Four's point of view when Tris leaves for Erudite. One-shot. Kind of a songfic using the song Stay With Me by Sam Smith.
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Guess it's true I'm not good at a one night stand
His suspicions are confirmed when he wakes to an empty bed. It doesn't stop the guttural cry that breaks out from his throat, originating from deep inside him and ripping through the air, cutting it into tiny pieces and scattering them all over the floor.
They join the pieces of his heart that were left there when she promised him she would stay, that she wouldn't leave to sacrifice herself.
He knew she was lying. He conned himself into believing that maybe, just maybe, he would finally be enough for her and she would realize that and stay with him.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He thought that what they have – what they had – was more than a one time fling. But he sees now that Tris didn't care for him.
And he knows that's not true, she cares for him, at what level he's not sure, but she has to like him at least a little. But she would never reciprocate his feelings.
He should have seen a while ago – when he said 'I love you' and she never said it back. He just blamed it on time, that she didn't have enough time to love him yet.
But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man
He survived for years without her, without love, but what he thought was his life, his childhood, was really just that: surviving. He wasn't living until he saw her, the brave girl from his faction. Until he felt her lips on his, and he knew that he wasn't completely alone, somebody finally understood him.
And his life was finally complete. He wasn't going to be factionless, she saved him, in many ways, and he'll never get to tell her any of them, because now she's gone.
He gets out of bed, after a few minutes spent thinking back on what he could have done better to get her to stay with him, to get her to want him.
He changes, painstakingly slowly, into some black jeans. He rummages through his shirts drawer, looking for his favorite sweatshirt. It's gone.
And the tears start falling when he realizes who took it.
These nights never seem to go to plan
He lays back down with blurry vision, and he can't stop the flood of memories from last night from pouring out.
He went looking for her after she disappeared after dinner. She wasn't in the dorms. Nobody saw her. There was only one place she could be.
He walked down the familiar hallways, the route he memorized years ago. To most people, going to their home they hadn't been to in a while would give them a sense of safety, nostalgia.
But not Tobias. It gave him nothing.
It was never his home.
I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?
He sensed her presence when he stood outside the door, and he paused before opening it slowly. She was holding his quilt in both hands, her head buried in it so all he could see was her short bob of bright hair.
She heard him come in, and she dropped the sheets and stared blankly at him. He's usually pretty good at reading people, reading her, but that night he couldn't tell what she was thinking.
He wasn't thinking about his words when he called her an idiot, it wasn't what he wanted to say. He wasn't thinking when he allowed his voice to slip over the accepted volume, so he was almost yelling.
He wasn't really thinking about anything, there was only one thought running through his head on repeat.
I can't lose her. I can't lose her.
Oh won't you stay with me?
He was shaking, his whole body was trembling from his toes into his fingers and his arms, every part of him was so scared that she'd leave him alone again.
He spilled his feelings, put himself out in the open when he told her she was too important to just die. It was his way of saying, I need you. You're important to me. So you can't die.
But, he didn't like to make himself vulnerable like that, so he hoped she'd get the message. If anything, his shaking hands should help.
She didn't. Normally, such a smart girl should be able to pick up on things like that. But, he noticed, that anything having to do with feelings about her, she ignored it and set it aside, like it was invisible.
And she honestly seemed to believe that he would be fine if she left and died.
'Cause you're all I need
They'd fought a lot recently, but none of that mattered to him when he crossed the room and kissed her, more gently than he had intended to.
He felt a childish need to show her how much she meant to him, to try and persuade her into staying by making her feel guilty if she was planning on leaving.
It didn't work.
So he tried kissing her again, and when they were done and breathing heavily after their make out session, red cheeks and bright eyes and swollen lips, he asked her again.
And this time, she did promise.
But it was a lie. A blatant lie.
This ain't love, it's clear to see
She wouldn't have left if she didn't love him.
He repeats it like a mantra as he pulls himself out of bed for the second time, willing all the memories of last night to go away.
The images slowly stop flashing behind his eyes as his walls grow taller and stronger, encasing his brain in a kind of thick fog that only allows him to think of the present.
He's good at doing that. He's been doing it his whole life.
He hadn't done it in a while, ever since Tris came he'd been open.
But now she's gone. And he's closed off again.
But darling, stay with me
His mind is having trouble processing things again, like it was last night.
But this time it's her words running around his brain, seeping into his bones and every cell, every fibre of his being.
I promise, she said.
And he didn't do anything to stop it. He couldv'e stayed up all night. But the love impaired his reasoning like a drug, and he let himself believe her for once. They'd always had trust issues, but he finally let them go when he fell asleep with her in her arms.
And what did he get for trusting? For opening up?
Waking up to an empty bed.
