The Consequences of Twilight, a x-overs fanfic

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Author's Note: Ah, just something that's been bothering me for awhile. Beware, I just escaped TVTropes.

The Consequences of Twilight – An Essay on Fanfiction Plots, and the Endless Search

Any reader will understand the difficulty in searching for a decent fanfiction, desperately combing through the long lists, narrowing search terms, but being too scared to do more than put in the two character names (briefly wondering if order matters) and perhaps a genre of romance, or drama, perhaps friendship. Why you are searching for the cutest fiction ever for two fictional characters, thrice removed from any truth if the Greeks had anything to say, could be any reason. In this case, it's the search for realistic depictions of why a non-canon pair could be considered canon. It has also been searching to see the opinions of the fans on why a canon is a canon and a good mill through characterization. Rarely is one looking for literary quality, and thus rarely does the actual plot seem to become part of the search.

Yet, increasingly, the little bar of description becomes a source of amusement and disdain as windows after windows are clicked shut. There seem to be several developing tropes in what you're not looking for, and your fingers itch to include the 'without words' search, but you're already on the fourteenth page of fiction; why go back now?

However, in your head is a very concise list of what to avoid, and what to occasionally smile and giggle at – never has the onomatopoeia giggity applied more – as well as a short memory bank of what to tell a friend you saw on fanfiction the other day, so that you may both giggit over it.

OOC descriptions. Even with your rose-tinted fan lenses, even you can smell this little rat a mile away. Unlike Lorca, the warping of character isn't for the tonal harmony, but instead for complete inner peace within the writer. I call such a feeling, biscuit peace. Biscuit Peace is my word for when you are not forced to grow, mature, or think at the end of a movie, or story, where the entire plot can be bottled into a single moment, and if you were to read between the lines, you'd see a note that says 'space to rent'. It's the same thing that happens when a director bases a movie on the book, but 'changes just a few things' roughly translated from douche!talk this becomes "I want to use your ready-made fanbase to publish my ultimate spin-off of your idea that I dreamt after reading its Wikipedia page" or the rare, "You should have got your sub-editor to look at that, you know?" and thus the emotional book of family loyalty versus the calling of a lover, growing up, and moral principles transforms into a zombie slasher film.

This is the moment in fanfiction when Dumbledore screams, "motherf###ers". There is only one way out, find the exit button and hammer on it as fast as you can; this fiction is going to be the literary equivalent of the blue screen of death and it will not compute.

II.

The next problem child of ficlets, is the unsatisfied fan. This is the second douche!talk translation, and it is sadly a bit of a bipolar kitten that occasionally drags a dead mouse in, or hairballs on your bed. It commonly manifests as a 'For Want of a Nail' fiction, or when any character (usually female, it would seem) must die for your ship, but can also result in alternative endings, and the fanblurblings of 'what happens next' where the entire conclusion of the show is screwed harder than the A button on any gaming console.

This fiction is born when the fan thinks they could have done it better, and by gum, are they going to do it better. The truly sad thing is, there are plenty of fine examples of this, where the characterization in the fiction goes a shade deeper than the original could go, and the storyline pitched is so good, you wish it was the original, or at least a canon. But the trick is trying to distinguish these good fictions from these wishful thinking fictions.

Don't get me wrong, I spend (and have spent) time in my life, debating how I could have ended a TV show better, or rewriting the last Harry Potter book in my head, redirecting The Matrix 2 and 3. Usually, however, my plots from these are whimsical and are simply satisfying my emotional box, giving me a lashing of biscuit peace, and letting me continue on my way. Whilst they're fine for fantasy, I could never kid myself that they are excellent writing.

If you are to continue a story, or rewrite one, you should not look for a plot to fulfill your wants, but look for a plot that fulfils every logical bone in your body. Otherwise, enjoy your emotional pr0n and pick up your mills and boon on the way out – keep the fantasies in your head.

III.

Ah, now on keeping fantasies in your head. Stephanie Meyers, ah, I admit her work is something easily read, and boy is it read. To be truthful, my main agenda for bring contrary opinions on it, is simply for the contrariness of it all. Trolling is fun, especially when you can use that big word you learnt the other day, and dazzle people. However, one derogatory quote, I admit a grudging agreement to, after laughing about it;

"Twilight is the AIDS of Literature"

How many vampire-AU fictions have you seen in the past few searches on this site? Or any site? How many vampire-love novels are depicted in bookstores for crying out loud!

I can forgive the idea of a vampire plot; we're bringing back the gothic writing era (we shall call it neogothic, and it shall be gothic and oh so sexy, and it shall be ours, it shall be our sexy neogothic era) after all. Just, originality of some kind should be shown. There is little, if any, originality in our literature, there being perhaps seven stories in actuality, but, originality can be easily duplicated by exploring something that hasn't been seen for awhile, and just going into a small detail that people have forgotten.

Some effort to not be run of the mill. That's all I'm asking.

