Never Again

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for possible sexual content, violence and language. Reader discretion is advised. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male) and MATURE THEMES (sex, swearing, violence, etc) and AU-ness!! Ye be warned; seriously, this is VERY mature people. Reader discretion is strongly advised.

Author's Note: this one goes out to two people for very different reasons. The first is my Mum, who is my heroine, and who endured physical, mental and verbal abuse for the seventeen years she was married as well as being sexually assaulted by my father, not to mention being verbally abused from a few boyfriends afterward, as well as being raped by a man in our neighbourhood earlier this year (who she is now taking to court). Yet throughout this all, she's been a pillar of strength and kept a positive outlook on life, and I don't think I'd be half the person I am without her. The second is my father, who decided for me a long time ago what sort of person I never wanted to be. So here we go. 'Get up, c'mon get down with the sickness…' Cheers!

PS. – This is the first bit in (yet another) chapter fic…although this one is almost done being pre-written! I promise. (:

XXX

Remus Lupin looked into the mirror at his reflection, hating himself. It was two years after the infamous Marauders had graduated, and he'd moved out onto his own the previous year with his new boyfriend.

This move had come with the cursory mixed reactions from his friends. Peter, who was still uncomfortable even saying the word 'gay', didn't say much, but was polite enough. Lily was immensely pleased that he'd found someone special to settle down with and was continuously asking when she and James would get their wedding invitation. For his part, James was mildly wary of this man living with his longtime friend, but lived by the motto 'to each his own' and was courteous and friendly. Sirius, on the other hand, hated Remus' boyfriend. The lycan often teased him it was because he'd picked his new man over Sirius (with whom he'd had a bit of a thing during their last year at Hogwarts), and this was partially true. Sirius was jealous of this stranger taking up so much of his Mooney's time, but also just plain didn't trust the bastard.

Remus' boyfriend Michael was a charmer with his dashingly rugged good looks and gorgeous body. Generally, he liked Remus' friends, most especially Lily, who was just as bluntly hilarious and outgoing as ever. He didn't really respect Peter, which was to be expected, as the Animagus disagreed with their entire basis of their relationship on principal, but they got on well enough. Michael genuinely liked James, finding him a guy's guy, through and through, and appreciating his honest, friendly nature.

As for Sirius, Michael hated him just as much as the other hated him. Whenever he happened to be visiting when Michael got home from work, it would undoubtedly sour his mood. He didn't trust the Animagus, to be frank. He was seemingly always flirting with Remus and the naïve lycan seemed to neither notice or care. Needless to say, it pissed Michael off, and they had gotten in more than one nasty shouting match over it throughout their relationship.

It was a sweltering afternoon in the dead heat of August, almost at the two-month mark since Remus had moved into his new little flat with Michael, when everything changed, and none for the better.

Sirius had popped by after doing some work for the Order of the Phoenix just before lunch, and Remus had invited his old friend to stay for the meal. With his lover working days, Remus found the almost constant isolation a smidge depressing (though he had gotten through a large portion of reading he'd been putting off for years), and he looked forward to the times when his friends would drop in, or ask him out to lunch or some such thing.

Because of the heat, Remus had made only a picnic-style lunch for himself and Sirius, and the pair lounged comfortably on the living room sofa, munching sandwiches and flipping through the television. "Mer-lin," Sirius sighed after he'd stuffed himself to contentment and slumped comfortably on the couch. "It's fucking hot out, Mooney. How are you not melting to death yet?"

Remus shrugged, smiling at Sirius' overdramatics. "Low body temperature? I don't know." He smirked. "Or maybe it's because I'm not as hot as you."

"Hmm, you're right, I am undoubtedly hot," said Sirius, leaning into Remus' personally bubble. "Gosh, how'd you get so smart?"

"They're called books, you should try them."

Sirius laughed lazily. "Never heard of them. But seriously, I think I might be permanently melted to your couch." He waved his hands in a feeble attempt to get some air flowing over him.

"You want something cold to drink?" Remus asked, standing to get his friend a drink.

"Yes," Sirius replied. "Fuck this," he added, peeling off his decidedly sweaty t-shirt. He accepted the bottle of Butterbeer from his old friend with a smile. "Thanks Mooney. Ahh, that hits the spot." He took another hearty sip and relaxed once more. "Almost reminds me of the old days," Sirius said softly after silence stretched between them.

