YOUR LIPS
Ichigo presses her soft fingers against her lips in the solitude of her room. She traces her thumb across the upper and lower lip until she's come full circle. To think that Goro's lips had once been there causes an odd surge of heat throughout her body.
The others had gasped and teased her, and she'd laughed it off, even if her face was still burning red as Goro took off.
"Are you okay with this, Ichigo? We'll all miss him, but especially you."
When Ikuno had first spoken those words, Ichigo was ready to support Goro's decision. But now, as she continues to trace her smooth lips, she isn't as sure.
Each time she had kissed Hiro, she had longed to feel a deeper connection there. But looking back on the few kisses they had shared, she realizes that most of them felt empty and meaningless with emotions of frustration and sadness mixed in between.
Ichigo was beginning to doubt that she'd ever experience a special kiss. It always seemed like a beautiful act demonstrated by Hiro and Zero Two, and even now, she feels a sting of hurt seeing Kokoro and Mitsuru share those tiny intimate moments as well.
Something unexpected ignited in her when Goro kissed her though. Her kisses had always felt meaningless and more physical than anything else. But even thinking back to it now, her body begins to tingle and her heart begins to race.
She and Goro never had time to really talk about their relationship, and while she knew how Goro felt about her, she never had time to think, and still isn't sure, how she feels about him. He has been her closest companion through all the trials she's faced, yet she never has had time to really contemplate feelings for him.
Ichigo sighs and lays down on her bed, staring at the blank ceiling. This position is familiar to her. She remembers countless late nights staring at the wall thinking about Hiro while Ikuno soundly slept across from her.
But each time she thought of Hiro, jealousy or frustration would surge through her. Even if she grew to understand that she loved him, it was always mixed with negative emotions. But when she thinks of Goro, her body feels light and warm.
Ichigo groans and shoves her head in her pillow, trying to subdue all her emotions and the wild thoughts running through her mind.
She knows it will probably be a while before he contacts them again. She wishes he would call sooner. She feels as if they should have had a conversation a long time ago about the future, though she doesn't know when she'll get that chance again.
A knock sounds at her door. She quickly jolts up, fixing her messy hair.
"Ichigo! Are you in there?!"
Miku, Ichigo realizes.
She hops off her bed and opens the door, finding the redhead impatiently waiting for her outside.
"Dinner is ready, you know. We're all going to eat together," Miku explains.
"Oh." Now that she thinks about it, her stomach does feel a bit empty. She realizes she hasn't eaten in a while, not since Goro left earlier in the day anyway.
"Come on! I'm starving!" Miku exclaims, leading her down the hallway toward the dining hall.
Ichigo grabs a seat next to Ikuno and slowly sits down. She glances around, feeling as if the table has shrunk some. Even if Naomi has returned to their bunch, there are still two seats missing, now a third with Goro's leave.
Ichigo picks at her food and takes small bites as the others chat and eat. To her right, Ikuno and Naomi are discussing some of their plans for research. Across from her, Mitsuru and Kokoro are speaking affectionately to each other while their young infant rests in a sling against Kokoro's chest. And to her left, Miku, Zorome, and Futoshi are having fun messing around with each other.
He used to sit right next to me, Ichigo thinks as she quietly sits. Why hadn't she realized that fact until now?
"Are you okay, Ichigo?" Ikuno asks. "You're being very quiet."
"Oh, I'm okay," Ichigo assures her, taking another bite of food. "I guess I'm just a little tired."
Across the table, Mitsuru kisses Kokoro on the cheek, causing the blonde to giggle slightly. Ichigo feels her heart a sink a bit, but she asks herself why. It wasn't as if she and Goro were…
"I think I'm going to go to bed," Ichigo announces.
"Already?" Futoshi questions.
"I'm really tired," Ichigo says, stretching her arms and letting out a big yawn. She quietly excuses herself and leaps into her bed, hoping these emotions won't bother her in the morning.
...
"You're back!" Ichigo gasps, throwing her arms around Goro. He's gotten stronger, she realizes, as her hands feel his arms. She buries her head in his chest, a warmth enveloping over her. When she looks up, his hazel eyes are staring deep into hers. Slowly, he lowers his head until his lips are against hers. At that moment, Ichigo feels complete, wishing she could feel this way forever.
Ichigo wakes and lets out a groan in the darkness of her room. The same dream has plagued her often since Goro left, and though she's convinced herself again and again that whatever she's feeling is that of friendship, her fingers once again dart to her lips.
Why can she still feel the warmth on them when it's been months since he's left? Why does she continue to feel this aching? It's worse than whatever she once felt for Hiro. There's always a sense of longing that plagues her. She always took for granted Goro's laugh, his gentle smile, and his strong arms.
