This is my first fanfiction ever. I'm not English and I would like to thank very warmly Kelly Chambliss ; my wonderful beta reader, for her patience, advice and benevolence ! I think I would have never published it without your help.
Of course I don't own any character, they belong to the wonderful JK Rowling. I hope you'll enjoy the story, do not hesitate to MP me or leave a comment !
Appearances
It was a very cold winter night. Minerva McGonagall had indulged herself in some time alone in Hogsmeade, preferring the mellow conversations at the Hog's Head to
the heckling of the common room.
Despite the dingy aspect of the place, the food was more than decent (so was the stout) and Minerva especially enjoyed being surrounded by adults who presented the great advantage of not working at Hogwarts.
The recent announcement of Voldemort's return had provoked a wave of slight changes in all the teachers' moods. Only Severus remained...well...desperately (but somehow thankfully) himself.
Minerva knew she wasn't spared from this change of attitude : she could no longer stand the tearful look of Sybill Trelawney, or the foul mood of Dumbledore, not to mention some Slytherin's half-smile that she would have torn away from their faces with a good old slap.
That was this thought exactly that had led Minerva to get away from Hogwarts : if she was beginning to think about beating the students, this definitively meant she needed a break.
But something else was troubling her. Some kind of tingling crossed her spine and neck every time she thought about what should happen in the upcoming months with the dark lord's return. Was it fear ? Even though she was a great witch, Minerva wasn't a superhuman….but still, she wasn't really familiar with fear. She hadn't been sorted in Gryffindor for no reason. Was she getting old ? Did she have , after all, nothing to really lose ? no close family left, no children of her own ...And most importantly would she find the necessary resources to fight again if the time came ?
It was while lost in these considerations that she begun to head back to the school around 10 pm. The air was dry cold and the moon full and bright, as she enjoyed it. She could see her breath in the air as she walked along with a determined step. By the time she approached the wards of the school, a big dark shape drew her attention in the middle of the road.
She stopped dead and thought about taking her cat form to be faster if she felt a danger, but something about this shape seemed familiar. She drew her wand and carefully approached. She recognized him at once... Severus Snape was lying at her feet, curled up and slightly shaking. She felt like a hole was forming inside her stomach. Severus had been summoned before she left Hogwarts. She ran towards him and carefully put him on his back :
"Severus, Severus ! it's me, it's Minerva….oh my….."
She could see that his hands squeezing his cloak had no nails anymore.
Severus Snape was inunspeakable pain. The wrath of the Dark Lord had been not commensurate with his past outbursts. The potion professor still couldn't understand how he had managed to escape the Malfoys mansion and found the strength to apparate at the limit of the wards of the school (or at least, that was where he had intended to go…)
He could remember only the screams, the panic and utter chaos among the Death Eaters.
They had been summoned for an unplanned meeting with Voldemort. The Dark Lord was looking fierce and sat silent while all the death eaters were taking their sit around the long table. When the audience was full , the master rose up with a shriek and begun to send cruciatus curses randomly. They were all struck by the curse but it was only when the Dark Lords begun to perform magic that Severus had never heard of before that he started to get closer to the door. The last things he felt was his nails torn off his hands and as if thousands of whips beat down on him.
He got out of his faintness when he heard his name called from far away.
Someone was there and that someone's presence was reassuring. He felt that he was moved on his back gently, but still, this simple movement felt like hell.
Minerva performed her patronus right away : "go to Poppy and tell her to meet me at the gate of the school at once with her first aid kit" The silver tabby cat run away swiflty.
"Severus, can you hear me ? what happened to you…"
The young professor was whiter than ever, and Minerva saw blood beginning to come out of his nose.
She hastily transfigured a pile of logs into a cart and magically put Severus inside which seemed to hurt him even more….
She began to push the log with her wand but this made Severus moan in pain once again….
"What on earth…." She gave another flick of her wand but the potion master gave another weak cry
Losing no more time, she began to push the cart firmly and as quick as the slippery ground allowed her. She soon saw a glimmering light coming toward her
"Minerva ! what happened ? as I didn't see you arriving I came to you !"
"Poppy ! thank Merlin, I found Severus like this. He is very bad…."
Poppy drew her wand out,
"Don't ! " Minera exclaimed « It seems that performing magic around him makes him feel worse !"
A strange but intense light crossed the matron's face.
"If what you say is true… there's not a second to lose"
With their combined effort, they soon arrived at the back door of the infirmary and finally managed to carry Severus to a bed.
Poppy began to take off his clothes
"Well Minerva, I could use a bit of help here…
"Sorry, I...yes, of course"
The mediwitch seemed relieved to find no further physical injuries on the potion master except what seemed to be old scars.
She lifted Severus's eyes lids, ran to the cupboard and came back with several vials.
"Help me give him that, I'll have to leave just after and you need to stay by his side."
« What's wrong with him Poppy ? where are you going ?" Minerva heard her voice was shaking but couldn't help it.
Putting the potion down Snape's throat, the matron sternly said :
« I need to get some muggle medicine and painkillers very quickly"
« But...why, don't we have everything we need here?"
