Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing.
Untitled post 5:01 fic
The last person Kurt had expected to find himself spending his first evening back in New York as an engaged man with was Brody. And yet, here they were.
He'd run into the other man only an hour after returning, on his way to the grocery store, and had stopped to be polite. Brody and Rachel were over, yes, and Brody had acted badly, but he'd also been somewhat of a friend. He'd certainly always treated Kurt well, and Kurt Hummel was not the kind to forget something like that.
It had been embarrassing and more than a little uncomfortable when Brody had noticed Kurt's shiny new ring and assumed that it had been placed there by Adam. Explaining that he and Adam weren't seeing each other any longer had been one thing, but to explain that he'd gotten back together with Blaine... The look on Brody's face made Kurt stammer, and he had a hard time to understand how it could be so hard to talk about it.
He was back with his first love, and engaged to be married. Surely such a joyful occasion should be easy to tell everyone about?
But apparently not.
"Look, I know it's none of my business, but... You got tested right?"
Tested? Oooooh.
"There's only ever been Blaine and Adam, and it never got that far with Adam and I. So, no, I never felt it was necessary."
"Okay. But I did mean both of you. You might not have done anything to warrant testing, but what about Blaine? You broke up because he cheated on you, right? I got the feeling that it was more than kisses..."
"Yeah, so did I, but–"
"Wait, what? What do you mean? Don't you know?"
"Blaine never told me. He doesn't want to talk about it, and" he insisted "we agreed to let it go. That's in the past, and we're building a new future together now."
"Okay, that sounds...nice. But Kurt, it also sounds dangerous. Really, really dangerous. I... I fucked up with Rachel, okay, big time. I never should have gotten involved with her without coming clean about my sexual history, and everything. But do you know what I never did? Take unnecessary risks. I get tested once a month, at least, and have done so ever since I started having sex. Even before I started...you know, that.
"Safe sex is about more than wearing a condom, and if your...if Blaine isn't willing to come clean about his sexual history, then you should demand he gets tested before you two sleep together again."
Kurt felt the blood leave his face, and his knees start to wobble.
"Kurt? Oh. Don't tell me, you already slept with him?"
"Yeah, I did. We're engaged to be married, of course I slept with him. It's only natural."
At least...that's what Blaine had told him. After everything that had happened Kurt wouldn't have minded waiting, but Blaine did have a point. And you know what happens when you don't give Blaine what he wants from you–He violently shut down the snide voice. Blaine wouldn't cheat again – he had promised never to – and he wouldn't have... done anything else either. Right.
"That's it. You're coming with me to the clinic, now. No, no protests. Kurt, it might be for nothing, but do you really want to take that risk? Some STIs are easily cured, but others aren't. What if you end up with HIV? Or syphilis? Come on now."
Kurt allowed himself to be dragged through town. Why not? It was easier to do what people wished him to than to try and fight. After all, hadn't he been shown over and over again that that was how to get approval? No one wanted him to fight for himself – not even his father it seemed. So why even try?
He followed Brody's lead at the clinic as well, allowing the older man to do the talking. It wasn't until he heard Brody's description of events that he even considered protesting.
"His boyfriend cheated, and won't tell him exactly how. From what I know there's no use asking about precautions or testing either – the guy will either throw a fit or lie."
And that wasn't fair, Blaine was– and there some part of him intervened. Blaine had done exactly what Brody said, and would react just as suggested. So why was he trying to defend Blaine's honor to someone who'd never met him, and never would?
Instead he stayed silent, talking only when absolutely needed, and doing as he was told. The testing was uncomfortable – in all senses of the word – and he found himself fighting back tears more than once.
"Okay, Kurt. It'll take a week or so for the initial results to return. Do you want them sent by post, or for us to call you? There is the option of coming back here and asking in person, if you're not comfortable with us contacting you." If you don't feel safe with it went unsaid, but Kurt picked up on it anyway.
"No, I'd appreciate it if someone could call me. I might not always be able to pick up, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Mail is... One of my room mates has a tendency to snoop."
"That's fine. Now, just one more thing. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should consider talking to someone impartial about this, seeing as your partner refuses. We have a couple of therapists available here, all of which are very open minded."
Kurt's gut reaction was to say no, that he didn't need it, but he quickly thought better. He had felt so out of it lately, and there really was no one among his friends or family he felt he could talk to about it, so maybe talking to a stranger would be a viable option. The best thing would have been to talk to Finn, but his stepbrother was unavailable at the moment. Maybe later, but...
"I'll think about it. If I decide to try that I'm guessing I can make an appointment when I get that call about my results? Great. Was that all?"
Once they were out of the clinic Kurt felt himself start to shake, and gratefully allowed Brody to lead him into a café. It too 15 minutes, a muffin and a large cup of coffee before he was able to pull himself together again.
"Better now?"
"Yeah. Thanks. I wouldn't have done that myself, but you're right, I needed to. So, thank you."
