A/N: I do not own How to Train Your Dragon...Properties of Dreamworks/Cressida Cowell...
On Whom Can I Count On
"I hope she knows what she's doing." He said. She felt that tiny something getting heavier in her chest. That tiny something she tried to ignore. -Until that time when Heather had said they were perfect. Perfect...What exactly? They were good friends and had been for some time now. But recently, something had changed. Something she really didn't want to acknowledge...
"I, -I have to go..." He didn't even look back...He walked out onto the landing pad. Toothless followed. She saw him place a hand on the dragons head, and caught his shoulders falling a little. He looked out, then climbed into the saddle, and with a leap and a push of his wings, they were gone...She wanted to run out and ask him, follow him. But her legs were rooted to the ground. Any objections died in her throat…
She tried to sleep, but it wouldn't come. She waited, watching...Where was he? Where did he go? Her thoughts wandered over the events of the day, trying to figure if there was something she could've done differently. She kept coming to one conclusion...She should've told him...She should've told him about her plan. But Heather was right too. -He would've tried to talk her out of it, and they would've wasted time.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of flapping wings. After a moment, she caught the sight of Toothless swooping in. They landed on the deck of his house. She wanted to march right over there and give him a good scolding about being out there, alone. -Especially after what just happened, but she couldn't. She watched as he ran his hand across the dragons' head. He was thinking, she could tell. -And was that…Did she just notice a slight turn of his head her way? -No, just a trick of the light she supposed...But still...Hiccup and Toothless then walked through their door, closing it behind them. She suddenly felt very tired herself. Yes, get some sleep...She would talk to him in the morning…
0o
She woke the next morning a little late. She hadn't slept much. She'd had a recurring dream. She would awake in the morning to find Hiccup and Toothless on her deck. He was scowling, and Toothless would give her a reproachful look...Then without a word, they would fly off not looking back. She'd tried to follow, only to find her feet wouldn't move. She had called after him, but either he couldn't hear or…But it was just a dream...Right?
She shook the thoughts out of her head. She put her feet on the floor and got dressed. Stopping by the clubhouse, she grabbed some fish for Stormfly, and a couple of strips of dried yak for herself. Of course, there was the other reason...But no, there was no time to waste. She packed her saddlebag and left for the hanger.
Stormfly greeted her happily as she entered. Chirping and squawking. There were a few dragon smiles and a couple of gentle nudges. Yes, there was something wrong, but she stuffed those thoughts down for later. Her girl followed her through the door. She climbed into the saddle, and with one small look to Hiccups' hut, they were off. The small, heavy ball in her stomach was only slightly offset by the familiar joy she felt when Stormfly took to the sky…
0o
She hurt...Her shoulders, -her arms and legs...She went at it pretty hard. -A bit harder than usual. But it was necessary. -To keep her fit, and ready for anything, and also, -it was the only thing that would keep those thoughts, and the images from her dream at bay. She laid back on the grass and stared into the sky. She felt the familiar thrum of her heartbeat, the rush of blood and adrenaline through her veins. It was very slowly subsiding. It felt good, but then there was an undesired and unwanted side-effect…
That ball came back...And it grew in size every time she acknowledged it in the slightest. But why? She knew why. Hiccup was her friend. -Long before Heather, -and long before...anything she could quite remember...At least they had been friends for a time when they were little, -well littler...She vaguely remembered that. But then, she lost her uncle Finn, and everything changed. She started training day and night with her axe...And Hiccup...He, -he started getting himself into deeper and deeper messes…
-But all that changed. A romantic flight, and Hiccups' battle with the Red Death changed everything. He had changed her mind about a few things in that time. Including how she thought about boys. Well, not boys per se..But him...She had kissed him after the battle, -after he woke up. She had kissed him a few more times after that. It had only been recently her thoughts had begun to turn. -About kissing him...Really kissing him…
Her conversation with Heather had made those thoughts more acute. So she thought he was cute, -and smart, and...and…They, -she and Hiccup, were just friends. Well, at least up until yesterday...She sighed heavily. She needed to get back. On top of the regular chores, there was a massive cleanup to be had. -And a talk she needed to have with someone…She got up and splashed a little water in her face. She leaped into the saddle, they made a quick lap around the island. Finding nothing had changed, they flew back to base.
