"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
Gail Sheehy
Ask someone, anyone at all. Stop them and ask "Are you scared of change?"
They will say "Yes."
If anyone says otherwise, they are lying.
Sollux wakes up in the middle of the night, shivering. It's raining outside and wind whips against the old glass window beside his bed in the rickety, large farmhouse. Sollux wraps the blanket around himself tighter, but the chill still seeps in through the walls. After a few minutes Sollux huffs and sits up; the blanket falls to his waist and he blindly reaches towards his end table. He knocks over a glass of water, and curses, and then finally finds his glasses, slipping them on.
His room comes into view, sharpening: yellow walls (the same yellow his fathers first painted the room when he was born), wooden floors, and clutter. His desk is strewn with old homework assignments and his prized laptop; inside of the drawers are books on coding and gaming magazines. The corkboard above his desk has a calendar from two years ago on it, miscellaneous pictures of him and Karkat and others, and tons and tons of crayon doodles from his older brother Mituna.
Beside his desk is a bookshelf, mainly filled with fantasy novels and science fiction stuff. There are also a couple of old picture books from when he and Mituna were little. In front of the bookshelf, on the floor, is a rug which covers a particularly chipped floorboard. On the opposite side of the room is Sollux's clunky television and PS3.
Sollux slips out of bed and stretches, stepping over the puddle of water, too lazy to wipe it up. He makes his way towards his desk, knowing trying to go back to sleep is futile; or at least for him and the other Captors. Sollux thinks it runs in the family.
He throws on the jacket from the back of his chair and sits, curled up in a ball, the leather cushion cool against his bare feet. He opens up his laptop and squints at the light, before putting in his password.
The computer tells him it's four in the morning, which isn't so bad. He'd have to get up at five anyway. Sollux yawns and his fingers fly across the keyboard. He checks the forums he has bookmarked, his blog, and—condescendingly—Facebook. Mituna told him to get one, and Sollux always thought it was rather stupid. He doesn't talk to anyone, but scrolling through his wall or whatever can be pretty amusing, when not excruciatingly annoying—especially when Karkat starts arguing with someone.
At four thirty Sollux starts fiddling around with some codes—he's been working on a video game all summer—when he stops, fingertips stilling against the keys. His eyes flick to the doorway, and then at the window; lightning flashes and Sollux sighs, closing his laptop. He rises from his desk, stumbling because his feet are asleep.
Mituna said not to check on him anymore, but how can Sollux not? The thought of his brother whimpering, holding his helmet onto his head as if it'll disappear, cowering under the covers sends shivers down Sollux's spine, especially after that day, after Mituna started hitting himself whenever he thought he did something particularly bad—I'm stupid, he'll say, crying, I'm stupid and it's all my fault, just like he said—I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Sollux walks down the hallway, passing his parents' door. The floor creaks underneath his feet. He reaches Mituna's room, the final room on the right before the stairs. The doorknob is freezing against his hand.
"Mituna?" Sollux whispers, stepping inside. The walls are black, a product of Mituna's short-lived angry, rebellious streak from when he was thirteen. He painted the walls himself, proclaiming he was expressing his feelings or something. Sollux was ten, then. Mituna was also normal. Sollux quickly takes away the thought, but it was there nonetheless.
A helmet pops out from underneath a thick quilt. The headgear gets pushed back with a manicured hand. Mituna sits up, the blanket pooling around his hips. He's only wearing a black t-shirt and boxers. He moves the helmet to his lap, and starts fiddling with it. His straight black hair, stopping at his chin, is ruffled. A vein-like scar shows from underneath his bangs, brushing his left eye and stretching across his forehead. He has to be freezing. Sollux bites the side of his cheek. Mituna's room seems ten degrees cooler than his own.
"What are you doing?" Mituna asks softly, looking at Sollux; he blinks. Lightning flashes and Mituna cringes as shadows fall across his face eerily, but a second later the shadows are gone.
"I juth—" Sollux starts.
"I told you to st-stop checking up on me," Mituna mutters. He glares down at his helmet, hands stilling. "I'm not a baby."
"Of courthe you aren't."
"Dad and Pop act like I'm one."