"How d'you mean?" Remus asked, brow wrinkling.

"Oh, you know, near the end of term, after exams and all that…just you and me, sitting in the dorm, not doing anything." The Animagus shifted and offered Remus a sip of his drink.

The lycanthrope accepted silently, smiling as well. "Oh damn," he sighed as he missed his mouth, attempting to keep eye contact with Sirius, and slopped Butterbeer down his front. He stood and was halfway through unbuttoning his soaked shirt, when the sounds of a key fumbling at a lock had both him and Sirius turning toward the door.

Michael opened the door, a greeting for his lover halfway out of his mouth, when he stopped short at the scene before him. There was Remus, his shirt most of the way undone, smiling at him, and his half-naked quasi-ex-boyfriend sitting on the couch, throwing him disinterested look.

"Hey, hon," Remus greeted brightly. "You just missed lunch. Padfoot stopped by, so I asked him if he wanted to stay and…" Remus fell silent at the dark look spreading over his boyfriend's features.

"Oh really," Michael said coolly, gaze flicking from Remus to Sirius and back. "And you just, what, decided you'd both get undressed afterward?"

Sirius stood silently, putting his half finished Butterbeer on the coffee table. "I think I'll head out now, Remus," he said lightly, and Remus nodded silently, still too stunned to speak. How many times did he have to say it? He was not having sex with Sirius!! "See you around. Michael," he added in vague acknowledgement to the blond man standing beside his longtime friend.

"Sirius," said Michael just as dispassionately, watching as the dark haired man Disapparated with a gentle CRACK! He didn't bother to look at Remus as he loosened his tie.

"Are we going to talk about this, or are you just going to be all-?" Remus was cut off by the loud, unforgiving sound of fist colliding painfully with jaw. He stumbled backward and fell, tears of pain stinging his eyes as fire erupted across the lower half of his face. He could taste blood in his mouth and deduced his lip was bleeding. He dabbed it gently with his hand as mingled shock and numb outrage overloaded his brain. Had his boyfriend, the man who'd claimed he loved him, just hit him?

"I don't want you seeing him again unless I'm around," Michael said coldly, still refusing to meet Remus' gaze. Tears of a different nature swam in Remus' eyes. He climbed to his feet, pressing a tentative hand gingerly to his rapidly darkening jaw.

"What the fuck?" he demanded. "You think you can just tell me what I can and cannot do? You don't fucking own me!" Michael spun so fast, Remus hardly noticed the blur of motion that was his fist arcing towards him. It slammed like a truck into his midsection, forcing the air from his lungs and the floor rose up to meet Remus again. A sharp kick was aimed at his kidneys as he struggled to force oxygen into his burning lungs, and the tears of pain slipped unnoticed from the corners of his eyes.

Michael looked down at him, disgust and anger fighting for dominance in his eyes. "I do own you, do you understand?" He crouched and took his lover's face in his hands so that Remus couldn't look away. "And so long as I own you, you'll do whatever the fuck I say and not ask questions. Do I have to repeat any of that?" His voice was deep and emotionless and Remus, had he been able, would've shrunk away from its alien lack of warmth. It sounded nothing like the funny, charming youth he'd become so smitten with.

His head shook frantically of its own accord as his numb mind took control of himself. "No," he whispered thickly.

"Good." Michael stood, releasing Remus, who sat up slowly, his head pounding and his ribs aching. "Go clean yourself up, then you can make me some lunch."

Remus stumbled into the bathroom, feeling defeated and angry and nauseous all at once. He looked at his reflection, flinching unconsciously at the dark, angry, purpling mark on the left side of his face; it would undoubtedly bruise. He quickly splashed some water on his face, carefully drying it on the hand towel, and rinsed his mouth out. He felt like he'd just woken from the full.

That night, Remus was lying in bed, reading, when his lover knocked softly on the doorframe. "Remus?" he said softly, and the lycan couldn't help but raise his eyes questioningly. "Oh baby," Michael murmured, moving forward and sliding onto the bed beside his boyfriend. "I'm so sorry Remus…I never meant to hurt you…" Tears welled up in the blond's startlingly clear blue eyes and Remus set his book aside, pulling him closer.

"It's okay," he sighed. "I understand."