Ichigo finally wills herself to get ready for the day. When she's not doing chores that will help build a future for the parasites, she's spending her downtime with friends.
The weather is starting to warm up so she rests indoors for a little while and has a quiet chat with the others. She sits down on the floor, glad to see Ikuno and Naomi have some free time to spare. Ikuno has frantically been doing research to preserve the lives of the parasites, and while Ichigo is thankful for her efforts, she wishes Ikuno would give herself a break every once in a while.
Ichigo leans against a wall as the others discuss their day. Kokoro bounces a baby Ai on her lap, and the baby's giggles frequently add more noise to their conversation.
"Ah, can someone hold Ai for a second?" Kokoro asks. "My hands are getting tired."
Normally, Miku is first to volunteer, but…
"I will," Ichigo decides.
The others turn to look at her in surprise. While Ichigo does admire babies, the others know that she's a bit scared around them, not sure what to do in their presence.
Kokoro passes the baby to Ichigo, and she gently sets Ai in her lap, looking down at the tiny thing.
Is something like this in my future? Ichigo wonders as she glances down at the infant.
Ai gives her a big smile, and Ichigo happily lifts the child and bounces her on her knees. She wonders what her babies will look like…if she ever has one, that is. It hadn't really occurred to her until now, and in the past when she'd held Ai, she'd never really had a strong desire to have a baby before.
Kokoro giggles. "She really likes you, Ichigo. I didn't know you were so good with babies."
"Me either," Ikuno says with surprise, glancing at Ichigo.
She sets Ai back on her lap and rests her against her arm, playing with the baby's tiny hand.
"I heard Goro was going to call today," Naomi mentions.
Ichigo stiffens, and she hopes that her face isn't turning beet red. She continues playing with Ai to distract herself.
"Did you hear that Ichigo?" Ikuno asks.
"I-I did," Ichigo says, pretending like she hasn't been waiting for this moment ever since Goro left a few months ago.
That afternoon, everyone gathers for a video call with Goro. Ichigo's leg shakes as she awaits for him to call in.
"You're shaking the entire couch," Ikuno mutters.
"Sorry," Ichigo says. Before either of them can say anything else, the screen turns on, and Goro is giving them a wave. She lets out a sigh of relief, seeing that he looks just fine.
"Hi, everyone!" he says.
There are shouts at Goro and questions thrown about all he's discovered. He gives a rundown on the places he's been and the things he's learned, though Ichigo's eyes are instead drawn to his lips, the ones that kissed her a few months ago.
"We're all so happy to see you're doing well," Mitsuru says.
The others nod and throw in their own little bits and details about what's been going on the past couple of months.
A silence comes over them, and Ikuno shoves Ichigo.
"Don't you have anything to say, Ichigo?" Ikuno asks, pointing to the screen. Ichigo realizes with a shock that she's barely uttered a word to Goro since he's called.
"Oh, uh, we-we're doing great back here," Ichigo explains. "We're doing all we can to build a good home."
"That's good. I can't wait to come back soon."
"When?" Ichigo blurts.
"I don't really know yet. There's still a lot to explore, but hopefully in a year or two."
She goes quiet. That doesn't sound like soon to her.
"D-Do your best!" she shouts.
He nods, and after that, the call wraps up. Miku turns to glance at Ichigo as they all slowly disperse.
"Since when did you get so tongue-tied around Goro?" she playfully teases, though it only causes Ichigo to blush more.
...
The next year and a half continue to be this way. Goro calls once every couple of months, Ichigo says a few words to him, and then she waits again for him to call. Every time she feels like her emotions are beginning to subside, he calls again, and she's in a euphoria for a few days afterwards.
She quietly wishes they could have a private conversation, even if a part of her wants to save that for a time he is physically present, but the few sentences they exchange every few months are barely enough to satisfy the want inside her.
As the other parasites begin forming relationships and start having kids, she craves Goro's presence even more. She tries to remind herself what she is doing here and that is building a home for Hiro and Zero Two to come back to.
After another short video chat, Ichigo retreats to her room, tracing her lips again. The heartbreak gets worse with each passing month and no news of his eventual return. During these days she normally likes to be left alone.
She sits in the darkness, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. It is difficult to continue working hard when everyone else has formed these close relationships. Why has she been kept from that?
A knock at the door frightens her, and she croaks, "Come in."
Ikuno enters, staring around her room.
"Why are you just sitting in the dark like this?" she asks, turning on a light. She turns her gaze toward Ichigo, slowly widening her eyes. "Ichigo, are you crying?" she asks.