Everyone was sitting at the table eating breakfast when she arrived. Everyone but Hiccup. She tried not to notice, and she tried not to notice the pit of her stomach getting heavier. They sat in silence for a while.
"So, -what are we doing today?" Fishlegs asked. It was obvious to her…
"We clean up! Get everything straightened out. We double our patrols for now..." Snotlout and the twins complained at once.
"DOUBLE? Aw man! There's nothing out there Astrid! The Hunters and Dagur are gone!" Tuffnut spoke up.
"Yeah, it's not like they would want to hang out here..."
"Well, we won't know for sure, unless we get out there, will we?" She said. "-Just for a couple of days, until we are sure they've left for good!"
Well, OK, but what about Hiccup?" Ruffnut asked. Snotlout chimed in.
"Yeah, -what about Hiccup? He is our leader after all…Shouldn't he be here, you know, leading us?" Her insides sunk even more. She tried for nonchalance.
"What, -what about him?" Fishlegs spoke.
"He, he left this morning...Before any of us were up. -He didn't tell you?" She shook her head. She had a good mind to chew him out when she saw him again...Whenever that was going to be. Her chest heaved.
"He probably went to Berk, to ask the chief for supplies..." That seemed logical. But still, -he didn't say anything to anybody...Maybe he just needed time. She knew that she needed to be patient with him. Eventually, he would come to her, -or would he? It was this uncertainty that was causing her this nervousness. She swallowed hard, and did her best to stamp the life out of that ball in her stomach.
"Snotlout? I took a lap around the island before I came here. When you get done eating, take Hookfang and make a sweep in all directions. Fishlegs? You go before noon, Ruff, Tuff? You guys go in the afternoon. I'll take the evening...Everyone not on patrol will clean up." They all, to one degree or another, accepted.
0o
She sat on the beach. Just about the same spot they had on their first night here. The moon was rising, reflecting itself off the water in front of her. It was beautiful. Only one thing would make this absolutely perfect...But...He still hadn't come back. It took everything in her not to jump on Stormfly and go to Berk. But she couldn't just chase after him. She would let him work it out. Something in her chest clenched...Just, -how long would that be?
0o
She woke up the next day feeling a little better. She went and trained, then made a patrol around the Edge. Maybe they could relax a little. Nobody had seen anything yesterday, and today was looking no different so far…
They had a productive day. They finished cleaning up, and she had even got finished straightening up her own hut. She had even taken to going to Hiccups' hut and straightening up there. She put all his furniture back and picked up his papers and drawings. She noticed that most of Toothless' extra tailfins were missing. -That would explain why Hiccup left too...Although he had a small forge here, he would do most of his heavier work on Berk.
She sat on the deck of her hut. Her legs dangling over the edge. The sun was starting to get close to the horizon. She would need to be leaving soon for her evening patrol. Her thoughts wandered aimlessly, but no, -they weren't really. They all seemed to focus on one thing, or rather, one person…
-Just...What were they anyway? It was a touchy subject for her. One that she didn't like to touch very often...They grew up together. They both had a duty, and responsibility to protect the tribe. They both loved their dragons...They were friends...right? But was it more than that? She had only recently begun to feel...A need? No, not quite...She...Wanted him here...Of course! So, -so they could talk...And...And...She growled in frustration.
So many times, especially recently, they seemed to be on the brink of saying something...important to each other. Only to turn away at the last minute. Could it, could it be he felt the same way? Was he...just as conflicted as she was? Their relationship seemed like such a fragile thing. Neither of them wanted to break it, -not really...Only now…
She huffed to herself. They needed to talk. -But they couldn't if he wasn't here...She made her decision...She flung all those thoughts away for now. She got up, and headed for the hanger…
0o
The next day revealed nothing had changed. She trained, she ate breakfast...And Hiccup was still gone. She stood on the Clubhouse deck. Her arms crossed in front of her, looking out in the direction of Berk. She couldn't...She wouldn't...Her thoughts were interrupted…
"Hey!" She spun around to see Ruffnut standing there, A somewhat disgusted look on her face.
