PREFACE:
Our tragic fate.
Jack had been sitting in her car for over three hours. Although she had the engine running, Jack had nowhere to go.
Not until she tells him goodbye.
She has to tell him goodbye.
But within the three hours of sitting in the warmth of her car, Jack still couldn't muster up the strength to leave it.
As she looked out the window her eyes quickly rested upon his stone.
Shepard's gravestone was the easiest to find of the fallen soldiers. It was bigger than the rest of the stones, but most importantly it had the most flowers.
Since it had been announced that Shepard died within the finale hours of the war, his grave had welcomed at least a hundred of visitors a day.
All of who, with the exception of the Normandy crew and few others, had never met Shepard. Those who visited his grave did it purely out of admiration and gratitude for his selfless sacrifice. A sacrifice that gave loved ones another day with one another, and a sacrifice that made the galaxies a safer place.
Jack wanted to scream.
She didn't care that his sacrifice gave everyone a second chance, because she couldn't have one. Nothing with Shepard at least. Everyone won in the battle, everyone was able to pick themselves up with only a few scrapes and bruises, and most of all everyone was able to move on with their lives.
And her Jack was, sitting in a car for three hours, for the third week in a roll, with her life on pause. Not knowing how to play through a life without him.
Jack watched as the last bit of visitors left Shepard's grave.
She turned off the car and opened her door, hesitating before she got out. She took in one deep breathe and walked towards the grave, closing the door behind her.
As she approached his stone, her feet suddenly forgot how to move, and her lungs forgot how to breathe.
Jack collapsed onto the grass in front of his grave. Reading the stone was like watching a car accident, she knew how horrific it was but she just couldn't look away.
She reached her finger out to trace the letter of his name on the stone.
J-O-H-N, E-V-E-R-E-T-T, S-H-E-P-A-R-D
Jack sighed as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this."
She looked up at his grave stone, as if Shepard was going to appear to reply.
Jack sighed.
"I know, Shepard. You're thinking 'What took you so long to show up?'"
Jack looked away trying to evaluate the question.
"I don't know, I guess I just got lost finding my way back to you. I'm still trying to understand how it feels to live without you. Which is sad because I was able to before you came along…but you're like a disease. And once you're in my system, there's no way I could be cured…and I don't think I want to be."
Jack began tracing Shepard's name with her finger again.
"It really wasn't supposed to be like this."
Shepard watched people come and go for three week now. At any and every hour of the day, someone new would appear, with flowers or with nothing at all, to say their goodbyes.
Most of his visitors were people he never met, and the ones that were, was everyone but the one he really wanted to say goodbye to.
The only person he wanted to see, the only person who he wanted to hear say farewell sat across the street daily. In her car, while the engine ran.
For three weeks he watched as her heart would repeatedly break, and he watched as she attempted to find strength in a last goodbye.
He also watched how she would drive off after hours of debating what to do and say. But each day he would wait patiently for her to get out of her car, for her to walk over and bless him with her presence. He wasn't ready to leave yet, not until he was sure that she'd be safe when he did.
So for three weeks, Shepard watched as she watched; waiting for her to leave her car.
And with patience being a virtue, she finally did.
He watched her as she gloomily walked from her car and towards him.
She looked much older than she did three weeks ago. Her eyes looked heavier, her skin pale, and she looked as if she hadn't eaten for days. Depression has a strange way of making its victims look almost…dead.
As Shepard watch Jack walk towards his grave she froze and collapsed in front of his stone.
Shepard walked over and crouched by Jack as she started to trace his name on the stone.
He hated to see her like this, she looked broken and all he wanted to do was to fix, like he did before.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," she said.
She laid his hand upon her cheeks, attempting to wipe away her tears, but he knew that Jack would never again have the ability to feel his touch, and he would never have the ability to feel Jack's. Just like they would never be able to effectively communicate with one another.
Shepard moved his hands from Jack's cheeks and sat next to her.
"What took you so long to show?"
"I know, Shepard. You're thinking 'What took you so long to show up?'"
Shepard chuckled at how well Jack knew him that she was able to have a conversation with him, without him really being there.
"I don't know, I guess I just got lost finding my way back to you. I'm still trying to understand how it feels to live without you. Which is sad because I was able to before you came along…but you're like a disease. And once you're in my system, there's no way I could be cured…and I don't think I want to be."
A tear rolled down Shepard's cheek, and he quickly wiped it away.
"You're right. I am a disease. I ruin everything and everyone I come in contact with. Including someone as magnificent as you."
The two sat in silence for a while, as Jack started to trace Shepard's name with her finger again.
"It really wasn't supposed to be like this."
Shepard look from Jack and onto his grave as she traced his name once more.
"Then tell me how it was supposed to be Jack."
Jack removed her fingers from Shepard's grave once more.
She stared at Shepard's grave for a few seconds more, and stood up, as Jack started to walk away she felt as if someone was holding her back. Her feet had forgotten to know how to move, but this time it was completely against her will.
She turned to look at Shepard's grave.
Jack wasn't one to believe in ghosts but she felt as if Shepard had been there with her and suddenly she wanted to stay.
She wanted closure, she wanted to be able to voice what she thought, how she felt, and she wanted to tell him how things should have happened. How things should have ended. How it was always supposed to end.
And now with feeling that he was present, she felt like she would be talking to Shepard and not his stone.
"Here is how it was supposed to end…"
Jack removed her fingers from Shepard's grave once more.
"Jack? How was it suppose to be?"
She stared at Shepard's grave for a few seconds more, and stood up, as Jack started to walk away. Shepard reached out his hand and took Jack's wrist attempting to stop her from walking. Jack stopped as if Shepard had been standing next to her, holding her.
"Jack can you feel this?"
She turned to look at Shepard's grave.
"Jack can you feel me? Hear me?"
Jack walked back to Shepard's grave and sat in the same spot she sat moments before.
Unfazed by Shepard's voice and touch.
"Just my wishful thinking," Shepard muttered.
Shepard sat in front of Jack, with his back against his gravestone.
And after moments of both him and Jack adjusting, Jack opened her mouth to speak.
"Here is how it was supposed to end…"
Shepard leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Preparing himself to hear how Jack imagine their lives to be.