"No," Ichigo lies, wiping tears from her eyes.
"This is about Goro, isn't it?" Ikuno asks, sitting down and letting out a sigh. "You always seem to be in a poor mood after he calls."
Ichigo remains quiet, but slowly nods her head. While the others have stopped teasing her about the kiss they shared, sometimes she wishes they still would, so they would have an understanding of the pain she felt.
"You love him."
"I do not!"
Ikuno laughs and rolls her eyes. "Then why else do you get so flustered when he calls and so upset in the days following. I know you desperately want him to come home."
Ichigo interlaces her fingers together, unsure of what to say. She's known that she's loved Goro for quite some time, probably since the first time he's contacted them, but a part of her doesn't want to accept this new emotion after all the pain it's caused her, both in the present and the past.
"Sometimes, I wish we could just talk privately," Ichigo says quietly. "That way I could…" Her voice trails off, and she glances at her friend. "Ikuno, I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I know how you feel about me, and I…I don't want you feeling like you were rejected or meaningless to me. I still care about you a lot," she says, grasping her friend's hand.
Ikuno grins. "It's okay, Ichigo. Ever since that day Goro took off, I figured it was a longshot. I'm still happy to have you as my friend. Besides, I don't think I'll always be alone." Ikuno's cheeks grow red.
Ichigo gasps. "Ikuno! Are you and Naomi…"
"I-I haven't told her my feelings yet, even if I think she already knows. Besides, I came in here to talk about your love life, not mine," she teases.
"I appreciate you checking in on me. I'm feeling a little better, I swear," Ichigo promises. She pauses, then takes in a deep breath before shouting, "I-I love Goro!"
"Ah, you finally said it," Ikuno mutters, patting her on the back. "When he does finally visit, you should tell him that."
"But what if…"
"He's already made his feelings for you clear, hasn't he? On several occasions, if I'm not mistaken," Ikuno teases.
Ichigo blushes and averts her gaze, her fingers reaching to touch her hairclip.
"Well, now that this awkward talk is over and done with, do you want to go get some food with Naomi and me?" Ikuno suggests.
Ichigo nods.
...
"Something's happening with Zero Two's statue!" Mitsuru announces to everyone. Ichigo looks up, noticing the concern on his face. She quickly spreads the word, and together with the others, they join hands, ready to pray for Hiro and Zero Two's well-being.
Ichigo's feelings for Goro are blinded by her concern for Hiro and Zero Two. Though her concern never faded, as the days passed, she wondered if she'd ever hear from them again, and now she realizes they need everyone's help more than ever.
Ichigo only stops to break the prayer the next morning when a hovercraft lands near the Bird's Nest. She leaves briefly, only to investigate, though her heart nearly stops when she sees the person exiting.
It has been two years since she's seen him. She's had countless dreams and several fantasies about their reunion. She would run to him, and he would kiss her, and she would finally tell him her feelings, but all she can do is rush to him in panic.
"Ichigo, what's the matter?" Goro asks. "Why is everyone gathered by Zero Two's statue?"
"Hiro and Zero Two are in danger! We need to help them!" she exclaims, practically dragging him by the wrist down to the Zero Two's statue. Normally, she would feel glee when his hand latches onto hers, but right now, her mind is solely focused on Hiro and Zero Two.
They pray and shout to the sky until their throats are hoarse. When Ichigo is downright exhausted and ready to collapse, a bright light shines in the sky. Everyone slowly breaks apart, admiring the spectacle.
Ichigo knows it must mean their prayers have reached them, but when she sees Zero Two's statue collapse and dissolve, she knows it means much more than that. In her gut, she knows that they are gone, their souls lost somewhere in space. But she must keep her hopes up. They had a promise to keep after all. She will continue to do her best to ensure everyone's survival, so that if they do ever come back, they have a home somewhere.
Tears fill her eyes. She glances at the light, mourning the loss of two of her companions. While she admires their great sacrifice, her heart aches more than it ever has before.
Ichigo retreats to her room again. She sits on her bed, holding her knees to her chest. Hiro, her first love, is gone. And while she had grown to accept Hiro and Zero Two's relationship, a part of her can't help but feel distraught.
A quiet knock sounds at her door.
"I'm okay, Ikuno," she lies.
But when it opens, a tall figure casts a long shadow down her room. She quickly tries to wipe the tears from her eyes, but Goro knows her well enough to know that it would be impossible to hide her sadness.
"Hey," he says, sitting down on her bed.
"Hi," she mutters.
"How are you feeling?" he asks.
"It hurts," she croaks.
"I know, but did you hear, some of the klaxosaurs are already coming back. They saved us and kept the Earth safe," Goro explains.
