How Valter Lost His Job
It was the dreaded day, the day of reckoning. The day that made all workers of the government shudder and prepare for the madness to come. That's right, Grado's yearly efficiency test. And everyone knew who was going to be fired, it was practically the name of the event. Valter. This crazy motherfucker had done some fucked up shit this last year, and now Emperor Vigarde was reviewing his actions to see if they correctly represented Grado's ideals. (Spoiler Alert: They didn't).
Everyone else had already been checked and found competent, except for Valter.
"Ah, yes. Valter. Time to review all complaints against you from the Grado citizenry. You best sit down, for we have quite a bit to go through."
"First up, the Village Incident/Creation of Grado's Fifth Platoon's War Cry."
Some village in Grado- 5 months before efficiency test-
Valter's army had been assigned to check the village for any Carcino spies, as Emperor Vigarde was quite suspicious that more of Grado's land would rebel against the motherland1. And because Valter's army was lead by Valter, shit was bound to go down. Most of the army had surrounded the village, while Valter himself and the Fifth Platoon of Grado's Wyvern Riders interrogated the villagers inside. It was supposed to last one week. It lasted a few hours. Here is a quote from Valter himself.
"Alright, I don't deal with all this fair trial shit that Vigarde set up. Yolo, bitches. I'm fucking Valter, the Goddamn motherfucking moonstone, bitches, and you all best believe it, because you are just corpses who do not know they are dead. Yet. ALRIGHT CHUMS, LET'S DO THIS. VAAALLLLLTTERRRRR THHEEEE MOOOOOONNNNNSTTOOOONNNNNEEEE E!"
"Any explanation for dissing common sense and my laws, Valter? I won't even ask you to reply yet, we still have more pages to go through."
The marketplace of Grado-3 months before efficiency test-
Valter and the Fifth Platoon were put on probation due to the impending trial into the VI/CoGFPWC. Meanwhile, Valter was bored. And when Valter is bored, shit happens faster than Gheb at the Ye Olde Taco Belle ( A/N Enjoy your mental AIDS!).
Being a marketplace, all kinds of services were sold there. All kinds. ALL kinds. All kinds. No one knows what happened that night, but we can list the results:
-Graffiti on the Castle Reading: "EMPEROR BIGDOUCHE AIN'T SHIT."
-Several members of the Fifth Platoon awakening on orphanage rooftops with several women apiece.
-Dead Prostitutes lining the streets, creating a foul miasma almost on par with Gheb's personal bathroom.
-Large amounts of bodily fluids in the water supply,
-Property damage totaling over 200000 Gold.
-Half of the city's alcohol "Missing In Action," to quote a member of the Fifth.
"So Valter, what do you have to say about this? You sent our fine city into a mini recession for five days due to your actions? Lets go farther down the list and-Oh fuck. Valter, what the fuck are you doing on my desk?
Valter was raping a royal housemaid.
(A/N There is no excuse for this abomination. You should flag this immediately. Or review, if you want. I came up with this at 12:00 P.M. That should explain a lot.)
1I assume that Carcino came from former Grado territory for the purposes of this fic.