disclaimer: you think I own kingdom hearts? go play in traffic. I evidently don't. xD

warning: blah. injury, slight shonen-ai, swearing...

He's supposed to protect you.

He said so, right?

So maybe you're a little disappointed and let down when he leaves, but you forget that quickly, easily, in that initial rush of keybladinggummishipskeyholesadventures.

But it comes back later when you see him again and you feel a little betrayed that he wasn't there for you like he promised, so you try and show him that you can take care of yourself and you don't see that betrayed look in his eyes because he was supposed to protect you, but no, you didn't let him.

So you both part ways and you have this bitter taste in your mouth and his eyes are really cold and you both feel a little dead inside (so maybe that meeting wasn't such a good idea after all).

And then when you see him again (and it's actually him this time, not that other person or took over him) he's behind that closing door and all you can think is ohgodohgoddon'tgoplease and it doesn't strike you that maybe he's doing this to keep you safe because you're just a little selfish like that, yeah.

And you're never going to know what he went through for you later because he's not going to tell you what he did to help and all you know of his journey is when he was with you (because you haven't really gotten the idea that maybe, just maybe, he went through so much more), so all you know of what he did was Roxas and those dark shields you asked him to make in fights. And he'd always conjure them up (and you can remember thinking, Riku the magician, at some points) and you never stopped to think if he could even make them at that moment.

But when you're ready to go home, you and him and her, he can't open that darkness portal and even though the king consoles him (you're nearly fooled by that calm reassurance), you can see that stricken look on his face and you can nearly read what it says (ohmygodwhatamIgoingtodo?) and for the first time you realize that maybe he's feeling kind of worthless.

But you try and justify yourself for not doing anything by saying to yourself that no, this isn't a fairytale and bad things happen and everything isn't always going to go the way you want them too. But still, that little little tiny little bit inside your head tells you that maybe, just maybe, this time you could make it go his way and yours.

Still, the rest of you shoves that little tiny part away and locks it behind a door anyways.

So you stay behind for a little after the others and talk with him (who's you and not you) and her and her (who's her and not her) but all of a sudden that path that she opened is gone and you're still stuck there with him.

And you wonder why he didn't go ahead of you to wait back home, but you shrug it off and figure that maybe you need the extra help anyways.

So you two manage to fight your way through everything he throws at you (buildingslaserslightingsnowflakesflowerpetals) but then all of a sudden oh god that aerial blade is at your throat and you're wondering if maybe, just maybe, this would be the end of the great Keyblade Master Sora but then he knocks you out of the way (god, why is time going so slowly? you think) and then all of a sudden time speeds up again and holy shit Riku's got a blade in his stomach and you're out of the way.

And you're thinking thinking thinking, oh my god Riku, are you fucking okay? until he mouths something that you can't really make out and then falls to the ground and bang, you don't really know what to do.

…don't worry, Riku's got it covered.

AN: erryeah. don't really know what to say.

title is amare, a latin verb. amo, amare, I believe it's...first declension? whatever. it means, 'to love', which is probably what you were waiting for. this was originally titled 'interficio', a third special(I believe) verb meaning 'to kill' but it ended up being more canon than I thought it would be(Riku died in the first draft in my head) but he doesn't die here.

erryeah. the events in here are meant to follow KHI and II.

riku's on the bottom dammit. xD yeah. you head me, Sherry and Celisse. ha! xD

I really need to get more practice with past tense now--you saw how matchmakre turned out. that was a failure. DX

but whatever.

-namikun