Confusing

Summary: Sam's thoughts when Luka told her about Abby's pregnancy. Hints of Samka

Disclaimer: I do not own Sam, Luka, Abby, or the events about ER. And the dialog taken from "Quintessence of Dust", which I also do not own. Tragically.

Luka wants to talk to me. That's fine. Since we broke up, we haven't had the time to talk. I'd be busy, he'd be busy. Either we'd be busy, or on some level we were ignoring each other. I can't speak for Luka, but the latter would be more my situation. But now we're talking. That's good. I miss this. I might be about to leave, but I have a few moments for Luka. Besides, I'm supposed to be getting something for Chuny. I can do both.

Luka seems tense and serious. What's this about anyway?

"About me and Abby," Luka says as he leans against the supply closet door. He's stammering.

"Luka," I chuckle. "I know about you and Abby. Everyone knows." I'm not stupid. It does not take rocket scientists to notice that Abby and Luka are an item. Why is he telling me this? Does he want my approval? My blessing?

I'm ok with this. I should say something. "And I really hope it works out," I find myself telling him. "Really, I want you to be happy." Honestly. I am ok with all of this. I made the decision to move out of Luka's. I did not want to be with him. But that doesn't mean that I want him to be miserable. I don't. Luka should be happy. If Abby makes him happy, then I'm happy for him.

Aren't I?

"There's, uh, there's a little more to it," Luka stumbles. This is clearly causing him some anxiety. Dread. What is it? Does he want to marry her or something?

"Abby and I, we're uh…" he starts. Why do I have this vague feeling that I'm not going to like the rest of this sentence?

Oh god. He already did it. He proposed to her. They're engaged.

Wait, she's not wearing a ring. I've been on a shift all day with her, and the only weird thing she did was eat ice cream sandwiches. My god, does she want to get fat?

"We're gonna have a baby," Luka finishes.

What? Did I hear him correctly? He didn't say that they were engaged. Good. They're just having a baby. Wait. "What!" I exclaim in shock.

"A baby," he repeats. Now he's more relaxed. This is for real. It certainly would explain Abby's recent ice cream sandwich fetish. I don't know what to think. I should know what I think. I should be happy for them. Two of my friends are in love. They're having a baby. Still, I can only manage to say, "Oh, wow," in response.

This is too mind-boggling. It's stupid. I mean, it's not stupid that they're having a baby. I know Luka always wanted more. Obviously, Abby's not turned off to the idea.

Luka looks at me. "I just didn't want you to hear it from someone else." His tone is genuine, sincere. He always was a good person, especially to me. He was the healthiest relationship I ever had.

"I, uh, appreciate that," I whisper. I'm not even aware of what I'm doing. Sound is coming from my mouth, I think in the form of words, but I don't know what they are. I think I'm asking about the due date.

"July," Luka states proudly.

"Wow, congratulations," I hear myself say. I move in to hug him. It feels nice to be in his arms again, even if the gesture is not a romantic one. At least, not to him. I'm not even thinking about what I'm dong anymore. All I can think of is Luka.

He and Abby are having a baby.

In July.

Quick mental math. At the very least, she's fourteen weeks along. A little over four months. February, January, December, November.

About a month, a month and a half after Luka and I broke up. That's when the two of them had sex.

Ouch.

I start babbling again to break the silence. I remember saying something about Chuny and medicine. It must have been because Luka handed me some medicine and leaves after wishing me a good evening.

This is stupid. Why should I feel like this? Why should this affect me so much? I was the one who wanted to end things with Luka. We wanted different things. Abby's ready to give him what he wants. I was not when we broke up, and I'm still not sure if I am now.

Logically, he should move on. He should be with her.

It's the best thing for the both of us.

Isn't it?