Sollux walks forward, narrowly dodging a massive construction of Legos. He pauses at Mituna's bed, but his brother shuffles to the side, allowing him room.
"Dad and Pop treat me like I'm a baby, too," Sollux assures. He sits next to his brother. "We're their kidth. It'th thuppothed to be like that."
"I know it's not the—the same," Mituna whispers. He glares at Sollux. "I'm not stupid."
"I don't think you are," Sollux says honestly. "I gueth I wath jutht trying to make you feel better or thomething… Sorry."
Mituna bumps Sollux's shoulder, smiling. "Your lisp is funny."
Sollux snorts. He grins. "At leath I don't thutter all the time."
Mituna laughs softly and puts his helmet back on, leaving it unbuckled and the blue and red plastic that falls over his eyes up. Some of his hair sticks out from under it. A large lock sits right between his eyes. Sollux reaches over, silently tucking it up.
"I love you," Mituna suddenly says. Sollux stares at him, letting his hand fall. He looks down, comparing his disproportioned, cold hands to Mituna's warm, soft ones. Mituna's nails are painted in a nude pink.
"I love you too," he answers.
Mituna stands up, the bed sheets ruffling with him, "Let's play Call of Duty," he says. He starts dashing to the door of his room, but trips over the giant thing he was building with Legos and crashes to the floor. Sollux laughs, not unkindly. Mituna huffs, lying face first.
"I'll see if Karkat'th on," Sollux says, stepping around his brother. Mituna lifts an arm, flipping him off. Sollux ignores him.
He walks back to his room and plops down into his desk chair, opening his laptop yet again. He looks back at the tiny analog clock on the toolbar. It's five.
Sollux opens up Pesterchum.
TA: what2 up
TA: are you awake
CC: HELLO FUCK FACE.
CC: HOW KIND OF YOU TO GRACE ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE.
TA: ii2 that a ye2?
TA: and why are you even on thii2 ii2 2urprii2iing
CC: HAPPY TO SEE YOU'RE ALIVE.
CC: I'M FINE, TOO, THANKS FOR ASKING.
TA: kk come on
CC: DO NOT *COME ON* ME, CAPTOR
CC: WE HAVEN'T TALKED IN A FUCKING MONTH.
TA: iive been bu2y
CC: WITH WHAT? NOT EATING? STAYING AWAKE FOR DAYS? FROLICKING THROUGH YOUR FUCKING BEE FARM WITH YOUR BEE FRIENDS?
TA: a2 a matter of fact ye2
TA: that ii2 all iive been doiing karkat
TA: you gue22ed correctly
CC: OF COURSE I GUESSED GODDAMN CORRECTLY BECAUSE WE ARE
CC: BEST
CC: FRIENDS
CC: OR DID YOU FORGET THAT?
CC: WAS IT ME, SOLLUX? DID I DRIVE YOU AWAY? DID MY INTELLIGENCE INTIMIDATE YOU?
TA: ye2 that wa2 iit
TA: that ii2 what happened
CC: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YOU BAG OF DICKS
CC: WHAT IS GOING ON.
TA: nothiing dude
TA: ii ju2t havent really talked two anyone
CC: THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS
TA: ii dont know 2eriiously
CC: WHATEVER
CC: I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING THROUGH THIS RIGHT NOW
CC: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
TA: miituna want2 two play black op2
TA: you iin
CC: YOU FUCKING KNOW I AM
CC: PREPARE TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED
CC: GRAB THE BLANKET FROM YOUR INFANCY THAT HOLDS SENTIMENTAL VALUE AND A BUCKET FOR YOUR TEARS AND READY YOURSELF FOR THIS ONSLAUGHT OF ASS FUCKING WHOOPING
TA: we both know that my brother and ii are fuckiing profe22iional2
TA: ju2t get onliine jacka22
Sollux shakes his head at the screen and moves to his PS3, turning it on and sitting on the floor Indian style. He yells for his brother over his shoulder.
Mituna walks in a few minutes later, just as Sollux is swapping Final Fantasy XIII for Black Ops. Sollux twists around, biting back a sigh when he sees the giant tub of Legos in his brother's hands. "What are you doing?"
