Prince of Persia visits Jerry Springer

disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Persia or any related trademarks. I also do not hold any rights to the Jerry Springer show. All rights are property of involved individuals.

A little something because I know you don't care: hi, this is my first piece of fan fiction. I wasn't sure what I wanted to write at first, but then I got to thinking. Hey, what would happen if the Prince of Persia, or should I say the Princes of Persia got invited to the Jerry Springer show? Well, there you go I have my first fan fiction. Enjoy. Please read and review.

the Jerry Springer show comes on. At the bottom of the screen, there is the usual blue title box. It says: 'I released the Sands of Time, and doomed my family and my kingdom, and now I have three different personalities!'

Jerry: welcome to the show, people. We have a very interesting program for you today. You saw him on TV, and he captivated you in the videogame world. He has had fame and fortune since 1989. Please help me welcome, the Prince of Persia! whispers into the camera now, we have a little surprise for him today. He thinks he is here to come to terms with his pride. We told him he would be able to apologize on the show. But what he doesn't know is that we have more in store for him. snaps out of secrecy, and is revved up. come on out Prince.

the Prince from the first Prince of Persia game (nicknamed the Blue Prince) comes down the stairs and onto the stage. He is fully clothed, and waves very politely at the audience who cheers him. His sword and the dagger of time are still fit snugly at his waist. After a few more waves and bows, the Blue Prince finds his way over to the seats, and takes one.

Jerry: so, Prince how are you doing these days?

Blue Prince: I am well Jerry. I'm still dealing with the nasty trick that the vizier played on me, though.

Jerry: I bet, I bet. lays a hand on the Blue Prince's kneewell, we have a surprise for you today, Blue Prince.

the Blue Prince's eyes light with excitement, and then suspicion

Blue Prince: a surprise? What kind of surprise?

Jerry: softlywell, I thought it might help with your situation if you could come to terms with yourself.

Blue Prince: M-my self?

Jerry: (to the audience) should we bring them out folks?

Audience: (cheering)

Jerry: alright then. Let's bring them out. The Princes of Persia. the Prince from the warrior within barrels down the stairs, unsheathing his frightening hammer. Voicing a feral scream, he slams it into a small table, watching with satisfaction as it splinters into thousands of little pieces

the Blue Prince from the Sands of Time looks on with horror Oh, my…

the audience boos him, and the warrior within Prince, nicknamed the red Prince, glowers at them.

Red Prince: shut up! (Booing continues) he jabs his weapon at the audience, voicing his typical irritated cry. you want some of this? Because if you do, I will be happy to serve you!

Jerry: alright, alright. Settle down people. Prince, why don't you go ahead and have a seat? the red Prince looks like he is far from complying with the request, but seeing the bodyguards in a corner of the room, he decides to cooperate he takes the seat on one of the far corners, leaving two empty chairs between him and the Sands of Time Prince.

Blue Prince is gawking at his older, more bloodthirsty self that cannot be me… it cannot…. my story… it did not.. happen that way… I'm sure of it!

Red Prince: who is this pansy?

Jerry: that's your former self, remember? Before everything went horribly wrong?

Red Prince: (laughs derisively) Ha. I find it hard to believe you even had the strength to slay the vizier.

the Blue Prince leaps up from his seat I've got to go! I've got to set things right! I've got to try again. That must be a way to turn everything back to the way it was.

Red Prince: Oh, stop it. Sit down.

the Blue Prince glares with determination at his jaded counterpartno! I will not sit down! Not until I have set things right. Not until I have prevented myself from opening the Sands of Time! he studies the shirtless man two chairs away from him, his usually kind features souring I must have failed, and so turned into you. I will not let that happen. I will not let my dignified self turn into a shirtless bloodthirsty demon!

the red Prince stands up, taking out his club. What did you say to me, twerp?

unsheathing his sword and dagger Blue Prince: I said I won't turn into you. I will not let myself fail, and become no better then those sand creatures!

Red Prince: you're still around too much silk, aren't you? It's made your brain soft, and you forget how to think properly!

Blue Prince: excuse me? I know how to think.

Red Prince: well, if you did, you would know that it doesn't matter if you fail or win. There is no such thing. It does not matter what you do… you will turn into me.

Blue Prince: no... no... I won't believe it. Not from the likes of you. I can see by the hate in your eyes and the violence in your body, that anything you say is false.

