I'm back! For some reason I totally forgot fanfiction writing is a hobby of mine until I got the loveliest review for my story from MagnusAndCleo so shout out to them for reminding me that I had this half-written fanfic already written! So I finished it and am also working on a bunch of new shorter one-shots (not just Ashicolo, don't worry) because I had forgotten how much I loved writing. So look forward to those!
This fic is dedicated to MagnusAndCleo and to all those wonderful readers who constantly remind me to get writing again with every follow, review, and favorite.
Nicolo Cassian dropped his small box of stuff onto an empty bed with a sigh before collapsing next to it. New state, new campus, and new everything. It was a miracle in itself he managed to get a scholarship to this school. The campus seemed great but right now... Well, he had just driven all day so he was a bit exhausted.
Luckily, the room seemed vacant.
He was closing his eyes to rest when he heard boxes rustling outside the door and someone talking in an annoyingly posh accent.
Please don't let that be my roommate, Nic prayed.
"Right in here," the voice said and Nic cursed any god he could think of when the door to his room opened. Correction- their room.
He sat up with a groan and watched as two men entered, one carrying boxes and who Nic automatically pegged as his roommate.
Interestingly enough the boxes were lowered onto the floor on the other side of the room and the man holding them was paid. He was paid quite generously, Nic noted silently.
Then the man who apparently would be his roommate turned toward him brightly and began talking. "Hello! You must be Nicolo. I'm Ashur, your roommate."
"Nic," he corrected as he took in the newcomer.
The accent was annoyingly posh and would most certainly grate on his nerves but even worse was his appearance. Not that it was a bad appearance, in fact he was very handsome, and that was exactly the problem. He had dark exotic skin, long black hair, and unsettlingly blue eyes and was altogether gorgeous. Nic did not describe other men as gorgeous lightly. Unfortunately, Ashur seemed to be the type of person people gravitated toward and that meant a not-so-quiet environment that Nic had been hoping to avoid.
He quickly came to the conclusion that he was stuck with an annoying, rich, and assumably social boy as his roommate.
He also realized he had been staring. "Hi," he greeted awkwardly hoping Ashur hadn't noticed.
The smirk he received suggested he had. Nic added arrogant to the list of why he already was against this rooming arrangement.
-0-
"Beautiful day today," Ashur commented from his desk by a window.
Nic looked up from his laptop briefly. "Yep," he agreed.
"Are you not going to head outside and do something?"
"What's there to do?" Nic asked.
"School activities, sports..." Ashur was cut off with an incredulous look from Nic. "... Laying in the grass and reading a book?"
"I'm good here," Nic told him.
Ashur simply shrugged and they didn't talk the rest of the day.
-0-
He didn't know why Ashur kept seeking him out for company. They were both working on different majors and minors, him in psychology and English and Ashur in history and political science. They had no reason to interact outside their dorm.
But for some reason, they did.
Nic would be sitting in the library pouring over the pages of his psychology book and Ashur would sit across from him with a greeting and then he would start his studying as well. Sometimes Nic would wake up to Ashur cooking an omelette in the small kitchen and there was always a second one for him. Every Thursday the both of them would go out to eat so that they wouldn't have to cook.
Nic supposed this was a normal roommate routine but from his original assessment he had assumed Ashur would have more people to hang out with in his free time. He was forced to change what he knew about him from annoying, rich, and social to simply just rich. The annoying came and went.
He learned that Ashur devoted much of his time to his schoolwork and classes. He didn't bother attending parties on or outside campus. He was an amazingly private person despite Nic seeing him interacting with a variety of numerous people.
He learned many other things from their small bits of conversation such as the fact Ashur was from India. He had a sister who attended a nearby Ivy League school and Nic had yet to meet her. What Ashur wanted to do most in the world was travel and become a historian. He was taking political science because his family played a strong part in politics and he wanted to be prepared in case he was dragged in. Nic also, interestingly enough, learned why he hadn't seen Ashur with a girlfriend so far (and he definitely could get one if he wanted) and that was that Ashur was very much gay. Nic wasn't told this directly but gathered it from a mention of a boyfriend or two the other man used to have in India that made it fairly obvious. He didn't know what to do with this information.
In turn, he told Ashur that he also had a sister who was working as a nurse. He told him all about growing up in California. He also shared his aspirations of being a child therapist.