"So, -are we going, or what? Three days is quite long enough, -wouldn't you say?" She couldn't really tell what she...Fishlegs came in from the side.
"Yeah, we, -we do need some supplies after all..." Tuffnut walked up behind his sister.
"Yeah! And you've been like, -really cranky, and miserable for the last couple of days...Like someone had taken your favorite yak bladder, and used it for something...insidious!" That made little sense but...Snotlout came in from the other side and sighed heavily, resting his arm on her shoulder.
"Honestly Astrid, I can't see why you would want that runt when all this is right here...waiting…" She tried hard not to gag. She shrugged him off and grabbed his wrist. She twisted his arm behind his back. He howled.
"Butgiventhecurrentcircumstance, atriptoBerkiswarranted!" He said through the pain. She grinned and released him. She crossed her arms.
"Well, we need a list of what we need..." Fishlegs arm came up instantly, holding a piece of parchment.
"Already done!" He said brightly. She looked at them. Ruffnut had a smug smile on her lips. Tuffnut, and Fishlegs too. Snotlout grinned as he massaged his shoulder. It looked somewhat familiar…
"Alright! Mount up!"
0o
They landed in the square about mid-to-late afternoon. They would visit with their families, then set to gathering the supplies they needed. They would meet again at the Great Hall for supper. She made a beeline for her house. Her mother greeted her with a smile and a hug. She held her mother a little tighter than usual. They separated. Ingrid gave her a questioning look.
"Astrid? What's wrong sweetheart?" She opened her mouth, but nothing came out...At least, not the jumble of thoughts that pressed on her at that moment.
"I, -I…We'll talk later..." Ingrid twisted her mouth and frowned, but thankfully didn't press. She sat at the table and chatted. Hiccup was here. He had been dividing his time between the forge, and his father dragging him along on one task or another. Her mother gave her some delicious fresh bread and cheese and goats' milk. She left, promising to be back later.
0o
She had just come from the caverns underneath Berk. They were being converted into stables and pens for the dragons. It was dark now. She had not seen Hiccup, but for a few fleeting moments throughout the day. She wasn't avoiding him...not completely. But he seemed to shy away from her when she did see him.
She had caught sight of a conversation between him and Snotlout from across the square. Snotlout had his hand on Hiccups' shoulder. -He wasn't pounding him, so that was good. Hiccup looked askance in her direction, then looked up. Their eyes met for the briefest moment...But that look he gave her. It broke something in her…
There was light coming from the forge. She steeled herself. They needed to talk, before any more time slipped away from them. She reached the door and peered in. There was only one fire burning now. She took a few tentative steps. Hiccup was sitting on a stool in front of the fire. Fiddling with what looked like a spare foot. She stepped closer, but not too close. She watched for a moment before she spoke.
"H, -Hiccup?" He turned and looked. He barely acknowledged her presence. She swallowed the lump in her throat.
Hiccup? I, I'm really, very sorry..." He stood somewhat forcefully. He took a deep breath, his shoulders slumped a bit. He frowned at the fire, then turned that frown on her. Her insides dropped out completely.
"Astrid!" He took another breath and looked askance. His frown deepened ever so slightly when he turned his gaze back to her...
"What were you thinking, Astrid? How could you...You've always...but now, you've gone and placed your trust in someone who, when we first met her, -you yourself were very suspicious of. Granted, not without reason…even now...If I can't...trust...if you're not there...Whom can I count on? One of us may have been hurt! One of our dragons could've been hurt...Or worse! Is what you and Heather...Is it worth more than the rest of us? Is it worth more than any of us?" Of course not...Wait...Was he…
"Hiccup? Are, -are you...questioning me...us? Is it...Do you..." His frown increased. She had seen that look before, but never, -ever directed at her...
"I'm questioning everything now, -Astrid!" That tiny...Something in her chest heaved. It carried the weight of the world...Well, HER world. It probably...HE probably didn't mean for it to sound like that, or had he? No, That wasn't…Her stomach knotted, and threatened to crawl up her throat. He sat down stiffly on the stool in front of the fire. He folded his arms across, and curled a bit into himself.
