when i look at you
summary: one shot. finn and quinn have a much needed talk.
a/n: my first ever glee fic.
when i look at you
"Do you love her?"
Finn couldn't believe what he was seeing. He hadn't spoken to Quinn since he found out that Puck was the father of her baby and now she was in his room, sitting on his bed. "How did – how did you get in here?"
"Your mom let me in," she answered, smiling. "I told her I left some stuff behind."
"Right..." Finn said, "You weren't at school today."
Quinn placed a hand on her stomach, she swore it was growing bigger every minute sometimes. "That would be little Drizzle's fault here."
Finn stared at her, "Drizzle?"
"It grew on me," she said, standing up. "I mean, I don't think I'm actually going to call her Drizzle, but it'll be like a nickname or something."
Hearing Quinn talk about the baby made Finn remember everything he had felt for the few weeks he actually thought he was going to be a father. He didn't like it, it hurt too much. "Quinn what are you doing here?" he asked quickly.
"I just wanted to know if you love her," she asked once more, her voice soft.
Finn knew she was talking about Rachel, he didn't know what to say. Did he love her? He wanted to be with her, right? He wanted to win her back from Jesse. He missed her always telling him what to do and even her strange calendars, but did that mean he loved her? "Quinn I ..."
"I know it's none of my business," she said, "But I just ... I see the way you look at her, it's the way you used to look at me."
This conversation was getting all too serious for Finn, he just stayed quiet, avoiding Quinn's eyes.
"This isn't fair on you, I know," she said, biting her lip, "But I miss you Finn. I miss the way you used to look at me. Puck doesn't look at me like that, he's too busy 'sexting' with Santana or trying to find ways to keep people scared of him."
Finn finally looked at her properly, for the first time in a long time. She was right though, it wasn't fair. She hurt him so much. Finn never wanted to feel that kind of pain again, it was almost unbearable. She lied to him and betrayed him. Now she was here, in his room, telling him she missed him? "This isn't fair, Quinn."
"It doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry," she said, tears were in her eyes now. "I am so sorry, for everything I did. It was so stupid, Puck and I. He was just there. I was drunk and he –"
"I don't want to hear it, Quinn," he said, trying to keep his voice steady.
"I know," she said, "I didn't come here and expect you to sweep me back into your arms, Finn... I just want to know if you're in love with Rachel, because if you are I'll go. I just want you to be happy Finn, whoever that's with. If you're not though ... if there's a slight doubt or hesitation then I'm just letting you know that I'm going to do whatever it takes to make you look at me the way you used to again."
Finn's head was really starting to hurt. Did he even truly know what love was? He thought he loved Quinn, he was almost certain actually. Then Rachel came along. Rachel was different. Rachel used to idolize him, something Quinn never showed. Rachel would never hurt him intentionally. Then he screwed everything up because Quinn was still in his head and he wanted to 'figure things out'. Now Rachel seemed head over heels in love with Jesse and despite his attempts to win her back, none of it seemed to work. Was he wasting his time? "I don't know what to say Quinn."
Quinn just gave another small smile, she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Finn stood there for a minute before slowly moving his arms around her, hugging her back. He forgot how well she fitted in his arms, even now with her stomach separating them, it still felt like it had before. He forgot how small she looked, how her head only came up to his chest. He had forgotten how right it felt and how once she was in his arms he never wanted to let go. When Quinn finally stepped away, he wanted to pull her back.
"I'm sorry I came here, Finn," she said, "I'll go now."
"No," he found himself saying, grabbing her hand, "Wait, Quinn ... I didn't even – I thought you didn't even care?"
"I thought I didn't too," she said, "I was Quinn Fabray, captain of the Cheerios, the most popular girl in school and then ... well you know the rest and I had this talk with Mr. Schue the other day and it helped me realize so many things ... I've been realizing so much lately, glee club has taught me so much and I know it's too late, but I just wanted to talk to you Finn."
Finn had never seen Quinn so vulnerable, not since her parents' house that night. This was the most she had ever told him since – well, this was the most she had told him ever. He still didn't know what to say. He was never good with words, what was he supposed to say anyway? Where there any kind of right words for this sort of situation? "Quinn..."
"I just want to be friends again, Finn... I want to talk to you and sit with you at lunch and have fun with you at glee club..."
All he wanted to do was hug her again, but what about Rachel? Was it just that he was trying to forget about his feelings for Quinn? It was after all the reason they broke up – if you could even call what they had a relationship. Rachel was happy with Jesse, wasn't she? She seemed happy, but then there was the lingering stares, the way he caught her looking at him sometimes during practises and how seeing her smile seemed to instantly make his day better. Something in the back of his head kept coming back to Quinn though, no matter how hard he tried to forget. He was so confused. What was he supposed to do?
"I'd like that," he found himself saying. eventually. "To be friends..."
Quinn smiled at him, a real smile, "Yeah? I promise things will be better again Finn, I'll make them better."
He didn't say anything and just hugged her again. "I will too, Quinn."
"And if you want to be with Rachel I'll talk to her and –"
"Quinn, right now all I want is to just be here with you..."
She looked up and for a brief second she swore she saw that look in his eyes, but that was just her being hopeful. Tomorrow at school she knew he'd be looking at Rachel again. She didn't blame him though, she'd had her chance.
One day though, maybe...
the end.