Begrudgingly, Nic admitted that although Ashur did have a habit of tossing money around and still had that annoyingly posh accent, he wasn't bad. In fact, he would even consider them friends.
-0-
"Who were you just talking to on the phone?" Ashur asked as Nic entered the small kitchen area from his bed.
"My friend Cleo," he answered simply.
"You sounded friendly," Ashur commented casually.
Nic snorted, "Well, she IS my best friend so it's probably good that we did."
"From California?"
"Yep," he smiled fondly. "She goes to Harvard now and was just complaining about her roommate's brother."
"Sounds exciting," Ashur commented sounding amused.
"Not if you're the one she calls to rant to."
"Nevertheless," he laughed.
Nic shrugged but he was smiling. "So what's for dinner today?"
-0-
The problem with having Ashur kiss you was not the fact it was Ashur kissing you but the fact that when you run away afterward because you are decidedly Not Gay, you have to room with Ashur afterward.
It started off simply enough. Nic had decided to go to a bar in celebration of passing one of his tests and Ashur decided to tag along. A couple drinks later (not enough for Nic to blame anything on alcohol) there he was. Ashur was leaning forward and then his lips were on his.
Time didn't stop but it seemed grow impossibly long. It felt like forever and Nic was suddenly conscious of every bit of Ashur that was touching him. His hand was on his neck and his nose brushed against his and their knees were touching. Nic moved to react, whether positively or negatively he wasn't even sure, and Ashur pulled away to smirk at him.
Nic blinked in confusion. And then again. Ashur waited patiently for his mind to catch up to the events that just happened.
When it did, he ran. Because what was he supposed to say, I appreciate the gesture but I'm Not Gay and don't like you in that way? Thinking back, that's probably what he should have done to avoid potential awkwardness in their place. The kiss might not have even meant anything anyway because as far as he could tell maybe Ashur just that type of person and Nic could never tell if he was just being the charming unfazed person he always was. But then again, nobody kissed people for no reason.
Instead, he avoided Ashur where he could.
Ashur still sat with him in the library every once in awhile and they still had some dinners together. Nic tried to act the same as before and the incident was never mentioned.
-0-
"The new Marvel movie came out this week," Ashur commented one day as Nic picked at his food.
"Yes, it did," he agreed.
"Want to go see it with me?"
Nic paused. "Umm..."
Ashur sensed his hesitation and as always the reason behind it.
"It's not a date unless both parties are in agreement it's a date," Ashur sighed exasperatedly. "I meant as my roommate. Bring a friend if it makes you more comfortable."
After another second of thinking Nic agreed, "Okay."
"Okay to bringing a friend or just to going?"
It took Nic a moment to remember Ashur was pretty much the only one around here that he would consider inviting to such an activity. It was a depressing thought.
"Just us," he decided. "But it's not a date."
Ashur smiled and it was almost infectious. "Of course not," he said, waving the idea off. "Why would it be?"
The wink as he said it filled Nic with varying emotions reaching from frustration to confusion.
-0-
Nic blamed the 'kiss incident' because that's when it first started going downhill. He started wondering what it would be like to kiss Ashur again. He became much more attuned to when Ashur would place his hand over his or on his shoulder and all the casual touches. Ashur was a very hands-on person, he noticed. He wondered if Ashur would stop with the jostling of shoulders, the casual brushes of knuckles, and sliding fingers if Nic held his hand.
It was weird because he was Not Gay and Not Gay people didn't have these thoughts about their roommates.
Nic did what he always did when reaching an insolvable problem which was call Cleo. She suggested considering the fact that maybe he was not as Not Gay as he thought. Nic wished she hadn't suggested that because now it was stuck in the back of his mind when he looked at Ashur. Lots of the times it even made it to the front of his mind.
The two of them were back to normal and if there was ever a worse time to not be Not Gay, it was that time. It would screw their whole new arrangement up.
Nic knew it was all doomed however when they were snowed in during the Christmas season and Ashur put on a sweater.
No one was allowed to look that good in a Christmas sweater.
But there he was, sitting by the snowy window, reading a book, and tugging that stupid fancy rich boy cashmere sweater over his fingers every time he reached an interesting part of the story. His black hair wasn't tied back in a ponytail that day and every once in awhile it would fall in front of his eyes just to be pushed back again. Ashur's cheeks were slightly pink from the cold and he would flex his bare toes to keep them warm. He looked absolutely adorable which was unfair because his sweater was bright pink of all colors and it had the cheesiest designs of Christmas icons.
