(Chapter 12-13)
I didn't know where I was headed to now, in the middle of a night like this. Not that I was actually enjoying myself or anything, sitting between those morons, but at least I was settled until that stupid Lillian showed up. Bet she wishes D.B.'ll take her back now, even if he wasn't some big star up in Hollywood. I mean it's obvious the Navy guy wasn't planning to stick around for too long. Then she'll have to go find another poor bastard to drag around. Maybe she'll even find someone as clueless as her. They can go around blocking traffic everywhere they go, as long they stay outta my way.
Anyway, as I already told you, I was kinda stuck. Not stuck cause I couldn't find a way back, I'm not that goddam stupid. It was only because I didn't know where I wanted to go now. So there I was, standing outside of Ernie's like some idiot. Next thing you know, these two whorey-looking girls appear from across the street. They were the type you hear from a mile away, they were so loud. I don't know why girls do that, think they have to practically scream their heads off to be noticed. I wonder if anyone's ever told them it's bad for the environment. Hell, by the time they get to 50 they'll probably lose their voice. Or, you know, sound like one of the old hags in those lousy little-kid movies. That just about killed me, imagining them as witches and shouting at each other with that high-pitched voice. Only problem was, they weren't too bad looking. One actually looked around my age. The blonde one was tall and what people call pretty, you could tell she was used to guys chasing after her. It wasn't her that had my attention though, but the brunette walking next to her. She wasn't ugly or anything, just plain, like the pretty girl's best friend. Actually, she reminded me of good old Jane Gallagher, who I still haven't called yet.
Just as I was about to open my mouth to say God-knows-what, the blonde suddenly lets out this crazy hyena laugh, like those phony actresses you see in those lousy Broadway shows. I swear to God, there's always some phony actress in every Broadway show. To watch them out of boredom I'd understand, but for some reason people actually wanted to waste money to witness a couple of phonies doing nothing on a stage. That depressed the hell out of me, it really did. In fact, I didn't even feel like talking to them anymore. You could say that stupid laugh pretty much ruined my mood for anything. Now I don't want you to get the idea I wasn't interested, cause I was. That blonde was a real looker with a nice set of knockers herself. The only problem with girls like her, they go around showing off their stuff, thinking that's all it takes for them to survive. It probably never crossed their minds they might have to actually work or whatever, like the rest of us, you know? The thing is, they get awfully sore when you try to tell them. I mean, since I realized this a while ago, I figured I might as well do someone a favor by telling them. So I told Denise-something was her name, way back in the sixth grade. I guess Denise just matured faster than the other girls, cause the rest were still as flat as pancakes. But as I told you, it was only sixth grade, so you can't expect much. Anyway, the other guys got interested fast, and she started acting like a prostitute. It was pretty funny to watch, but as I said before, I was doing her a favor.
Hell, by her reaction, you would have thought I'd just told her I ran over her dog or something, except that wasn't possible cause I was too young to drive in the first place. Denise got so sore, you can't imagine. What's worse, she started bawling like a baby when I told her so, I'm not even kidding. I apologized like crazy, but that didn't help any either. I was feeling sorta crappy by then. I ignored her for the rest of the year, but at least she stopped with the crumby looking clothes and all.
That just goes to tell you, girls are just damn weird sometimes. Sure, they can be pretty and all, but they can't do much else. That's why you get one girl and keep her around, call her up when you feel like it. Besides looking good and acting all girly, they really aren't too useful, know what I mean? Sometimes you just want them to shut their goddam mouths, cause boy can they talk. If you stick around long enough, they'll even come up with a whole report about the weather for you or something. You'd probably go mad. But like I just told you, girls aren't really into you helping them or whatever, so it's best to act phony and play along.