Yay a new story ~ I have an awesome line of events for this story ! please read it and tell me what do you think

here's the first chapter.

oh you might find it so depressing but don't worry things will get better

I think I think too much

Hikaru POV

I am a sad , miserable and depressed person .

" I believe that before 3000 years I had a cruel talk with the great God Zues , and he is torturing me since then " I said to the man standing behind the bar while having my beer

" where you alive 3000 years before?" he questioned me while laughing

"we all were " I put 3 dollars to him on the table and went out .

I've put my hat on and my hands in my pockets . the sky was drizzling on me as well as the streets were enforcing me into them. I no more can recognize the beauty of this world. Everything was so depressing and I had no single reason to smile , basically on this earth nothing deserves to live . when people smile and laugh it's because they are shallow and silly, all that makes them happy is materialize . all that makes them sad is losing it . I might be young to get this view about life but yeah it happened. Darkness is all I had in my 21 years and nothing more .

after the death of my parents , five years ago . a friend to the family has stolen all my parents money . and since then, I and my twin brother live miserably in a small apartment . which I fail to pay its rent most of the time that in the end I started stealing money from people pockets . Decent into nothingness was all I mastered.

It was late and I was walking home .

Our apartment stands in a dismal street , a very old and dreadful building that visitors would think it's hunted by ghosts .

beside the apartment there was a small bakery that I used to visit all the time .

"welcome Hikaru . it's too late I thought you wouldn't come today" the old man named Jiff , the owner of the bakery was too nice to me that I was always doubting he wants something with me .

" yeah I was hanging out. So is there anything left for me today?" the man gives me bread almost everyday

" yes I kept them here for you" he gave me the bread and a small box " what's in that ?" I questioned him " my wife kept those herbs for Kaoru . she says if he drinks it at morning he'll get better " . " oh it's so nice of her . Thank her a lot for me " I took the stuff and left " good night Jiff"

walked to the apartment ,I opened the door and went in " I am home " I said but probably I wouldn't get any good answer

" where the fuck were you ! I am starving here !" Kaoru screamed from his place on the sofa

" no need to scream okay ! I got you food " I said

" I was about to die here !" he walked to me and took the bread and started eating it with his soup.

about my twin , he's so not-thankful to me and he's so temperamental all the time . " you are lame " I said to him

"did you even left any soup for me?" I asked him

"no. I was too hungry and ate it all by myself".

"WHAT! I go out all day trying to fucking collect money for that bustard so he doesn't kick us out and all you do is sleeping here and so selfishly eating all the food we have ! " I got seriously mad at him and left to the room .

laid myself down on our old bed and covered myself "I am sick of this life …I am sick of it" whispered to myself. But he's sick . he can't go out and work .. he would collapse and they would kick him out .. I should understand this..i should keep fine with it …" whispered to myself

"I was lying .." he said from beside the door . I didn't even notice he was standing there " I ..left you some .. if you want.." he murmured

" I don't want it , just leave me alone" I said calmly but seems he didn't want to leave .

he climbed the bed with me . without looking at my eyes . he raised my arm and covered his face on my chest then wrapped his arms around me

" I was left alone all day" he murmured as well

" I know " I coldly answered

"I am scared Hikaru"

"don't be" I coldly answered again

"what if I died anytime soon?" he asked .

what if he dies ..i don't know what to do then , I am only staying alive for him . if he dies I don't know what to do . maybe I'd start thinking about myself a little . maybe I'd have a girlfriend . maybe I'd start keeping money and move out of this place

" if you die.. I am going to be fine" I whispered but I was sure he heard me because he simply separated from me and left the room. Regret? No I don't feel anything . he's a burden to me and we both know this , long time ago I used to love him . we used to make love and we used to be lovers. But lately . since our life turned to hell, I no more feel anything towards him or towards life. I am bored , I just don't care about anything and all I want is to leave ..

I knew I hurt kaoru by saying so .. and I know he might hurt himself thinking that I might be happy but really .. I know even if he dies .. nothing will change to the best. Everything will stay the same . the only thing that would change is that I'll be all alone without anybody to share me bed . I brought all my power and left the bed .

"what are you doing?" I asked him .

he was holding a blade and wanted to cut himself. I know he's weaker than doing such thing . he scares of death more than anyone else . and he was too selfish to let his life go for my own sake.

" I will kill myself"

"no you won't.." I just stood there looking at him on the ground .

he was such a mess . his hair was long to his shoulders . his face was pale and there were black bags under his golden eyes ..that were wet now. I leant down beside him and took the blade away

" I use this to shave ..and I don't have another. If you dirt it with your blood I won't use it again" I was mean and I know it .

long time ago I used to be a loving person full of care towards him. But you know every mountain falls.

I looked empty at the wall upon us "you said you left some soup to me right?" I looked at him . he was crying. Hiding his face with his hands and simply crying .

"do you think that things would be fixed if you cried your eyes out like this? Nothing will change kaoru..nothing".

"Hikaru..I still love you " that didn't shock me cause I know he didn't change much like me because I lost all the love for him . I am miserable and I hate everything right now .

" go sleep" I told him , he came closer to me and left a kiss on my cheek and left me alone on the cold floor.

"Why am I 10 feet under and upside down? Burly surviving has become my purpose , cause I am so used to living underneath the surface." I sang to myself

I stood up and opened the box that Jiff gave me . boiled some water and put the herbs on it then put it in kaoru's mug and took it to him

"kao.. I made you something " he looked at me from under the covers " is that a poison ?" he asked .

I looked so empty at him for some seconds ,I am wondering why the pain never deserted me , the sadness , the sorrow , be wilderness that never left. I drank a little "it's only a herb". I handed him the hot mug

"thank you"

kaoru thanked me ! I got surprised .. it actually felt a little good when he thanked me

"you're welcome"

"I want..I want to take you out tomorrow " I can't believe what I just said . why did I want to take him out ! . did I miss him beside me . I sat beside him on the bed " I'd love to" he said while looking down to his mug . trying again? I am nothing like what I like to be and my chances are as few. If I could be someone else instead of me I'd give him all I got. If I could be another guy instead of me I'd never let him down. I am in the road , don't know where it goes or where it leads . I am just here not even moving . I want him to go away yet I want him to stay with me .. I don't know what do I want anymore. I want to be a little less sad

please leave reviews !

thanks for reading . chapter 2 is coming