Subject: In the eye (1/1)
Author: Lore Krajsman
Rating: PG 13
Notes:This is a small snippet, I know it isn't long, but it's all
Methos wanted to give me.

******

If you were to kill me now
Right here I would still
Look you in the eye

And I would burn myself
Into your memory
As long as you were still alive

I would not run
I would not turn
I would not hide

I would live inside of you
I'd make you wear me
Like a scar
And I would burn myself
Into your memory
And run through everything you are

I would not run
I would not turn
I would not hide

Look me in the eye
In the eye

(*** In the eye by Suzanne Vega ***)

******


If you were to kill me now, right here, I would still look you in the eye."

I hear her words, engrave them on my soul. Doesn't she understand, I
don't want to kill her. Ever.
She kneels down before me, her head bowed in surrender. Expecting the
kill. Part of her says it would be a mercy, to be away from the
memories. Doesn't she understand? Her death, I can't handle it.

As the deaths of her family are burned in her memory, so is her life
in mine. Not just now, not just tomorow, but for as long as I shall
live. Their screams will never leave me, their blood will never be
washed off. The only thing I have left is her. The only solid ancre.
As long as she lives my crimes live on in her. It's the only hold on I
have. Why can't she see that?

She doesn't run, she doesn't turn, she doesn't hide.
But neither do the memories of what I've done. She blames me for
forgetting. If only I could, forget that is. A thousand screams, more
actually. All of them etched inside me, overwhelming any true
happiness I'll ever feel

I close my eyes, blood appears in front of me. I can look at a child,
but terror will always follow it as a faithfull shadow. Seeing the
children I slaughtered.
I say it's in the past, but it well never be. Not to me at least. Not
as long as I still remember. Not as long as their faces still haunt
me.

She thinks I'm a monster, she's half right.
I offer her my hand, denying her challenge. I don't want to kill her.
Why would I?
I'm not that monster anymore.
Not right now at least.
Can't she see that?
Can't they?

It's the shadows that bother me the most. Sneaking up on me in the
depth of night. Their voices demanding me why. I want to answer them.
It was so easy to answer to MacLeod. That I did it for the pleasure
of it. But to the ghosts it isn't enough. The idea of their deaths
having no true reason. So they keep haunting me.
I looked them in the eye you see.

I walk away from her, and she's still asking me why.
Because I looked her in the eye and flinched.