Why am I so emotional?
He has to jump aside into small rooms and narrow hallways off the side of the main passage whenever he hears someone coming.
The dining room is far from his room, and he used to like that, the long walk to and from meals to gather his thoughts, and avoid walking back with his friends.
But now it's causing a lot of trouble, because he doesn't want to see anybody right now, but he's starving and needs to start formulating a plan to get out of here.
And it might be a wise idea to talk to her friends too, to see if they know anything.
No it's not a good look, gain some self control
When he gets closer to the drumming of feet and the pounding of fists, the chattering and incessant laughter and banter of the faction he has come to loathe, he pulls himself together.
He banishes every thought of her, every image that's in his head, any little thing that might remind him of her in the slightest bit is pushed into the back of his brain.
And he walks into the dining hall, keeping his eyes trained straight ahead. He gets a bagle and some black coffee, and sits down at his usual table, across from Zeke.
unfortunately, Zeke knows him too well and he knows something is wrong by the way he's holding himself. He's lost some of his bravado, and today he seems more down in the dumps rather than aloof.
And there's also the fact that Tris isn't with him, and that's never a good sign.
But nobody at the table was expecting him to finally utter out the two words.
"She's gone."
Of course, they all knew that she would be the one to leave, but they never thought she'd be so stupid and careless to actually do it.
And deep down I know this never works
From the very beginning he had pushed the thought, the possibility of a relationship with Tris, one that lasts long, out of his head. She was an initiate; he was her trainer.
But he broke that boundary, and surly broke some rules along the way.
And they were together longer and longer, and he let his doubts fade, until they were only a small presence in the back of his mind.
So it shouldn't surprise him that she was the one to end the relationship, even if it wasn't directly. But it does.
And his friends try to tell him that it's not over, not yet.
But what are the odds of her getting out of this?
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt
He just wants her here, with him. They can talk about it more, and with the help of his friends maybe he could convince her that nobody has to go and that they can fight off Jeanine and her army.
But she's already gone. If she had only stayed one more day…
Tobias knows that she would have gone anyways, she would have gone right after Marlene jumped if there wasn't a crowd of people she knew, people that would have stopped her from killing herself.
That should have been a clue to her, of how many people love her and how many people will be devastated if she dies.
But in the end, who cares about them?
She should have only cared for him.
Oh won't you stay with me?
They plan it out, Tobias and the gang. He'll go to Erudite to be with her, to be the inside link. Then they'll come, in a matter of days, to rescue the both of them from the horrors that will be conducted to them in the time they'll be at Jeanine's hands.
That's assuming they both live.
He knows she's still alive and still fighting, but no matter how strong she is Tobias knows that nobody can survive all those simulations and stay mentally sane.
So they have to get to her as fast as they can.
'Cause you're all I need
He'll leave in a few days, when they've finalized the plan and everything's ready to go. He's counting down until he can see her again, and he's praying with everything he's got that they haven't done anything to her.
But they're no longer together, he tells himself. Even if she didn't mean to, she ended them.
He can't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't value herself at all.
And he can't be with someone who he isn't enough for, and will never be enough for.
Does he still love her? Yes, yes yes.
Can her be with her? No, he tells himself. No. He can't.
This ain't love, it's clear to see
He leaves the compound when the sun is only just peaking above the horizon. The air is cool, and his breath is visible in a little cloud in front of him.
His friends told him to take his time and conserve his energy, but with the knowledge that with every step he takes he's closer to her, he can't slow himself down.
He marches through the front doors, and is greeted with Jeanine's portrait on the other side. It's intimidating.
He's been to Erudite headquarters before, but not to get captured and tortured on purpose.
All to see his girlfriend – ex-girlfriend. The thought makes him scowl.
But when the guards come and restrain him, he's smiling.
But darling, stay with me
They lead him upstairs, hopefully where they're keeping Tris.
One of the Dauntless traitors holding his arms behind his back gets a little too rough, so he elbows him in the face. He's most likely going to die, or he's going to escape. Why not have some fun.
He's met with a gun butt to the face, and he feels warm blood slide down his cheek.
And then they round the corner.
Peter's gripping her elbow, and she's wearing different clothes, that look somewhat clean. Her hair is tangled and pulled back slightly.
But he notices that she's tired. Her eyes have lost some of their fire, already, and that's not a good sign. He hopes his friends hurry up and that there are no delays, because she can't make it.
Her eyes light up when she sees him, and then they widen.
And then darken again once she realizes what he's done, and why he's here.
She screams his name, shouting at him from the end of the long corridor.
But when he responds, he's keeping his smile at bay. She's back.
"You die, I die too."
Hope you like it! Please leave a review or favorite, and let me know if you want me to write more like this!