Christmas the 10th: Silent Night and its Consequences
By AllTheSnakes
Niles had to admit the Special Awards ended up as a beautiful ceremony, this year. He was not happy about coming – as he had already made loudly clear multiple times –, but at least the decorations were a feast for the eyes.
He had resigned himself to sit patiently and watch all the very well known protocol: the nominees were listed; after some suspense, the winners were announced and went to the stage under applause, to collect the trophy and say a short speech.
(All of this for every one of the ten slightly bizarre categories the organizers chose for this year, as 'Best Plot Twist' and 'Most Difficult Singing Number'. It would require a lot of his patience.
At least he had Fran to make the most nonsensical/realistic comments, so he could, from time to time, have a distraction from the otherwise boring event.)
However, with so much time in his hands, Niles let his thoughts wander, and it came to his mind that the nature of the event itself was not one of the two main reasons why he didn't want to come.
The first reason was the fact he thought Christmas season was a time for family, not for business.
Of course, he would almost always spend it with the Sheffields, what was technically the same as spending the Holiday working, and not with his family, in England. However, Niles considered his own case a particular one: with the kind of strained relationship he had with his father, and with his mother passed away for some years now, the family that surrounded him daily was more of a family than that people in England who carried the same blood as him.
It just felt right to spend time with Maxwell, his three children and, now, with the Fine family, instead of going to Europe to see relatives which had very little in common with the man he had become as the years went by. His place was here, besides the people he had chosen not just to serve, but to take care of.
It even felt right to be nicer to Babcock, this time of the year. It was one of the few occasions he had an excuse to not annoy her too much, and he always felt somewhat happier when she decided to spend at least a good part of the Holiday Season with him – them.
That thought brought him back to the present situation. It was December (and it was already December 10th, for God' sake!), people should be wrapping up the last things before closing business and just preparing to spend time with their loved ones, in the heated houses, not dressing up and crossing the city for big events filled with expectations and frustration.
And that was his second reason for disliking the ceremony: every year Mister Sheffield and Miss Babcock were nominated and hoped they would win something.
And, every year, they won just some other prize – never anything in the categories related to praising producers' work.
The Broadway prizes were not fair in general, everybody knew, and this one was not an exception: people would, for example, never choose Babcock because, even if they recognized her competence and hard work, there was probably a very few people in town who didn't hold a grudge against the Bitch of Broadway. It was not an honest way of voting, but that was how things were done.
And this event, even trying to be different from the main stream, had been following the pattern every single year.
Niles looked at the blonde bombshell, who was now sitting in front of him. He had had no real hope to find any level of cheerfulness in her tonight, and just one look at her back showed his predictions were right: her shoulders were tense, and now and then she would throw quick glances around, agitated by nervousness.
He breathed deeply and arranged himself in his seat. He had decided not to mock her, tonight, respecting the fact she would probably have another frustrating event to endure. He knew how it felt to be unrecognized, and he could imagine how much it must hurt someone as proud – and as brilliant – as her.
Of course, keeping silent and distant demanded an effort that left him unbalanced.
For some reason, Niles had been getting softer towards Babcock, lately, and didn't feel like it was a big sacrifice. Thus, his anxiousness over not throwing zingers was unexpected, to him.
He looked at his hands, that were on his lap, and noticed he had started touching his fingertips, as he does when he is nervous. If he didn't know any better, he would say he was willing to reach out and give her a consoling touch. Maybe massage those shoulders, to ease the tension and reassure her of her merits...
No, it couldn't be it. He must be just fussy with the zingers he had decided to bottle inside him. There was no way he was that unsettled because of how she was feeling.
Niles separated his hands and rested them on his thighs – changing his gestures might help with his thoughts, and he needed to stop wondering what could happen if he gave up, leaned into her and caressed her hair while whispering something in her ear.
He was not even sure if he could manage something nasty.
He didn't know what had made him change towards the Ice Queen, but something happened, and now he had strange urges, as finding excuses to go to the office to see her, or feeling restive when she didn't come to the kitchen often enough.
Niles frowned: in fact, he couldn't remember a time when it was not like this… He wondered why he was just noticing it for the last months.
He crossed his arms, trying not to dwell too much on the things that had happened between them – as their kiss in the living room – because they disturbed him, and made him think that softening was not a good description of what she made to him, and that line of thought was not adequate to a public place.
Niles tried not to look at the exposed skin of her shoulders: he had to stop this.
It was wrong to desire her.
He forced himself to look at the decorations.
And the first thing that came to his mind was that she must be even more nervous because she was surrounded by Christmas themed things – and she was probably the least 'christmassy' person he knew.
