Hey guys!
I was feeling rather depressed when I wrote this angst one-shot; the idea came to me after reading this wonderfully written (and incredibly descriptive) essay on Sasuke and Naruto's relationship (no, I don't have a life), and so I felt like I wanted to give a try at doing something a bit more serious about the duo.
This is not a romance fic, though there is some very, very, very subtle Sasunaru (only because I'm such a huge sucker for it).
Anyways, I hope you guys can enjoy reading this!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.
Naruto shot up from his bed, his body bathed in thin sheen of sweat. It happened again; the same reoccurring dream; the same nightmare. It had been three months now, since he last faced Sasuke. He had been so weak then…
The blond quickly shook his head, tears squeezing out from the corners of his tightly shut eyes, his hands clenched and unclenched at his side. If only he were stronger, if only Sasuke could just wake up and see that Orichimaru was no good for him.
If only, if only…
Letting out a few uncontrollable shudders, he slowly made his way back into bed, draping the covers around him in the process. He closed his eyes, and drifted off once more.
He was running, he was pushing himself so hard it felt like everyone of his goddamn muscles were going to rupture. He didn't know why, but he knew he couldn't stop. It was like every single cell in his body was reaching out for something, seeking it, needing it, but he didn't know what it was. He acted on the only thing he was absolutely sure of, that it was vital he kept going.
'Faster, faster…' He chanted inside his head, forcing his body against its limits. He thought he could see the faint outline of someone, a tall, lithe figure.
As he approached the man, his breathing deafeningly loud, he opened his mouth, and attempted to shout. Nothing came out. Slowing down his pace, he tried again, focusing all his power to his lungs as he tried to call out to the stranger. But still, nothing came.
He felt drops of hot liquid on his arms, and was surprised to find that they were from his eyes; he hardly ever cried. God, he was crying so hard, and though no sounds came out, he knew he was screaming, because his throat burned.
The figure in front of him turned, and crimson eyes glowed eerily at him from behind the fog. A blinding pain seared across his heart, and just like that, Naruto knew. Naruto knew who it was.
Sasuke.
Stumbling in mid-step, he felt himself crash against the ground as the name flashed across his otherwise empty mind, his body aching with the pain. Without any pause or hesitation, he quickly picked himself back up, and he was hit with the sudden realization that he was here because Sasuke was here. This was his job, his mission, his burden, and his alone. He needed to save Sasuke.
He tried to scream out the raven's name, but to no avail. Waving his hands frantically, he tried to catch Sasuke's attention; if he saw, he didn't show it. Repeating the mantra to: 'go faster, be stronger, save Sasuke', his whole body trembled violently at the strain it was forced under. But he couldn't stop now because he was getting closer; he could almost make out Sasuke's entire frame through the fog now.
Squeezing his eyes shut and grinding his teeth together harshly, he used everything he had left, every last ounce of stamina, and he felt himself sprinting towards his purpose.
Sasuke was close enough to touch now. The blond reached out a hand.
And then, suddenly, it was as if everything hit him at once, the complete and utter exhaustion, the lack of ability to even make the Uchiha hear him, and his calves suddenly seized up. He felt himself fall again and though his mind repeatedly screamed his mantra back at him, he knew it was futile. This time, he would not be able to get back up.
"Sasuke…" He mouthed, knowing that it would be impossible for him to be heard, but too tired to even move his head to stare up at the raven. "Sasuke… please."
Naruto heard the distant sound of footsteps, and saw from the corner of his eyes that Sasuke was running, running faster than Naruto himself had been able to despite his efforts. Within a few seconds, the raven was gone, lost again in the mist.
Feeling a sense despair and hopelessness so heavy that it was crushing his chest, so profound that he couldn't breath, he cried out into the emptiness.
"Please, please…" He screamed, not even acknowledging the return of his voice. What did it matter? It was too late now: Sasuke was gone.
Rolling himself onto his back, he didn't even care that his muscles no longer ached, because Sasuke was gone, and he would never be able to catch up to him.
He screamed again, louder this time, a heartbreaking cry of anguish against the skies.
Naruto woke up for the second time that night, his body drenched in sweat. Frightened cerulean eyes stared up at the ceiling, frozen in shock. He could hear his heart thumping wildly against his chest, and as he tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself, he found that he couldn't.