"Please! Hiccup! I'm sorry! I should have told you. -But I was thinking, -at the very least, through her, we could find out where the hunters are, and what they're up to! That way we can know what to expect next...And maybe, just...Maybe I could somehow convince her to join us! -Eventually!" He sat there staring into the fire, his back to her. He sat there for a good long while. He looked down a bit, then up. He turned his head to the side, but he wasn't looking at her.
"Astrid? I..." He sighed heavily, and turned his head back to the fire. It seemed like an eternity before she saw him sigh heavily again. His shoulders slumped. He turned his head again.
"I...I'll...See you tomorrow..." He turned his head quickly back to the fire. He, -he was send, -sending her away? He had never...She felt nauseous. Her head spun a little. Her stomach was literally climbing out of her body. She swallowed hard and took a few breaths. Her eyes started to sting...She needed to leave but...but, -she really didn't want to...She didn't want him to see her like this either...she couldn't...She took a couple more calming breaths.
"O...OK..." She couldn't help the slight waver in her voice. She turned and made a few careful, even steps to the door. Upon going through it, -she ran...She didn't know where. She couldn't exactly tell through her watery eyes. She just ran and ran...She eventually found herself on top of the cliff overlooking the harbor. She plopped herself down, and drew her knees in. She wrapped her arms around and ducked her head...And she cried...For the first time in a long while...She cried. She had hurt him...She betrayed her one best friend…for what?
It was a good long while before she could gather herself. She deserved this, she knew it, but she wasn't quite prepared for...The aftermath. It stung deeply in ways she hadn't thought of. She had done this. -And she needed to fix it...somehow...But how? He, he would barely look at her, let alone talk...She...Needed to talk to someone, -anyone.
She stood on somewhat shaky legs, and wiped her face. She rolled her shoulders and started walking. She was lost in her thoughts, when a hulking shape seemingly came out from nowhere. She jumped a little. She turned and looked at her Chief. He had a look of slight amusement that quickly faded.
"Astrid? What're ye doin' lass? What's wrong?" She hoped he couldn't see her still-wet cheeks, but he was the Chief. He seemed to know everything…
"I, -I..." He took a half-step and faced her. Placing large but gentle hands on her shoulders. She looked up at him sheepishly.
"Heather, she...she convinced me to, -to go along with a plan to save the Snow Wraith...But she made me promise not to tell Hiccup. It wasn't until, they almost blew Heather and Windshear out of the sky that I told him. -And now...Now he...He won't talk to me..." Those last words came out in a voice so small. She didn't think she was capable of it. Stoic nodded, and smiled a bit wanly. He looked askance, then back at her.
"When I got wind of what Alvin was doin'...I felt utterly betrayed. Here was someone I trusted most. We both believed the same thing. -The tribe comes first! -Always! He just had a different way of goin' abou' it. -What he believed was the right way..." His hands left her shoulders. He started waving them around as he talked. It looked very familiar. It caused a comfortable warmth to spread through her body.
"Ach! But he was always the thorn in me side! Always askin' questions...Always tryin' ta contradict me...Ta gainsay nearly ever'thing! But we respected each other, trusted each other...But when he betrayed me...I was lost. Hiccup is probably feelin' the same way lass! After ee's had some time ta think, he'll come 'round!" She wished she could believe that. But still, it made her feel a little better. She nodded and gave him a weak smile. He placed a large, but gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Go, Lass! Get some sleep!" She nodded, and thanked him. She walked to her house. Her mother met her again. She nearly collapsed in her arms.
"Oh, -Oh Mom! I...I..." She choked around the knot in her throat. "I, -I hurt him Mom!"
"WHO? Snoutlout? Well, no doubt he deserved it!" She smiled despite herself.
"No mom! I...We..." She told her everything. From their secret meeting to the events that had almost gotten them killed...
"Mom? I, -I...Heather...We, -we could almost be sisters! She, we...Have a lot in common...And I, -don't want her to be out there, -all alone...I thought, if I could win her confidence, she would join us, -and...She...we..." She sighed heavily...Ingrid ran her hands soothingly up and down her back. They separated after a while. She led her to a chair by the fire. She sat and leaned forward, staring into the fire. She barely registered Ingrid rummaging around in the cupboard.