It was wrong to worry about her.
His eyes came to her again, and he gulped down a wave of affection for that woman that was, for a lot of things, like a little girl – always protecting herself from being hurt, always standing around people who could make her sure she would be praised by her social peers, always craving for affection and attention and not knowing what to do with them when they were given to her…
It was wrong to like her.
She was a sick person: she took pride in not caring for children or animals; she was cold, cruel and moved by money and status; she was egocentric and stubborn; she always fell in love with the wrong men...
And, worst of all, since the moment they met, she knew he was a butler, and he had to painfully build, for almost fifteen years, the conditions to be seen by her. If he hadn't done all the pranks and the name-calling, she would look through him everyday, as she had done the moment he opened the door for her for the first time.
Even nowadays, when he could say they were closer than ever, she couldn't recognize his qualities, or see him as more than the servant. Even when they joked together, or managed to chat as adults, she always made sure to act as if those were isolated episodes, disconnected by the real people they had to be.
In fact, maybe it didn't make any difference he got her to hear him, and then look at him; at the end of the day, she probably forgot every thing that had transpired between them, while he had spent more nights reviewing in his mind every word and gesture she had made to answer to him as it was dignified to admit…
Damn! Stop it, Old Man! It doesn't matter if she sees you or not. She doesn't care. She never did, no matter what you've done…
Niles didn't know why, but it hurt a lot to think that, even after he spent the last decade and a half provoking her, he was not worth her attention at any other level that not their usual battle field.
For example, tonight: she was turning her head at him quickly from time to time. She was probably making sure he was not doing anything against her.
Suddenly, Niles realized it made him sad. He didn't get any thrill of being seen as a pester, anymore.
He found her so beautiful and sexy with that confidence and attitude, he wanted so much to share things with her, that he had left behind the phase when he got annoyed by her wrong personal decisions; now he felt forlorn.
He was so engrossed in his musings that it was with immense surprise he heard her name being said in the last prize.
Everybody stood and cheered, in their vicinity. Niles blinked and couldn't bring himself to stand up. He didn't even know which category it was.
He saw a lot of important people reaching out from their rows to compliment the winners, and he saw how Miss Babcock turned to him for a moment, and then she was pulled by Maxwell, so they could go to the stage.
The partners received their prizes and the ceremony was ended with the announcement of the afterwards party. Everybody got up gladly, and Niles followed the crowd, still processing what had happened.
ncncncncnc
The party was in full swing, Niles still didn't have any opportunity to talk to Babcock, and he was a bit disappointed.
He had guarded a respectful silence all night long, and now that Babs had won he was exploding to find her and say everything he had thought he would never have the opportunity to: the jokes about how she had managed finally winning, how many men she had to bed, how many bribes she must have paid…
He even had some good ones to offer at the possibility of her trying to volley back mentioning his lack of reaction when the prize was announced. She would probably say he was old, deaf and/or slow, and those were easy to answer.
He felt almost giddy while thinking of how ready he was to take her!
(Wow, Old Man… That was a bad phrasing…)
He looked furiously for her in the crowd. It was almost ridiculous how his heart was racing. It felt like they were a couple and he couldn't wait to find her and hug her and kiss her his congratulations.
(I really need to get a hold on myself…)
Finally, he found her. She was talking to an actress.
Always working, even in the night when she had finally won something important. Niles admired her, but sometimes he wished she could permit herself to enjoy the victories without worrying about getting more connections and an even bigger workload.
He walked closer and stood behind CC, looking around as if he had been just passing by.
The women said their goodbyes and, when the blonde turned slightly, he quickly moved to stand in front of her.
He was grinning madly, he knew. He couldn't stop it. She had won, she must be in high spirits, and Babcock in high spirits was the best to banter with!
She faced him, eyes wide for a second.
(This is too perfect!)
He started, 'Miss Babcock, congrat-'
'Oh, please, Niles', she cut him off with a hand in the air, 'Spare me the hypocrisy!'
And she turned and went away.
Niles stood there, frozen.
ncncncncnc
Later that night, Niles was sitting in a corner, alone, nursing a whiskey.
Fran approached him, looked at his glass and made a face, 'Cowboy? Aren't we depressed, tonight?'
He just groaned something.
'What is it, sweetie? I know you didn't want to come, but cheer up! There is free booze, free food, our boss has won, and everybody is having fun. What can go wrong?'
He pouted, 'Miss Babcock cut me off when I went to compliment her'.
'Oh, relax. You'll have the opportunity for the zinger later, or even tomorrow'.