Mituna sits down, setting the box beside him, and starts building. "I changed my mind," he says, having already built a black square. He starts connecting yellow blocks, and Sollux wonders what he's going to make. He's made houses, castles, battles ships, and other stuff before. Mituna looks up, as if reading Sollux's thoughts. "I'm building a giant bee."
"Whatever." Sollux turns back to the screen and puts his headphones on. He tries to beat down the burning at his chest; playing video games with Mituna is a comfort. It reminds him of…before.
Karkat connects with him and Sollux tries to smile as the game begins in Nuketown.
"Good morning dickhead," Karkat snaps. Sollux can hear loud music.
"Hello to you, too." Sollux runs up the stairs behind a house and enters a room. He walks forward. Someone comes rushing up the stairs, and he stabs them. He quickly moves on.
"Where's Mituna?"
Sollux swallows. "Legos."
"That's cool, whatever." Sollux wants to scream no, it's not cool. It's awful and I want my brother back. But he doesn't. He doesn't.
"Who all ith on? It'th like five thirty."
"Some people are awake during the night and well until the morning, Sollux. Not all of us live on a goddamn bee farm."
"It'th not my fault, take it up with my dadth." Sollux stations himself at a window, crouched down.
"'Dad and Pop'? No thanks."
"What am I thuppothed to call 'em," Sollux shoots a person entering the room, "Dad and Daddy?"
"I don't know. Pop makes him sound like a grandpa."
"Pop ith perfectly fine."
"Is—is Karkat talking about Pop?" Mituna asks. Sollux glances at him and then turns back at the screen quickly.
"Yeah," he says. Mituna doesn't answer.
"So, anyways, school starts soon—finally, after that fucking lightning or whatever. Are you as excited as I am?" Karkat asks.
"I'm thitting my panth, you have no idea."
"That's gross," Mituna comments.
A few minutes and senseless chatter later, Sollux and Karkat move to a new map.
"Have you—" Sollux nearly asks if Karkat has talked Terezi lately, but then he remembers that Mituna is in the room.
"What?" Karkat asks. His breath makes the headphones buzz.
"Nothing," Sollux says. "Later."
About seven minutes into the game the other side gets a plane, and the usual sound effect plays as it passes over. Mituna makes a small shriek. "Could—could you turn that down, Sollux?"
Sollux sighs and leans over, pressing the down button on the front of the TV and resumes playing. Sollux fucks around, nonchalant, kicking ass without even trying. Karkat spews out chains of curses, dying over and over. Sollux laughs at him, and someone lets out dogs. Their barks are loud and Sollux shoots one in the face.
"It's too loud!" Mituna yells. Sollux turns to him. Mituna's curled up, hands shoved underneath his helmet to cover his ears. His eyes are screwed shut. Suddenly, a gunshot can be heard, and Sollux whips to the screen. Someone killed him.
It gets hard to breathe. Mituna is whimpering. Even if dying isn't a big deal, even if he's already respawned, Sollux screams, "Jethuth, Mituna, thut the fuck up!"
Mituna freezes, and Sollux notices the tear tracks on his face. His older brother's face contorts and he stands, taking the plastic bee he was building with him. He chucks the cube of Legos at the wall, where it shatters. Sollux swears loudly, angrily, and Mituna makes the red and blue plastic cover his eyes, a sure sign that he's angry. The fucking eighteen year old stomps out and down the stairs. Sollux hears the screen door fly open, and he knows Mituna is running towards the bee yard.
"What the fuck," Karkat says shortly.
"Don't give me that thit," Sollux snaps. "You don't know what ith like, living with it every goddamn day. It'th not like I don't have my problemth, too."
"You just screamed at him."
"Fuck off, KK." Sollux rips the headphones off and turns off his Playstation. He lets out a frustrated groan and falls onto his back, staring at the cracked ceiling. He closes his eyes, suddenly very, very, tired.
Sollux doesn't know how much later it is, but he falls asleep and is woken up with a kick to the side, and a hard one at that. He grunts, rolling into a ball. One of his fathers—Pop—looms over him, with short brown hair, laugh lines, and a permanent 5 o' clock shadow. He's wearing a flannel and jeans, dressed for the day. "What's going on?" he asks angrily.
