I didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore. I didn't want this. I didn't want to kill anyone, especially not Dumbledore. But I had to. I had to do it or Voldemort was going to kill me. There was no way out... There was no turning back now. I had the Dark Mark… I was one of them.
"Draco?" Pansy called, breaking my concentration. Unfortunately, I was back in reality. The reality in which I was a Death Eater and I had to carry out this horrid deed. "Are you alright?" She rubbed her hands on my arm, but I pushed her away.
"Stop it," I told her and grabbed my trunk from the overhead compartment, putting it by the door. Pansy and I were currently dating, but I was growing sick of her. She was constantly all over me. I had no idea why we were together, honestly. I wanted to break it off, and soon.
The train pulled into the Hogsmeade Station and I rushed out as soon as I could. I had to get away from them all, so that I could think. How in the world was I going to carry out this deed? Everyone would hate me for sure.
I got into a carriage with a bunch of sixth years I didn't know. There was a girl sitting across from me that I'd never seen before. She had striking green eyes and deep brown hair. Our eyes met and she quickly looked away. She immediately got into deep conversation with a Slytherin, Isabella Devine, to her left. My mind drifted off into other thoughts as I stared into the dreary night sky.
"What's the matter with you?" Pansy asked me later that night at the back to school feast. She looked hurt. "Why were you acting that way on the train?"
The girl I'd seen in the carriages was sitting underneath the sorting hat. Her name was Liana Blake. She was new this year. No wonder I hadn't seen her before. She looked rather nervous. Then the sorting hat bellowed, "RAVENCLAW!"
"No reason. I just want to be alone," I said rather harshly. Dumbledore made the usual few announcements, then food appeared on the tables.
"Fine! Have it your way," she said and got up to sit somewhere else. Blaise sat across from me, eyeing me suspiciously.
"What are you looking at?" I demanded. Blaise shrugged and scooped some potatoes on his plate. I picked at the roast beef on my plate until Dumbledore dismissed us from the Great Hall to go to bed. I was relieved and I was exhausted.
To my dismay, I ran into Pansy on my way to my dorm. She made it a point to bump into me as I walked by, making me stumble backward. Lucky for her, I wasn't in the mood to put up a fight. As people chattered excitedly about the start of the new school year, I went upstairs to go to bed. But I was in no condition to sleep.
I stared at my schedule during breakfast the next morning and sighed. I'd hardly gotten any sleep. At least I had a free period this morning, followed by Defense Against the Dark Arts, with Professor Snape. Great, I thought. A reminder of what was supposed to come.
I decided to spend my free period by the lake. A group of giggly girls stared at me as they walked by. I assumed they were going to Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid. It was a relief to be out of that class. It was a danger to us all, with those terrible creatures Hagrid was always bringing in.
"I hear he's the Slytherin Prince," I heard the blonde in the group say loud enough for me to hear. That made me smile. I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to smile. I found myself frowning most of the time, especially when I was alone. I couldn't even bring myself to smile around Pansy. Not unless she was moaning my name, of course.
"Mr. Malfoy," said Professor Snape. I looked up into his dark eyes. I'd been daydreaming again. "Staring off into space, are we? Turn to page 118." I snapped out of it and turned to the correct page. I saw Harry smirking, along with Ron from the corner of my eye. I wasn't going to turn around and entertain them with one of my cold glares. I wasn't in the mood.
At the end of class, Pansy was in the hallway waiting for me. I looked at her and walked in the opposite direction. She grabbed my arm in desperation. "Draco, wait… We need to talk."
I let out a small chuckle and said, "You're right… We do need to talk."
"Well, what's the matter with you? You've been acting really weird lately. And you've been avoiding me."
"Did you ever think that maybe there was a reason that I was avoiding you?"
"What?"
"I don't want to be with you. I don't even know why we were together in the first place… I've got to go. It's over."
"You can't do this!"
