Sounds in My Head
by: Nicole Lopez
Summary: Gabriella and Troy never became a couple. Instead, they remained good friends until Gabriella decided to do Rotary Exchange in the Philippines. Now, Gabriella has returned back home (during the summer) to find that things have a changed … a lot, but she still has feelings for him.
Notes: Firstly, please take the time to review, even if you stop in the middle and hate it. Let me know 'I hated it.' I'll keep writing regardless. Includes
Prologue: What I've Become
"I don't know what I've done or if I like what I've become." –Missy Higgins
The house was the same. Gabriella's mom hadn't changed a thing, except her new fiancé, which was something she would just have to get used to. For now, Gabriella was a little relieved to be back, but completely scared. The way she left things was so … messy and confusing. Taylor was the only person she still talked to, but everyone else was a mystery to her … especially Troy.
"Culture shock again?" Ms. Montez wondered, watching her daughter remain frozen, like a statue, in the doorway of her room.
"I'm just overwhelmed and tired." Gabriella sighed. "But I told Taylor I'd meet up with her today." She smiled and started looking for her camera. "Do you remember where my beanie went?" She asked her mom, referring to her camera which she used to always keep with her, until she left.
"In the drawer. Gabi, are you okay sweetie?"
"Sure mom. I just need to clear off some of these pictures…" Her voice trailed off. The first picture was of her and Troy taken after their first school musical together. Gabriella's heart nearly broke, but she kept flipping.
Looking through the pictures was like a flipbook of her entire life, since she'd moved to Albuquerque. Once it was over, she wanted to delete them all, but couldn't. Troy Bolton's face was staring back at hers with his carefree smile. It all reminded her of how it had gotten so bad, so fast. Gabriella had tried to erase it from her mind, she tried to … but she knew where all the answers were. In her diary.
July 8, 2006:
I just wanted him to look at me again, like that, like I was so beautiful, and mysterious or even intelligent. But, he just avoided me. I wished that I could go back and fix whatever got broken, whatever signals got crossed or at least know that things would change so suddenly. I got so wrapped up in
It really hurt thinking about it, how I had it, but didn't even notice or maybe I didn't care enough about "it" to pursue more. Troy and I were just so much fun. We … worked. But, I took "it" for granted and thought it all was just a game. The way he looked at me. He just had that something, you know? Other girls saw it, like Sharpay, and they jumped on the chance.
They always interrupted our moments, our talks, and when we were alone … it just boggled my mind. I never thought he could be serious with me and I thought he'd just have another one of them to turn to. So, I guess the thought of 'us' did cross my mind. I wonder if anyone else saw it.
The thought about us too. It was so obvious from his body language, the way he turned to face me, and always spoke to me first, and called just to say hi.
I miss that. At the time though, I didn't miss it. I was annoyed by it and wanted to know why he always wanted to talk to me. He seemed so interested like I was this great mystery. I was just an average girl, so what did he want to know about me? I didn't trust him.
I was so stupid. I told him things I'd never thought I say, about my mom and dad about my life before New Mexico… and there were so many things I wanted to trust him with. Maybe I could explain why I was this way so … withdrawn and hiding from the world. I always lived in fear.
Now it's too late. I see him running around with his new group, avoiding my weak attempts to contact him and now I'm the pathetic one. I'm the one watching him, looking for him, and waiting for things to be like they used to be. I'm the one calling.
But he's moved on. I can sit here and blame it on a million things, but the problem is me. It is. I was afraid. I didn't trust myself and now I'm still alone. The best thing for me to do in that situation was to leave. I left. I didn't look back. He didn't care and neither did anyone else from that world, so it was easy.
April 28, 2007:
Every time I look at a certain picture, or hear a song from the CD I got Troy, see a movie, think about a word, or even just think about my past, he's apart of it, forever embedded into my life. I've tried to contact him recently, a lot actually, and it was a huge mistake.
It reminds me of the time he found another, committed to someone else, and tried to hide it from me. It hurt. I felt betrayed, our 'friendship' became more strained. It explained a lot, like the fewer phone calls and declines to spend one-on-one time together. I never admitted it though, not verbally.
I instead pretended that we were just friends. She was so much like me and I secretly hated her. I think he must've said something about me to her or maybe I was sending out some bad vibes because it always felt weird with her. Not with her and the rest of us, just with me and her. Part of me wanted to befriend her, but it was … awkward.
Maybe because she could still see the connection. I don't know. And then they left together. I wanted to hug him or at least touch him, to talk like we used to, but I couldn't. It broke my heart.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it but… he's got another one now. He told me about this one though. So I guess he's just over me, but why does he try to hide that he's been talking to me? Why the private messages when I leave him a message for all to see? Why do I readily respond when I can only get vague, short answers from him? Why won't he let me in??
I'm really pathetic sometimes. Today I went to his MySpace page. I found her... and she's so pretty. I can't tell where's she's from. An ethnic girl. God, she's so perfect. Gorgeous.
I hope it doesn't happen again to me now that I'm in the Philippines. I ran away. I ran away, but I still remember everyday. I see another guy looking at me, Takeo, and I'm still afraid. Now his gaze too is starting to fade. Summer's coming soon and I'll be back home. I have to face him.
(A/N: This is a prologue to a story that I want to write a few chapters of [i.e. less than 8. I hope you enjoy it. Please do not be afraid to comment on this, even if it's negative. I write, you read, and then you write. Thanks! –NL)