"What would you be doing now if you were at home?" Caspian asked the younger daughter.
She shrugged, one smooth shoulder barely glimpsed beneath the wrap she'd snuggled into. He'd not failed to notice that she'd shrugged it on at the sound of his boots. It was like she needed it as a shield.
"Tell me," he urged, his voice dropping a bit. "I want to know. You seem unhappy here." At her frantic head shaking he held up his hand. "I know you're not acting like it, but your smiles don't seem genuine. Your enthusiasm is too great for whatever suggestion is made. Tell me what you do when you're at home."
The girl before him bit her lip, then looked him in the eye. "I attend to my lessons. I spend time with the kitchen and housekeeping staff so that I am familiar with the ways my aunt runs a household. There's always mending and sewing that can be done and my needlework is good and clever. I can sing and play several instruments. I dance well...you know that already..."
"I do. And I heard the piccanario last night. Is it possible that the music was wroght by your fingers?"
She shrugged again.
"Did someone ask you to play or did you do so for pleasure?"
"I enjoy playing sometimes, My Lord."
"It seemed sweet music. And heartfelt. I sat long by my window when I should have been attending to my own duties. The accounts and business of the castle fall behind in this maddness."
She smiled at his description. Maddness indeed it seemed. He liked the look of her with the true smile in place.
"What did you do when your chores were done or when they seemed too many and you needed to run away?"
"I haven't run away in a long, long time, My Lord. There are always duties. And if not there is still someone in need of my attention. It would not be proper-"
"Fine," he agreed. "But what did you do when you did run away? Where do you go when you have a few minutes of your own and no one is there to disapprove?"
Loden dropped her eyes. Her hands were clutched tightly in the soft fabric that pooled on her lap.
Caspian couldn't bear it any longer. "I want to make you happy," he whispered. "I want you to enjoy something. To laugh easily. To shake off whatever shackles you've been chained with and just be yourself."
"I am a younger child of a house noble but without land of our own, My Lord. My pleasure is in not causing trouble and not drawing notice to myself."
He cocked his head and tried another tact. "You force me to deception, milady. I will simply have to haunt your footsteps until you tell me. I shall have to ransack your rooms and find what books you tuck beneath your pillow-which ones bear stains and creases from many secret readings. And I will have to spy out what comforts you take when no one is looking. It will be a hard duty, I fear, but one I must undertake in my quest."
Loden laughed-a self-depreciating laugh to Caspian's ear. "I love your accent, Prince," she admitted.
"And I yours," he told her. "I love hearing you when you're speaking softly and I much desire to hear more of your laughter. I like the way your voice becomes deeper when you speak of someone's great deeds and when you offer praise to those around you. It carries much weight, those words of admiration. Already my household vies to win some word of approval from you."
She shook her head and he watched the sun catch the braids and twirls of the brown silk twined around her head. He'd yet to see it flow freely. He wondered if her keepers kept it pinned tightly even when she slept.
"You brought horses, did you not?" he asked.
"I did. We breed strong horses in my land, My Lord. It was determined that a number of these should accompany me as part of the arrangement between your parents and mine."
"Are any of the ones that accompanied your party an especial favorite?" Caspian asked.
Loden's eyes lit up, then carefully banked. Her voice became quiet and secret and she tilted her face so that he could not read her expression. "Are you asking me to go riding, Sire?" she said so softly that he could barely hear her.
"I'm sorry," he teased. He tucked his fingers beneath her chin and urged her face back up. "I can't hear you when you slouch like that. Perhaps you'd care to-"
The expression she wore stopped his mouth and he tasted his words like ash. She looked anguished. And it broke his heart. He dropped his hand immediately and rose to pace a few steps away.
"We're to be married at the end of the month, milady," he said sharply. "I wished to cause you no pain. I need to know you better. Not these pat replies and nonanswers-the real you. I meant my words as a joke. It was a poor one. So now I am left to ask yet another question that you will no doubt dodge as cagily as all the others I've asked. Are you afraid of riding-is that why you look thusly-or are you afraid of letting someone know that you deeply desire to ride?"
Loden swallowed hard, worked any remaining emotion off her face, and spoke aloud. "I enjoy horses very much, My Lord."
"Thank God," Caspian sighed. His eyes were sharp when he met hers. "Who told you that you must please me? Who taught you to hide your desires and your interests?"
"Again, My Lord, I will remind you that my place in any household is tenuous. My stepsister will serve at our own king's court. My parents and yours arranged a possible merger between our houses long before your uncle's treachery. When your own father was first in line instead of king himself. None knew then what would befall. So while my parents' treasures and courtly worth were kept in readiness, that security now lies on different shoulders."
