Title: Cookies and Carols
Summary: Naruto, Sai, and Sakura are off shopping, wrapping up literally last minute presents, and singing Christmas carols. Kakashi and Yamamoto are pushed into the temporary position of 'babysitters'. Sasuke just wants to go home. Christmas, Modern AU.
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ONESHOT
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Thank you to the readers of BOF (...and those who even dared to read my first story...) A shout-out to my unofficial beta, Prideful (who had disappeared off to play her games,) and the many other writers on FF. Happy birthday to M.T. (a friend IRL.)
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6:42AM, December 24, 20XX.
"Naruto."
"...ramenzzzz..."
"Naruto."
"Sakura-chan...don't be so mean..."
"Hey, Naruto!"
"...so going down, bastard..."
"Whoa, Dickless really does have a dick after all..."
"...what. WHAT." Blue eyes shot open as a young, blonde haired boy unceremoniously fell off his bed. Colors of black, white, and pink met his eyes. "Wha - Sakura-chan! What are you doing here?"
The girl in question sighed and flipped her shot hair over her shoulders, green eyes flashing.
"At least put on some clothes! Next time, I'm so going to punch you!"
Naruto 'eeped' before fumbling with his blanket, scuttering across his room blindly reaching for clothes. And then tripped.
"Ahh! My new Nintendo game!"
"...Naruto."
"Why?! I spent my whole week's allowance on that!"
"I knew you liked my gorgeously handsome body but I didn't think you were openly gay enough to pounce on me."
"...eh? Ahh! I'm still a virgin!"
"Just shut up, Naruto! Go change! NOW!"
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7:02AM, December 24, 20XX.
"What."
Sakura giggled, a small blush appearing on her face. "Naruto and I don't have a car yet and Kakashi-sensei's car broke down. Unfortunately, Yamato-sensei is never ever going to allow us to use his van again. So, can you please drive us around, Sasuke-kun?"
"Yeah, Duckbutt. Drive us around, pretty please?" Sai echoed with closed eyes and a light grin, mimicking Sakura in a very convincing way to those who didn't know him well.
Sasuke scowled.
"You know I don't have a car yet."
"Well, duh! We came here for Itachi, not you, Sasuke-bastard," Naruto stuck out his tongue in a childish attempt to make his long life rival mad.
"That's rich, coming from you," Sasuke scoffed, eyes narrowing. The rich heir then spun around and tried to shut the door by kicking it with his foot. The keyword being 'tried'.
The door was abruptly stopped and held still by the physically one of the strongest and smallest member of the group - Haruno Sakura. "Sasuke-kun," she purred, "Just what are you doing?"
Naruto snickered behind his hands and the second palest boy present inaudibly but visible gulped.
"Oh, Sasuke-kun, are those your friends?" a young and gentle voice called. A face quickly came into view. "Ah, Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan, Sai-kun. Please come in. Sasuke-kun, you should've invited them in sooner."
"But - "
"No 'but's, little brother," another darker, deeper voice came into the picture. Itachi nodded at the guests and pulled his mother back into the house and away from the cold air, simultaneously clearing quite a bit of space for the others to enter.
Sasuke, looking properly reprimanded and extremely sulky along with that, stepped aside.
Naruto entered first. And then tripped for the second time that day via foot.
"As slow as always, dead last."
"You bastard!"
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8:04AM, December 24, 20XX.
Ding Dong.
"I'll go," Sasuke said before his parents said anything.
Sai leaned over to his far right as Sasuke left the living room. "It's rare that Duckbutt would actually do something that makes the 'nice' list for once."
Sakura pouted slightly disapprovingly, though what he said wasn't exactly a lie. "He can be nice. You just have to look carefully for the moments."
Naruto, who overheard their conversation, snorted loudly, bringing the attention of the others at the table.
"Is something wrong?" Fugaku asked, sounding cold and wary all the same. He knew all too well what his youngest son's friends were capable of.