"Nothing," Sollux spits, moving his heated gaze from his father to his father's boots, "it'th juth Mituna being Mituna." The floor is cold against his cheek.
Pop puts his hands on his hips. "Don't ever fucking say that." His words are sharp. Angry.
"It'th true," Sollux says, staring at a scuff mark.
"You're grounded."
Sollux gapes, sitting up. "What the fuck?" he exclaims. He points at the mess of Legos on the floor. "Look at what Mituna did! He should get grounded too." Sollux takes in an exasperated gasp. He changes tactics. "Ith not fair! Why am I getting punithed becauthe Mituna can't handle fucking anything?!"
Pop glares. "You aren't crying in the yard, are you?"
"Mituna'th juth a puthy!"
"Think about your brother, Sollux," Pop snaps. Sollux can see his jaw move as he grinds his teeth; an old habit. "Think about what he goes through."
"I do!" Sollux replies. "I think about Mituna all the goddamn time! My fucking life revolveth around him!"
His father suddenly grabs the collar of his shirt and forces him to stand up, and then pulls him close. Sollux stumbles, losing his blanace. Pop's breath smells like toothpaste. "Last year," Pop says, "when Mituna was seventeen. He went out to the forest and tried to drown himself in the creek. Do you remember that? Or is it just me?"
I tried to kill myself too, Sollux thinks. You just don't know it. He opens his mouth and then closes it. He doesn't say it. Doesn't say it.
He pushes his father's hand off of him and walks out the door. "Where are you going," Pop asks. Sollux starts to run when Pop starts following him, both of their footsteps making the floor whine—the entire house has wooden floorboards, the old kind. The walls are a blue pastel blur. The doors to the bathroom, his parents' room, and Mituna's room are white blobs as Sollux rushes past.
"I don't know," he answers, sprinting down the stairs. He makes it to the front door and opens it, pushing open the screen door which slams behind him. Sollux's feet pound against the rotting porch and he runs in the grass, getting his legs and feet soaked with morning dew and rain water. The storm let up, he realizes.
Wind pushes his hair back and to his left is the gravel road and to the right, yards away, is the bee yard behind the house: rows and rows of hives; thousands of bees and tons of honey. The sun is beginning to show, the sky now a yellowing, purple bruise. Sollux pants and chokes on his spit. But he doesn't stop running.
He can hear his father's truck on the gravel behind him. Adrenaline spikes and Sollux runs faster. He crosses the road and slams into large stalks of corn, all of them ready to harvest. He forgets whose land this is. The summer was nice and rain plentiful. The crops are splendid and tall, taller than Sollux. The tops of the stalks brush the sky, obscuring most of it from view.
Eventually, Sollux's legs ache and his arms grow sore. He knows he's going to hit the edge of the corn field, so he takes a sharp right. Cuts form on his face, his neck, and his hands, from the leaves. He starts sweating underneath his pajamas and the jacket. Sollux once heard that if you run and you start feeling bad, you need to keep running. There's something about endorphins. The final blast energy…
But Sollux does not think it's going to come. He stops, suddenly, and collapses, and lies down between the stalks of corn, arms and legs spread out, body like a star. He looks up at the sky, and it's completely golden now, with thin smears of blue.
Sollux's throat is terribly dry. He tries to swallow, but then gags. Fuck. He sits up and his head pounds. Fatigue catches up with him.
He doesn't know how long it has been since he burst out of the house. He can't hear his father's truck on the road, but maybe he's just too far away from the road. He can't tell where he is. Is anyone looking for him? Of course they are.
Of course they aren't, a voice whispers back.
Sollux peels of his jacket, but he's still sweltering so he takes off his shirt, and then his pants. He's sitting in the middle of a cornfield with only boxer briefs on, cut up, feet muddy. He just ran God knows how much. He feels ridiculous and stupid and—fuck. He thinks he's having an episode. Or something. Something. He doesn't know anymore.