-If I'm not mistaken he has been cursed with the ratusdoloris, very dark magic….the pain may eventually go away but with terrible physical and nervous damages if we don't do something. You were right : anything magic will only increase his suffering and help the curse last longer….even indefinitely"
« That's sick ! But...the potions you gave him… »
« ...were prepared only from plants and brewed with no magic at all. They are my own, but they'll only contain the pain for a while. OK, I'm done here, I've prepared some ointment and bandage : wrap his fingers while I'm away and don't leave his bedside. I'll be back very soon. »
Before Minerva could add anything Poppy had disappeared in the chimney in a blast of green fire.
For a few minutes Minerva felt lost and helpless. Her heart was beating fast and she was wet with sweat. She took off her heavy winter cloak and scarf, straightened her bun and reached for the bandages.
Her hands were slightly shaking as she raised Severus's hand to apply the ointment. Snape seemed more calm since he had drunk the potions but, when his colleague squeezed the bandage , he gasped and left out another heartbreaking moan.
"I'm nearly done my boy, hang on, Poppy will be back soon, you're safe now..."
When she finally managed to apply all the bandages, she gently put down Severus' hand on the bed but before she could withdraw, she felt his fingers weakly squeezing hers.
Not daring to move she remained like this. She paused and thought about the situation. Holding hands with an half-naked head of Slytherin...she couldn't help to smile by imagining Severus's reaction if she had told him this would actually happen one day.
Severus was so reluctant to have any kind of physical contact that he must have been close to lose his mind if he was now willing to hold hands with her.
Did he even know that it was she standing by his side ?
She reached for a tissue on the table by the bed and gently wiped the blood under Severus's nose.
This gesture brought her brutally back to the past.
It was a summer evening and she was leaving her classroom after an exhausting day. Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors had been particularly difficult, especially since her lions had not accepted their crushing defeat against Pomona's team during the last Quidditch match, and had been taunting the other group during all her transfiguration class. Points had been taken from her own house, protests had been made...and more points taken to close the debate.
She was looking forward to a nice cup of tea and the lastest edition of Quidditch Monthly. As she was approaching her room, she saw a student sitting. His head was buried on his knees and under his arms. He was in a hidden alcove of the narrow corridor leading to an empty aisle of the castle. Minerva heaved a sigh of slight annoyance...it seemed that the day was far from being over.
"Well, well…. what are you doing here ? »
She had intended not to sound too upset.
"Ten galleons that it's another heartache." she bet to herself.
The student lift his head quickly, looking startled at being discovered. It was the young and taciturn Severus Snape. He looked both furious and desperate, his nose had been heavily bleeding, blood had even flowed on his collar.
"What happened to you Mr. Snape ? »
« Nothing, he said through his gritted teeth. »
« That doesn't look like nothing to me….who did that to you ? »
« As if you'd mind, professor…. » his tone sounded more bored than aggressive
Minerva immediately understood that he was referring to one of her own students….she knew that James and Sirius were often coming after Slytherins and more especially after Severus, but this time it had gone too far. She drew an immaculate handkerchief from her cloak and gave it to the boy who hesitated before taking it.
She sat on the edge of the alcove, close to him.
« If you don't tell me, I can only make assumptions you know…. »
« Never mind. What's has been done has been done…. »
He brutally wiped the blood from his face.
« I'm sorry I've ruined your handkerchief professor. »
His voice sound so sad that Minerva couldn't help to squeeze gently the young wizard shoulder. You need an apostrophe here — "wizard's"
« It's okay mister Snape. You can keep it. I hope you'll never have to use it again. If there is nothing more you want to say, you'd better be off to your dormitory. »
She left her hand on his shoulder a little longer. He looked at her and went away with a small nod.
« Good evening, professor. »
This memory gave her a twinge. She now realised that she had never seen Snape truly happy in all those years she had known him. This had to change. She won't have him become a joker, but at least she had to be a better friend to him. Starting right now.
It had been nearly two hours since Poppy had left. Minerva began to be more and more concerned, especially since Severus seemed to be in pain again.
Sweat was beginning to appear on his forehead and he was shaking. He screamed out loud which Minerva jumped from surprise.
« Severus, Poppy will be back soon, can you hear me, Severus ? I'm getting Albus, hang on ! »
Everything was misty, but Severus clearly identified the headmaster's name and Minerva's voice.
« Don't ! » he managed to say with a hoarse voice, his hand trying to grab his colleague.
Minerva was both surprised and alarmed by what the potion master had just said. She couldn't deal with Severus on her own, but she didn't dare to go against his order.
« Severus, Albus has every right to know what happened to you »
« Please... »
He pronounced this word in a painful whisper. Minerva's heart broke. Why wouldn't he want her to bring Dumbledore ?
It was at this moment that Poppy came back.
« Poppy ! What took you so long ? » she nearly snapped at her.
Poppy looked at her raising an eyebrow..