"I believe they're making some last minute plans for tomorrow's Christmas party," Mikoto interrupted smoothly, flashing a smile at the relieved blonde. Itachi followed her out of the kitchen, placing some more plates on the table.
"Are there more guests?" Naruto asked curiously.
"Dickless, in case you forgot, we invited our perverted and demon of all teachers to our little shopping spree."
"Oh. Wait, they actually agreed? And did you just insult me?"
"Who do you think I am?" Sasuke interrupted, sniffing haughtily as he sat down between Sakura and Naruto. Behind him entered a rather plain looking man and an odd mask-wearing teacher. "I told him that he had to be here at five and Sakura asked Yamato-sensei to tell him the same."
"Looks like we were fooled, Yamato," Kakashi said airly, ignoring the rudeness with ease. He pulled up his scarf that covered half of his face and made sure it was secure.
"You mean you were the one fooled," Yamato smiled and greeted both Fugaku and Mikoto.
"Ah, so I was betrayed."
"There wasn't any other way- you probably wouldn't have come even if we gave you the new book in the Icha Icha series, Pervert-sensei," Sai put in cheerfully, ignoring Sakura's smack and hiss of 'Be more polite!' and Fugaku's raised eyebrow.
"So, who's driving us?" Kakashi asked wryly.
Slowly, all eyes turned to one Uchiha.
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9:15AM, December 24, 20XX
"Did your car..."
"Yes?"
"Your car..."
"Yes?" Itachi patiently repeated as he calmly unbuckled his seatbelt and swung open the driver's door. He stepped out onto the road and pulled out his phone, punching in some numbers.
"What my idiotic student is trying to say is: 'Did your car just break down?'" Kakashi supplied from the backseat.
"Why yes, I had carelessly forgotten to refill the gas tank yesterday night."
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9:24AM, December 24, 20XX.
"Ahhh!"
"Tell me what just happened again, Sakura."
The girl rolled her eyes despite the position and flight of emotions she was currently experiencing. Yamato had long passed out and was lying against the right side car door.
"Sasuke-kun, it just happened moments ago," she growled.
"Help! I still haven't become the Principal of Konoha Gakuen yet!"
"Humor me," he bit back, clutching the passenger's seat beneath him.
"Well, your wonderful brother had the mot brilliant idea to ask his shark-faced friend to lend us his rather large convertible car. Which was brilliant by the way," she added as she saw Sasuke's face, her other hand trying to tame her flying hair, "but I cannot express the utterly insane idea that dear Hoshigaki had in words."
"I still have to finish my Icha Icha Paradise series!"
"Which was?" Sasuke continues, ignoring his rival and teacher's yells.
"That Sai would be the driver."
"Ohmigawd watch out there's a fucking car heading towards us- mommy!"
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9:46AM, December 24, 20XX.
"We survived! Believe it!"
"Shut up," Yamato suggested.
"Land, how I missed you so!"
"Shut up," Sasuke echoed Yamato.
"What did you say, you bastard - ow!"
Sakura grabbed Naruto by the ears and grabbed Sasuke's hand before pulling them both inside Urban Outfitters. "Come on, Sensei, Sai. We're going in."
Sai quietly trailed after the two boys who were currently being man-handled - excuse me, woman-handled by Sakura. Behind him, Kakashi and Yamato sighed.
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9:53AM, December 24, 20XX.
"Ooh, look at these!"
"I doubt nail polish would make you any more pretty, Ugly. In fact, it'd make you look uglier."
"Hey, take that back!" Naruto spun on his toes, clasping his hands together. "You'll look pretty even if you're bald, Sakura-chan."
Her response was a punch. Like a roll of dominos falling, Naruto, who was punched, fell back to know over a stall of hair care products.
"Guys, stay still," Yamato commanded to no avail as Sakura began chasing the palest and tannest boys there. More items were knocked over. Kakashi's lone eye, the one that wasn't covered by his always present headband, scanned the roll of detergent.
"Gai might want some of these..."
Sasuke sighed and slowly backed away as he spotted a worker speedily heading towards the commotion.
