Observations
His
I don't know why it bothers me. I have no claim over her. And if one of us was meant to have a lover, a partner, a relationship, it would have to be her.
Alex is the one who deserves it. She's the one… she's the one who's waited too long.
And he's a nice guy. He is. She wouldn't have made it past two dates with him if he wasn't. She's a detective after all. She knows how to read people, how to sniff out a liar.
I haven't felt this miserable in years.
Hers
It's nice to be noticed. It's nice to be desired. Kevin is the first one in years who hasn't irritated the crap out of me once we got to the kissing stage.
He's confident. He knows what he likes. He knows what he wants, and he acts on it. He's not hesitant or nervous, and he's not pushy, either.
And you know, the morning after I had a good laugh with him. I could see this panning out to be something more, something lasting.
Bobby's a little beside himself. I guess he got used to being the only man in my life. But he's got to realize… how lonely I've been. He has to know that, right?
His
She's falling in love with him. I've been watching this for two weeks, now, and I've seen how she's settled in a little closer, how she's so comfortable with him now, hand-in-hand, skin-against-skin.
And Goddammit, it shouldn't bug me so damn much. Eames could never be mine, anyway. We have what we have. A partnership. A working relationship. Yeah, even friendship. It's good. He's not changing any of that.
But he likes to hold her hand. He likes to slow her down, holding her hand. He likes to have that control.
Hers
Bobby's really in a mood, today. When Kevin met us for drinks, he damned near bit his head off. Kevin wanted to leave, but I told him to give us a minute.
I said, "Bobby, what the hell is wrong with you?" and he growled "nothing" and I said "bullshit" and his eyes got all dark and his nostrils even flared.
And then he said something really bizarre. He said "You're the one who's always got the driver's seat. Don't forget, Alex."
And he fucking left. And Kevin said "good riddance," and I just tried to blow that off. But now I'm sitting here wondering what the hell Bobby meant. He wasn't talking about the fucking SUV.
His
I am so… fucking… I can't believe I did that.
All these fucking weeks, I've been managing it, the irritation.
Oh, fuck, Goren, be honest with yourself. The jealousy.
I'm fucking jealous of Kevin. And I've been lying to myself that I'm really just concerned for her. And so I try to pull that one over on her with a lousy driving metaphor.
I'm not concerned for her. If anything, I'm worried about me.
Eames deserves better. It's a good thing she found him. He's got to be ten times better than the likes of me.
Hers
It's not that he's upset, but it's that tone of his voice. "Nobody in their right mind spends so much time with a coworker," he says to me.
"A partner is a hell of a lot more than a coworker," I hiss back.
"How much more?" He demands, and his cheeks are burning red. "You said it's always been platonic."
"Oh, for Christ's sake!" I can't even believe he would go there. I thought Kevin was different. I thought he understood something.
That me and Bobby…
He's a part of the package.
I tell him that, too. I tell Kevin that if he can't accept Bobby, he can't be with me.
And he apologizes, and follows with the kisses.
I can feel everything twitching and I find myself apologizing too.
His
I'm just gonna pretend nothing happened. She'll come in like always, and I'll pass over her coffee like always, and we'll get the ball rolling on the case, and it will all be fine.
I'm her partner. That's what we do. That's who we are.
I grin and shove the coffee her way. She smiles and says "Good morning, Bobby," and then I have to open my fucking mouth.
"How's Kevin?" I ask, like I give a shit.
She gives me a stiff smile. "Fine. How are you?" she asks, and there's a definite probe in the question.
I can't even explain the emotion of the moment. Embarrassed, angry, sorrowful. Yeah, that's the tip of the iceberg. I cough a little, and wipe my arm over my forehead, and start babbling about the case.
Yeah. It's just like nothing happened.
Hers
He is acting so strange lately. I've been trying to tell myself it's got nothing to do with my love life, my new relationship. But this has gone on long enough. It's obvious.
How the hell did I wind up in this mess? My lover can't understand my relationship with my partner, and my partner can't get over my relationship with my lover.
And if I had a dime for everytime those words run through my head these days…
You're the one who's always got the driver's seat.
His
I called in sick for two days. Now I'm trying to remember my new password for the intranet and she's gonna be here any minute and I have to come up with some kind of story, some kind of why…
What the fuck did I change the password to, anyway?
Oh yeah…
BackseatDriver.
Hers
"Bobby, you okay? I was worried about you."
"Just a, uhm, a little, uh, stomach thing," he says.
He's lying. All the tells are there.
"I just, you know, didn't feel up to calling you back," he says. "Sorry about that."
Still lying.
"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better," I say.
"Yeah, me too," he mumbles. "Look, uh, Eames, I feel kinda bad about the other night with, you know, with him, with Kevin and I feel like I should make it up to him or something."
"Don't bother," I say. "It's over."
His
It's over? Just like that?
"S-s-sorry to hear that."
"I'm not," she says. "You were right, Bobby. I like to drive. I didn't like where he was taking us."
I can feel my lip turning up and I swipe my hand over my face to make it stop. She loved him, I tell myself. She doesn't need to see me so happy about her broken heart. "Well, uh… you know if you want to, uhm… talk…"
She slouches in her seat in that comfortable way of hers. "I wouldn't do that to you, Goren."
Hers
I find myself staring a little too long into his eyes. Bobby is always in motion, one way or another. Over the years, I've come to recognize that there's a language to the way he moves.
Right now he's fidgeting, but with that happy accent to it. He's relieved I'm not with Kevin anymore.
And you know what? It's okay. It's okay with me that he was a little uncomfortable with my short-lived relationship. It's okay that he's happy it's over.
I'm okay with it, too. After all, when I got back in the driver's seat, I headed straight back home. To Bobby.