This funny little one-shot just popped into my head. Enjoy x
Disclaimer – I don't own anything.
Horoscopes
"Paperwork?" Jess nearly fell out of her chair she was so surprised. She thought she was the only one here, I mean who came into the ARC before 6:30 anyway? Of course it would be Becker.
"Um, yeah." She tried to cover up her notebook and slid it away from Becker who was resting on the side of her desk. But he was too quick.
"Horoscopes?" Jess blushed. Becker raised one of his eyebrows "You came into the ARC before 6:30 to write out something you could have done at home or later on today. Why?"
"I fell asleep at my desk," she mumbled "and I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."
"Why horoscopes, it's all pointless anyway." He smirked, if he knew her, which he did, she was going to crack in three, two, one...
"It's not pointless, it's actually quite accurate! As to why, my friend is going through a phase and I was curious why she was so absorbed with it."
"I still don't get it. How can it apply to millions of people just being based on what month their born in."
"It's more complex than that." She gave him a pointed look "It's can also be based on parent's star signs, where the Moon is, what time you're born..." he could tell this was going to be a long list so he cut it short.
"Prove it."
"Fine." She snapped. She held out her hand for her notebook back. She flipped to a certain page. "Lester." Oh. Becker thought This would be good.
"Lester. Born: 24th February. Pisces." Becker was going to ask how Jess managed to get into Lester's files but he thought better of it. This was Jess after all; she could probably get into anyone's file. No matter how important they were.
"Pisces are mysterious and alluring individuals, most Pisces are extremely talented, but even though they are gifted in many ways, they still manage to spend most of their lives battling "confusing" conditions. Pisces is the sign symbolised by the image of two fish. Their symbol depicts one fish heading upward, the other pulling downward. This mirrors how Pisceans are frequently torn between two pathways in life, or actually do live two very different existences at the same time."
"And that means..." Becker trailed off.
"That they keep to themselves most of the time. They are extremely talented. But can sometimes get stuck on which way to go next. Often end up leading a double life."
"What do you mean by double life?"
"The one for show and the one you actually are."
"Fluke." Becker declared. Jess sighed, she knew he wouldn't give in.
"Fine. Connor. Born: 29th October. Scorpio. Reputed to be the most powerful sign of the zodiac," Becker snorted "Even as children Scorpios are often found to be wise beyond their years. Many astrologers call this the sign of the "oldest souls". Old and wise beyond the average, Scorpios often know all the answers, except sometimes; they too often have difficulty finding what they need to develop their own happiness."
"Fine, Connor is clever. But what about Abby's?" He was losing this battle, and losing was something he had never experienced, until Jess had come along anyway.
"Abby. Born: 1st April. Aries. Aries are independent, outgoing and assertive they are also surprisingly trusting, often innocently walking into the lion's den at times. No matter what challenge or triumph they confront Aries has a wonderful ability to bounce back. Their faith in life and the future remains untouched by hardship. Aries is regarded as the most physical sign and because of its Mar's rulership."
"Abby isn't physical is she?"
"Apart from running round after dinosaurs?" Jess asked sarcastically. Becker refrained from rolling his eyes. "She also does kickboxing and a variety of other sports." Becker was now clinging onto straws.
"Matt's different, they're no way they can predict him. We've all worked with him for over a year and we still can't figure him out!"
Jess groaned he wasn't going to give this up was he?
"Fine. Matt 26th June, Cancer. Those born under the sign of Cancer, ruled by the mysterious Moon, are one of the zodiac's enigmas. It is fair to say that most Cancers are a bundle of contradictions..."
"Okay, okay I get it they're accurate, but they can't know what people are really like under all the fake smiles and laughs. They don't know someone's inner struggles. Or if they even have any."
"Shall we test that?" Jess asked smugly.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the person you know best is obviously yourself, let's see if they're right."
"You did my horoscope reading?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Nothing. Please carry on."
"Hilary, Born-"
"How do you know my first name?"
"It was in the files," She could see he was about to interrupt so she continued "Hilary Becker. Born 18th January. Capricorn."
"This should be good." Becker muttered. Jess cleared her throat loudly.
"They're always climbing higher and higher; never content until reaching the top. They reach their goals because they know the longest journey commences with a single step and that the first step is always the most difficult."
"So I challenge myself." Becker shrugged.
"The one thing a Capricorn must always try to do is balance work with play; otherwise they can become too one-sided and work can replace true personal emotional fulfilment." Jess gave Becker a pointed look.
"Shut up."
"Continually climbing the eternal mountain of success, Capricornians rise to the occasion when faced with a new task or deadline. Even if something comes to a grinding halt, their ambition to reach the ultimate keeps them moving forever onwards and upwards."
Becker sighed. "Fine then. Your mumbo jumbo is actually quite accurate." Jess's smile spread across her face.
Jess laughed at the look of disappointment on the soldier's face. He obviously wasn't used to being wrong. "Oh man up. Fine," Jess sighed "I don't get horoscopes either but they are a whole load of fun. I'm going to get a coffee, you coming?"
"Um, yeah. In a minute, I'll catch you up." Jess eyed him suspiciously then shrugged, finally walking out the door and down the corridor. Becker skirted around her desk as soon as she was out of sight and picked up the piece of paper.
Jess - 30th July – Leo.
Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style...
Becker snorted at this, thinking of Jess' outrageously coloured clothes.
... and good humour. Once a Leo is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful.
Becker tried to rearrange the papers back to how they were. He had only been curious. As he was trying to figure out where the papers had previously been, a piece that looked as though it had been folded and unfolded a million times, fell to the ground. He picked it up. It read.
Leo and Capricorn Compatibility. Wait. He thought. Did Jess fill this out for him and her? Again curiosity got the best of him and he read it.
When Leo and Capricorn join together in a love match, they form a mutually supportive union. Capricorn is more conservative, hard working and traditional in outlook. Leo is a firm believer in hard work, but tends to get things done through their charm and social skills. However, both are extremely devoted, especially to each other. Although they may seem to be an unlikely couple on the surface, their love will grow as they discover similarities.
Becker stared at the small scrap of paper for a minute. He read it over and over again.
He was still trying to process it when he heard Jess's heels clicked down the corridor; he quickly shoved the piece of paper onto the desk and stood where he had been standing before. He just made it by the time Jess walked through the door.
"Hey, you were taking a while so I got you a coffee anyway. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, thanks." He mumbled, looking at the ground.
He looked up and at Jess for a moment. Her light brown hair, and brown eyes. Her outrageous dress sense, standing out from the crowd and that spark in her eyes.
"Hey, Jess. Maybe, this horoscope thing, isn't that bad after all."
By the way all these readings are true, I didn't just make them up.
I used the character's birthdays and if I couldn't find those, I used the actor/actress's birthday.
This was one of those ideas that as soon as I thought it I couldn't stop thinking of it. So, I had to write it down. I know it's really bad but still. Please review.
You have to, it's in the stars!
P.S – I'm sorry if I offended anyone! I don't believe in them but that doesn't mean anything, it's just my opinion.