Hi everyone! This is my first story. It's rated M for language, blood, slight lemons and unspeakable stupidity. The later chapters might be more serious, but for sure the first few chapters are TOTALLY STUPID! Read at your own risk of how much you want to damage your brain: you've been warned….
--chanx
dedicated to: my oh-so-awesome friends
rating: M
prompt: French class, vampires,instant noodles
'From Me To You"
CHAPTER 1. The Beginning Of The Sad Story
'Beep'
'Beep'
A raven haired teenage boy groaned into his pillow, dragging his blanket over his head in an attempt to block out the annoying sounds that are only meant to cover up swear words (teens these days,..) and not to drag out more of those delightful words out of Sasuke Uchiha's mouth at 6:30 AM. Raising a lazy hand, Sasuke reached out a hand and furiously whacked his radio alarm over and over until he suddenly hit the radio button-
-" RISE AND SHINE TEME!GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF YOUR STINKIN' UCHIHA BED OR I'LL BURN YOU WITH SCALDING HOT RAMEN!DATTEBAYO! OH YEAH, DON'T SAY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE AN UCHIHA 'CAUSE THE RAMEN MAN IS GONNA COME AND GET YOU"-
Swearing and delivering a final punch at the speakers where Naruto's obnoxiously loud voice was pouring from, the poor clock finally had enough and decided to go to heaven. R.I.P. Sasuke's 2-days old alarm clock. Sasuke sighed and finally got out of bed, unwillingly. He didn't need to go to school. Why would he? I mean, c'mon seriously, he's only going to escape attempts at rape from Ino, Ami and that red head person. Kari. Or was it Cornrin? Whateves.
Undressing, he thought of strategies with his awesome Uchiha brain of making the day less painful cause, ladies and gentlemen, today was THE DAY. Yup the day. What could it be? 'Everyone-get-free-ramen-and-dress-up-as-sluts-day-and-the-awsome-cloud-wathing-day-and-the-youthful-day-and-the-'Naruto Doesn't have a dick day (yeah right Sai, you're so right. So I guess that makes Naruto a he-she or a she-male or something like that. Ferserious.) .
However, sadly, it isn't one of those awesome days. Heck, it's not even the everyone-gets-their-own-Itachi-emoticon day. '/_|'…whatever…(PAUSE! The Itachi emoticon was NOT MY OWN INVENTION! Something I found on a mangafox blog thingy.) Cue the fangirls' scream of distress at not being able to get an Itachi-Kun emoticon. I mean, if someone (let's say Tobi) posts it on eBay today, then by 7Am tomorrow, it would have over and 1 purchases and Itachi will then receive over and 2 wedding proposals from people both genders and spent the rest of his life under a Guy-sensei special promotion green jumpsuit hiding from his stalkers who will rape him, bitch-slap him ….oooooohhh the horrors! Then poor Tobi will probably be sent to the hospital in a million pieces and will never have the chance to ever reform again. Hehem. Now back to our dear little Sasuke-kun and his oh-so-awesome strategies to get away from Itachi and his emoticons.
Anyways, moving on with our lives, TODAY WAS THE DAY…no Gaara, no free cookies today… (Gaara: WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!SAND COFFIN! Me:OKAY! THERE WILL BE COOKIES TODAY!JUST PLEASE DON"T KILL ME!)OKAY! FOR THE LAST TIME! TODAY IS THE DAY!
Drum roll…
Okay, I'll tell you. Today is the day, the first day of Sasuke's junior year of highschool. And the ONE and ONLY day the school cafeteria will be giving out FREE COOKIES (are you happy now Gaara, you little bitch!)! And it will totally suck. For him, that is. For about 100000 girls at Konoha High, it will be paradise for them to see the number one (two, Itachi rocks) Uchiha …and then molest him. It happens every year. Even in elementary school. Like this girl who was supposed to be Naruto's 'girlfriend for the day' cause he bought her ramen was totally crushing on him and basically jumped him. And she was one of the more decent ones. Like I mean she waited until French class when Naruto was finished his test (he just doodled different flavours of ramen on it) and said 'Je Suis Fini'. I guess he was trying to say 'J'ai fini' which means 'I've finished wasting 2 whole hours of drawing out all the types of ramen in the universe' (for him, that is. J'ai fini just means 'I have finished_'). but that was pretty usual for him since he never studies, but what he just said meant 'I'm finished. Dead. Long gone. No-longer-here-so-feel-free-to-ditch-me-and-go-after-my-chicken-assed-friend. It's truly amazing that how in just 12 hours, they're able to send telepathic messages to each other. Truly remarkable. Cause to Naruto who never studies, 1+1=give-me-all-the-ramen-you've-got- and-nobody-gets-hurt. (just so you know, for Gaara, 1+1=hey-look-I've-got-a-cookie-so-who-cares-what-1+1-is? For Sasuke it's 1+1=hn. Dobe. Get lost.)
