Love. Some consider it an indescribable wonderful feeling that is almost similar to the feeling of being in ecstasy. Some consider it a mental illness; something that causes a temporary lapse in judgement to one [1]. Some say that love is something that cannot be defined accurately.
The fact that there are so many distinct definitions for only a short four-letter word, it is only logical for moi to be inclined to agree with the last sentence. Heck, I even have my own definition of it: Love is an unnecessary emotion for an Oreki Houtarou since an Oreki Houtarou has no plans of reproducing… ever.
While it is true that I have no qualms with myself (to the point where I can say with definite conviction that I love myself), I admit that the world would be a better place if there were less people like me in it. What the world needs are those Satoshi types who do their best to be knowledgeable of anything and everything about the world, including the useless ones… especially the useless ones. They will be the record of everything and anything so that the next generations can know of them; those Ibara types who are perfectionists, to the point of being unforgiving of themselves whenever they commit a mistake. They are the ones to contribute improvements and new technology to the world; and finally, the Chitanda types who are ever curious of anything and everything, even the mundane. They are the ones who will fill the gaps that the Satoshi types might overlook, and the ones to start the drive for improvement that the Ibara types need.
The world does not need us Houtarou types really. We Houtarou types, ones that aim to be as average as possible, do not contribute that much to the betterment of this world. And no, I am not saying this because I hate us Houtarou types (as I've said before, I love myself). I am just stating what is fact.
So yes, anything that has to do with love is just plain unnecessary for an energy efficient guy such as moi. That's why it is justified that I am annoyed at the topic that Satoshi has decided to bring up just now.
"So Houtarou, aren't you atleast bothered by it?" asked Satoshi after finishing his narration of what he found to be interesting.
"Bothered by what?" I asked half-heartedly. As I've already said, I am not interested with the topic.
"You know, the fact that Chitanda-san has been asked out today?"
Why would I be? Chitanda is a lady of beauty. It is not surprising for her to be confessed to. There's nothing to be bothered about really.
If someone was to ask me out though, that would be a bothersome thing. An Oreki Houtarou does not have any redeeming qualities. I accept that now. Well maybe there is my deductive skills but I'm pretty sure that there is someone else better out there who has the same capability. And no, I am not saying this because I pity myself. In fact, I am content with myself. I accept all of my shortcomings.
"…so? What of it? It's not like this is the first time you know?"
"Ohh, but it is."
…
Is there something wrong with this guy? Have he just forgotten the many times that he gossiped with me about the numerous confessions that the raven-haired beauty have received? Because I didn't. I couldn't. How could I when he reminds me once every two days!? Damn you Satoshi, can't you just take a hint?
I didn't give Satoshi a verbal response. I just stared at him with one of my brows arched up. That should tell him to just spit it out.
"Unlike the previous ones, she did not immediately say no to the guy this time. She said that she'd think about it."
…
Okay? Still, why would I be bothered by it? It's not like it has anything to do with me. And besides, even if this is the first time she did it, I think that it is only appropriate of her to say that. Being asked out by someone should be something that should be thought about. I say that she should do it more often, even if she ultimately says no.
"…so? What's wrong with that?" I asked as I arched up my already arched eyebrow even higher.
Satoshi didn't answer immediately. He just continued grinning at me.
I just continued to stare at him in response. I asked him a question. Even if it was a rhetorical one, I expect a verbal response from him. He is Satoshi afterall.
He eventually relented and let out a sigh. Looks like I've won this round. Houtarou 18; Satoshi 2
"This isn't as fun as I thought it would be."
Uh-huh. And why did you think that this would even be remotely fun again?
"Satoshi, I don't even know why you're telling me all this."
At that, Satoshi raised his point finger, waddled it while letting out three 'tchs', and then pointed such finger at me while saying,
"Houtarou, it is fairly obvious that you fancy our own Chitanda-san. I bet that even Chitanda-san herself has suspicions of it. That's why I thought that I can have fun teasing you with this."
…
Yeah. It's true. I won't deny it. I have an infatuation to the creature that is Chitanda Eru. I mean, who wouldn't be? She's intelligent, charming, beautiful, easy to the eyes, innocent, pure, gentle, caring, and a hundred more positive words to describe the masterpiece that is Chitanda Eru. So what's the point in me denying it right?
However, it is just that, mere infatuation. I am fairly sure of it. And since infatuation is only a temporary thing, I will have to just to wait and let it pass away. It won't evolve into something more if I don't let it. As I've said, love is an unnecessary thing for an Oreki Houtarou. And as per my motto: If I don't have to do it, I won't. If I have to do it, I'll make it quick.
...
Now that I think about, the second half of my motto can't really apply on this one huh?
...
