Pairings: Jack/Doctor, Ianto/Jack
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: TW/DW belongs to the BBC, not me
Summary: "He tastes of stars and ashes and the universe. He's afraid of Jack, sometimes."
Jack sometimes disappears without warning. Every now and then, he'll walk out of his office and walk past them, as if they didn't exist, before leaving the Hub for an indefinite amount of time. Sometimes it takes hours. Sometimes it takes only ten minutes. No one else seems to notice, but sometimes he returns wearing different clothes from the ones he left in two hours previously. Ianto doesn't say anything, but he sees it.
When Jack kisses him after these disappearances, he tastes of stars and ashes and the universe. He tastes of Time. And Ianto shudders and clings onto him, afraid that if he lets go Jack will vanish underneath it all. He's afraid of Jack, sometimes. Or afraid of the being that Jack has been with, ancient and over-bearing as he is. And Jack lets himself be kept, for the time being, and he shares the universe with Ianto in his own way.
Jack is not Ianto's. He understands that, and always has. But he still tries to keep Jack with him, even if it's only for a moment, even if it means he has to taste the stardust residue left by someone else. It isn't his name that Jack sighs in his sleep, face peaceful and almost-innocent. It isn't his name on Jack's lips when he dies, hands reaching out for something out of Ianto's understanding. It isn't always him that Jack sees. He can become Jack's, but he can never make Jack his.
He wonders why the others don't see this. Whether it's because they're too deep under Jack's spell or whether it's him who is too taken with it, completely immersed in the illusion as he is.
One day there is a skinny man in Jack's office, enfolded within Jack's arms, face hidden against his shoulder. Their clothes are dirty and torn, and there is a bloody gash on Jack's face. They don't notice him, and Ianto leaves silently. Later that night, when Jack lets Ianto hold him, he tastes of sweat and blood and stardust.
Even though he knows there's nothing he can do to change the situation, his fists still clench in anger and fear and love when Jack strides out of the Hub with no explanation and no backwards glance. He knows that Jack will come back from wherever he's been eventually, and all he can do is wait for his return with his nails pressing into his palms hard enough to draw blood. There's nothing he can do, so for now he has to be content to wait and watch as the Captain returns, the smell of another world on his skin and the taste of another's lips burned onto him.
And still he clings to the edges of the illusion, holding them together, for now.