Mekakushi Dan March!
(AU where everyone is musically talented and happy and I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY, OK. Also, please listen to the Mitchiri Neko March while reading. So you can be happier.)
Momo has always wanted to be a part of a marching band – seeing the drum major wave his baton while the musicians followed in perfect harmony. So, she ropes the entire Dan into forming their own marching band. The result: utter chaos.
"Hey, Kisaragi, I really don't think this is such a good i-"
"Oh, lighten up, Leader! Besides, just think of the money we'll make."
It was late morning on a Sunday when Momo Kisaragi suggested a formation of a marching band to their ever optimistic Leader – Kido. The green-haired girl had agreed but very hesitantly so.
It's for the money, she had thought. Think of our budget. If this works out, we'll be able to eat properly for about a week.
The blonde idol, however, was much more optimistic in her approach to the idea. Ever since she was a little girl, marching bands had been a major interest of hers. The way they could all move together in unison, the upbeat tune of their music and the happiness that could be felt whenever a marching band would parade past. The baton twirling was cool and the uniforms had such an eloquent vibe. The money made wouldn't be bad either but the marching band bit was surely the best.
"Come, now. We're all in our uniforms already anyway, so why don't we head outside for a little bit of practise?" Momo suggested, still hoping to get Kido more upbeat about the whole marching band idea. "We can practise our timing as well as the song!"
"Well, I guess it's alright," Kido said as she adjusted her hat. "Though I don't think I have ever played guitar before…"
"Oh, don't worry about that! I'm sure you'll be a natural."
"Well, Momo, I've got to say –" Kano wheezed out between snickers. "– best idea you have ever had. Really."
The cat-eyed boy was referring to Kido in an outfit other than her usual hoodie and pants.
"Shut up before I shove that triangle up your a-"
"Now, now, Kido," Seto intervened. "We have a K+ audience, so try to keep the dialogue nice, OK?"
"Seto, what are you talking about?" Mary asked, not yet understanding the rules of the fourth wall.
"Ah, nothing. Any who, let's get you fixed up with your recorder. I'll go grab my drum as well."
After the two had left and Kano had calmed down, the next two to show up in the living room were Shintaro and ENE.
"Hey, hey, Master! Which sound should I use for the tuba? This really mean, brassy sounding one? Or maybe this explosive sounding one?" ENE inquired, letting loose two large booms of tuba greatness through Shintaro's earphones.
"Either is fine, just not when I'm trying to stay alive!" Shintaro yelled. He swore he could feel blood coming out of his ears.
"Ah, onii-chan!" Momo said. "Thanks a bunch for taking the role of piano accordion."
"Of course," Shintaro replied, suddenly feeling quite on top. "I mean, I have composed before and I have a bunch of musical knowledge. It's only natural that I be the one with the hardest instrument."
"Ehh, Master you've sold songs? I don't remember any of them actually selling," informed ENE.
"And whose fault is that?!"
Finally, the last of the Dan arrived in the living room – ready for practise. Hibiya had been given the role of xylophone player while Konoha got the grand job of one man cymbals, tambourine and snare. Hey, it took a lot to have a marching band with just nine people. Seto and Mary also came back after they had gotten their instruments.
"Well, alright then! Everybody's here," declared Momo, jumping up onto the couch to gain some height on the rest of the group. "Let's head outside to practise!"
"Yeah!" the Dan answered.
At first, the practice went smoothly. Sure, footwork needed to be worked on. OK, maybe Mary needed a bit more work on the recorder. Yeah, there was still the whole Kano being an idiot and Kido beating him up thing to worry about. However, considering the band was just formed on a whim a few hours ago, it was very good.
But then, the unthinkable happened. Konoha malfunctioned. All of a sudden, his arms went wild. He tore open his snare drum, smashed his cymbals across his head and threw the tambourin into the air. His hair went dark and his eyes glowed a dim, golden colour. His wardrobe changed colour, as well. Suddenly, he became Kuroha and he was not happy.
"Who decided to not invite me to the party?" he cackled. "Well, too late for apologies. I'm going to start my own marching band."
Suddenly, he pulled a gun from his mouth and began shooting everyone.
"Let the town listen to the tune of gunshots and screams!"
"Waaaahhhhhhh!"
Momo quickly sat up in her bed, cold sweat dripping down her forehead.
"Hey, Momo! You alright?" Kido called from the kitchen. "You fell asleep on the couch this morning after our little chat about starting a marching band. We had Shintaro carry you to bed. It's getting late now, but we could always initiate your idea tomorrow if you'd like."
"No, no, no, no, no!" screamed Momo. "No marching bands, no more!"
The young girl ran out of the room, evidently scared to death.
"… Wait, does that mean that we rented these instruments and uniforms for nothing?!" Kido exclaimed. "This isn't good for my heart. Or our bank account."
(Did I just… OMG I did. No, stop Kitty-chan. Stop. This isn't good. This was meant to be happy and WHAT HAVE I DONE. It wasn't supposed to be this way. THE SUMMARY WAS A LIE DON'T TRUST ME YOU HAVE BEEN DECEIVED.)