There he goes again, always doing his best to cheer me up, she thinks.
She watches him hesitate before he begins rubbing a hand up and down her back. She had always craved his touch these past two years, but she never thought it would come in the form of comfort.
"So much for a reunion, huh?" he asks, chuckling slightly.
"Are you leaving again?" Ichigo quietly wonders.
"I was going to come home for a little bit before another expedition. I guess I chose a good time to come back."
Without hesitation, she throws her arms around him and buries her head in his chest, just like she'd craved every day. It was just like every dream she'd had.
"I missed you," she whispers.
This time his fingers play with her hair. "Hey, I missed you too. Ah, I see you're still wearing the hairclip I made you too. Good to see it didn't get lost."
"I'm sorry you always have to comfort me about things," Ichigo murmurs into his chest. "I should be the one asking about your expedition. What did you find? Did you meet anyone?"
"We can talk about that later. I'm not taking off again anytime soon."
"But you will leave again, won't you?"
"There's still a lot for me to see. It's really fun, actually, exploring the world. But I know it's not the life for everyone…Hey…Why are you crying harder?"
Ichigo's shoulders shake as Goro grasps her tighter.
"I missed you. I missed you," she mutters over and over.
"I didn't realize you missed me this much. You were always pretty quiet when I contacted everyone. Though I assumed that was just because we had only so much time and you wanted to give everyone some time to talk," Goro explains, practically talking to himself by this point. "Or because you were embarrassed about the kiss, which I know, was spur of the moment, but I don't regret it, and—"
"I love you," Ichigo blurts out. Her muscles began to relax, and her tears began to subside. She lets out a long exhale. Finally, she's said it, the thing she's been holding back for nearly two years now.
"Did I hear you correctly?" Goro asks.
Ichigo finally pulls away and glances up at him. "Yes! I love you! I thought about the kiss nearly every day since you left, and I always dreamt of what our reunion would be like, though I didn't guess that it would be this…weepy, I suppose."
Before she can utter another word, Goro crashes his lips onto hers. She lets out a quiet gasp but shuts her eyes and returns it this time. His fingers interweave through her hair as his soft lips press against hers. She presses her hands against his chest until he suddenly falls back and she's lying on top of him.
She gasps for air and laughs, burying her head beside Goro's.
"What's so funny?" he asks, wrapping his arms around her. He rolls so that he's now leaning over her.
"I just wanted this for so long," she says, gently caressing his cheek. He leans down again, giving her a much softer, but still passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry," he says through pants, trying to catch his breath. "If I'd have known, I wouldn't have—"
"It's okay. We're together now," Ichigo says.
"But I still have expeditions I want to go on. You could come with me!"
Ichigo giggles, then shakes her head. "While I'm honored, I really would rather stay here for the time being. It just means your expeditions need to be shorter, and you need to call me more," she teases, poking at his belly.
Goro slowly removes himself from on top of her and sits up. Ichigo joins him and rests her head against him, grasping his hand.
"It's just…you really want me?"
Ichigo nods. "Of course I do. You've always been the best partner, you've always looked out for me, and I want to do the same for you."
Goro turns and kisses her head, making Ichigo blush harder than she already is.
"Goro, would you ever want children?" she asks.
"You're asking me this now?"
"I wouldn't want them right now. I think there's still a lot to be done here and a lot for you to discover, but eventually…"
"I'd want children, if that's what you really wanted, Ichigo. What got you thinking about that?"
"Oh, I was playing with Ai and…" Her thoughts are broken off with another kiss from Goro.
"You know, even if our reunion was kind of disappointing, I've never been more content than right now," he says quietly, leaning his forehead against hers.
"Goro, would you stay with me tonight? J-Just to sleep. I've been away from you for so long, I just want to be close to you all the time," Ichigo quietly pleads.
"Of course," he says, his hand cupping her cheek.
They crawl into Ichigo's bed not long after. Though Goro complains of its small size, once Ichigo curls up beside him, he goes quiet.
He lazily wraps an arm around her, shoving her closer to him so that they're nearly face-to-face. She grins and snuggles close to him. Though her body is physically exhausted, her mind is wide awake.
"G'night," Goro murmurs, taking off his glasses and turning off the light.
Ichigo feels his breaths against her and listens to his steady heartbeat. She realizes that within minutes he has fallen asleep, probably exhausted from his two years' worth of traveling.
Despite this, she reaches her fingers up to her mouth and traces her lips once more. Then, she leans forward, planting another kiss against Goro's lips.
His eyes lazily open. "What was that for?" he murmurs.
"I was right. Our lips fit perfectly," she says.