He tried to bring a hand up against his throat, to do something to ease this pressure, but his body didn't respond.
An internal struggle awakened inside of him as he attempted to move his body, forcing out quick, shallow breaths. His hands trembled at his side from the amount of strain he was putting on them, yet still nothing happened. Tears welled up in his eyes, and slid down the side of his face. He couldn't even wipe them away.
And then he saw Sasuke.
His pupils dilated, and he faintly acknowledged a soft growling in the back of his mind. Sasuke was here, in his room.
'Help me.' His lips moved soundlessly, unable to project any sound. 'Sasuke, I can't move.'
But the other boy did nothing, staring at him with an empty expression as he leaned against the wall.
'Sasuke!' Naruto mouthed, his desperation making his heart beat at an alarmingly fast rate. 'Sasuke!'
Naruto blinked; one hands was stretched out in front of him, as though reaching for something...
Quickly pushing himself up from the bed, he scanned the room with his eyes. Sasuke was gone, had never been here. It was another hallucination.
His heart however, continued to pound loudly against his chest, and his azure eyes slowly bled scarlet. Brushing his covers aside, he pushed open the window and jumped, not bothering to put any shoes on.
Hopping from rooftop to rooftop, he made his way towards the training grounds, stopping only when he knew he was safely hidden among the foliage of trees. And then he broke down.
Letting out a heart-wrenching howl, he felt himself go through those same, painfully familiar transformations again. His whisker marks deepened and became more defined against his tanned skin, his canines elongating so that they protruded over his bottom lip, and his lips curled upwards in a sneer.
Too weak, always too weak.
The sinister red chakra encircled him, and the first tail appeared.
He never cared about you; you were just a distraction until he could leave, become stronger.
The second tail formed.
Useless.
He roared against the sky, and the third and forth tail emerged in succession. Snarling wildly, he smashed his way through a barrage of trees, ignoring the splinters that pierced his skin. Had anyone been near enough to catch a glimpse him then, they would've screamed in horror, because they wouldn't have see a boy, tormented by the demons of his own failures, but a monster.
Naruto felt his control slipping away, and his vision became blurred, all the colours bleeding into red. His body felt so incredibly heavy, it was like he was sinking, drowning.
He heard an ear-splitting roar, and though he did not move, he knew it was him who was raging because his chest hurt so much: like someone was crushing it, squeezing him until he could no longer feel his own body. He gave himself up willingly to the numbness – anything to stop the pain – and he was immersed in the blessed darkness that came with this deed, the priceless gift of nothingness.
He closed his eyes.
Please, please, please…
---
Naruto slowly pushed himself off the ground, the exhaustion hitting him so hard that he fell back against it. His head was hammering inside his skull; his body covered in scratches and burns, and as he slowly turned himself to survey the surrounding area, it did not come as a surprise to him that everything had been demolished.
The last time he'd really lost control like this was after meeting Orichimaru in the forest.
"You still have a ways to go to catch up to Sasuke-kun."
His nails dug into the soft earth beneath them. He had been so unbelievably naïve then, thinking that he would be able to take on Sasuke, even surpass him maybe. The bastard would first have to apologize, of course, but Naruto would've eventually forgiven him, if only to see the smile on Sakura's face again…
His eyes stung horribly as waves of regret and despair rolled over him, no longer having any tears to cry out. How ironic, that he had prided himself on being an Uzumaki, always showing off his ability to keep fighting, through the tough and thin; never giving up, never backing down.
Minutes ticked passed, eventually hours, and at some point he vaguely acknowledged that there was someone beside him; a dark haired stranger, though he had assumed it'd been a fraction of his imagination (for he was too fatigued to clearly distinguish between dreams and reality). Dangerous red eyes flitted in and out of focus… a pair of cool hands with ivory coloured skin that gently stroked the side of his face…
Why did his heart hurt so much?
As he slowly relinquished his thoughts, he thought he'd heard a faint voice, an indescribably familiar one (perhaps a shade deeper now), so soft that he was sure he'd imagined it.
"Dobe…"
Hope that was a rather enjoyable (and hopefully a tad bit depressing, hoho) read. Angst is surprisingly easy and hard to write at the same time.
Anyways, I shall depart now.
JA!