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10:05AM, December 24, 20XX.
"You bought them anyways," Sai noted, rubbing his sore head. Next to him, Naruto glared and muttered something unpleasant under his breath.
"They're for Ino-pig and Hinata-chan. I don't have much to spend on myself, anyways," Sakura sniffled, looking at her wallet.
Sai shrugged, swinging his bag over his shoulders.
As the girl looked away and squealed at the sight of Barnes and Noble, Sai and Naruto exchanged glances, because inside his bag, was a small set of brand new nail polish from Lippmann Nail Lacquers. Not that she needed to know yet.
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10:26AM, December 24, 20XX.
"Oh, so you three were perverts after all," Sai said in amusement, looking at Naruto, Yamato, and Sasuke at the Adult shelves, and curious absence of Kakashi.
Sasuke jolted and spun around to glare at Sai.
"Nay, these are for our resident's pervert. And of course, Naruto over here," Yamato gestured to the blonde who blushed bright red. They both ignored the stammers from the blonde. Sasuke grumbled under his breath before escaping from the romance section, jumping over to the cookbooks.
"I didn't know you liked cooking," Kakashi said once he noticed Sasuke. Kakashi himself lived alone and needed to learn to cook since it was a necessity for survival. The pale boy shrugged.
"Moving out to the idiot's. He can't cook for his life," Sasuke said, but despite his words, his eyes wandered to Housewife's Cooking.
Kakashi smiled and turned back to look back at the other books. Sasuke really was a good son.
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11:01AM, December 24, 20XX.
Sasuke glanced at his bag containing three books - two on the law and business and the other on cooking - in satisfaction as he shoved his hands into his pants pockets, not noticing the smile shared between Kakashi and Sakura. Despite all his attitude, Sasuke did care for his family.
Meanwhile, Kakashi pulled out the car keys and unlocked the door before holding it up. "Who wants to drive?"
A pale had shot up and was quickly pounced upon on by a yellow and pink blob, crushing the boy via weight. Yamato smiled and ignored the commontion as he slid into the back seat.
"No, Sai, you are not driving again." Sasuke's tone left no arguments.
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11:52AM, December 24, 20XX.
"That line took forever to get through!" Naruto whined, already munching through some his French fries. Sasuke sighed and collapsed on his chair, somehow being elegant all the same, and ignored the attention of the female population he was drawing.
Yamato and Sakura had disappeared into the crowd of people opting for some dango rather than burgers and fries.
And a smart decision that was, too. Thirty minutes for freaking burgers.
"Sucks there's no ramen. What kind of food court doesn't have ramen?" Naruto grumbled, food spilling out from his mouth as he continued to eat without care of appearance. Sasuke looked slightly amused but he dug into his food, too tired to insult Naruto.
"So dignified," Sai crowed, never missing a chance to embarrass the boys. Naruto's tan face turned a healthy shade of pink on his tan cheeks and lunged forward towards the smiling boy. Sasuke twitched.
"Now, now, calm Naruto," Kakashi pulled Naruto back, ignoring the stared directed towards them. "And Sai, you should-"
Splat.
"Sai."
"Oh, you look rather handsome with the lettuce sliding down you're face. Perhaps you should leave it there."
Needless to say, a food fight soon broke out.
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1:07PM, December 24, 20XX.
"Five minutes," Yamato stated, Sakura starting the car engine directly in front of him. "Five minutes and you managed to get a food fight happening, get the workers after our ass, and get us a fine."
"Oh, c'mon! It's Christmas Eve! Can't we all sing Christmas carols and get it over with?" Naruto rebutted, stubbornly crossing his arm. Sakura scowled but kept her gaze on the road.
"It's not like I can't pay for it," Sasuke muttered under his breath, wiping a piece of carrot stuck in his hair.
"Sasuke-kun -" Sakura began, turning her glare onto the pale boy.
"Dashing through the snow!" Naruto interrupted in a low, off-tune key. Sakura's glare turned to the blonde.