"If you are so inclined I would love to have you accompany me tomorrow. We can leave early, I can have the kitchen prepare a meal for us, and you can spend the entire day away from this castle and all the people who seek to subjugate your own true self."
Loden dropped her face again. But she nodded. Enthusiastically she nodded. It called to something in Caspian that he couldn't explain. He vascilated between wanting to shake her or smack her or knock her head against the wall to wanting desperately to protect her. He wanted to shock her into revealing the true her that had all but been bred out of her. How he knew it was there he couldn't articulate-even to his friends and bretheren who thought him engaged to a milksop lass-but he saw it shining beneath. And he was determined to find out.
To offer what reassurance he could he dropped to his knee and covered her hands with his. "I indent to honor my parent's agreement," he whispered. She didn't look up to meet his eyes. He pressed the quickest of kisses to her soft, white knuckle. "In very few days I will be Caspian to you and you will be Loden-unless there is some other name you prefer. A pet name or something special?"
She shook her head and he felt the tear fall onto his knuckle. It burned there, like a wall between them. Her cheeks flamed with the shame of losing her control in front of him. "I am grateful," she said carefully. "For both the offer...and for the pledge."
"It is a relief to you?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Because you need a place to belong and you might as well belong here?"
The question surprised her enough that she looked up. He cursed beneath his breath as he reached up to palm both cheeks clear of her tears. "Is it wrong to want to stay here rather than go back?" she asked.
"I only asked why."
"I like it here, My Lord. I like it very much."
Caspian felt the tremble run over her at the words. He didn't like to imagine what circumstances caused her to fear letting others know what she enjoyed and desired and hoped. It made an unreasonable fire inside him that demanded he break the beings responsible.
"What time do you want to leave in the morning?" he asked thickly.
"I cannot go, My Lord," she said, looking into his deep eyes. "No," she insisted at his expression of denial. "In my land a lady does not-"
"In my land no one cares if you want to go riding. If you have knees and ankles and wrists we'll make it work. You are to be my wife, Loden. The keeper of my house when duty calls me elsewhere. The one to whom the populace will look for what is right and what is wrong. Forget what was acceptable in your aunt's close-minded brain. Decide what is acceptable to those in your land. If you want to ride, we ride. Now. What hour suits you?"
Loden laughed at him. At his pique and at his persistence. Her eyes shone and he swore he'd have reason to make them shine much more often. "I can be ready the first minute after midnight if we must wait until tomorrow. Failing that, whenever your lordship calls."
Caspian smiled back at her. It was a tempting idea. Still, he needed a few hours to make his plays. They should in good conscience ride with a full hunt-for propriety's sake.
"Are you a strong rider, My Lord?" she asked tentatively. "I mean-truly?"
Caspian nodded as he stood again. She stood with him and he realized that she'd been sitting watching the stable yard.
"One of the stallions we brought with us, Gilgabar," she pointed. "He is truly a worthy mount. Proud, but steady."
"The black prancing as though he were about to be crowned High King of Narnia instead of I?" Caspian clarified.
Loden nodded. "He is beautiful, no? No one could resist his charms. Look at how he hordes the ladies. All of them-yours and ours. You will have to keep him away from your own stallions. But if you'd like, you could order him saddled for yourself tomorrow."
Caspian ducked his eyes sideways at her. She still watched the antics of the big male in the yards below. He would take her advice. Indeed, if the business of nonsense had not been deemed so pressing by his advisors he'd have already worked the animal himself.
"After the fast is broken tomorrow," he decided. "That gives us a full day to do what we like. And to test the paces of our new stablemates. Yes?"
She nodded eagerly, smiling up at him again.
I am lost, he thought miserably. It might take him decades to gain her full trust, but he would do so. Or die trying.
"He was yours, wasn't he?"
She nodded again. "The runt of twin-born stallions. His mother and sire both were prize-winners. He was shoved to teh side almost from the beginning because of weak legs and a wheezy chest."
"His chest looks not wheezy to me."
Now the head shook slowly. "He is stronger than his brother. Not faster, although he can run farther and longer. His brother is snow white. And more formidable. He is barely tame."
"Where is the brother?"
Loden shrugged. "I do not know. I was allowed to keep Gilgabar because he was thought to be worthless. Once he'd grown a bit and matured a bit he was proven otherwise and returned to the main herd."
"So he's been coddled his whole life and led soft and sweet by a lady's hand?" Caspian teased.
His companion grinned. "He is my first love, Sire. I was a little girl of eleven when I took him to me. He would have been put down. Luckily for us both the stablehand was an indulgent master. He pities us both I think."
Caspian nodded and reached out to squeeze her arm. "I will see you this evening," he promised. "And sleep well with thoughts of tomorrow."