Not to mention the character warping vampirism causes, all of a sudden your relatively normal, if cool anti-hero/anti-villain has got himself a nomming fetish – perhaps omnomniphillia – and is chewing away at a harsh case of carnivore issues, which can give you either sexual tension, homoerotic subtext, or, hell, both! Yeah, sure, we can always use more of the above, I guess, but I'd be interested in reading a fiction where a person did not use the vampire symbol to wreak ooc-juice and litter the fiction with a poor representation of cheesecake style pr0n. It looks silly when that fanboy who draws those jiggling animu mammory glands does it, even pathetic actually, and it reads the same in this case. Goodness Gracious.

IV:

The Gratuitous.

Anything.

Not just Japanese, in fact, I don't mind peppering some stories with things that don't translate well. After-all, modern Japanese lyrics, shows and what have we typically have gratuitous English, which seems to have less stigma than the wapanesenekomoefangirl shrieking "KAWAIIIIIII". Extremes on either side are distasteful, but don't hold back, globalization shall make us all multilingual, and that will be immensely fun. I'm being a touch flippant, but I am establishing the fact I hold nothing against the phenomenon of lingual globalization.

To be honest, I even like the little ending of 'owari' – it's charming and fits nicely in without eating my braincells. Pet names? Even a few honourifics? Feel free. As long as the tonology of the piece still flows across, we know why the random words are there, and perhaps some translations for the probies of the internet.

My true issue is pointless storylines. I am not referring to your typical introspective fiction, nor to your generic character building. Or even your fluff, oh I might even stuff my pillow with sweetness to be honest. What I'm talking about is the nonsensical twin of fluff. The one where those two characters from that show you like buy a new coffee machine and end up licking foam off one another's noses (oh wow that would be cute actually, foam is a new one) with a subverted lemon using the black screen of writer-not-ready and enough sweetness to choke a cookie.

Let us throw an extra warning onto such fictions; I thought this looked cute and wrote it, it would have been alright as a drawing, but in a fiction you may struggle to suspend your belief. Perhaps if those two characters from that show you liked were chefs, or coffee barristers, but, ahem, let's take a demon and a mortal bound to it, or some odd yarn like that. Not something you expect.

It has its place in fiction, perhaps, but there are too many of these stories where you cannot truly imagine how the characters end up in that position. It is the weird phrase mid fiction that makes you take a step back. It's the nonsensical adjective, or verb, or noun that is so filled with weirdness, you can't stay with the writing, and are jarred right back out of the words.

Beware.

We are all familiar with mary-sues; big ones, small ones, some as big as your head. However, whilst a Mary-Sue does have strange plot warping powers, namely that of being a black hole, in every description you care to choose – no light can escape it – they aren't in themselves a plot. However, I have come to identify something that I call the Mary-Sue Plot. I'm sure you know of it, to be truthful, there's a reason something would be called Mary-Sue. This plot, who you must fear as a semi-sentient beast, is the DANGER or DEPRESSION plot, or even a hybrid of the two.

The one that generally reads 'Character A is depressed and cutting for the lulz, can Character B see what's wrong and help Character A to stop cutting for the lulz? Pairings: Character A/Character B with a side dash of twopeopleyoucannotrecognize'.

You saw it, you can't unsee it. But truly, this plot can feature anything from attempted rape on one character, to a case of anorexia. There's nothing wrong about increasing awareness for diseases, but rule of thumb? Research it first. Otherwise, your story will only trivialize something that people – real people – are struggling with, as you use it as a plotting tool for hoemance. Yes, the shot characterization, and shoddy first person can all but sing with over-the-top teenager, which is bad enough, but the truly awful thing is the level of misunderstanding involved. Not all depressed people mope, not all anorexic people are skinny, not all diseases are anorexia, rape-trauma, or depression, with lashings of cutting. Some, perhaps, but I'm still holding out for the fiction where Character A is struggling with kleptomania, and who doesn't love compulsive lying Lyra? Give me a strong dose of OCD straight from Xenocide by Orson Scott Card and package up Holmes and his detailed world.

If you intend to write about trauma, sorrow, or anything, try to portray it realistically; don't get caught up in the characters yourself. Yes, you must write from the heart, but don't take a character and make them a mary-sue, and don't take an assumption and run with it to the wind. Take care to portray something respectful, realistic and one that can hopefully raise awareness. Whilst writing, in my opinion, should never be purely didactic, it should make an effort to ask questions. In this, I disagree with the classical thinking that writers should tell people the codes of morality, because I think it seems unseemly to know all the answers. Ask your questions, submit your ideas if you desire, and let each person answer alone. This does, however, require working knowledge of your question.

Wikipedia is your friend.

VI:

And so, in truth, I actually reach the conclusion of this little sojourn. I have attempted to identify some major problems that you should be able to notice from the description bar. I am not saying for you not to read them, but I am advising caution, particularly if you're looking for a very enjoyable fanfiction. However, one rule of thumb rule here, is that there are many stories far better than their descriptions. I wish you all the luck in finding those good stories, and enjoying them.

May your quills be ever sharp.