It was all very ridiculous but it was undeniable in that moment that maybe Nic was a little bit gay.
-0-
"I got you a Christmas present," Ashur said when Christmas season was almost up.
"Good, because I got you one as well," Nic commented.
Ashur laughed and handed Nic a gold wrapped present. Nic had to dig through the mess under his bed but eventually withdrew a red bag topped with tissue paper.
"You first," Ashur suggested.
Nic shrugged and unwrapped it carefully before laughing as he opened it. It was a leather journal that he knew for a fact cost about $13.99 because he had bought the same one for Ashur. He couldn't stop laughing. Ashur's confused expression only resulted in another bout of laughter.
"I thought you might need one for all that psychology stuff you do?" Ashur explained, but it sounded more like a confused question.
"Open yours," Nic managed to gasp out.
Ashur did and then laughed with him. "Great minds think alike."
"It's for your travels," Nic explained.
"Thank you," Ashur said genuinely and Nic smiled back.
"Thank you too."
"Oh, yours isn't done yet," Ashur chuckled.
"Of course not," Nic groaned, because of course he couldn't have left it at that. Much of his original assessment of his roommate had been wrong but he was right about one thing. Ashur was an rich boy with a spending habit. "We get each other literally the same thing and you still have to top me with you and your money."
"Most people swoon at the sight of me and my money."
Nic didn't know how to respond to that. Was that a subtle reference to 'the kissing incident' or… Ashur took the silence as an opportunity to gesture toward the journal he was holding. "Open it."
So he did.
"Two tickets to your favorite band," Ashur explained unnecessarily.
Nic gained his ability to speak back after another second of staring at them. "Thank you," he repeated.
Ashur smirked, leaning back on his hands. "You're welcome. So who are you going to take with you?"
Nic invited him. It was only fair, after all.
-0-
Everyone knows it's a New Year's Eve tradition to kiss someone during the first seconds of the new year. Nic traveled back to California for a couple days to attend the Bellos family annual New Year's extravaganza and was constantly reminded of this there.
Cleo had a new boyfriend in the form of their childhood friend Theon. Emilia's fiancé, Simon, was constantly seen by her side. Nic's sister Mira had brought Aron and although Nic disliked him at least she had someone. Even everyone he didn't even know seemed to have dates. Cleo's roommate, Lucia, for example looked like model next to her god of a boyfriend.
But he did have Ashur and his sister Amara who had invited themselves along as they couldn't travel all the way back home for the new year and back again in time for classes.
Automatically Amara left the two of them alone to flirt with one of the singles in the room, Lucia's brother, Magnus, if Nic was correct in matching the vivid descriptions Cleo had given him.
For the first part, he mostly wandered and caught up with many of his old friends. Ashur seemed to do fine socializing on his own as Nic knew he would. But then Cleo caught up to him.
"Your new friend is very handsome," she said from behind him.
Nic startled and swung away from his conversation to envelop her in a hug on sight. "Cleo!"
She laughed. "Nic! Hello!"
From there the topic lead from school to Cleo's latest adventures with her roommate and a merry band of social revolutionaries, as they called themselves. Nic could have spoken to her all day but eventually, her eyes wandered behind him and she brought an end to the conversation.
"Kiss him," she suggested vaguely as she brushed past him to make an escape. Nic didn't have to ask what she was talking about. "Do something daring for once."
And then suddenly Ashur was there with two glasses of wine, one outstretched to Nic. Again, Nic was drawn into conversation and for a moment he forgot that whether he was Not Gay or not. They were just two friends celebrating New Year's Eve and arguing over the morals of Severus Snape. There was liquor and ridiculous party hats and an hour to midnight, Ashur and Nic were joking around as if the kissing tradition didn't hover above them like a cloud.
Time ticked closer until all gazes were on the TV watching Times Square and the large ball drop.
"Five!" the crowd started counting down.
Nic avoiding looking at Ashur.
"Four!"
He couldn't help it. When he glanced over Ashur was looking straight at him.
"Three!"
Nic's stomach tossed and he suddenly felt nervous. Would Ashur even dare to kiss him again? Could Nic?
