Ok guys, so this is my first fanfic in english, I already wrote one in german, since I'm from Germany. Please forgive me for any spelling or grammar mistakes and please tell me about them! Aaaaaaand: REVIEW; REVIEW; REVIEW! I want to know what I can do better, what you liked, what you want to see in the next chaper, and so on...

I hope you liked what I created (if anyone ever reads this...), I hope I will be able to continue soon!

HE USED TO BELIEVE IN LOVE..

The moment the plane hit the ground, Tony finally felt like he was at home. Only that he wasn't in DC but in Tel Aviv. He was visiting Ziva, without announcing himself. She didn't know he would come. He was so happy to finally be able to talk to her again, to touch her again, to have her in his arms again, and to kiss her again…

His thoughts went off to that last kiss they shared at the airport before he left. Yes, it was him who left but it was her decision, wasn't it? She was the one who needed time and space to think and to make a new start. But was that really all her fault? What if he had stayed, even if she didn't want him to? But what would Gibbs have said about that? Tony knew he knew how he felt about Ziva, well at least he got an idea of it. Still, he would have wanted Tony in DC, not in Tel Aviv…

When the doors of the plane finally opened and Tony emerged from his seat he could already feel the familiar warmth of Israel's summer. But it wasn't as hot as in that summer. When he went searching for her even when he thought there was no hope left that he would find her alive. This really was the worst summer he had ever had, thinking she was dead. And when he found her, abused and defeated, ready for death. The way she looked him into the eyes, he knew she was done with her life. That for her, there was no reason to live on. That had broken his heart, because for him there would always be a reason to carry on. He would always see a light at the end of the tunnel. He would never give up. Because of her.

That was why he was here, at Tel Aviv. He didn't want to give up, even though she told him to leave her alone to let her start a new, clear life. In those days in desert, when he told her he couldn't live without her, he really meant it. Without her there was no meaning to his life, there was no reason to carry on. That's why he came back to Israel. If she didn't want to go back to DC with him, he would just stay here with her or go wherever she wanted with her.

Suddenly he heard a voice. It was barely audible, only a whisper, but he would know in a hundred years who that voice belonged to. He turned around and saw Ziva standing at the airport and looking at him. He smiled. Finally, he had her back. Slowly, he made his way towards her. When he was finally there he was speechless. She was beautiful as always, just gorgeous. He couldn't say a word, so he just pulled her close and held her for what felt like an eternity. Her body melted into his body and they were finally one again. He only pulled back to look her into the eyes, her wonderful hazel eyes.

Finally they had each other again. He could feel his heart beating faster as he pulled her head towards his, her mouth almost touching his…

He felt how she fell down to floor, right at his feet. He looked at her, confused by what had happened. Why had she fainted? Then she saw what was flowing like water from behind her head. It was blood. He kneeled down at her side, knowing he couldn't do anything.

"Ziva, look at me….", was all he could say.

"Tony…", her voice barely a whisper.

He just got her back and now he lost her again. Forever. Why did life have to do this to him? What did he do wrong to deserve all of this? He had finally found his true love, the person he wanted to spend his life with and now it was all taken away from him. She had been his soul mate. He felt tears streaming down his face and heard a sob coming from his throat, but all of this seemed so far away for him, like he was watching from distance.

He woke up with tears in his eyes. His pillow was soaked with tears, just like his shirt.

"It's ok, calm down, it was just a bad dream, she's not dead.", he tried to calm himself.

Finally his tears dried and he could think a bit clearer. He had had this dream for the third time now since he came back from Israel last week. He was just missing her so much and he cared so much about her. His biggest fear was that, without him having her back, she would end up in some kind of trouble all alone. He didn't want to lose her. But this time, it was just a nightmare and she was still alive, nothing had happened.

But how could he really know she was alive and alright? She hadn't called him once since his plane left the airport, not even a text. The smile she sent him was the last sign of her he got. Right now, Tony had never felt that alone. She was gone, and she didn't want him to follow her. As much as he wanted to go after her anyways he knew she would never forgive him if he did that.

Tony tried to close his eyes to get some sleep but all he could see was her broken smile at the airport. Damn, he missed her that much. She was the one that made his life worthy, no more than that, she made his life complete. And all he wanted was to have her back by his side.

But that was impossible.

He would never see her again.