THE SHINOBI SUMO LEAGUE
Eien: I've figured out my writer's block. You can't write sane plots when you're working with excess crackfic. This story is where that madness goes. No update schedule. Not considered a major project. But if you like it...
Chapter 0.959: The Beginning of Something Really Amazing
The wailing of the alarm clock started and ended abruptly as my hand passed through it with such ease that if not for the squawk of the dying synthesizer it might have been an illusion made of smoke and dreams. As it was, my hand hurt from the bits of plastic embedded within it, and the shouts from the new hole in my floor told me that it was probably time to go looking for a new apartment.
Pansies.
Rolling back, I hurled myself onto my feet and ran into the kitchen It was time to eat something fucking delicious. I opened my cabinets to find... instant ramen? What the hell?
This must be Sasuke's doing- I swear, who in their right mind would eat this shit? The real deal is great... but this? This was the food of college rounin. NOT SHINOBI.
Shinobi require THE BEST, and only THE BEST. Of everything. Because that is what a Shinobi is. An inhuman monster who does everything TO THE MAXIMUM.
For example, I didn't shut my alarm clock off, I punched a hole through the floor. That meant that the alarm clock was not THE BEST. As for the floor... The less said about it the better.
Searching for THE BEST of everything so you can go a day without fucking destroying something was the purpose of a Shinobi's life. The one, the only, the splendid and magnificent QUEST FOR THE BEST, facilitated by the SHINOBI SUMO LEAGUE. The higher you went, the more was yours. The more you had, the stronger you were, the more you took. The highest ranking wresteler was Madara Uchiha, and the man was practically fucking indestructable. That was because he owned 99% of THE BEST SHIT.
Number two, Tazuna, owned 99% of the remaining one percent, and that's how it went until you get to me, the deadlast wrestler.
I have THE BEST ORANGE JUMPSUIT.
...
Yeah, that sucks.