"Two!"
Since when had Ashur been standing that close to him? Or had he always been?
"One!"
Ashur looked surprisingly hesitant, tilting his head as if asking permission. Nic, feeling brave, raised an eyebrow as if asking who else was going to kiss him on New Year's Eve. After all, who was he to break tradition?
The ball dropped and the room burst out in cheers and nonsensical noise.
It was Nic who made the first move, pressing a chaste kiss to Ashur's lips before pulling away.
His mind went into overdrive and his stomach flipped as if he was going to fly if he continued thinking so much. It hadn't really even been anything, just a brush of lips for ceremonies sake. Ashur's smile was so infectious that he couldn't help but smile back and he could feel the pink in his cheeks. He hoped to god that it would be passed off as an effect of the alcohol.
Nic raised a glass of champagne and Ashur returned the gesture.
"Happy New Year," he offered.
"A very happy New Year indeed," Ashur agreed serenely.
From behind Ashur's back, Nic received a wink from Cleo before she dragged off Theon to the snack table. All bravado suddenly gone, he excused himself to celebrate the new year with some of his old friends.
When he looked behind him, Ashur was already conversing with an expression of calm that Nic had yet to achieve.
He was so irrevocably doomed.
-0-
Ashur had something against him and Nic swore it on his life. He was simply eating a bowl of cereal one day and suddenly there he was. Standing in the bathroom door with just his boxers.
"You wouldn't have happened to see my laundry, would you?" Ashur asked.
Nic almost choked. "Nope," he manage to get out.
"Shame," Ashur frowned, looking around the room. Nic on the other hand was avoiding looking at the other man's chest. It was a fruitless attempt and he chose to keep his eyes on his cereal.
Why was it so hard to be Not Gay?
"Your stuff might fit me," Ashur contemplated and Nic's head snapped up. "Do you mind if I borrow something just for today?"
It's not like he was rude enough to say no and at least Ashur would be wearing something.
"Sure," he croaked.
"Lovely," Ashur smirked. "It'll be back by tonight, I swear."
Nic didn't trust himself to speak and instead finished up the rest of his breakfast. When Ashur joined him he was wearing one of his flannel shirts and jeans. It seemed a little weird to see him without his expensive shirts and fancy rich boy clothes. It looked good. Like really good. Nic's heart jumped when he saw him and he blamed the caffeine in the coffee he was brewing.
Ashur must have seen something in his glance because he shrugged. "I can wear normal clothes too, you know. A little big though."
Nic thought it fit perfectly but he appreciated the effort.
True to his word, Ashur's laundry had been tracked down and cleaned by the time Nic got back from one of his late night classes. Nic's own clothes were folded neatly on his bed.
He felt disappointed when Ashur entered wearing his usual attire. This really was past the point where he could still claim to be Not Gay.
"Thanks for the favor, mate," he said with a smile and Nic smiled tightly back.
"Any time."
-0-
Nic called Cleo. "I'm gay," he said as soon as she picked up.
It was silent on the other side of the phone and Nic would almost have been worried if not for the fact Cleo was trying to hold back a smartass remark.
"I know," she decided upon.
"I know you know."
"Then why'd you tell me?" she asked and he sighed.
"Saying things out loud make it real. I think I need to start accepting that."
"It's okay to be gay, Nic," Cleo assured him.
"I like girls," Nic felt the need to point out.
"That's okay too. You can like both."
There was silence as they both took in the information. They were saying nothing they hadn't known before but it had a new weight to it. Words spoken out loud tended to have that effect.
"I wish I still liked you," Nic decided to comment. "It would be much easier."
"It would be much easier if I could like you back," Cleo agreed. "But instead, you know Lucia's brother? I'm stuck with him. He's the rudest person in the world but lately… I don't know… It's complicated. Why can't life being simpler?"
As the psychology major he was, Nic couldn't help comment, "Most things aren't actually complicated. Our minds just make them out to be."
-0-
Nic knew he was complicating things. He was gay (probably bi but at this moment it didn't seem like it mattered) and was attracted to Ashur. Ashur was gay and possibly attracted to Nic. It should have been easy. He just had to jump over the first hurdle.
The question was how.