Niles frowned, 'Zinger?'
'Yes. The one you were going to use on her'.
Maxwell came along to invite her to dance. Fran waved at Niles and went away with the dark-haired man.
Niles thought of what he was going to say to Fran, if she had stayed – that yes, he was going to throw a zinger when he talked to Miss Babcock, but that he had expected her to take it for what it was.
And what was it?
It was his only way of getting closer and show how much he cared.
Their relationship was not one of sincerity; he could not do what he really wanted. It would scare her if he said how much he admired her and how deserved he thought the award was, because that was not how things worked, between them.
He looked at the dance floor. Maybe he could still save the night. Maybe they could have at least one dance, as they do in these events.
Maybe, if they have some fun together, she will forgive him for whatever he has done and things will get back on track.
His eyes found her.
She was dancing with another man.
The world came crashing down on him: she was laughing, having fun, celebrating life, as he wished she would do…
…with another person.
Not with him. Never with him.
He probably had annoyed her so much she got tired of him and his pathetic teasing approaches.
Why did it hurt so much?
He knew she didn't care for him an ounce of what he cared for her. He should have known better than to expect her to remember his existence after she swatted him away as if he was an annoying insect.
A pester. That was how she saw him.
Niles got up, stopped a passing waiter, took a half bottle of whisky from the tray and got out of the party. He was not ready to face this.
ncncncncnc
Later that night, CC Babcock walked through the parking lot of the building where the party was being held.
She was tired as hell and frankly, she couldn't enjoy the party anymore. Maxwell and Nanny Fine were having what could just be called 'flirting time', and she had no patience for them.
And she had lost sight of Niles, what made her furious.
He had already ruined her night in so many ways, and then he had stayed sitting at a corner in the party, and then he disappeared before she could plot a good revenge.
How did he dare? First, he says he doesn't want to come to an event he knows is very important to her and Maxwell; then, he spends the night without saying a single word, as a spoiled child; and then, when she wins, he just stands there, sitting, as if he didn't care at all.
She saw the look of shock in his face, and it was maybe even worse: it was not that he just didn't care – he didn't believe she could have won.
They could be enemies, but she thought he respected her at a professional level.
And it annoyed her that he didn't.
No, it was more – she was furious because, deep inside, she expected him to care enough to at least wish her the best when business were at stake and be happy for her when she achieved something.
Oh, please, who am I trying to fool? He hates me. There is no reason to expect any good thing from him.
It was strange how disappointed she felt.
She wanted him by her side at events; she wanted him throwing jibes at her during ceremonies like this one. It calmed her nerves and made her forget the tension, reminding her she may not be recognized by a prize, but she had the attention of one of the most intelligent men she knew.
She felt they had a kind of intimacy that showed itself in the zingers, and all she needed in an occasion like this was the kind of closeness and understanding they shared.
Tonight, she even kept throwing glances at him, hoping he was scheming. And, every single time, he said nothing. No clever comment, no witted retort. Nothing.
And that made her feel, now that the night was coming to an end, as if she had lost something important, even when she won something else.
Maxwell had decided he would stay a bit more at the party, and CC excused herself and went to the limo. She planned to rest her tired feet for a while. If the Von Trapp Captain and the Magical Nanny from Hell didn't come soon and she didn't feel better, she would just get a taxi and go home.
She waved at the driver to signal her presence. The man was at a distance, talking to other drivers.
She opened the limo's back door, entered, and then understood why it seemed the man had looked funny at her and almost came to say something.
Niles was inside the car, sleeping.
She closed the door silently and sat, rolling her eyes. The situation was strange, but at least she got a bit of luck. It was very rare she would get him… vulnerable like this.
Taking her time to think of something to do to properly seize the opportunity, CC installed herself on the seat across him, took off her shoes and looked at him while massaging her feet: he was snoring slightly, laying on his back, an empty bottle in the ground.
She frowns. It is not like him to act like that. She always thought of herself as a more Jack Daniel's person than him, and the number of times he had to carry her drunk self after parties proved that.
She gets closer, kneeling by the side of his seat.
He is quite handsome, she has to admit, with the sandy hair, the strong chin and the now closed blue eyes. CC has even resigned herself to the fact that he had the charm and wit of older men, the energy and boldness of an untamed animal, the body of a hard working guy and the brains of a cultured scholar.
All things she liked a lot, in men, and were very difficult to find in just one person.
Sometimes she regretted treating him so badly, but CC knew they were the kind of people who couldn't have things in halves. If she got closer, she would want it so intense and deep that when it was over they would probably never be able to look each other in the eye again.
