Reboot
By Ptath
Beta-ed by Thalia
Disclaimer: We do not own RvB or Halo. Even if we could, simple self-preservation would dictate we stay far, far away.
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Rating: PG / K+ because of slight language.
"Tucker!" Church bellowed as he walked out of the Blue base. "Tucker, get over here!" An aggravated growl slipped out of the helmet. Setting down the sniper rifle, he yelled again. "Tucker, get out from behind the damn rock!"
"Damn it, Church, I'm busy," Tucker whined as he stumbled out from behind the spray-painted rock while simultaneously trying to pull his helmet back on. "Can't this wait?"
"No, dumbass, it can't," Church snapped as he glared at the other soldier. "Believe me when I say that I don't like bothering you when you're doing … whatever the hell you do when you're behind that rock."
"Are you talking bad about my rock?" Tucker growled as he finished locking his helmet into place.
"Oh, will you shut up about your rock?"
"Not when you keep dissing it!"
Church leveled a harsh glare at Tucker. "The ship is here," he said in a pointed voice.
"What, the one with the tank?"
"Yes, the one with the tank."
"The tank we won't be able to pick up chicks in?"
"YES, Tucker. The tank that we won't be able to pick up chicks in. Lucky for us, we're in the middle of a frickin' box canyon where there are no chicks!"
"Hey, we won't be in this canyon forever. When we leave, I plan on having a ride that's guaranteed to attract women," the teal soldier countered.
"You could be driving the hottest car in the universe and you wouldn't be able to pick up a single chick, Tucker. So get over yourself, already."
Tucker glared at Church through his visor. "Just because women try to get you neutered anytime you get near them doesn't mean that everyone has the problem. Don't be jealous."
As the pair continued to bicker, a small shuttle set down behind the base long enough for a figure in regulation blue armor to climb out before taking off once more.
"Hey, Church?" Tucker said suddenly, interrupting the argument as he turned his head to follow the shuttle's path. "The ship's leaving."
"What?" Church cried, spinning around in time to watch the small Blue Army shuttle disappear over the canyon wall. "Where's our tank?"
"Um, somewhere else?" Tucker suggested hesitantly.
"It can't be somewhere else. It's supposed to be here!"
"Dude, calm down, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this." Tucker glanced around the canyon, his gaze eventually falling on the blue-clad soldier making his way towards them. "Why don't we ask him? Look, he's wearing regulation blue armor."
"Blue armor, huh," Church mused when he spotted the soldier. "Must be an officer to replace Captain Flowers. This might work out after all."
"Oh, thank goodness you're here," the soldier breathed as he approached the pair.
"Yes," Church replied, "we're here. Where else would we be?"
The blue-clad soldier looked between Tucker and Church. "Is that a trick question?" he finally asked in a suspicious voice.
"No, but I have a question for you," Tucker replied. "Where's our tank?"
"Oh, yes, the tank. Um, it's kinda … broken."
"They broke our tank," Church repeated.
"Yes."
"Before they could deliver it to us."
"Yes."
"The tank we need to destroy the Reds."
"Yes."
"Before they destroy us."
"Yes."
"How?"
"Oh, uh, that's kinda my fault," admitted the new soldier. "You see, my armor's been acting really weird lately and when they were getting ready to load it onto the shuttle it kinda-"
Before he could finish, his arm suddenly lashed out and hit the side of the base. Church and Tucker stared on in stunned amazement as chunks of the wall fell to the ground and dust swirled up around them.
"Yeah, that's what happened."
"Church?" Tucker finally said. "He just punched a hole in the base."
"Yeah, he did, didn't he," Church replied in amazement. He looked away from the fist-sized hole in the wall, wheels turning quickly in his mind. "So, what's you're name, new guy?"
"Oh, my name is Caboose. I just signed up."
"You're a rookie?" the cobalt soldier demanded.
"Man, no tank and a rookie," Tucker mused, careful to keep an eye on Church as the other private began to show signs of a complete meltdown.
"Is something bad going to happen to me if I say yes?" Caboose replied as he edged away from the twitching soldier.
"Naw, this guy's just would up too tight. Do him some good to go crazy for a bit." Tucker stuck out his hand. "Name's Tucker, rookie. That's Church. He's a dick."
"Ok," Caboose said as he shook Tucker's hand. "The people on the ship said that they'd have the tank fixed in a few hours and that they'd send it down when it was done. And, uh, they also said that I should ask the soldiers at the base for help fixing my armor."