I don't know why Satoshi thought that he was teasing me though. From my point of view, he was just being annoying. Did he think that I would get jealous? Non-sense! I don't own Chitanda. I have no right to be jealous. Jealousy is an energy-wasting emotion; an energy conservationist such as moi must do what s/he can to be away from such thing. It is unnecessary and is contrary to the principles of energy conservation. An Oreki Houtarou should know better not to deal with it.
"Even if I did, as you would say, fancy her, that won't be enough reason for me to be bothered by this. Besides, if she does go on with it, then good for her. As long as the guy isn't anything like me, things will be fine. She does not need someone unmotivated such as I. She deserves someone better."
While I truly meant those words, something about them left a bitter taste in my mouth. Something I couldn't quite describe. It is like I should feel regret over saying those words. Could it be jealousy? Possibly. But as I've said, I have no need of such emotion. That must mean that the possibility of it is close to nil. Could it be disappointment? Plausible. But I really have no reason to be disappointed. I should even be more glad if she does find someone else to dedicate her time to. That means that I won't have to uncontrollably spend my energy just to satiate her curiosity…
Well whatever this feeling is, it's unpleasant. And as I do with everything unpleasant, I will ignore such. Besides, such didn't affect the genuineness of my words. Chitanda Eru really does deserve someone better.
…
Yep.
"So it's like that huh?" says Satoshi while shaking his head.
Yeah, it's like that.
I didn't give him a verbal response. Instead, I averted my gaze from him. I looked up into the sky through the window and mulled over how many more days will I have to spend like this? It's getting pretty annoying you know?
…
After a few seconds, I heard a huge sigh from none other than Satoshi. I just know that he did that to get my attention. And attention is what I gave him.
"You know Houtarou, you will regret ever saying those words. You might think that they are true and justified right now, but I just know that that you would regret every saying them."
I gave him a questioning look at that. It is as if he just read my mind.
Has his accumulation of various pointless knowledge finally given him the ability to read minds?
...
Let's put that to the test shall we?
...
...
...
Nope. He can't read minds. Well okay then.
"Uh-huh. What made you say that?"
"Hmm. Don't know really. What I do know is that I've been through something similar. Remember? You were there too you know."
I suddenly remembered a scene on a bridge. It was snowing. It was just the two of us, Satoshi and I. It was on the day of chocolates and the color red. I've just handed to him the stolen chocolate that he stole himself. He then talked about his obsessive nature, and how he doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as Ibara Mayaka.
I then remembered a scene with pink cherry blossoms fluttering along with the wind. A certain raven-haired beauty, who had just shared her whole being to me, was smiling at me, her hair swaying to the rhythm of the gusts.
What I've thought of and what I've said that time were different.
I remembered the unpleasant feeling that I have then.
…
I just can't help but internally chuckle (which I don't do very often. I am guy known for not showing much expressions).
I see. Maybe what I have for Chitanda isn't just petty infatuation. Maybe it is indeed something more. Maybe one would call it love. Maybe one would call it attachment. Maybe one would call it something else.
…
However, it won't change the fact that she deserves someone better. Yes, I may have been the only one to satiate her curiosity now. But what if there comes a time where she presents to me a mystery that I cannot solve? What if there comes when I no longer have the ability to satisfy her curiosity? What if there comes a time where someone better comes along her way? What if there comes a time when she no longer needs me?
…
For an Oreki Houtarou, love is an unnecessary thing.
"O-Oreki-san!"
"W-what?"
I was woken up from my daydreaming by the sudden shouting of my name by the usually well-mannered young lady.
Club activities have ended and we are now on our way home. Why are we walking together you ask? Well, that's how it always was. We walk home together, she pulling her bike along, while I walk alongside her. We will eventually part where the common route to our respective homes ends. I don't really walk her home. I mean home home. That's only something that boyfriends would do. Obviously, I am not her boyfriend.
…
I'd probably do so though if she asks me to, which, thankfully, hasn't happened yet. I just don't know why I can't resist her biddings. Are we Houtarou types forever doomed to attend to every whim of them Chitanda types?
…
That's disturbing.
…
Where was I again?
…
Ah right, Chitanda just shouted my name. I wonder why though.
"What is it Chitanda?"
"Ahmm… Ah..." the raven haired continued like that for a few seconds until she said "Nevermind."
Uh-huh. Good talk Chitanda.
Seeing that she said that I shouldn't mind it, I resume my walk on the way home. I expected the young lady to follow suit. However she didn't. She just stood there.
"Uh Oreki-san… ahmm... actually-"
Is she seriously doing this again? For the love of- My one and only true love is waiting for me at home! I am referring to sleep and my bed by the way, so don't get your hopes up too high. This whole day has been tiring for me. First, I have to deal with Satoshi. Second, I have to deal with Satoshi. And third, I have to deal with this young lady and the weird whispering during club which I assume that they didn't want me to hear. I probably wouldn't have if they weren't so obvious. I'd have to use the last of my energy reserves just to pretend that I was unaware.
