AUTHOR'S NOTE! Oh. My. God. It's my very first yaoi fic. EVER. So naturally, it has crack and AkuRoku. Or course. I should get a medal. Umm. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I was on crack while I wrote this. Hopw it doesn't melt your brains too much, kay? Enjoy~ :D

PAIRINGS! AkuRoku. Zemyx. Soiku. And any other random ones I decide to throw in here. :D

EDIT! I didn't have time to proofread last night, so I did today. Yay for procrastination~

DISCLAIMER! Sadly, I don't own Kingdom Hearts or it's characters. That belongs to Square Enix, kthnx. And no. Wal-Mart isn't mine either. -sadface-

I: "Madness with A Side of Sims, Please."
In which sanity is sacrificed for the good of The Sims 3.

It was only in a dire situation when Roxas would even consider asking Hayner for a ride, let alone risk actually getting into a car with him.

Roxas Strife liked living, thank you very much.

And as the screech of well-worn brakes screamed in Roxas's ears, on the verge of making his delicate eardrums explode, the blonde wondered if his current situation counted as dire. Not daring to loosen his vice-like grip on the upholstery of the seat he was occupying, Roxas very nearly slapped himself.

Of course The Sims 3 was worth it.
Of course it was.

"Hayner.. When was the last time you had your brakes checked?"

"Huh? Oh those things? Never bothered. Like hell I'm wasting my well-earned cash on something like that." Was the blunt response. Hayner swerved out of the way of a kid on a bike, tongue poking out in concentration, honking loudly to punctuate his point. Roxas paled, and clutched at the seat harder — His fingers were starting to go numb.

He would've done the smart thing and driven himself, if not for the curse of learner's permits and needing a parent — or a driver over the age of twenty one — in the car with him.

Damn his mother and her random spa/shopping/girl's night out/I'm-sick-and-tired-of-my-sons days.
This was all her fault.

And so, lacking in both another parent and someone over the age of twenty-one, it was a desperate Roxas indeed that came to Hayner (via texting...Desperate texting) and begged the older boy for a ride.

A ride where?
So far to four different Best Buys, five Gamestops, one Burger King, two Blockbusters, two gas stations, and one Twilight Town Mall.

All in hopes of finding one copy of The Sims 3.
Just one little copy was all Roxas wanted.

On the first day it was released.

Was that so much to ask?

Apparently so, because every store he dragged Hayner into had the same answer:

Sold. Out.

The two most terrible words any true gamer that hasn't pre-ordered a copy before the release date can ever hope to hear. Roxas nearly cried when even the mall — the freaking mall of all places — didn't carry a copy. But being the manly-man, almost-sort-of-quite-nearly-there straight person he was, the blonde could only suck it up and try to find another store.

Sigh.

Hayner took a loud sip from a soda cup, filled with Pepsi and brandishing the Burger King logo, nearly hitting a stray cat as he did so. Not daring to say anything as he proceeded to run a stop sign and flip off some innocent old lady who only wanted to cross the street, since Hayner did after all drive him all around the city, Roxas bit his lip and chewed pensively.

The digital clock over the shiny, new satellite radio (something Hayner was all too happy to spend his money on) signaled that it was 10:07. At night. Oh crap.

Everything would have closed by now.

Even if it was a Friday night.

"So where to now, Rox?" came the impending question. As much as it killed Roxas to admit it, there was nowhere else to go..

Wait.

Almost in an other-worldly answer to his adolescent problems, Roxas saw it..
The light from a street lamp shone on the large, blue sign.
A large yellow smiley face did what it did best; it smiled at Roxas. Just for Roxas.

Wal-Mart. In all it's open 24/7 glory.

It was as if the angles of department stores, cheapness, and air conditioning sang to him.

"...There. That's where I'll find it."

Somehow managing not to scream like a small girl on helium as Hayner swerved, ran across three unsuspecting bushes, and screeched to a halt in the parking space, Roxas slammed the car door of the beat-up car. By some miracle, it didn't fall off. Thanking his lucky stars, the blonde teen began to walk down the field of asphalt, and towards the shining light that came from Wal-Mart.

It was so heavenly...

Biting his lip once more, Roxas held back the urge to run inside, flailing his arms and screaming live a savage. He didn't need Hayner thinking he was crazy, now did he?. But then again, it wasn't his fault that his best friend simply didn't understand the thrill of creating your very own digital people and controlling their digital lives. Now with better graphics, and the ability to visit your neighbors.

Ah, the beauty of spending summer days in an air conditioned room and living out simulated lives.

Roxas wasn't crazy. Or in need of a life.
Of course not.

Finally, finally, Hayner caught up with him, pocketing the keys to his car. Roxas took a breath and proceeded to step through the automated doors, a welcome blast of air conditioned air hitting his slightly sweaty face. Ah, nothing like the smell of reduced prices and quality service.

