© Salome Wilde, 2008
Author's Note: Originally written for LJ community iycaptions (based on art by belafantasy). Won first place! This Salome does not share Lord Sesshoumaru's offensive anti-fat bias.
Single Youkai Male Seeks Mate (No Fatties)
Name: Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands
Hair: Silken, moon-silver, flowing.
Eyes: Golden, shining with glory, magenta-lidded.
Body Type: Lithe, unearthily beautiful, powerful.
Zodiac Sign: Taurus. Though I am not a bull. I am a dog demon. Though some say I am stubborn. I resist this.
Favorite Color: The crimson of an enemy's blood as it flows over my poisoned claws.
Pets: One toad youkai; one mortal child.
Hobbies: Ruling my lands; slaying my foes; resurrecting young girls with my sword.
Personal Statement: The miko Kagome suggested I place this "per-so-naru-adu" to assist me in gaining concubines. I told her I have many in the Western Lands, but she seemed not to believe me. For my own purposes, I allowed her to use some magical device to capture my image in this absurd pose and in these ridiculous garments. After insisting I remove my robes (I am certain she just wished to see my unclothed splendor, and I was only too contented to oblige), she gave me the strange, overly tight hakama that would likely look better on the slayer than me, and then told me not to fasten them properly. She also affixed an absurd metal collar and chain. These made me laugh. I could break them with one hand, which I did as soon as she took the "pik-taru." Do know that these accoutrements do not belong to This Sesshoumaru, nor would I be willing to wear them for anyone else. In fact, the true reason I have taken part in this farce is to assist me in achieving the miko's submission to my will. (Successfully bedding her before my pathetic hanyou brother does is simply one more way I achieve his downfall. Otherwise, of course, I would have no interest in her whatsoever. Pitiful, disgusting human.)
EndNote: Longer story for Inuyasha next! Who else should I do?