Because it was clear to her that it would be over, one day. They were too different to last. And, more than that, he hated her so much, he despised her so much (and these were his words!) that she couldn't imagine him letting the sexual tension get out of control.
And maybe he was right. If all he felt was desire, the right thing to do was suppress it, so neither of them would get hurt, and they would never loose what they already had.
Well, at least she hoped they had, because tonight he had let her down, with that stupid silence. He had proven to her that the only positive thing that could possibly exist between them was sexual tension.
It made her remember how annoyed she was, and she decides to explore the possibilities of talking to a drunk and sleepy Niles.
CC threw him an analyzing glance: he had a slight frown, and the hand resting on his stomach was clenched. Something bad must have driven him to drink.
Maybe the fact she had won?
'Hey, Butler Boy', she asked, with her lowest voice, 'What happened to you? Realized how meaningless your life is?'
He shifted a bit, turning his head to her and emitting an agreeing purr.
Oh, great. He finds my voice soothing.
She shook her head, annoyed by how cute she found his reaction. He was making her revenge seem out of place.
She decided to test his awareness, making her tone bossy and a bit louder, 'I need you out of the limo. I'm waiting for someone'.
He shifted again, this time frowning deeply.
She found it intriguing that he was a heavy sleeper and, at the same time, reacted so strongly to his surroundings.
CC decided to go for broke. He hadn't spoke to her all night long (besides that pathetic approach at the party), and she was resenting the drought. She needed a reaction, and soon!
So, she put a hand on his stomach, next to his, and leaned on him, putting her lips close to his ear, 'Maybe you want to watch. How would it feel? How would it feel if I had someone else here with me… maybe Maxwell?'
She must have gotten too close, or maybe it was the producer's name on her voice that startled him; the fact was Niles jolted suddenly, almost knocking her over in the process of sitting up as quickly as his inebriated state permitted.
He is immediately dazed when he finally does it.
He put both his hands on his head, as if helping it to stay in place, and then looked at her as if he was seeing her through fogged glass, 'Who's…? Miss Babcock?'
He is scowling, and CC remembers he is usually very bitter, when drunk. She will never forget how he behaved the night they kissed – the effort he did to snarl at her; the urge to say how much he considered her just a hobby; the need of offending her to the point of ridiculous.
To the point where the tension was too much for both of them.
'Who's Miss Babcock? Well, it's a complex question, Niles. Let's talk about simpler topics. For example: you. Do you remember who you are?'
He lowers his hands, frowns even deeper at her phrasing and keeps looking at her as if he was trying to decipher what she had said.
Suddenly, the scowl is gone and he starts, 'I-I… I'm…'
CC tilts her head and bits her bottom lip to suppress a grin. It had potential. He seemed confused as hell.
He was still stammering, and put a hand over his heart, 'I'd… I-I'm…'
Feeling a sting in her foot at the uncomfortable kneeling position, CC makes a face and starts moving. Maybe she should go to the other seat, or…
She was really surprised when Niles threw his body forward and grabbed her arm, finally finding the words, 'I'm sorry!'
'What?', she squeaked.
'Please, don't go', he said, his body wavering a bit, 'I'll behave. I promise'.
Shocked, CC moved slowly to take his hand off of her. It was obvious he needed to have a grip at something more stable than her.
He misunderstood her again, because he started shaking his head and brought his other hand to her other arm, 'Tell me what you want me to do, but don't go away again…'
Realizing she had to be very clear before acting, CC looked him in the eye, 'Calm down, Bell Boy'.
He smiled goofily at her when he registered the nickname.
CC smiled back and softened her voice, 'Will you let go?'
'Will you stay and listen?'
It seemed important, but she had to tease, 'Just if I can take a sit as a lady'.
He frowned, not getting it.
'I want to get out of the floor, Niles'.
He mouthed an understanding Oh and tried to help her to get up. She accepted his clumsy moves and got up enough to sit by his side.
When she was installed Niles turned to her and smoothed her clothes the best he could, as if he was offering something in exchanging for her staying.
CC wondered if he had forgotten what they were talking about, so concentrated he was in tiding her up.
'Hazel?', she called him, trying to make him stop the fussing and look at her, 'What are you doing?'
'You're upset with me', he said, not stopping the fussing at all and still not looking at her.
She turned to him, putting a leg on the seat, and took a firm hold of his hands, 'Yes, I am. And it will get worse if you don't talk to me'.
He focused his eyes on their joined hands and let them slowly go to her face, 'I don't know what to say'.
'You always know what to say, Niles', she said, lowering their hands to rest them on her leg. 'What is so different, now?'
