I'm trying hard to be here for my husband, but it's hard. It's hard watching him get so frail. Its hard watching him die. I cannot believe it. He's dying. Soon, I will be a blood widow. I will have a new title because my husband is dead.
He's going to miss so much. So much of Ella's life. I won't let her forget him though. I will make sure she knows how wonderful of a person he was. She will know what he looked like. She will know his laugh, his intelligence, and his love for basketball. She will know her father. Death be damned.
I don't think I'm ready to let go just yet. We only just got married and had a baby together. God can't be so mean. He can' take my love away from me. What I wouldn't give for Mark to be able to spend the summer with us. To take Ella to the beach, or watch Rachel at her baseball games. Just one more sunset lightening storm for Mark to see. Maybe one more Thanksgiving or one more Christmas, Ella's first birthday or our anniversary. Just one more chance. That's all I want. I don't think I can say good-bye just yet.