It was the beginning of February and Valentine's Day was coming up quickly by now but that was besides the point. Nic didn't want to be one of those cliques where they plan a big announcement for the special day of love and then there's a happily ever after. Not that he didn't want a happily ever after. He had just never believed in the concept.
So it was the ninth of February when the topic was able to be brought up. Or, no, that was the wrong phrasing. It was the ninth of February when the two of them were eating their Thursday dinner and Ashur smiled in a way that made Nic think it was unfair to Ashur not to know how much the action made his stomach flip.
Don't make it complicated, he thought.
"I've decided I'm gay," he said rather quickly, interrupting their calm silence.
Ashur raised a single elegant eyebrow at his outburst. "I'm almost completely positive that's not something you can just decide."
Nic struggled for words. "I'm meant… I've recently come to the conclusion that I might be bisexual."
Ashur was almost smirking and Nic hated him for it. "Did you really?"
"Yes," he said shortly.
"And what made you come to this conclusion?"
He was teasing and Nic knew he was. It frustrated him to no end because here he was, coming out to his roommate, and said roommate was acting like he already knew. Maybe he did.
"There's a hot guy in my psych class," Nic said dryly.
Ashur continued to be annoyingly unfazed and knowing. He leaned back in his seat casually as he asked, "Why tell me?"
"You know why," Nic said honestly.
There was silence between the two of them as they both considered what that meant and the possible endings from here.
"I just," Nic swallowed as he struggled to push on and it seemed impossibly loud. "Thought you might want to know."
"Because I'm gay and want to kiss you?" Ashur asked calmly and Nic flushed.
He had suspected as much, he would even go so far as to say he had known, but having it confirmed was another thing. He could only nod in confirmation.
"Okay," Ashur said simply.
After a second, they both continued eating their food, fully aware they were in a public place. Conversation flowed into more casual topics and Nic's heart rate slowed down to a much normal pace. For a couple minutes, he almost forgot about it.
When they were walking back to their dorm, Ashur snaked his hand into Nic's and suddenly all the work he had done to calm himself down at the restaurant had been useless. He glanced over at Ashur and found that he was watching him too, as if making sure it was okay. Nic looped his fingers through Ashur's and they both continued walking as if this was a completely normal everyday occurrence.
-0-
Nic was unsure exactly what was happening on Valentine's Day. It had only been a week, less than that, since Nic had confessed he liked men and he wasn't sure where that had put him. Ashur had continued to act as normal, as long as you counted the occasional entwining of fingers and smiles seeming more private than usual, as if they had a secret. It was something but it didn't have a name.
The day passed with the occasional couple delivering flowers and candy hearts. It was cheesy and ridiculous. Cleo called to rant about Magnus who apparently not only delivered her a mock crown and not only that- she had seen a girl exiting his apartment when she came to yell at him. Nic was both glad and a little disappointed that the festivities were passing him by with very little effect.
When he got home from his English literature class, Ashur was sitting on their couch with a crossword puzzle. Nic sat down beside him.
"Hey," Nic greeted.
"Hello," Ashur greeted kindly back, tapping his pencil against his lips as he studied his paper. His other arm went to rest on the back of the couch behind Nic. "Do you by chance know anything about football?"
"The American football or British football?" Nic asked.
"British."
"Very little," Nic admitted.
Ashur shrugged and moved on to the next answer leaving him to question how to approach this thing about Valentine's Day. Or possibly whether or not to even touch that button.
Ashur solved the problem for him, "Happy Valentine's Day."
"Yep," he agreed. "Are we supposed to be doing something for this holiday or…"
"I thought we'd stay in. There's too much happening outside with the whole hearts and Cupid thing," Ashur said, looking up at him.
Nic snorted in agreement but there was still something weighing on his chest. "Ashur," he started and the other man seemed to sense his tone because he put down his crossword as Nic continued. "What do you call this?"
It wasn't very specific but he could tell Ashur knew what he meant as he gestured between them. Ashur removed his arm from the back of the couch.
"What do you want it to be?"
Nic wasn't sure. "More than what it is now," he decided.
Ashur grinned. "Good."
And then they were kissing for the first time since New Years which admittedly was not that long ago. But it was not after a couple drinks too many and it wasn't for the sake of social convention, it was because he wanted to.
It was nice.
After what seemed like only a couple seconds but possibly had been more, Nic fell back against the couch with a groan. "Oh god."