"-And now, -Hiccup...He, he won't talk. -When I tried...He, -he..." She buried her face in her hands. The tears welled again. She choked a sob. Her mother pulled up a chair next to her and sat. A familiar scent caught her attention. It was her favorite tea, served in her favorite cup. She took a sip. It had been sweetened with honey. She immediately felt better...Like she was five again, and her mother was soothing one of her many scrapes and bruises. She ran a hand up and down her back again. Then she leaned in and kissed her on the temple and sighed. It was a few more moments before she spoke.
"Ahh, Astrid, my lass...Stoics' boy...He's, -he's becoming...important to ye, is he not?" She nodded absently.
"Yes, he..." She stopped. That was it! She couldn't say the words to him...not yet. -But yes! He was important...very important to her...She looked at her mother as the realization dawned on her. Ingrid gave her a knowing smile.
"Yes my daughter! Ye can't quite say ye love him, but ye donna want ta be withou' 'im!" She nodded a little more vigorously.
"Yes! Only...only if..." Ingrid smiled and rubbed a hand across her shoulders.
"Astrid? He does care for ye. Ever'one can see it...I'm sure he'll make up his mind soon." She smiled, and leaned against her.
"Thanks mom!" She straightened and they chatted until she had finished her tea. Ingrid spoke again just as they were about to go to their own rooms for the night.
"This, Heather..." She nearly spat the name. "She put ye into a bad situation...True friends don't do that to one another! Ye should speak ta her too! Tell her she canna force ye ta choose! Ye both must decide which is more important, and stick to it!" She nodded and crossed the small space between them. She wrapped her mother in a tight hug. Ingrid took her face in her hands, and kissed her lovingly on the forehead.
She went upstairs and was soon changed into her night clothes. Laying her head on her pillow, sleep came, -thankfully, -very quickly…
0o
She woke the next morning feeling better than she had felt the whole week. The thoughts still assailed her, but no, she had said her apologies. It was up to Hiccup now to choose...Whether or not to, -to...She physically shook her head. There were things to do…
They gathered their supplies in three piles atop some nets. They all helped weaving the ropes. One pile was big enough that it had to be slung between two dragons. Stormfly and Hookfang would take up this task. Meatlug would take the other, slightly larger bundle. And the twins...The twins were left with the smallest pile of the most non-essential stuff. There was just no guarantee it would reach the Edge safely.
She saw Hiccup a few times but, he would shy away from her...He would barely even look at her...She'd never known Hiccup to carry a grudge, but this was something she wasn't prepared for. She sighed to herself, and put the finishing touches on the bundles. Her mother and father came to say their goodbyes. Skammhals hugged his daughter fiercely and patted her head. Ingird hugged her as well, and handed her a small cloth-wrapped bundle. She put it in her saddlebag. Ingrid took her hands…
"Astrid...Daughter...Please...Come ta me, -if ye ever need ta talk!" She nodded, and threw her arms around her neck.
"I will...Mama!" She said in her ear. She smiled at her and parted. She noticed again an animated conversation between Snotlout and Hiccup across the square. Snotlout gestured a few times in her direction. Hiccup would look up, just for a moment, then back down at his feet. He nodded. She turned away, and checked the straps on her saddle. She felt, more than saw the others coming up and mounting their dragons. She was about to climb up when someone cleared their throat behind her…
She turned around. Hiccup was standing there. Her heart leapt! She tried to hide it, but...but he...He was looking at the ground, hands behind his back. He stood a little more than arms' length away from her. He looked up through his eyebrows, then down again.
"Astrid?" He still wouldn't look at her, but finally, he did…
"I, -I..." He shut his eyes tightly, and looked down. He took a deep breath, then looked at her, frowning. Not so much as a frown, but a look of determination. He opened his mouth a few more times before he spoke…
"I, -I ahhh...I'll see you later..." He amended quickly..."I'll be back tonight...Dad..." He looked away slightly, then back.
"Dad wants me to help with some wild dragons that have been terrorizing the western pasture..." She nodded.
"O...OK, Hiccup..." It was a start...Her heart pounded in her chest. He looked down again, and the feeling faded just a bit. He looked up again. His arms came around the front, then hung loosely at his sides. He opened his mouth once more, then closed it. He sighed again.