Sollux hears someone breathing and fast footsteps and the sound of corn being knocked to the side. His heart starts pounding and he moves between two stalks of corn, sitting uncomfortably. As if he's hidden. He takes his dirtied clothes and lays them on top of himself. Shit. What is he doing? He's delirious. He's delirious.
"Sollux!" It's Mituna. Sollux curls into himself, underneath his stinking clothes, on top of the dirt. He clenches his eyes shut.
The clothes are ripped off of him. Mituna's face is blotchy and red, eyes bloodshot. His smile is watery and he falls to his knees beside Sollux. "What are you doing?" he asks. He forces Sollux's head up and his hands are cool against Sollux's heated skin.
"I don't know," Sollux answers. His hand flies to his mouth when he gags again. Mituna makes a clicking noise and stands.
"Here," he says, handing Sollux his yellow helmet. "Wear this. You'll feel better; I p-promise." Sollux accepts and puts the helmet on his head. He shoves the plastic up away from his eyes. He feels stupid.
Retarded.
Mituna then bends down and picks Sollux up. Sollux is reminded of how strong his brother is; years on the track team and working on the farm did him well. He's still shirtless. The both of them are shirtless now. Barefoot. Only in underwear. In the middle of a corn field.
Crazy Captors.
"You're brother's a retard."
Sollux's clothes are set on his pelvis. "Sorry," Mituna says. He straightens out and smiles at Sollux. "Dad and I talked. And I'm going to take care of you, okay?"
"Okay," Sollux says. He doesn't get it, he thinks. Is he serious? Does he understand any of this?
Mituna starts walking. Sollux looks up. Mituna's chin is sharp, his neck is wide. His nose is kind of pointy and long, but all of the Captors' are. His eyes are large. His hair is sleek, if a bit fuzzy from the humidity. His bangs swoop across his forehead. That scar crawls its way across Mituna's skin.
Mituna was handsome.
Is handsome.
Sollux blinks. He remembers girls ogling at his brother, staring at him. He always wondered what that was about. Now, girls still ogle at him. But it's not the same.
Mituna looks down. "You're bleeding," he says.
"I'll be fine."
Mituna sticks his tongue out. It used to be pierced; another rebellious thing. Sollux kind of misses the piercing. "'I'll be fine,'" Mituna copies.
Sollux closes his eyes. He tries to pretend that his brother is okay again.
"I can walk, you know," Sollux says numbly. Mituna childishly shakes his head, pushing the bathroom door open with his shoulder. He sets Sollux on the toilet lid. The bathroom has pale purple walls with tiles wrapping around the bottom half of them. A lot of the tiles are chipping, some completely gone. The house isn't necessarily falling apart, but a lot of things need redone. Sollux likes it, though. He doesn't know why.
Sollux watches his brother as he pulls the shower curtain back, revealing an old metal tub. Maybe he doesn't give his brother enough credit. But then Mituna blushes and looks up, almost scared to talk. "Um, which way is on again?" he asks.
Sollux wants to throw up. "Turn it towardth the left." He doesn't look at Mituna: instead he focuses on a square on the wall, where a tiny tile should be.
After a few seconds the water starts to run from the shower head. Mituna makes a little shriek. Sollux continues to stare at the wall. There's a bump, then a thump. Mituna sighs in relief and the water falls from the faucet.
Mituna walks to Sollux and Sollux allows himself to be picked up again. Mituna sets him in the bathtub, which is barely filled at all. The water is scalding. "I'm thill in my underwear," Sollux says. He stares at his toes.
"Oh! J-jeeze! Sorry, bud."
Bud. Mituna used to call him bud all the time. He doesn't call him bud much anymore. Sollux peels off his boxers and drops them over the side of the tub. They plop to the white tile wetly.
Mituna sits on his knees, hands on the tub's edge and Sollux curls up, side of his face on his knees. He stares at Mituna. His brother is really tall.
The water burns his skin but he makes no comment. It's at the middle of his back, now. "You can turn it—" Mituna turns the water off. He looks at Sollux eagerly, who closes his eyes.
Mituna starts humming. Sollux recognizes the tune of Don't Stop Believing, from Journey. "Livin' in a lonely world," Mituna sings quietly. He brushes some wet hair behind Sollux's ear.