« I...I am sorry, I didn't mean to be rude »
« It's okay. How he is doing ? »
« Not so good, but at least he made me understand that he does not want Albus around . »
« We will figure this out later. I have brought some strong muggle pain killers that might help him. »
Minerva stepped back to let the mediwitch do her job. Her movements were assured and precise. She handled the needles and vials quickly. "she didn't seem distracted by Severus's moans as she gave him his medicine. A powerful sense of calm was floatting around her.
Now she was thinking of it, Minerva had never seen Poppy in action. Of course, she had brought hurt students before and had seen her give some potions and put some it was the first time she had ever watched her healing in a context of high emergency.
The deputy headmistress felt a little bit ashamed : it actually never came to her mind that Poppy was a true healer, not only a « boo boo » fixer.
It was she who had given her the first aid when she had been badly hurt the year before in the fight with the fat crazy pink lady : Dolores Umbridge. Minerva had never thanked her for that.
« Well, I gave him some morphine and beta-blocker and I have replaced his bandages. You look exhausted, Minerva you should go to bed. »
« I will stay with you, I think I won't be able to find my sleep tonight »
« As you wish, would you like something to drink ? Tea ? Something stronger ? »
« Definitively something stronger ! »
After Poppy had served them two generous scottish whisky, they both sat silent in front of Severus's bed.
« You know I never thanked you for what you did for me last year. »
«We couldn't afford to lose our talented transfiguration professor, could we ? »
« As we can't afford to lose our...well...unique potion master » Minerva added, making
Poppy chuckle.
Severus didn't know where he was. He had heard Minerva's voice and she had mentioned Albus. But he wasn't totally sure that this was not something he had imagined.
The pain he had felt before was less strong but his mind was as if locked into some cotton Images from the ruthless attack kept coming back to him with terrifying reality. He couldn't focus or really move. He was thirsty, so thirsty...
« Water »
Had he been able to say the word out loud ? Few seconds (or was it hours?) after this attempt to speak, he felt a hand lifting his head and a cup against his lips. After he managed two gulps, the hand put his head back on the pillow and caressed gently his forehead.
Was he dead ? Was this hand the hand of his mother ? Eileen had had very few gentle gestures towards her son, but he could definitily remember her stroking his face when he had had a very bad flu. A painful feeling squeezed his heart and he couldn't hold back a tear.
He was so unwell he nearly forgave himself for this weakness. He tried to open his eyes but this made him feel so dizzy he felt like vomiting.
His mind was now wandering. He could see himself back into Dumbledore's office. The headmaster, now aware that his days were numbered, had revealed his plans to Severus. To protect Draco's soul and, to a certain extend, Severus's life, Albus had asked his potion master to kill him before the boy had a chance.
This solution made Severus sick to his stomach. But he had no choice. He was trapped between two masters...one he had turned his back to, and one he had to obey, bound by an oath he had taken years ago.
He had realised in the headmaster's office that he wasn't,and most probably, never would be be free. They were no friends, he was only a faithful pawn on the great wizard's chessboard.
Suddenly, he heard Minerva's voice again...it was her, but something was strange. She sounded motherly.
His colleague often sounded serious, upset, even cheeky when she usually spoke to him but never (thank Merlin!) motherly.
« Why don't you want to see Albus ? He needs to know what happened to you»
« Not him. I don't want to do it, he knows » he said in his confusion.
He could feel a hand in his. Minerva's hand ? A wave a panic took him over. He wanted to confide in her. He needed someone to share his burden. He knew he could trust her, but he would put her in great danger if he did so. Fighting against his urge to speak, he imagined how his colleague would react when he would have done what he had to do.
« You will hate me so much...you will turn your back on me » he thought.
They both stood silent. Poppy spoke first.
"What was that ?"
"I...I don't know. Do you think the pain makes him delirious ?" Minerva replied.
" Possible, yet...his words make sense : he answers to you."
The deputy headmistress was feeling very uncomfortable with what was underneath Severus 's last words.
" I need to know what he means...turn my back on him." she said in a low voice.
"Why ?"
"It may be important to the Order."
Suddenly realizing that she had revealed her membership to the Order of the Phoenix, Minerva blushed and bit her lower lip. Poppy was staring at her, her blues eyes unreadable.
"I mean, important to Albus who can then share the information with the Order."
"Minerva...please..."
She remained silent, frightened to say too much one more time.
"I may not part of Dumbledore's close circle but I am not completely stupid ever."
"Oh Poppy, I never meant that...I'm..I'm sorry"
"It's okay. I just thought for a minute that you were trusting me enough to share this secret with me. I was wrong. Maybe if I spent more time in the staff room you would consider me as an equal, or at least as a full-fledged member of the staff "
The mediwitch added, bitter and sad.
The transfiguration teacher did not know what to answer. Wasn't she thinking a few minutes earlier that she had never appreciated her colleague as the skilled witch she really was ?.
Not daring to look at her in the eyes anymore, she turned back to Severus.
"I trust you Poppy. You saved my life. I hope I can repay you one day."
They then both sat silent, finishing their glass of fire whisky.
