D E T E R I O R A T E

by lolo.bubbletea

(AU, part of a series of one shots and chapter stories I'm doing) Gohan writes an apology to everyone before killing himself. What will happen in the Other World? 2 chapters, incomplete :)

Chapter 1

The Letter of Apologies

Mother dearest, why do you hate me so? I guess I should know why. I took away your happiness. I murdered your husband. It might as well just have been in cold blood. I robbed Goten of having a father. I took away your chances of having a normal, successful son. Instead, you got a monster of a son. No wonder you hate me. I guess I deserve being hit by you. All those damaging words, all the abuse and neglect. I deserve it all. I'd like to think of it as revenge. Revenge on me from all the people I hurt, all the things I've done. You probably won't even give this note the time of day, but before I die, I wanted you to know that I'm sorry.

Father, are you proud of me? Do you still love me? Do you hate me? I guess we both know the answer to that. I've been a problem for you since before I was even born. Before you play that clueless game with me, I know that Mother tricked you into marriage. I know she tricked you into having me. It's a wonder how you didn't kill me the day I came back. I would always hold you back, and slow you down in training, and almost everything. You'd always tell me all these comforting lies, but I knew the truth. I don't see how you could possibly still think of me as a son. I'm the reason why so many bad things happened. You wanted to take me to the reunion, I got kidnapped, I murdered all those people, I robbed my younger brother of having a father, and heck, I even murdered you! And it's all because of me. Don't say that you don't hate me, because I know everyone does. But it's okay, I hate myself, too. I know the real reason as to why you don't want to come back.

Brother, I apologize. I'm sorry for taking away your chances for having a father. I took away your chances of having a normal childhood. I'm glad that's one of the only things we have in common. I don't want you to take after me. I've ruined your life before it even started. I ripped away our father before you even got a chance to meet him. And I know why Mother doesn't want you around me. She doesn't want you to be like me. And I understand.I don't want to be me either. I know this is unapologizable, but I am sorry.

Dear Friends and Family, It's a wonder how you still consider me to be your kin. I ripped away your dear Goku, and I'm still causing problems. Don't keep smiling and telling me everything's okay, because I know darn well it's not okay. I understand why you're so tired of me. I'm just a waste of space that roams around, eats your food, and wastes your air and patients. Uncle, I'm sorry I wasn't strong. I guess I'll never be strong enough to even fight myself.

Dear everyone, I've let you all down. I've disappointed all of you. I understand that any and everything I could do just won't be enough to please you. Maybe except dying. Hm. Dying sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? It's even better if I killed myself, so that nobody would have to get their hands dirty with my filthy blood.The point is, I'm sorry. I understand sorry isn't enough, but there's nothing else I can do. At least be glad that by the time you read this, I'll be dead, and out of your lives forever. Don't even bother wishing me back, because I'm sure as ever that nobody wants me here. Not even myself. So I'm apologizing.

For all the pain and suffering that I've caused.

For all the people who've died at my hands, including me.

I'm sorry.

Formerly,

Son Gohan