Sollux allows himself to be coddled. He allows himself to be bathed. By a child, that voice from earlier says, back again.
"It goes on and on and on and on…" A finger pokes his forehead and Sollux untangles from himself. He leans against the back wall of the bathtub, inches from the faucet. Eyes still closed, soap is lathered into his hair. Mituna says, "When we were little…I used to give you baths all the time. Do you remember that, Sollux?"
A lump forms in Sollux's throat. He remembers. "Yeah," he answers.
"Big brother Mituna," Mituna says.
"Big brother Mituna," echoes Sollux. He tenses underneath the water.
Soap slides down towards one of Sollux's eyes. A thumb wipes it away. "Sollux?" Mituna whispers. Sollux opens his eyes.
"What?"
Mituna pauses, his thumb moving from Sollux's eye, to his temple, to his jaw. He pulls his hand away. "What do you want from me?"
To be normal again. Sollux frowns, "What do you mean?"
"I—Dad talked to me." Mituna looks down at the floor, gripping the rim of the tub. "He kept on saying how much you g-guys care about me…how you'll do anything for me. But…you weren't there." Mituna's grip on the rim of the tub tightens, knuckles turning white. He narrows his eyes. Sollux's eyes flick to the nail polish on Mituna's hands, and then back up. Mituna whispers, "You didn't say that. Why did Dad say that? He isn't you. Or Pop."
Sollux has an idea. Out of the entire family, Dad was the one who took the injury the worst. He didn't understand. He treats Mituna like a baby and lets him do anything. He's detached. Sollux read To Kill a Mockingbird last year, when he was a freshman. Scout describes how her father treats his children as "courteous detachment". Sollux thinks that fits well, with Dad and Mituna. Pop and Dad fight about courteous detachment a lot. Except maybe it's more of a treat-him-like-what-everyone-says-he-is detachment.
"Dad wanth to make you feel better," Sollux says. "He juth doethn't know how, I think."
Mituna seems to contemplate this for a second. Then he looks up again. "Everyone—everyone always talks about how they're going to take care of me. Why can't I take care of th-them?" His eyes are large, still a tad pink. Mituna's been chewing on his lip, because beads of blood are forming. Sollux hadn't realized. Mituna looks eerie as he grows more panicked.
Sollux doesn't know what to say. He swallows.
"Do you," Mituna gasps, and Sollux sits up, water sloshing around him, "do you think Dad and Pop and the people at school would—would let me do stuff if I weren't stupid?" Tears fill Mituna's eyes. He raises his hands to his mouth.
"You aren't thupid," Sollux says fervently. Fuck.
"I know!" Mituna says loudly, pulling his hands away. He stares at Sollux, unfiltered. "I know—I know I'm not stupid! But they put me in that d-dumb class, even if I can do math really good! I'm really good at math, Sollux."
"I know, Mituna."
"But—" Mituna freezes. Sollux sits up even straighter. He starts unconsciously rising from the tub. "He said," Mituna says, "he said I was stupid, and then he… h-hit me. And…and since nobody lets me do anything that means I'm stupid, right?"
"Don't talk about him—"
Mituna's hands curl into fists. "So I should get hit right?" Tears gather at his eyes. "Right?" His voice oscillates.
"Thop," Sollux begs, "thop, Mituna, pleathe—" Cold air hits his chest.
Mituna smiles. His fist rams into the opposite arm. Again and again. Bruises form.
Sollux scrambles to his knees, splashing water everywhere: out of the tub, onto himself, onto Mituna. He catches his brother's wrists with his fists midair. Mituna stops completely, and stares at Sollux, lips parted. Sollux's fingers hurt he's holding onto Mituna so desperately.
"I'm sorry," Mituna says. His face crumples. "I'm so sorry Sollux!" He repeats apologizes over and over again. Then he looks up, tears clinging to his eyelashes. "I'm supposed to take care of you. I'm…I'm big brother Mituna."
Sollux moves to the side, the water now lukewarm. "Come here."