During the night, Severus had more pain crisis. Every time, the mediwitch acted quickly, adjusting the doses of medicines, giving injections, taking the potion master's pulse, wiping the blood that kept coming out of his nose.
On the other hand, the headmistress was getting more and more concerned that the muggle medications were not improving her young colleague's condition. She kept giving the nurse questioning looks.
"Don't worry. Fighting this curse is a waiting game. Professor Snape is young and in good condition, his body can endure it. As for his mind...you and I know that he has a hard head. I just have to be attentive to the crisis to help him go through it."
When the sun came up, both witches were exhausted and had only slept a few minutes from time to time.
"What shall I do Poppy ? Shall I inform Albus that Severus is here ?"
What was wrong with her ? First she had given away her position as a spy ...now she wasn't able to take a decision...
"Don't. Wait until he's out of danger and can clarify the situation. I don't know what you think, but I am not particularly impatient to see one of his cold anger if he wakes up finding Albus holding a bunch of flowers by his side "
Minerva couldn't help but chuckle, imagining a highly outraged Severus waking up in such a position.
"You may be right." She sighed heading to the door.
"Minerva !" Minerva turned back. "Thank you for staying with me tonight."
"I'm afraid I wasn't of much help."
"You presence meant a lot to me."
Not knowing what to add, Minerva left.
Minerva took a quick shower and drank a strong cup of coffee in her room before heading to the Great Hall for breakfast. On her way she crossed Argus Filch accompanying a crying Slytherin girl and her devastated mother.
"Professor McGonagall, the headmaster is expecting you. Something bad happened."
Filch seemed both anxious about the situation and happy to hold an information that the deputy headmistress ignored.
"Thank you Argus, where is he ?"
"In his office"
Taking a short cut she soon arrived at the bottom of the magic stairs
"Liquorice wheels !" she said impatiently.
The headmaster's door was opened.
« Minerva, thank you for coming so quickly, I was about to send you a patronus. »
The headmaster was looking exhausted.
"Actually, I ran into Mister Filch while I was heading to the Great Hall »
"Very well, did you enjoy your night off ? »
"Yes, thank you Albus. I spent some time with madam Pomfrey." She could swear she had seen a sparkle in Dumbledore's eye.
"All right then. Have you read the news ?"
"No, not yet. I have seen Miss Barns with her mother, did something happen ?"
"Her father has had an accident. He is in St. Mungo's, his condition is more than serious. Apparently, several wizards were involved in a strange situation last night. Two of them died, six of them are in the hospital. The director, who is a dear friend of mine, informed me that they lost a lot of time before being able to find the right diagnosis. The six wizards may not recover from the curse that hit them. If I have been looking for you Minerva, it is because since five o'clock this morning, I have been welcoming four families of victims. Mothers, uncles, grandparents coming to fetch students so they can be with their own...isMs Barns, miss Havers, mister Doughy and finally poor miss Johnssen whose father's died. "
"Merlin...But, what is that curse ?" Minerva tried to sound genuinely surprised.
"The ratusdoloris. Very dark magic. I suspect Voldemort...it must have been a kind of punishment." Albus paused, looking concerned.
"That's not all. Severus is nowhere to be seen. He is not in St. Mungo's, I have checked."
The deputy headmistress took a seat to perfect the illusion of shock.
"Surely there must be an explanation. Albus. Maybe he is hiding ? Did he tell you something before he was summoned ?"
"No, nothing".
Minerva watched the old wizard carefully. He was so tired that he had pronounced these last words in a less than convincing way.
"I guess one of us must attend the breakfast and make an official announcement. I am sure half the school is aware of what happened last night by now, and panic is the last thing we want to have to deal with, Albus."
"You are right. I will join you soon. Would you be so kind as to talk to the students, Minerva ? I need a few moments to myself." He had said that in a low, almost painful voice.
The transfiguration professor couldn't help to look at the dark hand the headmaster was now holding. She left with a nod.
Her heart was beating fast. She had lied, or at least had been play-acting, to Albus. Never in such a long collaboration she had done something similar.
Something was wrong, she could feel it. Witholding information from the headmaster had seemed the best option for now. He was not being honest with her, and therefore with the Order. She had to find out what Severus knew but her first duty was to speak in front of a very anxious crowd of both students and teachers.
She crossed the long central path of the Great Hall, hundreds of eyes watching her carefully and the ambiant noise slightly decreasing as she walked in a military way towards the teachers's table.
"Mister Hood, let go of Miss Jones's ponytail right away," she said, not stopping her march.
She climbed the three stairs and took position at the desk that appeared magically as she arrived. The silent was instantaneous. Minerva enjoyed this moment when she imposed her natural authority upon both the staff and the students. She took a certain pride from it. Severus inspired more fear than respect, Filius didn't care much about authority, Pomoma certainly knew how to raise her voice when necessary.
"I will speak in the name of the headmaster today. As you already know, an awful event occurred last night and affected several of your comrades' families. The other professors and myself count on you to keep a cool head and remain focused on your studies. The O. and N.E. are, it goes without saying, maintained. I also count on each student, regardless of his house, to hold high the school values. I will not stand to hear inappropriate remarks regarding the victims of this event or any kind of stressful discussions. Hogwarts is, and will remain, a safe place for all of you. Now I will let you enjoy your breakfast."