"I just did," I said coldly, walking away to the Great Hall for lunch. On my way, Professor Snape called out to me. "Mr. Malfoy, come here a moment."
He ushered me back into his classroom, shutting the door behind him. "Have you begun mending the cabinet?"
"The what?"
"The Vanishing Cabinet," he said rather impatiently. He took a step closer to me. "It is essential that the Cabinet be mended, as it creates the passageway necessary for your task."
"I know what I'm doing."
"Just remember that time is of the essence," he said and walked off, leaving me in the classroom by myself. Truth was, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't want to do this at all.
I took off, not toward the Great Hall, but toward the abandoned lavatory on the second floor. Nobody ever goes in there, so I figured that I may as well get some peace and quiet while I could. Besides, I wasn't very hungry. I walked past groups of people, laughing and giggling. It made me sick.
I got to the bathroom, where I was greeted by Moaning Myrtle. "Hello Draco," she said and dove into one of the toilets. I strode over to the mirror and looked at myself. I was paler than ever and I had bags under my eyes from my lack of sleep. I looked a mess, I had to admit. I was suddenly overwhelmed with my thoughts and tears started falling down my face, faster and faster. I decided to sit in one of the bathrooms stalls for a while.
This was the only place I could be alone. I had friends of course, but I couldn't talk to them about this sort of thing. There was no one I could talk to. I couldn't possibly tell my father. He'd be ashamed of me. If I told my mother she'd probably show sympathy, but there wasn't anything she could do. She wasn't even a Death Eater.
Suddenly, I heard the door creak open. I heard someone else crying too. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. The tears kept falling down my face. The person who had come in crying had stopped. I heard footsteps walking around. "Is someone there?" the voice called. I heard the footsteps walking toward the stall I was in.
I really didn't want to be caught in this bathroom crying. "Are you okay in there?" the voice asked. The door slowly opened to reveal a girl around my age. Her face was red from crying, but she was the girl with the deep chocolate hair and piercing green eyes. The girl was Liana Blake.
"What do you want?" I asked her.
"I just wanted to make sure you're alright," she explained.
"Why do you care?" I asked between sobs.
"Well you're Draco Malfoy, you're in a girls' lavatory, and it seems unlike you, according to rumors."
"How do you know who I am? We've never spoken before."
"Everyone knows who you are, Draco. My name is Liana Blake. I'm new this year."
"I know. So why were you crying?" I asked. I was curious, but I didn't expect her to actually tell me.
"Because... Because I've-I've just had a bad breakup with Seamus Finnigan from Gryffindor," she told me, sniffling and wiping away a tear. I stepped out of the bathroom stall.
"I'm sorry," I said, also wiping my tears. She probably thinks I'm an idiot, I thought.
"The Draco I've heard about would never say sorry," she said.
"What have you heard?" I asked, curious.
"Well I've heard that you can be really cruel, you call people foul names, you tend to snap at people, and that you and Pansy Parkinson are currently dating," she told me.
"We were dating," I said quickly. Then I got a little defensive. "I've been through a lot, okay?"
"So is that why you've been crying?" she asked me.
"You wouldn't understand," I told her and started walking away.
"Wait, I think I would understand. I'm a good listener," she said softly, touching my arm. Her touch sent shivers up my spine, but I kept that bit to myself. "I'm sure that whatever it is you're going through can be fixed somehow."
"What I'm going through can't possibly be fixed! I'm a Death Eater! Do you see this?" I snapped at her, showing her my dark mark. Her expression didn't change. "I've been assigned to kill Dumbledore by Lord Voldemort! And if I fail, I will die! Do you have any idea what any of this feels like?! Do you think that this can be fixed now?!"
What have I done? I asked myself. I'd just told a complete stranger my deepest, darkest secret. Surely, she'd tell everyone. Then everything would be ruined… Then I'd definitely be dead meat. I just so angry… I started talking and then I just couldn't stop. I'd said too much and I immediately rushed out of the bathroom, with Liana calling after me.