Author's Note; Hi everyone! So this is my second fic :) Another one that I've had kicking around, but I've only just finished.
Basically this one is a couple of additions to the episode Parley that I think could have/should have happened. I started writing it after the episode aired but lost interest in it a little and only just decided to finish. I have to say, I much prefer writing Neric, but I love love love Densi, so I had to give it a go. If you don't think I've done it justice let me know and I shall keep your comments in mind for future ventures :)
Other than that, enjoy :)
Oh, and please check out my other fic Don't Stop, it's a Neric, but I think you will probably enjoy it :)
PS - Constructive criticism is welcome as always, and I apologise for any tense jumping.
PARLEY
Boatshed, just after Monica's arrest;
"Are you okay? I know she landed a few hits." Kensi didn't know what made her more pissed off, that fact that A) Deeks was asking her if she was okay after something she would hardly even call a fight, B) that he thought she would be weak enough to not be okay, or C) that she could detect the slightest hint of pride in her partners voice when he mentioned that Monica had managed to land a hit, not 'a few', A hit.
"I'm fine, Deeks." She bit back, slamming the boatsheds fridge door shut and aggressively twisting the cap off the water bottle. "Your girlfriend came out of it a lot worse."
"Okay, that's enough," he grabbed her arm as she tried to push past him, twisting her to face him, "You know that I didn't have a choice in there."
"You do know that it's possible to gain intel without sleeping with the informant, right?" She snapped shaking his hold on her arm, "Or maybe it's not for you. After all, she does have two legs and boobs." For some reason Kensi felt very pleased with herself as she stormed out of the boatshed to her car.
(...)
After Deeks interview with Monica to get her to play bait;
"Are you okay?" Kensi approached her partner cautiously, their previous argument still fresh in her mind. His back was to her so she couldn't see his face, but she knew exactly what expression he was wearing, and she hated the fact that that bitch Monica had got to him like this.
"What's it matter to you?" Okay, I deserved that, Kensi thought, but couldn't help wincing at the harsh tone in her partners usually gentle voice.
"You can't let her get to you like this, you can't listen to her." She tried again. She was close enough now to lay a hand on his shoulder, and she did, but he stepped away as soon as he felt it. She felt the swift sting of rejection, but let it go, knowing that she only had herself to blame.
"You mean like she didn't get to you?" Deeks snapped, whirling to face her for the first time in what felt like hours. She took a half step back at the verbal slap and the look of pure hatred on Deeks face. She had never seen that expression before, but what made it worse was knowing that he was directing it at himself, not at her. Deeks noticed her move and, realising what had happened, he dropped his head, staring daggers at the floorboards but didn't move otherwise.
"That's not- Deeks, listen to me, you are not Max Gentry," she tried once more. This time when she moved towards him she took his face in both her hands, forcing his eyes up to meet hers. The fire she had felt when she heard Monica sneering at Deeks flickered once more inside her, making her determined to make him see that he wasn't to blame here and that Monica was so wrong about him, "I don't know why Granger made you go under like that after we nearly burned Max the last time, and I'm sorry, but you are not Max."
"Maybe I am," She couldn't help but stumble back at the fevered way her partner snapped his eyes up to meet hers and she let her jaw drop in surprise. Unperturbed by her reaction he continued in fervour, "Maybe there is more of Max in me than before. Maybe I enjoyed being under. Did you think of that?"
"No I didn't." She said quietly, not entirely sure where her partner was going with this.
"You don't know anything." He growled at her. This got a reaction out of her and she stood straight, glaring at him and opened her mouth to snap back before she could stop herself.
"I know I don't know what going in deep is like. The only time I've done extended undercover was with you, as Melissa and Justin. But I know who you are, Deeks," she said, visibly agitated now as she poked his chest with a finger, hard, "And you are not Max and you are not your father, okay." She ignored the flash of anger that came over his features once again at the mention of his father, "You are one of the best men that I know. You're my partner and I trust you with my life." Deeks just shook his head, determined not to allow her to talk some sense into him.