Mituna nods and steps into the tub, keeping his boxers on, and sits awkwardly, too large. His legs are too long. He sits Indian style, knees knocking the sides of the tub, pretty hands in his lap. He's a giant child. Or maybe a child inside of a giant.
Or, the damned voice says, he's nothing at all. At least not to you.
Sollux wonders what it may look like: fifteen year old mess of a kid and an eighteen year old wreck, sitting in a tub together. Some would call it weird, others, inappropriate, even.
Sollux doesn't care about everyone else, though. Mituna looks away from the wall, which he was studying. He looks somber.
"You're thill my big brother," Sollux says. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat. "You teach me thuff about video gameth. And you're the only one I can talk to a lot of the time." Sollux nudges Mituna's knee with his own. His chest feels like it's caught on fire. "You're big brother Mituna, dude," Sollux says. He doesn't know what he's saying anymore and if he believes it.
But Mituna smiles at him.
And everything is okay, for now. Sollux knows it will get bad again: it always does. But for now he relishes in the peace.
After the bath Mituna beats him numerous times at Super Smash Bros. on the Gamecube. And Sollux's chest swells, because he didn't have to let Mituna win. Mituna kicked his ass thoroughly on his own.
Later on Mituna and Sollux are still playing video games, and they're called down for supper. Mituna stands up and stretches.
"I beat you," he gloats, grinning down at Sollux.
"Thave it, jackath." Sollux stands up and slaps his brother on the arm. "You beat everyone."
"Of course I d-do," Mituna says. He turns around and walks out of Sollux's room. Sollux can't stop smiling.
He grabs his phone from his bed and texts Karkat.
iit2 ok
A minute later:
IT BETTER BE, ASSHOLE.
Sollux pockets his phone and walks downstairs, dressed in basketball shorts and a yellow t-shirt. He enters the kitchen, which has white walls and black and white checkerboard tiles. When you walk in the counters and sink and stuff is on the right. The table is on the left. In the middle is the back door.
The door is open and the screen door is shut. Sollux hears bugs and the wind is nice. He can see the bee yard, the rows of white bee hives.
Pop is setting the table and Mituna sits with his helmet on, the plastic shoved up. He changed into a grey sweatshirt and new boxers after the bath. He grins when Sollux sits down across from him.
"I beat him a lot, Pop," Mituna says, looking at Sollux.
"Oh really," Pop says, sitting down at the head of the table.
Sollux glares. "I only loth becauthe you uthed Link! You know I alwayth uthe Link."
Mituna smiles innocently and starts playing with his fork. "I didn't know that." He laughs under his breath and Sollux rolls his eyes.
Dad walks towards the table, carrying a big bowl of gravy. "I love biscuits and gravy!" Mituna exclaims, eyes following the steaming bowl excitedly. Sollux loves it too. It's Dad specialty; he makes everything from scratch and they always put honey on the biscuits they don't mix with gravy. He also only makes it on holidays, or when he thinks someone needs cheering up. And since today is not Easter or Christmas…
Sollux stops thinking and eats. Mituna's messy, but he always was, so it's not a big deal. At least he chews with his mouth closed.
Pop, the only stable one in the family, makes idle chitchat. Dad talks with him and Mituna drops excited comments here and there, but Sollux stays quiet.
"You ready for school?" Sollux looks up from his plate and realizes his father is addressing him.
"Yeah," he answers. "I gueth." Dad's hair is a mix between blonde and orange. When Sollux was younger he compared it to the color that appears when you hold a jar of honey up to the sunset, and the dumb simile has stuck for years. Dad's eyes are blue and his face is shaved clean. Both of Sollux's parents are far from your stereotypical gay men—and Dad is actually pansexual—but Dad's a pretty vain person. And even if he's in his mid-forties, he looks incredibly young. Some of the girls, and probably guys, Sollux guesses (but no one is really open about that stuff here), like Pop. But everyone likes Dad.
"I'm not," Mituna cuts in. He sneers down at the biscuit in his hand. "Why do I gotta be in the st-stupid class?"
Dad immediately turns to him, and Sollux rolls his eyes. "It's not the 'stupid class', sweetie, you just need a little help. And you're doing really advanced stuff in there."