Michael wrapped his arms around the lithe young man and pulled him close, burying his face in Remus' neck. "I'm so sorry, Remus," he repeated. "I just got so angry… I don't trust Black, he wants you Remus, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I love you so much…"

Remus smiled, ignoring the vague twinge of pain. "I love you too. Please, just…it's in the past, okay?" Michael nodded and their lips met, melting seamlessly together.

But much later, as he lay half awake on the very border of sleep, feeling Michael breathing evenly behind him and feeling his boyfriend's arms wrapped possessively around his middle, Remus' subconscious couldn't help but wonder if it was true. Did he really love this man? Then came the forgetful bliss of sleep, and the question faded back into the ether of his mind, where it belonged. Of course he loved Michael. That's why they were together.

XXX

"Oh my God, Remus! What the hell happened to you!?" Lily Evans (soon to be Potter) cried. It was the next day, which was promising to be just as swelteringly hot as the one before, and Remus had planned on meeting Lily for lunch at her and James' little cottage in Godric's Hollow.

Remus stepped over the threshold of the humble house, closing the door behind him. He'd been expecting just this sort of outburst from Lily, and had his answer ready. He made a face. "I walked into a door. Luckily, not while it was closed, as that seems to be James' forte, but when it was open; I had my head turned and walked smack into the part between the sides. Stupid really." He smiled reassuringly, and breathed a sigh of relief when Lily did too, buying his story. She was as clever as they came and the last thing he needed was her prying into his business.

Lily stared at Remus, shaking her head. "You really need to watch out for those open doors Remus," she teased. "I think I may have actually done that once too. Hurt like a sonofabitch."

Remus chuckled. "Somehow all the brilliant people turn out to be completely uncoordinated."

"Mmm, too true," Lily agreed as she led Remus back into the sitting room. "Speaking of which, I just got an owl from James; he says he's finished up with the Order sooner than he thought, so he'll be joining us for lunch. I hope you don't mind waiting a few minutes for him…"

Remus smiled mechanically as he took a seat in Lily and James' neat little sitting room and accepted a cup of tea. "Not at all," he replied in a cheery voice that was entirely fabricated. Fooling Lily was one thing; she'd really only known him for maybe half as many years as James and much less intimately. James on the other hand, knew every one of his tells, could always somehow figure out when he was lying, and seemed to have an uncanny knack for guessing the ugly truths Remus tried to hide. After all, with the help of Sirius, he had figured out his friend was a werewolf at the age of twelve…certainly he wouldn't be fooled by a flimsy cover story.

The automatic part of his brain forced a calm, relaxed exterior and chatted idly with Lily about this and that while Remus tried to figure out some excuse to get him out of there before James came home. Just when he was thinking of faking an upset stomach or something just as un-prove-able, the door nearly exploded off its hinges at the force with which is was opened, and Lily said wryly, "I think James is home."

"Lily, I'm ho-ome!" James hollered. "And I come bearing Padfoot! …Or…not really bearing him, more leading him." There was an indignant snort, and Remus felt his heart sink. He was utterly and completely fucked. Not only had James come, but, even worse, he'd brought Sirius with him and together they would undoubtedly see right through his little façade. …Not even to mention he wasn't supposed to be seeing Padfoot without his boyfriend present…

Remus pasted what he hoped was a convincing smile on his face as Sirius and James entered the room, looking as confident and carefree the first time Remus had seen them on the Hogwarts Express. James stooped to kiss Lily dutifully, then turned to greet his old friend as Sirius hugged Lily in greeting. "Merlin's pants!" James exclaimed. "What've you done to your face!?"

Sirius looked up and his eyebrows shot almost completely into the dark mass of his luscious hair. "You haven't been getting in drunken bar fights without me, Mooney, have you?" Sirius asked, sounding scandalized. Remus couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Hardly," he replied, looking just beyond Sirius' left shoulder. "I walked into a door."

There was a silence before the two best friends burst into giggles. "Oh Merlin!" Sirius sighed, dropping into an armchair. "I never thought I'd say this Mooney, old chap, but-"

"But you may just be as daft as Sirius," James interrupted. "How in the name of Betty Crocker did you manage to walk into a door?"

"Yeah," Sirius chipped in, smirking. "I thought that was Prongs' special talent."