"In a one-horse open sleigh," Sai continued, his tone much more appealing than Naruto's, though his smile was still as punch-worthy as ever.
"O'er the fields we go -" Kakashi absentmindedly continued as the glare and scowl on Sakura's face broke out into a grin.
"Laughing all the way ~"
Yamato sighed but smiled as the car started and the song continued.
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4:39PM, December 24, 20XX.
"Dad and mom, check..." Naruto peered through each of his bag, crossing out names on his list as he did so. Behind him, the other five were doing the same. "Ah, finished!"
"That shopping spree took forever," Kakashi sighed, sliding back onto his seat, relaxing. Sakura snorted quite unladylikely.
"Please, try shopping with Ino for once." Sasuke grimaced at the thought of that and gathered his bags.
"Hey, where are you going, Duckbutt?" Four other pair of curious eyes turned to the leaving boy.
"Home. We're finished, aren't we?"
"Ah-ah-ah! We still have to wrap out presents, Sasuke-kun~" Sakura sang. "And I've also baked some cookies at my house."
"I want some!" Naruto cheered, pulling the struggling boy back into the car, the other pale boy helping trap the Uchiha. "Let's go!"
"Doesn't my opinion ever count?"
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5:01PM, December 24, 20XX.
Nom.
Nomnomnomnom.
"Slow down, Naruto, you'll end up choking," Yamato warned.
"Ill e alrite!" Naruto said, words muffled by his food. Sasuke and Sakura wrinkled their noses, both groaning at the display.
"Haha, there's plenty more!" Sakura's dad called. He came over and plop down next to Kakashi. "Going to have a overnight party today?"
Kakashi shrugged, swinging his glass of coke. "Depends if you'll allow Sakura to go."
"Oho, don't worry!" her mother assured. "Sakura always stays over at your places. It's fine; just make sure she's back for tomorrow's party."
"As long as nothing happens," the Haruno male added, a glint in his eyes flashing.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Dad, I can easily break their arms if they try anything."
Sakura's dad laughed.
To the side, the other males gulped.
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5:38PM, December 24, 20XX.
"Next stop: my house!" Naruto cried, quickly parking the car before jumping out. "C'mon, we have to get the wrappings finish!"
"Is it really going to take that long to wrap?" Sai asked doubtfully, shutting the car door before following the blonde sunshine.
"Experience," Sasuke grunted, shoulders drooping at the memories.
"So even the great Sasuke-sama can't do something."
Sasuke growled. Pause. And then pounced.
Sai ran.
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5:55PM, December 24, 20XX.
Kushina grinned, a clear show of who Naruto took after.
"Come on in, kids!"
Minato's head poked out of the kitchen and slightly waved. "There's some wrappers and streamers upstairs!"
"LET'S GOOO ~"
Naruto and Sakura pranced up the stairs. Sai and the two adults shrugged. Sasuke facepalmed.
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6:13PM, December 24, 20XX.
Black hair was destroyed by bright streamers and ruffles of papers, glitter covering his body.
"Pfft."
Kakashi turned to the side, coughing suspiciously into his hands. Yamato did little to help.
"Argh! I was almost finished!" Naruto yelled. He then threw the destroyed box (thankfully, the chocolate was indestructible) at the pale boy's head, making the box bounce off of Sasuke's hair.
"Naruto!" Sakura shrieked, tripping over a loose ribbon before quickly regaining her balance. "Just what are you doing?"
Naruto pouted. "He started it!"
Sasuke breathed in and out as the blonde continued in his attempts to calm the angered girl.
"What are you doing."
Sai grinned and continued to drag his ever present brush painted red across the others lips, "Well, you looked so pretty so I thought some make-up would finish up the get-up."
Sasuke snapped.
Meanwhile, Minato sipped his can of sake. It was nice and peaceful...
"AHHH!"
"Whoa - hey - ahh!"
"..." Minato looked up towards the second floor.
"Looks like they're having fun up there," Kushina called cheerfully, stirring the pot of soup from the kitchen.
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7:24PM, December 24, 20XX.