So pushing aside Naruto's half day girlfriend(somehow he's never noticed that shy girl Heewantah, or something), all the other girls were basically like: "SASUKE-KUN! MARREH MEH!" and some really gruesome stuff follows such as broken-teeth, tears, screaming, bitch-slapping contests and an horrified Sasuke escaping. It may seem weird, but eventhough our little SauceCakes is the number one playboy in school, he's never been laid. But he's still a man. A real VIRGIN MAN.
Not because he doesn't want to be, but more because of his darling mother Mikoto Uchiha's big watery eyes and anime tears about her little boy turning into a Chicken-Assed pedophile. Yikes, what a momma's boy. Now that I've finally noticed, we're getting really off topic here, since we're supposed to talk about Sasuke's strategies, so we'll just skip onto when he gets to school.
_ = _ = = ===== '/_\' dooo dooooo randomness….
At School.
A pearly white limosine pulled up to the driveway of Konoha High School. KHS was well known for it's filthy rich students who dressed like sluts and posers and only cares about how many times they get laid in a week. No, their first priority wasn't their academic rank, but their social rank. So to get to the top of the list, those spoiled students spend every cent of their daddys' money on clothes, make-up, drugs and cars. But this car had a particular feeling to it: as if the person inside was the president or something.
Inside, a small, dainty pink-haired and green-eyed girl sighed, and blew air to cause a riffle in her perfectly straightened bangs that hung across her slightly larger-than-normal forehead. The seats of the limo were coal black leather and were scented with the light aroma of lavender. The girl was seated in the back seat while her mother was driving and her brother was riding shotgun.
Her mother greatly resembled her daughter, except for her red hair. Her almond shaped eyes were caked with mascara and eyeshadow. Her fingers choked the steering wheel.
"Sakura dear, "she called, Sakura Haruno, the pin haired girl gave the smallest signs of recognition and gave her a mother a drowsy look. The older woman sighed as if this was a conversation repeated over and over. The dashing red haired teenager boy (also known as her son Sasori Haruno) next to her looked pained, with the anime eyebrow twitching. His mother, Mayune took a deep breath, then- "OH EM GEE GEES! MY TWO LITTLE BABIES ARE GOING TO START SCHOOL AND ARE NOT GOING TO BECOME TOTAL RETARDS! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHAPPY!I'M ON CLOUD TEN!WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Then she did a victory dance on the car seat (which looked like a lapdance) and in a comedic way, hit her head on the reversing mirror and was knocked out cold. Sakura groaned. She had not planned on going to school. Ever again. And KHS had the reputation of being a rowdy school and she was so not going to enjoy her life. She wished that she was back at the mansion, doing whatever she wanted and studying at her own rate. She was home schooled for a long time, (and I mean a time) and she's always gotten the highest marks on each and every exam her vicious examiners have thrown her way and watched their surprised faces open and shut wordlessly, much like a fish's. Sighing, she undid her seatbelt and grabbed her bag.
"Coming?" she asked Sasori. He Smirked "Definitely, babe." Which prompelled Sakura to whack him, reminding him that she was no longer a baby. Stepping outside, she could hear the crowd gasp at her and her brother's beauty. She would've traded it away for anything. Except a bowl of ramen. But she couldn't, I mean she was born that was and it will never change, even in one hundred years. Which it didn't. Sasori, however, smirked at all the gaping girls and were enjoying the attention and waved one cross chain braceletted hand at his newly acquired fans. If the siblings weren't first spotted for their beauty, it would be for the many cross and fleur de lis jewellery they were wearing. Before shutting the door, Mayune, who was supposed to be out cold suddenly spoke out of the corner of her mouth. "Remember dear, please don't cause us any trouble this time around," Sakura's eyes widened, then narrowed. Damn right she will remember.