Remus visibly relaxed and explained his story about it only being the thickness of the door he'd walked into, thanking God or Merlin or whoever lived up there and controlled these things that his friends were swallowing his cock and bull story. As much as he disapproved of lying, he didn't want them to worry or (even worse) get fired up and possibly ruin his relationship with Michael.

His lover had said he was sorry and that was good enough by Remus.

It was a week later that he realized just how sorry Michael could be. He'd come home from shopping with Lily, much later than expected owing to the fact they'd met an old classmate down in Hogsmeade, only to find his lover sitting half-drunk at the kitchen table, waves of anger pulsating from him.

"Michael? Baby?" he'd asked, stepping tentatively toward him.

"Where were you?" the blond demanded coldly, his voice emotionless and frightening again.

"I-I went shopping with Lily, like I told you this morning I was going to, and-"

"And that took four fucking hours?"

Remus flinched at the harsh, accusatory tone. "No, but we met an old classmate, and stopped to talk and time just…got away from us…" A thick, heavy silence stretched between the two, Michael still staring away from Remus and Remus staring imploringly at the back of his lover's head, afraid to make any sort of noise. "Michael, I never meant to-"

"You really like to push my buttons, don't you?' he said softly, dangerously.

"Wh-what?" Remus murmured, confused and scared and on the verge of tears. Michael stood and turned to face him, his face oddly emotionless.

"How dare you fucking lie to me."

"I'm not!" Remus cried immediately. "I swear; I'm not lying! I-" He didn't get to finish his sentence as the back of Michael's palm flashed out, striking him hard across the face and sending him tumbling into the kitchen table and chairs.

"Lies!" he bellowed and Remus flinched noticeably. "Get up!" the lycan scrambled to his feet and Michael pulled him forward into a brutal embrace, completely devoid of intimacy or warmth. His mouth closed greedily over Remus', his stubble-strewn cheek as rough as sandpaper on the lycan's skin. A hand grabbed his arse and pulled him yet closer, the taste and smell of alcohol making Remus feel nauseous.

Then suddenly, Michael was throwing his lover away from himself. "You belong to me now, you got that?" he growled in a soft and utterly frightening voice. Remus paused, mustering all his Gryffindor courage as he looked at this man he tried to convince himself he loved. 'No,' he told himself stubbornly, 'I do love him. Come on Remus!'

"I…I don't 'belong' to anyone Michael," he said in as frosty a voice as he could muster. His boyfriend's eyes narrowed calculatingly.

"Is that so?" Michael replied. He took a menacing step forward and Remus shrank back against the kitchen chair. The mark from his boyfriend's backhanded slap was darkening ominously and his hands trembled on the back of the chair they clutched. "Well?" Michael demanded. "I asked you a fucking question you piece of shit."

"It…yes. You don't own me," Remus said quietly, trying to stay the frantic beating of his heart.

Michael nodded gently, and Remus felt the breath he'd been holding whoosh out of him in relief. "You're right," said his lover softly. "You're right…" He stepped toward Remus and the lycan didn't move away, but stood his ground as arms opened to receive him. He pulled Remus' rather stiff form against himself, holding him tight. Then suddenly, his arms were like iron bands around Remus, trapping him as effectively as a rodent in a mousetrap. "I love you so much, Remus," he breathed. Remus tried to swallow his panic. "I don't know what I'd do without you… I need you. I love you to fucking death."

Then he let Remus go and the lycan forced a smile. "I love you too." Michael smiled at the words and Remus felt his heart sinking as a sense of helplessness welled up inside him.

It was three days after their little spat, and Remus was humming to himself as he made his way to the Order of the Phoenix meeting that was being held in the Hog's Head. Michael had shown no outward signs of aggression since their encounter, and Remus was sure that his lover had turned over a new leaf; so sure in fact, that when his lover had proposed to him the previous night after much heated, passionate lovemaking, Remus had accepted.

He pulled open the door to the pub and spotted Sirius immediately. He was by far the rowdiest person in the room; probably owing to the fact he'd arrived early and had several cursory drinks beforehand. "Mooney!' he cried upon spotting the werewolf. "Wondered when you'd get here…how goes it, darling?"

Remus rolled his eyes and lifted Sirius' arm from around his shoulders. "I'm fine," he said brightly, sitting next to Lily and James. Sirius plonked himself down as well, a frown spreading over his handsome features.