Mituna actually is. It takes him a little while to comprehend the material now, but he's still a fucking genius.
Mituna huffs, scrunching his nose. "I don't like the teachers. Mr. Harold smells gross and his mustache is weird. Mrs. McCoy thinks I'm f-five or some shit—"
"Language," Pop says.
"I only like Miss Fielder," Mituna says, looking up. His voice brightens. "She's pretty and she doesn't smell bad and she doesn't have a mustache. She knows I'm not five but eight—eight—"
"Eighteen," Sollux supplies.
"Yeah!" Mituna says. "She's—she's really amazing."
Dad puts his fork down, turning in his chair completely. Sollux exchanges a glance with Pop, who raises his eyebrows and then continues to shovel horse radish covered gravy into his mouth.
"Well," Dad says slowly, as if talking to a toddler, "you wouldn't be able to see Miss Fielder if you weren't in the class, now would you?"
"Yeah," Mituna says, taking a bite of his biscuit, "I guess." He grins, looking at everyone and then turning his head away. "You know, I think the other teachers jealous of Miss Julie—she lets me call her that, you now. I think they wanna get it on with me."
Sollux laughs hard and Mituna turns to him, beaming.
"Mituna," Dad starts sternly.
"Aw, c'mon, Rich," Pop interjects. He smiles and sticks his tongue out at Dad. "Lighten up." Sollux makes a fake gagging noise and Mituna giggles that soft laugh of his, a hand covering his mouth.
Dad scoffs and flings a crumb at Pop.
Sollux leans back in his chair. Mituna smiles at him, and Sollux thinks he sees a knowing glint in his eyes.
The day started off bad but then ended well with a lot of ups and downs in between, in only a handful of hours. Sollux ran in a corn field and took a bath with his eighteen year old brother and had another fight with Pop. He internally shrugs. Just another day at the Captors.
Crazy Captors.
Sollux frowns.
"What's wrong?" Mituna asks worriedly, snapping to attention, eyebrows curved.
"Nothing," Sollux says. But Mituna still stares at him, hair sticking out from under his helmet. He purses his lips and flicks the plastic down over his eyes and picks up his plate and walks to the sink.
It's all going back down.
Later, at ten, Sollux is sitting with his DS, playing Pokemon. But he's barely conscious of it; all he's doing is riding his bike back and forth across a bridge. Someone knocks on the door and he looks up.
Pop walks in, dressed in sweatpants and a faded Cubs t-shirt. He shoves his hands in his pockets and stays stationed in the doorway. "What's up?" His voice is soft, and Sollux likes that about him. He's a man of few words, and everything about Pop is quiet. Or at least when he isn't kicking you in the side.
"Nothing," Sollux answers. He looks back down at the screen and finally leaves the bridge, heading into some grass. An Audino appears.
"Sollux." One of Pop's hands is on his, and the DS is closed shut with the other. Sollux looks up.
"What?"
Pop ruffles his hair. "You're a good kid, you know that?" His eyes are officially brown but look like a bright, rusty red. Sollux's chest swells.
"Thankth," Sollux grins.
"One sec," Pop says, and he leaves the room. He returns, holding something behind his back. From the doorway he throws a Wal-mart sack onto Sollux's bed. Sollux crawls toward it and sits back down. He pulls the box out of the bag, almost fainting when he sees what it is.
"You didn't!" he gasps. A packaged 3DS is in his hand, a black one with the Legend of Zelda design on it. The box says it comes with Ocarina of Time. Sollux looks up and beams at his father, who smiles at him, leaning against the doorway.
"Night, Sollux," Pop says.
"Goodnight," Sollux replies. Pop leaves and he jumps from his bed and rummages through his desk, finding some scissors. He rips open the box, dumping all of its contents out onto his mattress. Ten minutes later he's salivating at the title screen of Ocarina of Time. He can't wait to shove it in Karkat's face.
Just another day at the Captor's.
A/N: If I'm being completely honest I really do not like this chapter! But whatever I'll probably feel better once I upload more.
Um I don't really have anything to say! Sooo please tell me how I did! And give me constructive criticism and junk too please u_u
Thanks for reading!