"I'm going home," Sasuke declared.
He prepared to leave but was abruptly pulled back.
"No, dead-last, I'm NOT - sensei?" He blinked as his vision focused onto the man with silver hair.
Kakashi smiled as he pushed his student back into the car, ignoring his spluttering.
"If I suffer, you're suffering with me."
Sai snickered before turning the car keys, ignoring Sasuke's shout and Sakura's hurried attempts at buckling her seat-belt. The car rumbled to life and they departed from the Namikaze resident. "Where are we going next?"
Yamato stared at him strangely as he switched to a J-pop channel. The car became uneasily silent and Sai continued to smile, waiting for their response. The car quickly dodged and drove pass a yellow-turning-red streetlight, but even Naruto kept quiet.
"My apartment?" he suggested as the silence continued. Naruto jolted.
"Well, we haven't been there in years and it's not like your parents-"
"Naruto," Sakura hissed. To the other side of Naruto, Sasuke elbowed the blonde. Naruto's mouth snapped shut. Yamato grimaced and stared at the pale boy, willing him to meet his gaze.
"It's fine. I just figured you'll ask sooner or later, so might as well as go now."
Sai kept his gaze on the street and turned at a stoplight, leading to the highway that would soon or later reach his apartment.
The lights of the night illuminated onyx eyes but something seemed to die from them at that moment.
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7:58PM, December 24, 20XX.
Sai unlocked the door with a smooth motion of his hands, stepping into the absurdly neat apartment (too big for one person). It was nearly colorless with black, white, and a bit of grey (dull, boring, unnoticeable). To the side, Naruto scanned the apartment, his own former orphanage once resembling the room. It really needed some color to lighten it up, and some color he would provide. Luckily, the others had the same idea.
Sasuke and Kakashi threw their jackets across the couch, crashing into the comfortable chairs in the dining room. Naruto pounced and spread out all of the wrapped presents across the floor with the help of Sakura before turning on the television with practiced ease. Within seconds, colors erupted within the room and red, yellow, green, orange, bright and odd colors filled the colorless place. Sai gaped in surprise before quickly recovering.
"What wonderfully respectful guests you are," he remarked in mock flatterly, but his surprise was still obvious.
Naruto grinned roguishly.
"So, where's the alcohol?"
"You're not old enough to drink, dead-last."
"Ehh? But you do!"
"Only at parties!"
Yamato looked onto the banter for a moment before pulling Sai towards the kitchen, smiling down at the boy.
"We should get some food before they rummage and destroy the refridgerator."
The spark in Sai eyes came to life.
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8:45PM, December 24, 20XX.
"'ou 'on't beat meh yet!" Naruto cried, mouth full of cookies. Sasuke rolled his eyes and would've made the image of 'cool' if it wasn't for the fact that he, too, was stuffing his mouth with Sakura's handmade cookies. Naruto grabbed another handful of cookies as Sai easily sniped one from the blonde's hand to eat. "'ey, 'ou can't do dat!"
Sai bit into the chocolate cookie, turning his head around as if he was looking for the source of the voice. "Hmm? Hey, senseis, did you also hear some incomprehensible bugs buzzing? Or perhaps it was just me?"
Kakashi and Yamato turned to the three boys before turning back to the TV, opting to stay out of the unpreventable fight. Sakura settled on a cartoon channel.
"Wait! Hey, Sasuke! That's cheating!"
"Just because your attention spam is short doesn't mean you have to drag down your challenges with you," he stated simply, taking a few more cookies as he said so.
Naruto growled, ignoring Sakura's warning.
The cookie plate was knocked away and fell down to the carpet, luckily enough.
Naruto lunged.
Sasuke jumped over the absurdly long couch.
Sai stole the remaining sweets.
Sakura screeched.
The cookie eating contest was long forgotten.
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11:30PM, December 24, 20XX.
Yamato looked at the scene in exasperation.
"Hey, aren't we going to go make a wish at Konoha'a Park?"
Sai blinked. "Why would we do that?"
