a bit jumpy I guess.
"Mmm." Satoshi mumbled in reply. Now that Satoshi had the time to actually look at Yoshiki, he noticed how terrible he looked. He was much paler than usual, his eyes were dull and lifeless with black bags under them and he seemed to of lost some weight as well.
"Yoshiki, when was the last time you ate?" Satoshi asked, concern filling his voice.
Last week...I think
"And when was the last time you slept?"
Almost a week ago...
Yoshiki was reluctant to show Satoshi his answers. He knew it wasn't good for him and that it wouldn`t help at all and yet he couldn't bring himself to eat anything. even the thought of food made him slightly nauseous and he hadn't slept because he couldn't deal with the nightmares. So many nights he had woken up in a cold sweat from nightmares about that school only to be terrified of anything that moved or made a sound whether it be a car driving past or a cat meowing in an alley
"Come on you need something to eat." Satoshi said, getting up to look through the fridge and cupboards in Yoshiki's kitchen. Upon searching the kitchen, he found nothing and so, he grabbed Yoshiki's hand , pulling him up from the table.
"We are going out and you are going to at something. No arguing." Satoshi commanded. Yoshiki picked up the notebook and pen off the table and went to go and put his shoes on, knowing that trying to argue with Satoshi on this one would be pointless.
"You'll need a coat on too, it's cold outside." Satoshi said, following the blond to make sure he did as he was told.
Once the two of them were ready, they made their way out the door, quickly locking it behind them before leaving the apartment building. Satoshi began leading the way to the nearest restaurant. Entering the restaurant, the two of them were greeted with warm air as they made their way to a small table in the corner. They sat down and began looking through the menu's as a waiter came over to their table to take their order.
Yoshiki quickly wrote down what he wanted and showed it to Satoshi who then ordered everything.
"Once we've eaten, you need to get some sleep. No offence but you look like hell." Satoshi stated.
I don't want to sleep though.
Yoshiki showed Satoshi what he'd written with a worried look on his face.
"Nightmares?" Satoshi guessed, the blond nodded.
"It'll be okay...Just don't worry about it too much. just try to focus on this now." Satoshi said just before their food came.
After the two had finished eating, the waiter cleared their plates away and brung their receipt over. Satoshi paid for it before the two of them left and headed back to Yoshiki's apartment. They got inside and Satoshi steered Yoshiki in the direction of his room.
"Do you need a shower or anything?" Satoshi asked. Yoshiki nodded in response before Satoshi nodded, heading towards the living room once more.
"I'll leave you to it, call me when you're done." Satoshi said before closing the door.
Yoshiki sat in silence for a few minutes before he decided to get up and go for a shower. He stripped off all his clothes before stepping into the shower, turning it on and setting it to the right temperature
After washing his hair and his body, Yoshiki sunk to the shower floor, tucking his head between his knees and letting small sobs escape his mouth once more.
Satoshi's lying, he thinks you're stupid, he's going to make you feel all safe and then he's just going to laugh at your stupidity...
No Satoshi isn't like that...
Oh but maybe he is and you're just too blind and too dumb to notice it...
No...No...He can't be...No...
Yoshiki glanced up and looked around. Blood. There was blood everywhere. The shower head, instead of spraying out clear water, it was spraying out thick red blood, so he screamed. Yoshiki curled up once more, screaming as more and more sobs wracked his body.
"Yoshiki!" Satoshi was knocking on the bathroom door after hearing Yoshiki's screaming
"Yoshiki?" Are you alright?" Satoshi was shouting whilst knocking frantically on the door. Yoshiki's sobs continued before Satoshi had had enough. Satoshi entered the bathroom and found Yoshiki curled up in the shower, sobs and screams escaping his mouth and his sobbing shook his body.
"Yoshiki!" The brunette ran over to his friends curled up form, gently grabbing his arm to try and get his attention.
Satoshi...
Satoshi could see Yoshiki's lips moving as if he was talking however, he wasn't. The blond still remained silent, attempting to mouth words to Satoshi.
"Come on, the water's freezing, you're going to get sick if you stay in here." Satoshi said. Yoshiki stared at him with a strange look on his face before Satoshi got up to get Yoshiki a towel.
Yoshiki stood up on shaky legs as Satoshi headed back over to him, wrapping him in the towel he had got and hugging him tightly.
"It's okay...Whatever that was, it's okay now, you're okay..."Satoshi mumbled to the blond who was still shaking
"Shhhh..." Satoshi slowly rubbed circles on Yoshiki's back in an attempt to calm him down as he led him back into his bedroom. He got Yoshiki to sit on his bed before saying
"I'll leave you to get dressed."
Yoshiki reacted immediately, his eyes widening and his hand shooting out to grab Satoshi's wrist again. Satoshi turned around to see Yoshiki shaking once more whilst repeatedly mouthing the word no.
Looking around once more, the blond spotted some paper on his desk, grabbing it before searching for a pen.
Please don't leave me alone...
The blond was looking down at the floor and Satoshi noticed tears dripping down onto the carpet, disappearing once they hit the floor.
"Yoshiki...I.." Satoshi began, heading over to where Yoshiki stood next to his desk. The brunette reached him and gently grabbed his hands, causing the blond to glance up at him before Satoshi pulled him into a hug.
Yoshiki stood shocked for a moment before he relaxed, feeling Satoshi playing with his hair as his small sobs turned into whimpers.
"It's okay, I won't leave you...Shhh." Satoshi said, running his hands through Yoshiki's hair. Satoshi led Yoshiki over to his bed, getting the blond to lie down before Satoshi pulled the covers over him, sitting next to him on the edge of the bed.
"I'll stay with you okay. If you have a nightmare then I'll be here okay?" Satoshi asked. Yoshiki nodded but then he frowned slightly, pulling Satoshi's arm to pull him down so he was led next to the blond.
"Yoshiki?" Satoshi asked, shocked. Yoshiki curled up against Satoshi and so, the brunette stayed where he was, gently stroking Yoshiki's hair and rubbing small circles on his back.