The first shy noises of cutlery began to be heard and after a few seconds everything seemed back to normal, even if there was no doubt the deputy headmistress's speech was at the heart of the conversations.
She went to her seat at Albus's right. The absence of Severus raised right away some questions from her colleagues.
"Minerva, have you heard of our potion master ?" Filius asked in his high-pitched voice.
"No, Filius I haven't. Apparently Albus knows he had to do some urgent business outside the school but I don't know more than you do right now".
Minerva's speech had been, short, precise and final. That was what Poppy had always liked. The deputy head mistress was straightforward. She had a natural authority, you could see right away she was a brilliant and powerful witch.
Of course it had been long since her admiration and respect had evolved in more complex feelings, but the mediwitch knew she couldn't open her heart to her friend about them. The risk of losing her was too high .
Yet, she was sure Minerva was not totally blind. The way she occasionnally touched her forearm when they were having chats in the staff room (a gesture she never had with others, not even Pomona who was a very old friend); the fact that she had spoken about her late husband and her first muggle love on a summer night they had spent on the roof of one of the castle's towers drinking firewhiskey...
She could precisely remember that night. It was just after the dreadful ending of the triwizard tournament. All students were back home but Minerva and Albus had had a lot to do. They both knew they would probably face some students resignations and they were discussing that matter.
Poppy, on the other hand, had to refill the stocks of medications, the tournament had left half of her closets empty. Severus had been of a great help by brewing all she needed in a very short time...maybe it was his way of forgetting his mark was burning again.
At the end of the day, she had found a very preoccupied Minerva sitting in her classroom. The Dark Lord's return seemed to upset her a lot, more than one should have expected.
The nurse was passing by the door when she saw the deputy headmistress looking in the void.
"Minerva, is everything fine ?"
"Oh, Poppy, yes, thank you," she answered with a weak smile.
"You are a terrible liar, Minerva McGonagall, you know that ?"
They both went on the roof soon after that exchange. The weather was perfect, the sky cloudless. After two glasses of firewhisky Minerva seemed more relaxed than she had been in a long time.
"I didn't think I would live long enough to see such a dark period again," she said.
"How old are you then ? two hundred already ?"
Minerva chuckled.
"No ! not yet...even if I feel older than I have ever felt"
"Come on Min', listen to you..."
"I was deeply in love with a muggle boy when I was much younger, you know" she said,out of the blue.
Poppy didn't dare to break the silence.
"I didn't marry him. During the war both Dougald, that was his name, and the woman he married were killed by Death Eaters...Then I was very happily married to Elphinstone. He also died. In a way I am happy to be single, I think I won't be able to fight a good fight if I was bound to someone. I know what it feels to lose someone you love, I don't want to go through that again."
"Why do you tell me that ?"
The deputy headmistress turned her head to to look straight into her eyes. She had an expression that was hard to read, both sad and deeply gentle.
"I think I have to much to drink Poppy, please forgive me, I've had a lovely evening thank you".
After having touched slightly her colleague's hand with the tip of her fingers, Minerva left.
After her speech in the Great Hall, Minerva went to Poppy.
"Albus can't find Severus in the hospital wing...I didn't tell him we found him yesterday"
"We can move him in my quarters...they are right next to were he is now"
"How is he by the way ?"
"Much better I must say, the combination of both muggle medicine and traditional potions seem to work...I took the liberty of letting my house elf look after him while I attended the breakfast. I thought my absence would raise suspicion..."
"You were right to do so. Is there anything else ?"
"Minerva...I know we are not supposed to have cured someone from the curse but I've read the news and I think I should quickly inform St Mungo's chief of staff of the best treatment there is..."
"Very well then, you will leave right after we have moved Severus. I trust you to pretend you had heard of such a treatment in a previous life..."
They went to the hospital wing quickly.
"I can't believe I have hidden something from Albus. But I can feel something's wrong; he's not fully honest, either, I can tell."
"Your cat sense ?" Poppy asked very seriously. The mediwitch knew that animagi, especially the feline kind, were known for their sharp intuition.
"Maybe...yes..."
After they moved Severus to Poppy's bed, the mediwitch left for St Mungo. Minerva went back to her first class of the day. Albus informed her at lunch time that he would be off until the next morning. He wanted to go to Severus place and other locations he didn't mention to make sure the younger teacher wasn't there.
Having no more classes in the afternoon, Minerva went back to the potion master's bedside.
He was sleeping peacefully
"Master is better Gipsy can see," the house elf told her.
"Thank you, you can go back to your duties, I'll take it from here".
She sat by the bed and took his hand gently. She had never seen him with such a relaxed face.
She felt asleep, exhausted as she was by the previous night. She was woken up a very familiar baritone velvet voice.
"Would you be so kind as to let go of my hand, professor ?"
"Well, well, well...look who's back," Minerva said, releasing Severus's hand.