"Hi there! Welcome to Wal-Mart~" an enthusiastic male nearly pounced on the two teens. Roxas blinked.

Maybe it was his eighties-era mullet, or his too-big-to-fit-on-his-face grin, or the 'I (Heart) David Bowie' pin on the boy's blue vest, but something told Roxas that this guy was missing a few marbles. Or had a diet that only consisted of Pixie Stix and pure, unrefined sugar. Either one seemed to work.

Who could be so damn happy about working as a Wal-Mart greeter, anyway?

Each man to his own, Roxas decided with a few tentative steps away from Mullet-Boy.

"Can I help you two with anything?" Another big, cheesy grin and an innocent blink of the eye followed this.

"Um.. Yeah," Roxas was still debating if her should run far, far away to the next aisle and find someone else, "I was wondering..."

Suddenly, static filled the store, and a voice cackled through the speakers.

"Calling employee number nine, Demyx Myde. Calling Mullet-Man to the front desk. A lost boy was found; about four feet tall and emo, blue-ish emo hair, carrying a generic emo-kid diary... Can the parent of this poor emo child — Mullet-Man — come and pick shorty up? That'll be all, fuckers."

Another cackle, and the bubbly pop of Katy Perry (Roxas inwardly shuddered) once more filled the store.

There was silence, only interrupted by I kissed a girl, and I liked it. Oh, I liked it...

And then the strange boy in front of Roxas stomped his foot down, a childish pout etched on his young features.

"That's not funny, Axel!" he whined loudly, facing the direction over where a sign with 'Customer Relations' hung, "You do that every time Zexion comes to visit me!"

He — whom upon closer inspection, Roxas found a name-tag that indeed read Demyx Myde, with a small happy face scribbled in — let out a childish little huff, and turned to face the blonde. An apologetic smile dusted his features, and Demyx ran a hand through his hair (how he didn't mess up the mullet, Roxas had no idea).

"Sorry, dude. Something," he smiled sheepishly, "came up. I'm sure someone else will help you though! Bye~"

And with that, he scurried off, the soles of his worn and bright orange Converses slapping the polished floors gently.

Roxas sighed, not knowing whether it was of relief or stress, and turned to face Hayner.
Or at least, where Hayner was a few minutes ago.

Only empty space greeted him.

"Greeeeat. He must have run off somewhere, leaving me all alone here. Great. Just great," the blonde muttered to himself, walking down the overly-polished hall.

A few halls, racks of clothing, and Jonas Brothers/Miley Cyrus posters later, Roxas had still found no help. But more importantly, he had still found no Sims 3. That is until, once more like an other-worldly answer to his whims, a tall figure stalked past him — His white clothing, blonde hair, and Roxas's Simsless-induced delusional state made him seem nearly angelic. The blonde teen practically mowed him over once he spotted the signature blue Wal-Mart vest atop the white clothing.

It was truly a man sent from heaven.

"Hey, um. I need some help..." his excitement to have finally found an employee, however, quickly faded when he noticed that this one was as strange — if not more so — than the other one, Demyx-Myde-with-a-smiley-face.

"Yes, yes. We here at Wal-Mart pride ourselves on providing assistance to our loyal customers. How may I be of help to you?" venomous green eyes scrutinized Roxas with interest as the man spoke in a slightly high-pitched and nasaly voice. Roxas took a few steps back away from the middle-aged man, eyeing the man with a raised eyebrow. The way this strange person — Vexen, his name tag depicted in a neat script — composed himself freaked the blonde teen out a little. It was like Roxas was a lab rat or something. Ugh.

"Y-Yeah..." the teen cleared his throat, remembering his dire need to come here in the first place, "I was kind of wondering if you carried a copy of—"

But alas, poor Roxas was once more cut off.
This time, by a wild shriek, and a rather large man throwing himself ungracefully atop a pile of Bounty paper towels.

Vexen whirled around, his eyes widening in a crazy, nearly laughable fashion. Roxas peeked out from behind him to see what was going on.

A screech could be heard, and then came a lone shopping cart, speeding past the aisle Roxas was in so that it was just a blur. The blonde teen could only just make out a flash of red and a blue vest, before the cart sped away.

"Better watch yourself, there, Lexy!" a familiar voice cackled. Roxas recognized it from the one who had spoken on the intercom a few minutes ago. Axel, was it?

Without another word, Vexen ran in a crooked sort of hobble in the direction of the rogue cart, leaving Roxas unsure of whether to burst out laughing or run away. Either way he was alone again.

Crap.

Still Hayner-less and in need of The Sims 3, Roxas once more took up the task of trying to find an employee — This time, one who didn't get caught up in something he really didn't want to know about.