It shouldn't be surprising that I want to go home right now and just sleep.
…
But, I just can't leave the young lady here.
…
Sigh. I'm sorry future generations of the Houtarou type. I cannot break from our curse of always attending to the needs of the Chitanda types. Please forgive me.
"This is about the confession you got earlier isn't it?" I finally asked her.
"…yes." was her reply.
"And you are about to tell me that you're curious about it?"
The young lady just nodded at that. She then averted her gaze from me.
Figures. This is what they were whispering about earlier. I don't know why it is hard for her to say it to me though.
"Well, what of it that makes you curious?"
The young lady returned her gaze to me at that. I studied her eyes. I don't see the usual curiosity in the. What I see is determination.
"I am curious as to what you feel of it Oreki-san. My decision to not to say no that is."
…okay? That does not make any sense. I know that I am more than just an acquaintance to her, but why would my opinion on the subject matter to her? I am not her parent. And I am certainly not her. It's her business, and I have no say of it.
…
But if she is this curious about it, then let's give her what she wants.
"Well, is the guy ill-mannered?"
I had to ask. Chitanda is a graceful lady. It would be awkward for her to date an ill-mannered guy. Worse, she might be influenced by her. Now I know that her parents don't know me personally… yet (with how much we've been spending time together, I just know that the day of me meeting her parents is not so faraway). But if they ever know that I consented to this and found out that the guy isn't really well mannered, I don't know what would happen to me. They could do a lot of things. They have the power of money afterall.
"I don't think so. He asked me politely and respected my request to have some time to think about it."
Good. He passes part one of the 'Are you fit to date Chitanda Eru' test. Now onto part two.
"Does the guy give you some bad-boy vibes?"
Again, I had to ask. I can't have some bad guy dating her. Who knows what he could to the young lady? I don't want to think about it. I don't want anyone to ever taint the purity and innocence that is Chitanda Eru.
"…no. I can feel that he's a good person. I talked about him to Mayaka-san, and she said that he's not a bad guy."
Good job. Good guy passes part two. Now onto the final part.
"Lastly, is he in anyway like me?"
"Huh?"
Yes. I had to ask. I did say that she deserves someone better right? Anyone who is like me does not fit that bill. It wouldn't do her good if she dates somebody like me. Even more so if that somebody does not have the ability to satiate her ever-flowing curiosity.
Them Chitanda types must really stop bothering us Houtarou types. Seriously. It might jeopardize their chances of finding a suitable partner you know?
"Just answer the question." I said with more emotion than I usually do.
…
"Uhmm… No, he isn't like you Oreki-san. Nobody is like you. You are unique. You are one of a kind. Oreki-san is the only Oreki-san that I know of."
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Congratulations confession guy! You have passed the 'Are you fit to date Chitanda Eru' test. You may now claim your prize.
"Well, then I'm fine with it."
"Huh? What do you mean by that Oreki-san?"
Ah, Chitanda, I was pretty clear and concise with what I've just said. What need is there for clarification?
"I said I'm fine with it. I'm fine with whatever you do with it. I'm fine if you push through. I'm fine if you don't."
The moment I ended my 'speech', I swear that the young lady felt more gloomy than usual.
"…I see. Well, I'm still thinking about it."
...
Well, I guess that it's only reasonable to give her more time to think about this.
"Just make sure to not take too long."
And with that, I guess that her current stint of curiosity is taken care of. Good job Houtarou. Now let's go home.
I resumed (successfully this time) my walk home. This time, the young lady followed suit. Good. There's no point in staying here anyway. We don't have anything urgent to talk about. Unless she wants to talk to me about her unusual gloominess.
"I was hoping that you'd at least be bothered by it."
"Hm?"
"N-nothing…. Let's just go home now eh Oreki-san?"
Uh-huh. I swear that you just said something.
But I really shouldn't mind it. I'm sure that it's not that important if she doesn't want to tell me. Besides, I really want to go home now. The land of sleep is waiting for me.
"Yeah."
When we finally went our separate ways, I felt that my steps became heavier. I'm not sure of it, but I have a feeling that it had to do with the fact that Chitanda seemed sad of my answer to her. Why would she be sad though? She should be happy that she got my approval at all. From what I have gathered, it seems that she values my opinion highly. I just wish that she wouldn't.
…
Unless…
Nah…
She doesn't deserve an under-achieving guy like me.
Chapter 1 - End
[1] Reference to the Haruhi Suzumiya Series. Haruhi's definition of love.
A/N: Hi there. I've decided to write this one since the Hyouka fanfiction section has been cold for a long while now. Such a masterpiece does not deserve that.
This will probably be a two-chapter story. And yes, it will have a happy ending… well it definitely wouldn't be sad. So that counts for a happy ending right? (Lol)
(edit: did some polishing. I seriously not to take more time proofreading my shit (lol).)