"Where am I?" the young professor asked.
"In Poppy's private quarters."
"Because?" he added in a slow and cold voice.
"Because I found you half dead on my way back from Hogsmeade, and thought saving your life was a good idea..." she said, using the same tone.
"Gryffindors...always making an anecdote an adventure," he sneered.
Minerva's face instantly turned red.
"You'd better stop this stupid useless childish game right now, Severus. I'm not in the mood to endure your sufficiency, nor your so-called detachment, " she snapped back curtly.
Taken aback by the deputy headmistress's sudden anger, Snape lost his words (which satisfied his elder greatly.)
"I know you've been summoned, I know something terrible happened, I know that Poppy and I spent the night by your side, comforting and saving you. What YOU don't know, is that some of your fellow Death Eaters were badly hurt, one died. Am still making an anecdote an adventure ?"
"There are not my fellows," Severus said through his teeth.
The silence settled. Finally, Severus looked at Minerva :
"Thank you," he said almost shyly.
"This still doesn't explain why I am in Poppy's bed and not in the hospital wing," he added, raising an eyebrow in a very familiar expression.
"Well...while you were in pain, you said some intriguing things. I wanted to understand what you meant...it had something to do with Albus."
"And ?"
"And, I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself before I told Albus you are safe and sound."
"Dumbledore doesn't know I am here?" he asked, surprised.
"No. I know that there is some business going on between the both of you. I also know you are a strong wizard, but I need to know : is Albus putting you in danger ? is he putting the Order, in danger ?"
"What do you mean?"
Minerva could tell her colleague was a very good occlumens. He faked surprise in a very convincing way.
"When you were in pain, you forbade me to go looking for Albus."
"Well, he is not a mediwizard, is he?" the potion master asked ironically.
Minerva gazed icily at Severus before resuming in an no-less icy voice :
"You also said that you didn't want to do something for him. You feared that I would turn my back on you."
The young professor held her gaze.
"I was delirious," he added, not looking away.
"Albus hasn't been himself lately. He is not telling the Order everything, I can tell. I've known him for a very long time. I can feel it."
"Your cat sense, perhaps ?"
"That eyebrow raising again !" Minerva thought, upset by the fact Poppy also mentioned her feline ability.
"Severus, I have been in the Order half my life. We are all in the same boat, we need to stick together. We can't keep secrets from each other. We won't last long if we don't stay united."
"We will stay united if you trust Dumbledore enough to stop seeking answers to your imaginary theories. Keeping the information that I am alive may have put him in great danger...did you even think about that?"
This was getting her nowhere. Severus was closed off more tightly than a Gringotts's vault, and maybe more stubborn than she was.
"Well, you are free to go back to your dungeons. I'll inform Albus right away that you are back at Hogwarts. You'll give him the version you want about your presence here."
"I'll tell him I found my way back after a night of pain. After all...it seems you saved my life, I will cover for you. Don't let this become a habit, though."
"Well, I assume you feel fine enough to teach your DADA classes, professor. Don't be late."
She left without a further look at Snape. As soon as she was out from Poppy's quarters, she sent her patronus to inform the headmaster of the return of his Slytherin.
Severus gave a big sigh of relief. He couldn't believe he had almost given away Albus's plan. He also realised that he had been very lucky to be found by Minerva. He had to be awful to her so she would stop questioning him. Surprisingly, he felt almost sad he had to do so. It wasn't the first time she had been genuinely concerned about him but this time she had lied to the headmaster for him. Was it what one called friendship ? If the stake of his mission had not been to save the wizarding world, maybe he could have opened his heart for once. How good must it feel to be supported...
He summoned his house elf to get clean clothes. It was hard getting dressed with injured fingers. He would come back to ask Poppy what he should do about the bandages.
He hoped that the Death Eater who had died the night before wasn't Lucius. Narcissa had enough on her mind right now.
"So do I," he thought bitterly.
He arrived in the classroom just in time. On his way he had met Filch who had informed him of everything he needed to know.
His first class was with sixth-year Ravenclaws, which almost pleased him. Filius's students were focused and most of the time obedient. Not feeling good enough to speak, he asked them to read a chapter about repellents against giant bats and write an essay about the most efficient remedy.
From time to time he would go between the tables to check the brats' work. Miss Lovegood was complaining about today's subject. Giant bats were friendly and one shouldn't have any reason of repelling them. He was pretty sure he also heard another student saying the potions and spells mentioned in the book would be useful against...the former potion master himself. He pinched the bridge of his nose. How stupid of him to have chosen this subject for today's lesson...
"Ten points from Ravenclaw for whispering nonsense about the properties of bat repellent potion," he said in a very tired voice.
He wasn't feeling well...normally he would have expelled the student from his class and taken off 50 points. He felt cold now and his heart was beating faster than it should have.
"Professor?" Lovegood's voice was calling him.
"Professor ? are you...okay?" the small voice added.
Severus had a hand on the student's desk. His eyes were closed and he seemed in pain.