He just shook his head, looking again at their hands and moving his, so he could entwine their fingers.
CC noticed how she enjoyed the way their hands fitted together. Then, she looked at his dejected posture and knew something grave was bothering him. Realizing he had asked her to 'not go away again',she deduced it was related to the moment she didn't let him talk to her earlier,'What were you going to say to me at the party?'
'You didn't want to hear', he answered, pouting.
'I want to hear it now', she said. 'Was it a good zinger?'
He just shook his head again.
CC huffed, letting go of his hands, 'For God' sake, what does it mean?! That it was not good?! Or that you won't tell me because I didn't let you say it when you wanted?!'
'You're upset with me', he repeated, throwing a sad glance at her face.
'Damn it, Niles! You can't blame me for being annoyed after you ignoring me the whole night!', she said, crossing her arms.
She observed while he kept looking at his now empty hands.
CC waited to see what he would do.
He slowly brought his hands together as if he was going to pray, put them over his mouth and looked at her like a wounded puppy, 'I don't get it. Please, tell me what I did wrong'.
She uncrossed her arms, touched by the tears she saw pooling in his eyes. It felt strange to see Niles like this, and she tried a new approach, 'Why were you silent all night?'
'I thought you'd prefer me quiet, tonight'.
'Since when do I prefer you quiet?', she asked, smiling, 'And since when do you care what I prefer?'
It seemed to open the gates in him, because he took her arms again and leaned into her direction, 'I've thought about it. They never gave you a prize. And you're wonderful. You deserve it. You deserve all the awards in the world. You're amazing. I tried to make the night easier', he stopped the slightly unorganized tirade for a moment, and put his hands down, 'I made things worse'.
She just blinked.
'I thought you'd be upset at them', he made a vague gesture to the world outside, 'And then you were upset at me', Niles' shoulders fell, 'You said I was being hippo-… hippoc-… That I was pretending. I was not. And then you left, and I never told you how I felt… I'd never…'
CC saw him struggling to decide if he was going to touch her again or not, and she took a decision.
She got his hands, entwined their fingers again and leaned closer, 'I'm not upset anymore, Niles. We're ok'.
He looked at her, surprised, 'Really?'
'Really'.
'Swear?'
'I swear', she smiled, rubbing her thumbs on his hands, 'I just thought you didn't care. Now it is explained, and we can go back to our old friendly routine', she smiled mischievously at him, 'Can we?'
He just kept looking into her eyes, again processing with difficulty what she had said.
CC was starting to think she should rephrase it, so his drunk brain would be able to understand, when he started moving.
She didn't have a clue of what he was trying to do. He let go of her hands and reached out to put his on her shoulder blades and pull her lightly.
She helped him by relaxing her body and letting him pull her.
One of his hands went up to the back of her head, guiding it to him.
For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her.
Then, he rested his cheek against hers, maintained his hand on her back and caressed her hair with the other.
He was hugging her.
CC put her arms around his waist and nestled against him. It felt damn good.
And it was the closer to a genuinely heartfelt reconciliation she has ever had with anyone.
After some long precious moments when she just let herself bask in the warm feeling his gesture gave her, she heard his calm voice close to her ear, 'Miss Babcock, congratulations. I thought you were too big for this prize, but it seems the voters of this year like your species'.
She chuckled, 'Finally I got to hear it!'
He chuckled, too, and she felt relief wash over her at the contented sound coming from him.
And then she felt him get heavier.
It seemed the man was drained, after their conversation, because he was quickly falling asleep again.
As much as she was enjoying their closeness, CC didn't need to be found under a sleeping butler in a parked limo by the Sheffield clan head plus Nanny Fine.
It was not that she would be ashamed to be with him; it was the fact that they just had had a beautiful moment, and she thought they deserved better than to be 'found out' like that.
She managed to disentangle their bodies and slip off the seat, helping Niles to lie down again. Luckily, he answered very well to her new found soothing voice power, letting her maneuver him as she wanted.
(That idea had potential…)
When he was settled, she knelt again by his side, observing him as she had done earlier, when her thoughts were focused in a revenge, because he had given her a silent treatment.
So, it was all about misunderstanding each other?
Tonight, he had tried to preserve her with his silence, not knowing how much his words helped her; in a daily basis, he admired her and hid it carefully, never suspecting how much she admired him back and considered his opinion on her.
CC smirked at his sleeping figure, realization hitting her, and she murmured, 'I think I should pay more attention to you, Butler Boy', her hand went to caress his, 'And, when I do, you'll never know what hit you'.
And she leaned to place a soft kiss on his lips, to seal her promise.