"No problem. I really did think of you as a friend, Kurt, and if there's anything I can do, you just call me, okay. Here, let me give you my new number. If you never use it, that's fine, but just know that you can if you need to.
"Now, I have to get going. Good luck."
"You too, Brody. Take care."
Kurt got through the next week, somehow, but everyone noticed how out of it he was. He blamed it on being distracted by thinking about the engagement, and the wedding, and everyone seemed to buy it. Blaine didn't like it, with how Kurt's focus tended to drift away sometimes during their conversations, but he took it reasonably well. Extremely well for Blaine his treacherous mind whispered, before being silenced.
Nothing mattered. He was reduced to waiting, and not breaking down and telling someone who wouldn't understand.
When the call came it was like having light and sound turned on again, like waking up. He was grateful for the call – even when told that yes, he had been infected and would need treatment. He was, indeed, waking up.
"Blaine? Can you just listen to me for a minute?" He'd tried to bring up the need for Blaine to go and get tested for half an hour, but Blaine kept cutting him off to talk about Lima, the New Directions and college acceptance letters. He'd let it go on, because he'd promised to be more supportive this time around, but he would have to finish the call soon, and Blaine needed to know.
"Ku-u-u-rt..."
"It's important. To you as well. There's no easy way to say this, but you need to get tested."
"Kurt!" This time his name came out as a reprimand, not a whine, and he felt himself cower. How ridiculous. He was a grown man, and this was his fiancé. There was no need to react this way.
"Are you telling me you managed to contract some sort of disease in New York, and didn't tell me about it before now? I thought it was clear when we got back together that you needed to be honest with me from now on."
An unexpected feeling of irritation rose in Kurt. That honesty should go both ways, should it not?
"Actually, I haven't. I haven't had any other sexual partners than you, Blaine. But we both know that's not the case for you."
"I thought you were going to be mature about this, but clearly I was wrong." The anger in Blaine's voice was almost tangible, and Kurt felt the desire to cower again. "Now, since this obviously haven't gotten through to you yet: that topic is closed. Unless you have something else to say to me...?"
It was clear that Blaine was expecting an apology, and Kurt found himself about to deliver one. He bit down, silencing himself, and just waited. Blaine harrumphed.
"Fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow then."
And that, apparently was it.
When Kurt walked into Vouge's offices to start his shift his head was still spinning thanks to the failed talk with Blaine. It wasn't a surprise when Isabelle called him into her office after only an hour for a talk – he was, however, slightly surprised that she'd held back that long.
He saw the opening though, and took it. A doctor had told him to talk to someone, and while Isabelle wasn't the kind of professional the doctor had probably hoped for, she was someone Kurt trusted, and who had no ties what so ever to Blaine. She was the only one in his life who knew what had happened, had seen how it had affected him, and who wouldn't factor in Blaine.
If anyone could tell him what to do, and only think about what would be best for him, it'd be Isabelle Wright.
"...and then he just hung up on me."
"Oh, honey." She just looked at him for a minute, making him squirm, and then reached for his hand.
"Can I be honest? I mean, you told me all of this, so I'm assuming you want my advice, but can I be really honest?"
Yes. Absolutely. I trust you, you've never steered me wrong, and I...I don't have anyone else."
He winced at how pathetic he sounded, but even so he had to admit it was true. He really didn't have anyone else.
"Oh. Well, I think you need to tell him. You can't have sex with him again without it, and chances are that if you don't – I'm sorry, but you said I could be honest – he'll find someone else. And I know you, you'd feel guilty. If he won't let you talk on the phone you find another way. Text, e-mail, letter, just...something.
"Also, and I apologize for being brutal: I think you should break things off. He broke your trust in a big way, and never really bothered to do any actual work to rebuild it. He still won't do it, with how he's refusing to even let you tell him this. I wouldn't be able to trust someone like that again, and I can't see why you should.
"You made a mistake getting back together with him. As for saying yes when he proposed, that I can sort of understand. You weren't meant to be able to say no, were you? Not with that kind of spectacle."
And there it was, understanding. He'd truly felt that no wasn't an option, not with everyone seemingly backing Blaine.
"As for never finding someone else, sweetheart, you're not even twenty yet! You'll find someone – maybe even several someones. All you need to do is let yourself and for god's sake, get rid of the baggage! Of course you're having a hard time moving on with him invading your life in any way he can."
The words rang true in his ears, and Kurt felt himself sink into the chair. To get rid of his Blaine-baggage... It sounded like a dream, honestly, when he allowed himself to be honest about it. And that in itself was proof that Isabelle was spot on, and that the engagement – no, the entire relationship – was a big mistake.
"He's not going to let me. He'll never let me go. And everyone is on his side, Isabelle, even my dad. My dad. Dad hated it when Finn and Rachel got engaged, and he was willing to stop the wedding, and yet he helped Blaine. How am I going to get out when everyone thinks Blaine is the best thing to ever happen to me?"