"I can't tell whether that's a good or bad reaction," Ashur hummed in amusement.
"I've fallen into the Valentine's Day trap," Nic explained while Ashur laughed.
"No you haven't," he assured him. "It just happens to be Valentine's Day, it's not because it's Valentine's Day."
Nic considered this before agreeing, "Alright."
"Good," Ashur said before kissing him quickly again. "Because I've been trying to seduce you for months."
Nic choked and was sure his face was as red as a tomato truck. "What?"
"No one loses all their clothes for no reason," Ashur said smugly as if that was only the most prominent example.
Nic hated him a little. He had done that on purpose? Likely all the small touches as well that had drove Nic crazy once he realized he had a crush on him.
"You thought I was Not Gay," Nic said more for the sake of himself than Ashur.
Ashur raised an eyebrow in a way that spoke levels of how much he doubted that.
"Oh, right, because no one can be straight around you," Nic said sarcastically.
"You couldn't," Ashur smirked and Nic couldn't argue with that.
"Shut up," Nic said when failing to come up with a proper response.
"You're right, there are much better things we could be doing," Ashur said in that ever so casual way of his and Nic swore his blush was never going to die down.
"Let's just stick to what I know, for now," Nic felt the need to say awkwardly.
"I would never pressure you into anything you don't want to do," Ashur replied with a genuine smile and Nic smiled back with relief. At least before the joking, "You'll be begging for it by tomorrow anyway."
Nic sputtered while Ashur laughed and kissed him before he could over think that particular statement.
"Take all the time you want," Ashur assured him as their foreheads brushed together.
Nic tangled his hand in Ashur's long hair as he drew him in for another kiss that he thought he would never get tired of. His other hand slipped into Ashur's. It was strange to be kissing a guy but not any stranger than kissing a girl, he supposed. Ashur was confident and Nic was clumsy and it balanced in the middle. Because it was Ashur however, Nic thought it was perfect- understanding and full of all the emotions they were feeling. Passionate, sweet, and amazingly soft.
He never wanted to let go but didn't let it go farther. After a minute, he pulled away and grabbed the wordcross, one hand still holding Ashur's. "So how far did you get with this?"
-0-
Cleo finally called a couple days later, a couple minutes after he posted a picture of him and Ashur on Instagram with no caption but a kissy face emoji which had served no purpose than to make Ashur laugh.
"Why didn't you tell me!?" was the first thing he heard when picking up his phone.
Nic was confused for only a second before laughing. "I'm still trying to figure out how I went from being in love with my best friend to dating my roommate."
"You could have told me in person rather than Instagram post," Cleo said reasonably.
"It's a new thing."
Cleo seemed to understand and was silent before asking, "How long did it take you to get it together?"
"Honestly? We went on our first date yesterday."
"Nic!" he could hear Cleo say exasperated. "You missed Valentine's Day!"
"Valentine's Day is overrated," Nic said and Cleo sighed.
"Nic…"
"Also, we went on our first date yesterday. I got it together a week ago," he added before Cleo could continue.
She laughed.
"I'm happy for you," she said softly and it struck Nic as a very honest moment.
"Thanks," he said back because her opinion was everything to him.
"Next time, call me as soon as you so much as you even kiss with potential romantic interests," she instructed bossily and Nic rolled his eyes.
"I would have had to call you months ago."
"What!?" Cleo shrieked but she was laughing. Nic was as well. "Nicolo Cassian! How much have you not been telling me?"
Nic heard rather than saw Ashur enter their dorm and turned around smile in greeting. Ashur raised his eyebrow at the phone and Nic mouthed 'Cleo'. Ashur chuckled.
"Gotta go," he told Cleo, keeping eye contact with Ashur who looked extremely amused.
"Oh no you don't-" Cleo started but Nic hung up anyway.
"She's going to be mad at you later," Ashur said the moment Nic's phone was down.
Nic shrugged. "She'll forgive me."
His phone started buzzing with texts and Ashur raised his eyebrow. Nic shut down his phone.
"I can talk to her later when you aren't here," Nic explained at Ashur's questioning gaze.
He grinned and Nic refused to be embarrassed. "Besides, the game is on," he added quickly as he plopped down on the couch.
Ashur didn't point out that Nic didn't even like watching football and sat down next to him.
They didn't end up watching TV.