"What's this?" he asked fingers smoothing over the vaguely faded handprint on Remus' face.

"Nothing," Remus lied, and Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but at that moment, Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat for silence, and his words went unuttered.

As soon as the meeting had wrapped up, Remus was at the door to the pub, opening it onto the sunshine, and checking his watch. He'd told Michael he would be home at five, and it was already ten to. "Remus!" Sirius called from inside, and as much as he hated doing it, Remus simply pretended he hadn't heard, and strode out into the street, Disapparating with a distinct crack.

Sirius, who had shoved past people in his hurry to catch up to Remus, growled in frustration as he watched the lycan Disapparate. "Fuck!"

"What are you swearing for?" Lily asked as James and she exited a moment later. "And why did you shove Alice into a table?"

"I wanted to talk to Remus! I think he's avoiding me…"

"Why would he avoid you?" James asked skeptically.

"I don't know, but he had another mark on his face today, and it looked like a handprint…"

"Sirius," said Lily, stopping in mid stride and turning to face her fiancé's best friend. "If Remus was being smacked around he would tell us. He's not stupid."

"Yeah, but what if-?"

"What if I get hit by a bus tomorrow?" Lily countered before the Animagus could finish (while James looked moderately horrified). "There's too many 'what if's to worry about. You'll make yourself crazy with it."

"But Sirius is already crazy," Peter pointed out.

"Well there's always room for improvement, right?"

Meanwhile, Remus had unlocked his front door and was just picking up the mail that had been crammed unceremoniously under the door by their half-crazy foreign landlady (Remus never understood a word that came out of her mouth), when Michael came home. "Now there's a sight to come home to," he chuckled, and Remus straightened, smiling back. They exchanged the perfunctory kiss that all couples share when greeting one another, and Michael closed the door behind them. "So I hope you won't mind, but I invited a few friends from work by to celebrate the engagement tonight. I thought you could use that handy owl we keep to post James and Lily and Peter to see if they'd like to come as well."

"And Sirius," Remus said firmly, tossing the mail onto the kitchen counter. Michael rolled his eyes.

"And Black, sure why the hell not?" Remus grinned and kissed him, throwing arms around his neck.

"Good. That sounds lovely…let me just go send off those letters then, and I'll start dinner." Michael nodded as he went to the fridge and pulled out a beer.

An hour and a half later, Remus had a roast in the oven with potatoes and carrots ready to serve on the stovetop to keep warm, and the little flat was comfortably filled with people, all talking and laughing and drinking.

"So how come you never mentioned that you're getting married at the meeting today?" Lily asked, sampling Remus' cooking as Michael pulled beers from the refrigerator for his friends. The blond man straightened and shot Remus a covert look.

"I just…wanted to wait for the right time is all," he replied smoothly, smiling brightly as Michael moved away somewhat stiffly. "And what better time than now?"

"Mmm," Lily agreed as she chewed. "But still, I would've thought you'd tell everyone, or at least Pete, James and Sirius, right away; and me of course. I thought I would be the first to know."

Remus pulled the sizzling roast from the oven carefully. "Yes, well I also thought you'd've come to your senses about James by now."

Much later, after everyone had left (or been shunted out the front door at least), Remus sighed and flopped down onto the couch beside his fiancé, who was looking most melancholy and had been unusually subdued most of the evening. "What's wrong babe?" Remus asked softly, running gentle fingers up and down Michael's arm.

"How come you never told Lily and your friends we were getting married?"

"I wanted to wait for the best time, preferably when you were there," Remus replied as his forehead wrinkled in his confusion. Was this why his lover had been so quiet? Did he think he, Remus, didn't really want to be with him?

'But do you really?' asked a snide voice in his head that he promptly shushed. Of course he did.

"So you still want to marry me?" Michael asked, looking disbelieving.

"Of course! I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't!" Remus replied firmly, pulling the other man towards himself. "I love you," he added quietly.

"I love you too, Remus," said Michael, "I love you more than anything. I would die for you… I don't know what I'd do without you." Remus pasted a smile on his face as that snide voice raised its nonexistent eyebrows in his head. "I love you to death, Remus…to death."

"I know babe. Me too," the lycan murmured, wondering why he felt as though someone had just walked over his grave.

XXX