"She's right though, the stuff that I do, that I've done, as Max. It doesn't just disappear. I have done so much, so much that I try and try to forget, that I brush off as being Max not me, but we're one and the same, aren't we. Max Gentry doesn't exist. It's just another side of Martin Deeks that I try to hide but I just, I can't." It breaks her heart to hear the defeat in her partners voice, but she can't think of anything to say to take the pain away. Instead, in a move that isn't very Kensi like, she steps forward and wraps her arms around his waist, ignoring him tensing at her strange action. When he finally relaxes a little and returns the hug she gives him a small squeeze.
"You're right. You do have to carry those actions around, but you need to remember that it's something we all do. We all do things we're not proud of when we're working a cover. And you need to remember that if it ever becomes too much, we're all here to help." With that she pulls away, looks him in the eye and gives him a small smile before turning and leaving him standing in the boatshed once more.
(…)
Back at the mission, after Kensi hooks Monica up for the wire;
"Kensi, you know that the wire was transmitting?" Nell's voice startles her as she strides quickly through the mission, intent on getting out of wardrobe and back to Deeks as soon as possible.
"I hope it was, that's the point."
"No, I mean, when you were hooking Monica up. It picked up what was said in the room." Nell sounded timid telling Kensi that she had heard the conversation that was obviously meant to have been private between Monica and her. "You know he loves you, right?" Kensi huffs out a breath, turning to face her tiny friend, but unable to hold back the biting remark that slips out.
"Nell, I really don't have time for this." When Nell grabs her arm to stop her striding away she is surprised at the strength her friends little hand has.
"You do, you just don't want to." Kensi has to admit, she was shocked at Nell calling her out, but cursed the fact that she obviously wasn't hiding her emotions as well as she had hoped she had been.
"I have to go." She mumbled, trying to tug her arm away from the persistent pixie.
"No. Kensi. Listen to me." Nell demanded, determined to get through to her friend. "He loves you. You know it, he knows it, hell, we all know it. He's just scared. You both are. He knows you've been hurt and he's been burned too. Remember Nicole?" Kensi flinches at the reminder of the first time she had had to sit there and watch 'Max' kiss and talk so sweetly to a woman who it was clear Deeks had feelings for. "He may have been under as Max but from what I've read, and what Ray said, he let a lot more Marty Deeks in when he was around her than Max Gentry."
"It was Max." Kensi countered, her patience with her friend running thin, "I can't fault him for what Max did with Nicole. Or Monica. He knows that." Nell snorts, and Kensi looks at her challengingly, but Nell wouldn't back down.
"Really? Well then maybe you don't know that." Incredulous now Kensi felt her jaw drop at the accusation.
"Excuse me?"
"You need to believe that yourself and stop blaming him, okay." Nell growled, obviously getting pissed off with Kensi's behaviour as well.
"Don't. You don't know what happened out there and you need to destroy that recording." Kensi held up her hand seeing Nell about to continue her arguing, "I mean it Nell." With that she finally shook off the intelligence analysts hand and stormed off, now angrier than she had been when she had entered the mission.
(…)
In the square, just after Monica is shot at;
"GUN!" Kensi yells instinctively, pulling out her own weapon as the civilians in the vicinity started to run, scream and drop to the ground.
"Monica!" Kensi thinks she hears Deeks yell, and ignores the sharp pain that runs through her chest.
"I got him!"
"Monica, Monica! You're okay, just breathe, you're okay." Now she is definitely not imagining things as Deeks drops to his knees next to the bait (Kensi refuses to think of her as a victim in this, even though she knew that that is exactly how Deeks saw her), but she drops down next to him all the same.
"I would've been better off with Max." Monica huffed out, glaring up at Deeks. Kensi sees Deeks reel back slightly, and busies herself with sorting Monica's vest out while Deeks gets the EMTs attention, holding herself back from shooting the bitch herself.
(…)
At the mission. Everyone has left and Kensi catches Deeks just before he heads out;
"You care about her," she murmurs, not quite able to meet his eyes. She puts up her hand when he opens his mouth to protest, "Don't, please don't lie to me." Deeks retort is angry, but all she notices is that he didn't deny her statement.
"Kensi, she was not supposed to get shot-" This makes her angry once again. She's spent so much of her day angry at her partner, but she just can't help the sting of rejection that keeps running over her and piercing her heart.