Naruto scoffed, "Dude, we made the promise before break remember? That we'd celebrate the first second of Christmas together!"
Sai blinked again as the others stood. He didn't remember such a promise and his memory was one of the best in Konoha High, but then something sparked of a time when he still haven't considered himself to be their friends -
Ah. His face slowly melted and another smile formed at his lips.
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11:59PM, December 24, 20XX.
"Hey, Ugly, Dickless, Duckbutt, Perverted-sensei and Yandere-sensei."
"Don't call me that!" five voice chorused loudly.
Sai smiled, eyes opening as he stared up the tree.
Kakashi sighed and closed his book, tucking it away as Yamato looked down at the four highschoolers. The four shuffled together, each getting a bit of what he wanted to say.
There were sounds from other groups a few meters away. The ground was covered by snow and the moon shined, its reflection shimmering on the pond.
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12:00AM, December 25, 20XX.
Thank you for giving me this happiness -
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
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Italics: Emphasis, sometimes thoughts
Bolded: Another language or Time
Underline: Speaking through electronics/writing
A/N: I haven't been in the Naruto fandom in a while, so I hope I got most of their characters down. Merry Christmas, everyone. Edited as of 07/21/18.
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Aftermath; 9:30, December 25, 20XX.
"Argh..."
"C'mon guys," Sakura whined. "You're going to be late for your parties."
Naruto groaned again before falling out of the mix-matched couch, looking up at Sai and Sakura.
"I can be late," Sasuke stated plainly before rolling over and covering his head with the blanket.
"Nu-uh! If I'm getting up, you're getting up!" Naruto yelled, pulling the blankets away from the pissed boy, ignoring odd the hate waves radiating off of him.
"I'm always late. Can't destroy my reputation," Kakashi muttered, slumping against the couch, trying to pull his blankets away from his female student in a futile attempt to sleep.
"Haha, you all look miserable," Sai said, sipping his morning cup of tea.
"We shouldn't have stayed up so late," Yamato sighed. "We all still have our own parties to attend to today..."
"Oh! Mom's gonna kill me if I'm late!" Naruto exclaimed, rushing away. Sasuke paled as an image of his father came into mind, and he, too, jumped out of the couch and off towards the second available bathroom.
Kakashi rolled over before muttering something that suspiciously sounded like, 'How the hell did Gai convince me to go the teachers' party?' to which Yamato responded by patting him on the back.
"If I suffer, you suffer."
Sakura blanched as she glanced at her watch. "Ino-pig and Temari-sempai are so going to be furious if I'm not there in, like, thirty minutes. I'm heading off first!"
"Bye, ugly." Sakura stuck out her tongue before disappearing off and away from Sai's apartment.
"We should leave," Kakashi sighed, and grabbed his coat. "See you, my lovely students."
Together, Yamato and Kakashi both headed out, nodding a farewell to the their students.
Seconds later, Sasuke rushed out, holding his brand new iphone to his ears. "I'll be right there. In fact, I'm heading to the party right now, mother."
Sasuke threw on his shoes as Naruto slammed the bathroom door open, reappearing in new but rumpled clothing. "Oh shit, dad's gonna laugh his head off at me!"
"You should try to at least look presentable, Duckbutt, Dickless," Sai commented, reffering to their clothing and hair. Both scowled, cursed, and then disappeared out the door as Sai waved them good-bye.
Within moments, the loud apartment entered silence once again. Sai looked over at his couch and sat down, pulling over a sketch-book. He felt...kinda strange. Perhaps it was sadness? But he felt sad before and this wasn't it.
"Ah! I forgot Hinata-chan's present!" a girlish voice shrieked. Four voices shouted right after hers in recognition as they raced back to Sai.
Sai's door slammed open and he looked up to greet five familiar faces.
Blink.
"You really are a band of idiots," Sai smiled slightly tauntingly, ignoring the immediate protests that followed. The smile on his face was familiar. The feeling in his stomach wasn't. But altogether, he really didn't give a damn.
End.