"The tank is still on the way?" Church finally asked in a weary voice.
"You're really obsessing about the tank, Church. Is there something you need to tell us?" Tucker asked mockingly.
"Shut up, Tucker. We were promised a tank." After pausing for a moment, he continued. "Besides, we need to pay the Reds back for throwing those grenades into the base. They blew up the toilet!"
"Good point. I'm really tired of having to use a tree," Tucker agreed. "That tank better get here soon."
"Since the tank isn't here do you think we could do something about my armor?" Caboose asked in a hopeful voice.
"The armor? Uh, well … Church?" Tucker stuttered.
"Well, we could try … restarting it?" the other soldier replied.
"Like a computer?" Tucker asked. His head cocked to one side for a moment as he thought. "You know, that just might work."
"Ok, that's what we're going to do then. Let's go inside, restart the rookie's armor and wait for the tank," Church agreed. Reaching down, he picked up the sniper rifle he'd leaned up against the base earlier and led the way into the base. "Tucker, you take care of the rookie. You remember where the power button is, right?"
"God, how could I forget," Tucker muttered. "Can't you do it?"
"No, I am going to see what the Reds are doing. Make sure they don't try to attack or … something. Have fun!" Turning, Church ran up the ramp to the roof.
Tucker grumbled under his breath as he turned to look at Caboose. "All right, rookie. You just stay there."
"Wait, shouldn't I get out of the armor first?" the rookie asked in a nervous voice.
"Are you kidding? It takes, like, half an hour to get in or out of the damn thing. Trust me, this'll be faster," the teal soldier corrected.
"How long does the armor have to be off," Caboose asked as he tried to push down the pit of fear coiling in his stomach.
"Eh, I think I read somewhere that you have to wait about ten minutes," Tucker replied. He bit his lip as he thought. "Well, I'm pretty sure the number ten was in there somewhere."
"Great," the blue soldier muttered. He looked at Tucker, his hidden eyes anxious. "You won't forget to turn it back on, right?"
"You're going to be in the middle of the room, rookie. Be kinda hard to forget about you," Tucker said as reassuringly as he could.
"Get the rookie all settled?" Church asked when he heard footsteps behind him.
"Yeah, he's downstairs," Tucker replied. He continued to walk until he was standing next to Church. "The original armor designers joined the Red Army, right? When the war broke out?"
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Because whoever designed these suits didn't install anything useful above the waist. Being able to blame the Reds helps."
"Ah."
The silence stretched on. Tucker watched enviously as Church continued to spy on the Reds. "If you're just going to hog the sniper rifle, can I go back to my rock?"
"What? No! We have a soldier in unpowered armor! If the Reds attack, he would have no way of defending himself!" Church exclaimed. "God, you are obsessed with that rock!"
"Hey, it's lonely out here," Tucker replied defensively.
"You're just going to keep bitching about this until you can … take care of things, aren't you?" Church asked slowly.
"You're damn right I am," replied Tucker in a proud voice. "And since you won't let me leave the base, I'm going to have to find an alternative," he added, his voice suggestive as he leaned towards the other soldier slightly.
"An alternative? What are you …" His voice trailing off, Church gave Tucker startled look. "Uh. …"
"We should probably keep an eye on the rookie," Tucker said as he turned and started walking towards the ramp. "Be nearby in case something happens." He glanced back at the stunned Church. "You coming?" he asked, voice filled with innuendo.
Church glanced back towards the Red base. The orange and maroon soldiers were still just standing on top of the base talking. Like always. He looked back towards the ramp, just in time to see the top of Tucker's helmet disappear inside the base.
"Oh, what the hell," Church muttered as he dropped the rifle and hurried over to the ramp.
"I can't believe you forgot me," Caboose moaned in a hurt voice. He'd stood in the middle of the Blue base for hours, unable to hear anything, to see anything, and near the end, he'd started running out of air and had had to hold his breath. "What were you doing?" he demanded.
"Drop it, rookie," Church snapped as he shifted his weight, trying to ignore the twinges and aches his recent activity had produced. "Command called. The ship's on its way with the tank. Come on."
As the newly formed trio headed outside, Caboose could only frown when he heard Tucker muttering to himself. The teal soldier had dropped to the rear and was watching Church walk. With the roar of the ship's engines making any sort of conversation impossible, Caboose decided to just wait to ask Tucker what "Bow Chicka Bow Wow" meant.
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