Red Prince: (puts weapon away, and holds his hands palm side up in a gesture of surrender.) Fine, fine. Believe whatever you want. But it won't change your fate. You will turn into me.

both Princes have put their weapons away, and now they settle for and giving dirty looks to each other they have taken their seats once more

Blue Prince: are you challenging me? It's hard to tell, because you always have the same look on your face!

Red Prince: oh, that is it. That is it. It's on now. (Threatens to climb from seat, reaching back for his weapon.) I'll teach you to talk to me like that.

Blue Prince: really now? And you said you were the smart one. If you and I are the same person, then whatever you do to me you will be effectively doing to yourself. Put that on your blade and slice it!

Red Prince: maybe I will.

Blue Prince: go ahead.

Red Prince: I will.

Blue Prince: fine. You do that.

Red Prince: fine. I will.

Jerry: let's agree to disagree, shall we, gentlemen?

both Princes cross their arms

in unison: okay, Jerry.

Jerry: now let's bring out our next guests. They have been in and out of time for many years. One escaped the guardian of time, and the other was corrupted by the sands. Together they are quite the old married couple. Please welcome the White Prince and the Dark Prince.

Crowd: (cheering) Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Come out, Princes!

Coming down the stairs is a single Prince, the one from Two Thrones—The White Prince. He hurries down the stairs, but is not jubilant. He is subdued, having witnessed the sands destroy his life three times over.

He looks at his counterparts, each with a different degree of sorrow.

Jerry: (stammering) There's only one of you

White Prince takes his seat next to the Red Prince.

White Prince: for now, there is only one.

Jerry Springer has a special microphone that allows the audience to hear inside the white Prince's head, where the dark Prince dwells.

dark Prince: (stereotypical breath of air before he starts talking) Aw, Prince… are you ashamed of me? If you are, you shouldn't be. Why say there is only one? Don't you like me?

White Prince: (raises his eyes skyward in a scowl, as if he can stare through his skull and gaze at the other part of himself) yes, I'm ashamed of you. And no, I don't like you. You've been nothing but trouble.

Dark Prince ( silence, and then an angry hiss) trouble? How dare you! Without me, you'd still be wandering around in those disgusting sewers!

White Prince: and without me, you wouldn't be here!

Dark Prince: (ignoring the obvious) I would too!

White Prince: how? You can even survive a measly 10 minutes without getting some sand! You're the biggest pansy I have ever met!

red Prince chuckles you got that right.

Dark Prince: I can't help it. It's a weakness. (whines in his high voice) whaddaya want me to do?

White Prince: show some respect where it is due. You would not exist without me.

Dark Prince: okay, I concede. After all, it was your idiotic flight to rescue the Empress that put you in this situation. I guess I didn't realize until this moment that idiocy could be genius.

White Prince: it was not idiocy.

Dark Prince: Oh? Do enlighten me. I'm sure you have some wonderful explanations for me.

White Prince: it was my duty to rescue her. I was the one who brought her from the island of time, who saved her from her fate. I was responsible for her life.

Dark Prince: and apparently her death . Bravo. Bravo. (pause) and what would you call that? Some lovely words like chivalry? Courage? Bravery? And how about your favorite one: honor.

White Prince: at least I can learn to care about others. At least I have a part of me that recognizes responsibility. You on the other hand, aren't capable of anything that looks remotely like concern.

Jerry: hold on, hold on, white Prince. Let me interrupt here for a second. (Looks at him) why do you say he is incapable of higher emotions?

White Prince: because he doesn't care about anything else other than the sands! (Sounds like a family member with a drug addict)

Jerry: sounds like he's in need of some treatment.

Dark Prince: treatment? The only treatment I need is to be separated from this goody goody two shoes.

Jerry: it's sad. People really admit they have a problem.

Dark Prince: I'm not the one with the problem. He's the one with the problem. He's the one with the hero complex. If it wasn't for his obsessive need to be honorable all the time, he wouldn't get himself into these stupid situations.

Blue Prince: it's hardly obsessive. Father just raised me to be a good Prince.

Dark Prince: oh, yes, and then you killed him.

blue Prince weeps

Jerry: alright, alright, now. Let's take it easy. Dark Prince, why don't you come forward for awhile?

Dark Prince: (mocking politeness) oh I don't know. I'll have to ask permission first. Mother may I come out?

White Prince: if it'll keep you from tormenting the poor boy. (Looks at the blue Prince)

Dark Prince: (excited) Done!

the white Prince stands up, leaning back as a black spiral of smoke and sand consumes him. In its wake is the dark Prince.