"I'll, -I'll see you.." A pained look took over his face, he turned and walked away from her stiffly. It was all she could do not to tackle him right then and there. -But no, -she would take this, and not force it. It would hold her until they found time…
0o
She stood on that same beach. The moon had just risen, casting its beautiful glow on her surroundings. Hiccup wasn't here, but he was back. She had seen him in passing as he returned...Just as she was leaving for her evening patrol. It was all she could do to not turn around. But the hunters had a nasty habit of sneaking up on them in the night. She needed to be out there. He would understand, and appreciate it she knew.
She was looking out when she felt a presence at her side. She wanted to turn, but she chose not to. She needed to give him time...And she was willing to give it to him...all that he needed. It was a while still before he spoke.
"A, -Astrid?" She heard a slight huff. She chose to redirect…
"Isn't it beautiful, Hiccup?" She felt him stop and look.
"Yes, -yes it is!" She turned her head. He was looking at her. Her heart fluttered at the thought of him, looking at her, and saying that. His eyes searched her face. Looking, taking in her features. She chose to speak the words one more time, -to be sure…
"Hiccup? I'm, really, really, -very..." He held up a hand, cutting her off. Her ire was raised, but only slightly…
"NO! -Astrid!" He sighed and looked out, then back at her.
"I, ahhh...You, you were right, -you both were...I just...I can't..." He looked down, then back up.
"I'm sorry, Astrid...I shouldn't have said those things to you. You...You're..." He looked out, then down. And after a moment back at her. His determined eyes sparkling in the moonlight.
"Snotlout is…Strong and brave...When his own personal safety isn't in question..." He quipped. "He's incredibly good at bashing things and skulls...And sometimes, -just sometimes, he comes up with some pretty good battle plans..." She nodded.
"Fishlegs is very smart! He's also strong and brave, -but only when forced. He has a knack for numbers and strategies too...And he knows dragons...All of them..." She agreed with his assessments, -but where was he...He continued.
"The Twins, they…They..." He trailed off for a moment, And huffed. A small smile crept on to his face.
"If they ever...EVER, -come up with a coherent plan just when we need it, I swear...When I'm Chief...I'll make that day a Viking holiday!" She snorted. He then looked at her. It made her heart beat wildly in her chest.
"You, -Astrid...You are the very best of all of us! You're brave, fearless. You're smart and strong, -and there isn't anyone who can best you, with any kind of weapon! -And you're, -beautiful and...I..." He opened his mouth and closed it. He was going to say something, but it had stopped on it's way out. She would move toward him, if she felt she could do so without stumbling...
"You and Heather were right! I, -I can't...just fly into something as dangerous as this without some kind of plan...And talking is better than fighting. I realize there's a time for talking, and a time for fighting, but, I, -I..." She looked out again over the water, at the moons' reflection. She didn't feel she would have much of a choice on what happened next if she didn't look away...
"I just...I don't want to lose anyone...I..." He drew in a breath. She suddenly felt his finger under her chin. He pulled ever so gently, until their eyes met.
"-And I especially don't want to lose you!" She melted, -even though her heart was pounding in her chest. His eyes went wide, but he didn't let go.
"You, you are very important to me Astrid! I, -I want you here...Always!" Yep, there was no stopping it. She turned and flung her arms around his neck, all in one motion. She buried her nose. -And the tears came...Happy ones this time...She choked and gave a little sob. Her heart was so full. She felt as if it would burst out of her chest at any moment...
"Oh Hiccup!" He said into his neck. She winnowed her nose out and rested her chin on his shoulder. She said the words...Not the ones she really wanted to say...She wasn't absolutely sure, -but…
"Hiccup? You...You're very important to me too!" She sagged a little. She wanted to say it...She slumped a little more. He held her and rocked her gently. She understood two things in that moment...First: He felt the same as she did. They meant a lot to each other...And she never wanted to loose him...Second: She never wanted to let go...Not even until the end of the world…
~FIN~
A/N: So? Too long for a one-shot? I would very much like your opinion!
I've had this idea rolling around in my head for quite a while. It was hard to get started, but in the last number of hours...BAM! I hope you all like it!
PLEASE! Comment, support your local Fan Fiction author!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!