He felt panic begin to claw in his chest, followed by hyperventilation. Isabelle noticed though, and shook him out of it.
"There are always options, Kurt. Always. And if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask me. I–"
Whatever it was she was going to say got cut off by the phone, and she gave him an apologetic look as she picked it up. Kurt smiled, nodded and got up to return to his post. Halfway to the door Isabelle's words froze him on the spot.
"Yes, he's here."
It couldn't be Blaine, could it? Surely the boy wouldn't go that far to reach him?
"Kurt? It's your father. It sounds important."
He reached for the phone with shaking hands. Please, let it be about Blaine. Not his heart. Not the cancer. Please..
"Dad?"
"Kurt... Son, I..." And the audible grief sent a hand of ice to grip his heart tight. "Something happened, something bad, I... It's Finn."
Finn was dead. His beloved, goofy brother was dead, at nineteen. Kurt didn't want to believe it, could hardly take it in, but it was true. Finn was gone.
He returned to Lima for the funeral, of course, but soon wished he hadn't. His heart ached for Finn the whole visit, but his grief was constantly interrupted. People kept telling him how lucky he was to have Blaine to support him during such a troubling time, and Kurt could barely contain his rage at hearing it. Maybe it would have been soothing under other circumstances, but with him so unsure about his future with Blaine it was anything but. Of course, it also didn't help that Blaine was less supportive than people seemed to assume.
He'd said all the right things, yes, but he'd also said a lot of other things. Like how hard it was for him, Blaine, to lose such a great friend and mentor – which didn't at all sound like how Finn had described their relationship – and how he hoped this sudden loss wouldn't negatively affect the New Directions when it came to preparing for competitions.
It made Kurt sick to hear. Finn was dead. Kurt had lost his brother. Carole and his dad had lost a son, and Blaine tried to make it about him? Then and there Kurt decided that he was done. To hear Blaine offer to sing at the funeral, suggesting with faux innocence that he only suggested it because he thought it was what Finn, his mentor, would have liked only served to further harden his resolve.
"I think Rachel should be the one to sing, if she wants. If not, then it should be a group number. The New Directions were Finn's second family, and the way he talked about this year's team... I think he'd want it to be about the team, not about individuals. It's how he was."
Blaine covered it up pretty good, but Kurt saw the flash of anger, and felt a familiar chill. Good thing we're not alone.
The last thing he did before going back to New York was talk to Blaine. The boy – who was technically still his fiancé – had tried to make him extend his stay, but Kurt stayed firm. He needed to leave. He couldn't deal with Lima, and the people there, any longer, and he certainly couldn't deal with Blaine. Just the effort of keeping the other boy from sex was exhausting.
"Blaine, I know you don't want to, but you need to listen to me. First of all, you need to go get tested. I don't care that you don't want to talk about your cheating, or that you think it's in the past, because that's bullshit. Get tested. Chances are you're carrying something, and not getting tested and treated is irresponsible.
"Second, here. I can't wear this. Accepting your proposal was a mistake, and I can't let it go on any longer. Getting back together was a mistake as well, and so I'm ending this. I need to to respect my decision, and my wishes, and give me space. Please. Don't call. Don't send me things. Don't come visit. Don't get my family involved. Just, leave me be."
He saw Blaine's face turn red, and could practically smell the scene about to come, and headed it off.
"I'm going to go now. Goodbye, Blaine."
Of course, it wasn't as easy as that. Once he got off the plane in New York his phone had been blown up with texts and voice mails from Blaine, their friends and – naturally – his dad. All the things Kurt had asked to please be free from.
It didn't calm down either. Within 24 hours he'd been forced to chance his number and email, as well as pack a bag and sleep on Isabelle's couch. Within another 24 he had to skip classes and work, plus sneak into Vogue, as Blaine had chosen to come chase him down. Not even his father wanted to listen, and Kurt was at his rope's end. He felt trapped, and was on the verge of just saying "fuck it" and go back to Blaine. Thank goodness for Isabelle.
"How attached are you to New York?"
"Honestly? At the moment, not that much. I can't go to school, and with how much I've already missed my teachers are beginning to get angry. I might have to retake the entire semester. I can't even go to my own apartment, since Rachel and Santana are letting Blaine stay there. The only reason I manage to get here is because I'm staying with you and sneaking in through the back.
"I'm trapped."
"In that case, I might have a solution for you."
It was a crazy idea, completely out there, but Kurt felt he was out of options. Five days after stepping off the plane from Lima Kurt was getting back on a plane, this time heading for London. Isabelle had managed to get him a position at Vogue there, and he was just about desperate enough to take it.
It had meant dropping out of NYADA, but with the semester already ruined that wasn't as much of a sacrifice as he'd once imagined. And if he wanted to try music again? London was not a bad place for that.
The fact that a certain blond was due back in England come June (the real reason Kurt hadn't been able to commit) didn't hurt. No, it certainly didn't hurt at all.