"Focus...on...your...work," he pronounced the last word in a whisper before he collapsed on the cold floor.
"Wahoo...it seems you don't event need to speak the spell out loud !" a student said.
Luna had sent a patronus right away for the mediwitch. It was a good thing she had learned how to do so the previous year while attending Dumbledore's Army lessons. By the time Poppy arrived, the young teacher hadn't moved nor answered to the very uncomfortable students.
The matron gently cupped Snape's face and performed silent magic to diagnosis him. A glow of bright blue light surrounded her to the Ravenclaws' amazement. She then quickly lifted Severus magically to carry him to the infirmary once she was sure magic wouldn't hurt him this time. As they passed near a group of Gryffindors, she heard Harry Potter comment :
"Let's hope this is serious enough so we can have professor Lupin back !"
"Potter !' The mediwitch called in a cold and loud voice as she stopped.
Harry's face turned redder than Ron's hair.
"I should have expected a little more compassion from someone who has benefited from my care over the past years with so much diligence. Never rejoice of someone else misfortune in front of me again ! 20 points of Gryffindor for your malice."
"But ..."Harry intended to add.
"Don't you "but" me," Poppy cut him.
"Blimey...Madam Pomfrey spends far too much time with McGonagall," Ron whispered to a very upset Hermione.
When she arrived to the hospital wing, Minerva and albus were already there. Poppy was in a very bad mood. Why on earth had Severus left the hospital wing ? She couldn't speak freely and wondered how Albus would react to Severus's presence inside the walls of the school.
"How is he ?" The headmaster asked in his usual calm tone.
"Fine, I think he has overestimated his condition." She didn't know how much she could tell right now. Thankfully, Minerva spoke.
"As I told you, Albus, Severus arrived soon after you left, he only mentioned he had had a very complicated night and insisted on resuming his lessons. He seemed rather fine when I saw him."
"All right, Poppy, I leave him to you. Let me know when he awakes, I need to speak with him." He left the two witches.
Making sure the headmaster was far enough away that she could speak freely, Poppy grabbed Minerva by the arm.
"Why did you let him leave the hospital wing ? the consequences could have been serious, » she asked in a low but very upset voice.
"We had a little chat, Severus seemed perfectly fine and nasty enough to go back to work," Minerva said, not feeling comfortable with the mediwitch's anger.
"Am I to understand that YOU sent him back to work, deputy headmistress ?"
"Yes, I did. And even if I hadn't do you think that Severus would have stayed in your quarters like a well behaved puppy ?"
"No, but at least you would have behaved in a sensible way ! I don't know what's up with you, but you seem to let your emotions take the best of you Minerva ! I am not sure I can trust your decisions anymore."
The transfiguration teacher lifted a hand to her chest out of surprise. Poppy was right, she had been more overwhelmed by all the recent events than she had realised.
"Oh Poppy, I'm so, so sorry. You are right. I thought leading my own enquiry was the right thing to do. Actually I only put several people at risk and certainly complicated Severus's life as a spy. I will go and speak to Albus, but first I have to apologize to Severus."
She sat next to her colleague's bed. Her friend could tell she was fighting back her tears and decided to let her resume her composure.
"Well, I'll be at my desk, Minerva. Call me if you need me."
One hour later, Snape opened his eyes. He quickly saw that Minerva was standing next to him, thankfully not holding his hand this time. He was still feeling dizzy.
"Severus, how are you feeling ?" Her voice was far softer than earlier.
"In tremendous shape," he answered with a soft chuckle.
"I shouldn't have sent you back to teach DADA."
He could see she was concerned and tired.
"You know I wouldn't have remained in Poppy's bed...this wasn't really appropriate." He didn't feel like teasing her.
"Do you remember when you were in your second year, Severus?"
"Where is that coming from?" he asked himself.
"I asked the students to transfigure vegetables inside a bunch of flowers. Most of the girls did a very good job. Boys found the exercise stupid. And you, Severus, even if you always had been a very hard-working student, you made the most beautiful bouquet of all," she said with a soft smile.
Severus remained silent, looking carefully at his former teacher.
"Do you remember that bouquet ? It was composed of thistles, red lion amaryllis and lilies of the valley."
"Why should I?" he asked, not understanding where she was going with that.
"Because all the flowers you chose meant something to me. Don't deny it, Severus, you know it."
The wizard's cheeks turned very slightly pink.
"The thistle represents Scotland, the red lion my house, Gryffindor; and the lily of the valley is..."
"...the perfume you wear," Severus ended very softly, now looking intensely at the wall in front of him.
She was glad he remembered.
"Well, I still don't see what this is all about?" he said in a neutral voice.
"This is about you, about the fact that you are a far more kind hearted person than you want to show. You are very good at pretending you are worse than you actually are. And I can't help thinking that you, in your very strange way, appreciate me."
"And what if I did ?" he asked, now looking at her.
"Maybe you could trust me, and confide in me."
Severus stared at McGonagall for few seconds. He didn't look upset, unlike she had feared.
"I was delirious, Minerva; and for your own good, you'll believe me when I tell you so."