Sighing, Roxas made a turn and...
Ran into a water fountain.

Laughter burst out from the room he walked—fell—into, "Nice one, squirt. Better watch out for that air too, I hear it trips even the best of us."

Dusting himself off, Roxas scowled both from the pain and from whoever spoke. He was about to let loose a few colorful words, until he looked up.

His eyes widened like a kid who had gotten a BB gun fro Chirstmas.

It wasn't the cheap, blue Wal-Mart vest that stopped him from talking.
It was the hair.

The hair.

Enough said.

"No pictures, please," the male lounging on the counter of the help desk smirked, catching Roxas in his unabashed staring. The younger boy looked away, and concentrated on the hole in his sneaker.

"Hey, um. You work here right?" Stupid question.

"Hey, um. You have a brain, right?" the male countered in a mocking voice, still probably wearing the cocky smirk. Roxas looked up to glare at him, frowning at the teen dressed in his tight, black jeans, combat boots, and a sleeveless, form fitting (you guessed it) black shirt. The cheap blue vest looked so out of place, Roxas nearly laughed.

Especially with his flaming red hair. Hell, it even looked like fire with all those crazy spikes.

"...Well. I was looking for a copy of The Sims 3. Help me out?"

The flame-haired teen brought a hand up to tap his chin in a mockery of deep thought, "Let's see...Sims 3..."

Roxas bristled, having been deprived of his precious game for too long, giving him a momentary boost of courage, "Do you have it or not?"

"Depends. What's your name, kid?"

What kind of stupid answer is that? "Roxas."

"Aren't you going to ask me my name?" he widened his smirk into a dog-like grin.

Who care what it is? I just want my freaking game. "..What's your name?"

In a flash, the guy had jumped off the counter and was leaning over Roxas — towering a good twelve inches over him — still grinning like mad. Geez, he was a regular Cheshire-freaking-Cat.

"Me? I'm Axel. A-X-E-L, got it memorized?"

Not bothering to point out that he could have simply read his name tag, Roxas took a step back, "..Um. Cool?"

Looking satisfied, Axel-got-it-memorized hoisted himself back unto the counter, and tilted his fiery mane towards Roxas, and spoke almost as if an afterthought "Oh yeah, we're sold out of the Sims by the way."

"What?! I put up with your bullshit, just to know it's sold out?!"

"Yep," Axel popped the P at the end, "Ain't life a bitch?"

No..

No...

This was not happening. Not to Roxas. Not after he came so far.
No. Fucking. Way.

Once more fueled by the dire need for a PC game that only a true gamer such as himself could possess, Roxas found the courage to grab Axel by the lean shoulders and narrow his eyes menacingly.

"There is no way that game is sold out. No way," he muttered through clenched teeth. Ah yes, behold an angry Roxas after an entire day of being cooped up in a car with only a measly Whopper for food and Hayner to talk to. For. An. Entire. Day.

"Whoa, whoa. Peace, okay? I mean you no harm," the older teen let out a short laugh and put his hands up, "Calm down, the world's not coming to an end."

Roxas backed up only an inch. Not even. A centimeter.

"I'm not really supposed to tell shit like this to a mere customer, buuuut. Since you're special," he winked, "I guess it wouldn't kill me to let it slip we're getting a new shipment of your precious little Sims tomorrow morning. You can let go now, if you want."

Catching the playful glint in the male's vivid emerald eyes, Roxas fought the urge to blush and stepped back, shoving his hands in the pocket of his cargo pants.

"See you in the morning, kiddo," Axel saluted, watching for the blonde to leave.

But no..
He couldn't risk having the game sold out again.
And he couldn't risk getting into a car with Hayner again.

His mother wouldn't be home the rest of the night, and didn't Sora mention he was sleeping over Riku's house tonight?

"..Hey," Roxas looked up at the red head, "You guys are open 24/7, right?"

Axel grinned rather knowingly, "Yeah, we are. Your point?"

"There's no way I'm missing out on that game. I'm waiting here for the rest of the night."

And Axel — worker of the graveyard shift supreme — could only grin crookedly.

Poor little Roxy had no idea what he was about to get himself into.

CADAVER SPEAKS! OH GOD. I'M ON CRACK.

I have no idea how you survived reading this so far. Srsly, I don't know what was going on in my head either. But I figured, hey. Wal-Mart is the cause of most life experiances. AkuRoku is godly. Why not mix these two forces together?

Ah yes. Axel and wreaking havoc in Wal-Mart.
My mind is dead. :D

Weeeeell. I figure, once you're here, might as well stick around for the ride, eh?
And maybe you'll even give me a little review? Yeeeeah?

Heh, see you when my mind is on retard-mode again, bitches.

...By the way.
Sims 3 is godly.
And I have yet to get a copy. ;o;