"And she didn't, that's why she was wearing a vest!" She retorts heatedly.
"That's beside the point! It shouldn't have happened!" Her anger bubbles over once more at this and she snaps, unable to control the tirade once more.
"Well what is your point?! Because from where I'm standing the point is that obviously you've blurred the lines between where you and Max stand! And I'm scared!" She doesn't mean for that last part to slip out, but apparently its all Deeks picks up on as he growls.
"You're scared? Why the Hell are you scared?" Deeks yells at her, his eyes boring into hers unforgivably. "You scared I'm going to hit you? Because it wouldn't be the first time MAX has done that, but I guess if we're the same person to you now-" Horrified that he thinks that she thinks him capable of hurting her she tries to backtrack.
"No! I know you could never do that! I'm scared that we're not going to-"
"Not going to what, Kensi?" Before she can stop herself she is opening her mouth and letting the words spill forward, with no chance of them ever being forgotten.
"We're not going to get the chance to work out our thing. That you're going to become so weighed down by the guilt of MAX'S actions that you are going to leave me." This is apparently not what Deeks was expecting as his shoulders slump, the fight leaving his body. She doesn't let this deter her though, and ploughs ahead, knowing that she's past the point of no return, "I'm scared," she whispers, not looking at him, her hands fiddling on her thighs as she leans against her desk. "I'm scared that you are going to get lost. That maybe this time I'm not going to get Deeks back, that I'm going to get this mix of Max and Marty, and I don't want that. I want my Deeks-" her voice breaks slightly and she realises that at some point her eyes had teared up and they now slipped down her cheeks. She didn't make any move to wipe them away though, staying staring resolutely at the stone floor. She just didn't have the energy anymore, "I want you to turn up at my door with beer and burgers, and to come and watch Top Model or Titanic or something stupid like that with me. I want you to 'fall asleep' on the couch and make that irritating fake snoring noise you make when you want me to change the channel. I want you to get all excited when I let you put the game on. I want you to let me cuddle you on the couch and not tell the others about it. I want to be able to see you outside of work without wondering if it's going to be Marty hanging out with Kensi, or if its Max wanting to hang out with someone who reminds you of Monica, or Nicole, or-" His finger on her lips stops her, and she lifts her startled gaze up to meet his. In his eyes she doesn't see the anger or self-loathing that she's seen all day. Instead his turbulent baby blues are just staring at her so intensely, she feels irrationally exposed. Without removing his finger from his lips he gives a shaky smile, the first she's seen in what feels like weeks.
"I want that, I do Kens, I just, I need some time?" It sounds like a question and Kensi lets her gaze drop from his once more, feeling a new wave of rejection roll over her and grip her heart painfully. Apparently not finished, Deeks moves his finger from her lips and instead places it under her chin, forcing her to move her head up to meet his eyes once more, "I need time to make sure that I'm Marty coming back. I need time to get rid of Max once and for all, okay?" He looked imploringly into her eyes, begging her to understand, "I promise that as soon as I'm, well, I'm me again, I will come and find you, okay?" He let his hand drop from her face, but reached for hers where it was resting on her leg, and tangled their fingers together, "But until then, just remember that I, I really, really want you, Kensi. I have for the longest time," he admits quietly, still staring intensely into her mismatched brown eyes, "I will come back to you." And with that he leant forward and gave a soft kiss on the forehead before leaning his against hers. They stayed like that for a minute before he stepped away, collecting his bag from the floor and moving towards the doors. She remained frozen in her spot against her desk, feeling suddenly cold. He turns as he opened the door and threw her his trademark grin, "Don't worry, Fern, I'll be back." Before slipping out into the night, leaving her with the promise he had given her all those years ago. This time, she smiled, knowing that when he did come back that they would no longer be running from one another. She finally moved and collected her things switching off her desk lamp. As she moved to follow her partner out something caught her eye. It was the damned box. "I decided to get him something that he has always wanted." She remembered saying. Maybe when he's back, I'll make him open that damn thing, she thought, turning and leaving the awful day behind her, looking only forward to the promise of a future she would never have dreamed of wanting when she had first met the infuriatingly handsome Detective Marty Deeks.