After she left Severus, Minerva had informed Poppy she could see him. She had told the younger wizard she would tell the truth to Dumbledore.
She was now exiting Dumbledore's office. Albus hadn't seem disappointed. "I would have tried to know more about what he meant myself, " he even added.
The witch had tried to ask the old headmaster if there was more to be known about his business with Severus, but her friend had reassured her. She was over thinking, he had said. She greeted him and asked him if there was anything she could do for him. Albus answered that she was already doing too much and that she was both a good friend and an excellent deputy.
It was exhausted and feeling very melancholic that Minerva went to bed. How could she have been so wrong ? How could have she hurt Poppy twice in the same day ?
Merlin, she was feeling old. Old and lonely.
A few nights after his last meeting with Minerva, Severus's mark burned powerfully.
He knew the time had come for him to keep the promise he had made to Dumbledore. This made him sick.
"You'll have to kill me Severus, when the time comes. You need to protect Draco's soul. You need to stay in Voldemort's close circle when I am gone. You know there is no cure to my illness. Killing me will make your position as a Death Eater unquestionable," the tired but yet determined Headmaster had said.
He gave what he thought to be a last look at his office. There were unmarked essays on the desk and a note from Minerva, asking him if he would join her on the Saturday for a chess game.
He would have given anything to spend one more afternoon with her, arguing about Gryffindor so called superiority in Quidditch. He now realised that she had been a dear friend to him. He would never be able to tell her.
"Focus Severus, close your mind," he firmly said softly.
Taking his wand out, he left the room without any look back, his black cloak floating around him.
They were all awoken by the sounds of shouts and the smell of fire.
Minerva arrived outside soon after Filius, who had been the first to discover Albus. She found the head of house utterly shocked...he turned to her and simply said : "He is gone, Minerva."
The old witch felt her heart miss a beat. This wasn't possible. Hagrid joined them, out of breath.
"Death Eaters ! I swear ! They burned me house !" he stopped dead at the sight of Albus.
"Where are they, Hagrid?" she asked, looking fierce.
The overwhelmed giant didn't answer right away, which upset the witch deeply.
"Hagrid ! Where the fu...dge are they?" she shouted, repressing a swear word just in time.
"They ran away! There's no one left!" he managed to say before bursting into tears.
Minerva tightened her grip on her wand. She wanted to cast curses ; nasty, violent, painful curses, at the cowards who had killed Dumbledore.
She soon saw Harry Potter coming towards them. He looked haggard and felt on his knees, besides his dead mentor.
Everyone became silent. Poppy was the first to raise her wand. She was soon followed by all the staff and students.
Hogwarts had lost her most faithful protector and all her inhabitants mourned with her.
After everyone had the time to pay their respects, Minerva asked the prefects to bring back the students to their dormitory.
She came closer to Potter :
"Come on my boy, you cannot stay here."
"He killed him ! Dumbledore trusted him and he killed him," he said through his greeted teeth.
"Who, Potter?" McGonagall asked.
"Snape !" he shouted at her "He was with the other Death Eaters, he killed him and then left the school to join Voldemort again !"
The deputy headmistress remained were she was. Frozen into shock. She felt the blood living her face. If she hadn't been such a strong woman, she may have collapsed at the news. She just turned to the other head of houses. Filius looked lost, his hand on his forehead ; Pomona was crying softly, tears running along her cheeks ; Poppy was looking at her Gryffindor colleague, as if trying to communicate silently with her.
"Come with me, Potter. I need to inform the ministry right away of what happened. They will surely want to hear your story."
She helped the boy to get up from the ground and headed to Albus's office, her arm wrapped around Harry's shoulders.
From this very moment, time flew. Minerva had to take the lead and inform everyone of the tragedy that had happened. For five days, she didn't have a single second to rest or think. She was now headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
She was sitting at her friend's desk, trying to fit in his shoes, trying to maintain unity within the walls of the school, trying not to think.
Not to think that she had lost not one, but two friends. A true one and a traitor.
On the night of the sixth day, the headmistress realised that she had nothing urgent left to do. She sat back in her chair and took off her glasses.
How could have she been so stupid ? Snape had not wanted her to warn Albus, fearing the cunning old man might discover what the Dark Lord had asked him to do.
"Traitor, filfthy traitor," she said out loud. She was clenching her fists so tightly her knuckles had turned white.
She was suddenly submerged by a wave of deep sadness. Something broke inside her.
She rose up and went to the hospital wing. She walked quickly, pushed by an urgency she only could understand.
When she arrived in front of Poppy's quarters, she paused to take a deep breath before knocking gently.
"Minerva, what a pleasant surprise !"
"Oh Poppy..." her voice broke. All her pain seemed to emerge at once. She raised a hand to her face in an attempt to hide her tears.
"I know," Poppy simply said, taking the hand hiding her friend's face and putting a kiss on it.
The headmistress gave a weak smile.
"Can I stay with you tonight ?"
The mediwitch pulled her delicately towards her without a word and closed the door.
Whatever would come ahead, this night belonged to them.
THE END