They split at the main entrance as Sakura was keen to get away from the crowd and Sasori was keen on arranging some dates with some girls (already?). Shaking her head, Sakura reminded herself that no matter how hard she tried, she could never understand her brother's thoughts. With this in her head, she began climbing the many sets of stairs leading to the main floor. I know this sounds stupid, but Konoha High has 67 floors below the main office floor. I mean, there's the chemistry teacher Orochimaru's secret lab where he tested things on students who had given detention to. And the students usually come back…kinda.., well, demented. Like they had grown an extra ear or something (thank god they have the money to do amputations and stuff). Moving aside old snakey's hidey hole, there's also the 'Happy Room' where the school nurse Shizune lives and takes care of about 50 girls who were rejected by you-know-who and were considering suicide, a vanity room, a room where teachers built a moat out of coffee, another room where the Princial Tsunade stores all her sake, and ….sandbox. where Gaara can play in the sand all day and eat chocolate chip cookies. You get the point.
Right, so Sakura was on the 58th floor when she crashed into an idiotic looking blonde boy.
"What the-" they both said when suddenly the boy slipped off the edge of the step and fell.
"! RAMEN MAN! WHAT DID I DO?" he shouted as he crashed down 58 flights of stairs. Sakura sweatdropped. Thinking that she should probably apologize for sending the poor idiot to his death (what did he mean by ramen man?), she patiently waited about 4 hours (thank god she came to school early) for the boy to get back up.
"hey, there," he panted. It looked like he had broken all his limbs since he was wriggling up the stairs like a worm. "uh, sorry about what happened" Sakura said, reaching out a hand to help him up. "No problem," he said, suddenly able to stand up. "Any ways, hi! I'm Na-" he lost his balance and fell down the stairs again.
" !!"
And that was the last of him that Sakura heard in this chapter.
_ = _ = = ===== '/_\' dooo dooooo randomness….
WITH NARUTO
It was like: !the world is going to end! No more ramen forever! The ramen man is coming(what is the ramen man?)!
Anyways, he fell down to the 4th flight of stairs where he crashed into our favourite chicken-assed man and sent both of them falling into the waiting clutched of evil fangirls. Then landed right infront of Sasuke's shiny Volvo. And inside, Mikoto Uchiha turned her head towards the flying ball of limbs just in time to see..well, her son and Naruto land in a rather awkward position….(best if you didn't know, but refer to episode 3 or shippuuden episode 194) and shrieked: "MY SON IS GAY WITH HIS BEST FRIEND!YES!MY SON SASUKE IS GAY!NOW I'M NEVER GONNA HAVE ANY GRANDCHILDREN!MY LIFE SUCKS EGGS!" and then drove away, leaving Sasuke to be swarmed by half of the fangirls and boys who turned gay to have a chance to be his lover checking if he was alright, and the other half beating up an already beat up Naruto. Sasuke growled when he heard some guys laughing and exclaiming to themselves that the great Uchiha was so desperately inlove with his best friend. Damn you mom (Awwww, sasuke-kun! We know that you`re a momma`s boy!).
Straightening up, he left skilfully escaped the fans and left to climb up the many stairs. And also, he had to watch out for Orochimaru who never misses a chance to grope his butt, or evern worse :the oh-so-famous ramen man (LIKE SERIOUSLY!WHAT IS THE RAMEN MAN! ? ?).
_ = _ = = ===== '/_\' dooo dooooo randomness….
WITH SAKURA
I`m almost there pant aaalllmmmooooosssssstttttt !pant
Sakura was on the 66th flight of stairs when she saw a ghostly figure gliding towards her….Wait, why does it`s hair look like noodles?
END
COULD THAT BE THE FAMOUS RAMEN MAN?
STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!please forgive me for any grammar mistakes and tell me if I should continue. REVIEW!
--chanx
p.s. if you have any suggestions to what the ramen might be, please let me know!
long live stupidity!